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I am going to sound like a total troll
AMH0505 said:I readily admit that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level
AMH0505 said:as a woefully ignorant MS1
always tired said:Did I piss you off or something? Look I posted that crap just to pre-empt the: "oh you're prolly just having a hard time and school response, don't worry it'll get better." and to fully explain the ludicrousness of my situation. Not to make other's with slightly lower grades feel crappy about them selves.
always tired said:There is nothing to be depressed about except missing out on being able to just lounge around with friends instead of making crappy power point presentations for my attendings who already know the intricacies of Enterochromaffin like gastric carcinoids and their three types. I am sick of having my time wasted standing around w/ my thumb in my ass holding a retractor while watching the back of a surgeon's hand and answering questions about why surgical tape is white and weather Hirschsprung was a surgeon or pediatrician?
I already finished surgery and medicine and am on an easy rotation yet can't garner the energy to do anything useful for the last 2 weeks.
I am going to sound like a total troll but I don't care . . . I am so tired I can't even get out of bed.
2.5 weeks are left in 3rd year. I am dead tired . . . I can't even get out of bed. I am not sick. Everything is perfect all around me. I have a full ride to school and have only $22,500 dollars in loans that I had taken out for my family to use. My dad and mom have a bunch (8) of kids of which I am the oldest and they are very poor (less than $30,000 a year).
I was elected to alpha omega alpha, have a 3.9 GPA and have honored every single rotation in 3rd year thus far and will probably get an honors in this rotation as well. My guess is grade inflation has to be rampant. I have 258 on my step 1 and will probably do well on step 2. Yet with all this, I can't seem to give a crap anymore. I look at my residents and see how tired and unhappy they are. I look around and all I see is people treating each other rudely. I don't ever care to make any money and if I can get over this slump, I will apply for any residency program in pediatrics. No one has treated me rudely in school, but I have seen my fellow students treated terribly by residents. I have seen my residents treated terribly by their attendings. I don't sleep much, and I feel tired all the time. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't want to hurt myself but if I died it would be ok. I never worked extra hard, in fact, I bet most of my classmates worked a 100 times harder than me. I only feel alive when I am doing something outside of school.
If these feelings go on till Friday, I will go to the deans office and officially sign my drop out letter or however you do it. I used to be a mechanic in another life and feel confident that I can pay off my loans and take care of my family. How did this happen to me. I am not depressed yet I find no pleasure in anything anymore. Pure anhedonia. Pick up basketball was my favorite thing. Volunteering to feed the homeless would make me sleep at night. Yet now all I care about is laying down in bed and reading wikipedia all day.
What is going on? Am I ill? I don't believe in depression, but this could be it.
I didn't post this to make others feel bad about themselves or to boast about my grades. I posted this as a cry for help . . .
Hence the new account with only one post.
How do I stop this?
There are several evolving models/theories of depression. I'm sure you know that since you delved into one of them nicely. It's true we still have much to learn about the brain, but to say that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level (whatever the heck that means) is silly. It does. Other models may round out certain unknowns, but the amine hypothesis you dedicated an entire post to does the job rather well.
Thanks to the guys/gals that said get help.
So here is my thoughts. How many of you people out there that have been in this kind of crap have started SSRI's and found that it put a pep back in their step. How long did it take and how much messing around till you found the right one. Did they have terrible side effects like not being able to get it up even around your wife?
The next idea I have on my mind is just going to OCS and joining the Army. Not as a doctor but just an officer. We'll see. I don't like the idea of killing Afghan's or dealing w/ *******s on power trips which from what my brothers tell me is abundant in the army. It's only saving grace is that you are serving your country and not having to use your brain (if I enlist instead of OCS). The bad is another time commitment (4 years sucks).
By the way, I still don't get how the mechanism I went through explains depression. There are no details on which exact part of it connects to depression and what happens in those three weeks on ssri's? Oh, and rereading my post, I realized I said locus coerulus, not Raphe nucleus. The LC is the NorEpi one, the Raphe is the 5ht.
I laughed out sooo loud to this hahahait's alright, bud. we all go manic and talk a little fast and have racing thoughts every now and then. just close your eyes and try to go to sleep.
Thanks to the guys/gals that said get help.
So here is my thoughts. How many of you people out there that have been in this kind of crap have started SSRI's and found that it put a pep back in their step. How long did it take and how much messing around till you found the right one. Did they have terrible side effects like not being able to get it up even around your wife?
lol, another MS3 who thinks he understands depression
guess what amigo, top researchers acknowledge that we really don't understand WTF is going on the brain of a depressed patient
uh, actually that is indeed how many cases of depression work
are you sure you passed step 1?
I don't understand what that has to do with anything.
Mission accomplished...Your passive aggressiveness is adorable