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Help: School vs. Relationship

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by COskibum, 06.26.11.

  1. COskibum

    COskibum

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    Looking for advice.

    I am 25 and was recently accepted to a new local DO school (RVU), where my long-time (9+ years) girlfriend is currently starting her 3rd year, and also an MD school basically across the country (VCU).

    Is it worth the strain on our relationship to go to a better school? We would likely have to spend the next five years of our lives in a 1,000+ mile long distance relationship. Is there anyone who had been there that can offer me any advice on what to do?
  2. J DUB

    J DUB Watch my TAN walk!! Lifetime Donor

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    Never settle.....MD.

    Women will come and go...and MD acceptance will not. :idea:
  3. Doctor4Life1769

    Doctor4Life1769 **tr0llin, ridin dirty**

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    If it was a good DO school, it'd be something to consider. However, RVU blows and is a for profit school, and new. Don't do it. Have her match in VA, if anything.
  4. PharmaTope

    PharmaTope

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    age 25 in a 9+ year relationship.

    I hate to say this, your girl will probably after graduation go through this "change" process and start to want to re-discover herself bc all she knows is you. seen it a dozen times. take the MD acceptance and go there.
  5. UES Girl

    UES Girl

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    How can this even be a question in your mind ? MD of course, if relationship is meant to surivive, it will of course. If not, you'll be blaming yourself your entire life for one mistake that potentially altered your life's path.
  6. mac_kin

    mac_kin Senior Member

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    :(
    Last edited: 07.26.11
  7. Angiedevz

    Angiedevz

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    you need to ask yourself what is more important and if you whether you think you can both do long distance?
    Can you make time for each other to fly over etc

    EDIT: I have been in a long distance relationship, it was very hard, we did 2 yrs long distance and then
    i couldn't do it anymore =[
  8. Astarael

    Astarael

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    I feel like this is good advice, and having her match in VA is probably the best you're going to get. That would make it only a two year long distance relationship. That would be super hard, but they seem to be more successful when the long distance part will be over at a definite point.

    I'd try to make it work out. Nine years in a relationship is a lot to throw away, even for something as important as school.
  9. Wolfman89

    Wolfman89 2 Legit 2 Quit

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    I'd say wait and apply for med school in a year so you can try and get a better acceptance than RVU. Alternatively you can wait until she matches and apply from there.
  10. Velocity

    Velocity Keep it Constant

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    Congratulations on your acceptances!

    Truthfully, there's only one other person besides you whose opinion matters, and you won't find her on these forums. What does your girlfriend think? If she's fine with the idea of a separation for the sake of your education, then it's up to you whether you want to separate or not. If she doesn't want you to go, then you'll need to decide whether you want to stay with her or not, because the relationship will come under a lot of strain from that alone. It doesn't mean that the relationship will end, for certain, but long distance is already a strain (as is medical school) - you don't want her feeling insecure on top of that.
  11. Evergrey

    Evergrey

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    I think if it were a different DO school this would be a more equivocal question, since there are some top-notch DO schools out there (PCOM, TCOM, etc.). I'm from Colorado so I took the time to thoroughly investigate RVU and I would say that as a new for-profit medical school with all of the struggles it has had, the school is a huge risk. You're obviously more well-informed about this than I am considering your girlfriend goes to RVU, so you've had the chance to get an inside perspective. If you feel comfortable with the school then you should definitely consider attending RVU. Otherwise, I would urge you to go to VCU -- it's an established MD school that has had to adhere to strict standards and already has full accreditation. RVU, as I understand, doesn't have the accreditation needed to qualify for federal student loans, for instance.

    I won't lie though, long distance is tough. My girlfriend and I have been separated for the last two years but we'll be able to go to school together in LA and so we got engaged to signify that commitment to each other. I would really think this through with your girlfriend, friends, family, etc. This is a big decision that could have negative ramifications either for your career, financial stability, personal happiness, or relationship. You don't want to make a decision you'll regret -- whether it's losing the girl you loved for so long, or not being able to get into the specialty you've always wanted. I guess you have to consider if your relationship is going to go the distance (9 years sounds like a long time to still not be sure if you're both committed to each other for life! Unless marriage isn't your thing, in which case you should tell us so we can approach this dilemma differently)
  12. elftown

    elftown

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    If she's willing to try to match near RVU, I'd go there. Similarly, I attend the closest medical school to my girlfriend which is a DO school as well. I see her all the time and we couldn't be happier. In my opinion, there are more important things in life than going to the "best school" or getting that MD.
    Last edited: 07.08.11
  13. Velocity

    Velocity Keep it Constant

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    :thumbup:
  14. Kaustikos

    Kaustikos Klassy Gentleman

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    No, just no. Don't reapply or even consider it. I'd take the MD.
  15. Baron Samedi

    Baron Samedi

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    This is absolutely the best time in your life to be single. Get the better degree and enjoy the nightlife in Richmond. Virginia Beach is only 2.5 hours away and there are all types of beautiful women there.
  16. thomas22

    thomas22

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    No matter how long distance is between you both... if your feelings on each other is true and trusty then you will surely never loose feelings on each other !
  17. giggle

    giggle MS2

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    If you've been with her for nearly a decade, perhaps now is a good time to figure out what future you see with her... But regardless, I'd say go to VCU. :thumbup:
  18. docelh

    docelh

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    career and relationships are both overrated, imo.
  19. dadr

    dadr New Member

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    Lot of good points in this thread, but of course remember this is an intensely personal decision about which none of us could give you specific insight. In general, though:

    1. I don't know what RVU is, and I've heard of most of the DO schools. I'm sure it is also horrendously expensive. VCU, as an MD school, would make matching into an allopathic residency much, much easier.
    2. You've been dating since you were 16? It may actually be a good test to be long distance for 1-2 years, especially if you're together 9 years and haven't made a concrete commitment yet.
    3. If you stayed at home and went to RVU, she has to match in < 2 years, and there is a good chance she would have to leave you at that point. I see RVU is in Parker, CO, so if she doesn't match in Denver she probably has to go out of state anyway. It might be easier for you to go off to VCU, and if you're engaged/married they would give preference to her in the match. There are a lot more nearby choices (UVA, DC) than in CO as well.
  20. UES Girl

    UES Girl

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  21. VenusinFurs

    VenusinFurs I am tired, I am weary

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    Nihilism ftw!

    You've been with her since you were 14? Ummmm. I'd say it's time for a bit of distance.
  22. Velocity

    Velocity Keep it Constant

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    If they're happy together, why?
  23. VenusinFurs

    VenusinFurs I am tired, I am weary

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    I guess I should have made it clear: I personally would want a bit of distance.

    You're a very different person at 14 than at 25. It's possible that they've grown together and still want the same things. But it's also possible that they are just clinging together cuz it is comfortable.
  24. Velocity

    Velocity Keep it Constant

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    Fair enough.
  25. lexington

    lexington

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  26. VenusinFurs

    VenusinFurs I am tired, I am weary

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    Puppies or kittens?
  27. Don15

    Don15

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    worst advice i've ever seen. he already has two acceptances (VCU and RVU), and you're telling him to turn BOTH down and apply again next year.....real smart
  28. AxeJ

    AxeJ Removed

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    This.
  29. AxeJ

    AxeJ Removed

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    Depends on what one wants with their life.
  30. AxeJ

    AxeJ Removed

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    Eh. I'm not a fan.
  31. AxeJ

    AxeJ Removed

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    Dogs.

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