How far is too far?

[Dipdoc]

So my girlfriend and I are both starting professional school next year. I'll be going to Dental school in either Philadelphia or Maryland and she'll be attending Veterinary school in lower Virginia. Maximum we'll be around 7 hours apart and minimum we'll be around 4 to 4.5. Is 4 hours really considered long distance? I've read many threads condemning long distance relationships but we have a guaranteed end goal in about 4 years. Even if I choose to specialize she'll be able to follow me wherever so distance won't be an issue then. We've currently been dating for 8 months but we've been friends for awhile and I truly believe this relationship has marriage potential. Despite this I'm still worried about the relationship causing extra stress during school and it might not be worth it if there's a high potential for a break-up? I guess my main question is how have others done in terms of semi-long distance relationships? Do you think the amount of distance contributed to the relationship failure or success? And at what distance do you draw the line for being 'too far' to be able to make something work for 4 years.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Unknown11]

dude...

 

[Faux]

Long distance is a hard enough as it is, yet alone dental school and vet school. Give it a shot, not much else to say. More people have failed than have succeeded. Won't stop me from giving it a try though.

Sounds like an hour flight too, no?

 

[Dipdoc]

Long distance is a hard enough as it is, yet alone dental school and vet school. Give it a shot, not much else to say. More people have failed than have succeeded. Won't stop me from giving it a try though.

Sounds like an hour flight too, no?

Yea it's an hour flight. A lot of people have been telling me it's not worth it, we won't have anytime to fly out and see one another. Plus it has only been 8 months..

 

[Dipdoc]

dude...

Haha, I know I know. Bad idea, I was just being hopeful.

 

[Faux]

Yea it's an hour flight. A lot of people have been telling me it's not worth it, we won't have anytime to fly out and see one another. Plus it has only been 8 months..

Like I said, give it a try. People have done it, just most end up failing which is understandable. Just have to be realistic about it and enjoy you're time together. I already see my s/o once a week so maybe thats why the thought of seeing each other once every other week isn't much of a huge thing.

 

[Blake1e]

So my girlfriend and I are both starting professional school next year. I'll be going to Dental school in either Philadelphia or Maryland and she'll be attending Veterinary school in lower Virginia. Maximum we'll be around 7 hours apart and minimum we'll be around 4 to 4.5. Is 4 hours really considered long distance? I've read many threads condemning long distance relationships but we have a guaranteed end goal in about 4 years. Even if I choose to specialize she'll be able to follow me wherever so distance won't be an issue then. We've currently been dating for 8 months but we've been friends for awhile and I truly believe this relationship has marriage potential. Despite this I'm still worried about the relationship causing extra stress during school and it might not be worth it if there's a high potential for a break-up? I guess my main question is how have others done in terms of semi-long distance relationships? Do you think the amount of distance contributed to the relationship failure or success? And at what distance do you draw the line for being 'too far' to be able to make something work for 4 years.

Long distance relationships never work. Just find a new girl, you'll thank yourself later.

 

[ciruji]

Give it a shot but focuse in your career mainly.

 

[TheDanger]

My significant other and I are 1.5 hours apart and see each other about every third weekend. We've done this for 4 years throughout undergrad and although it hasn't been ideal (or cheap), it's doable. I'm not sure how doable it would be being 4 hours away while taking on a dental/vet school load. I think it would be especially hard at the beginning of dental school while you're still trying to mingle and make friends with your classmates and adjust to the workload. I think personally it would be too overwhelming for me to juggle it all.

 

[CCxTeam]

Consider this, if she is 4 hours away from you driving, why don't you two meet up in the middle? So for example, both of you would drive to a hotel in the middle, you guys would hang out have a date night, sleep, and then go back home then next day. Doesn't sound too bad anymore does it?

 

[TheDanger]

Long distance relationships never work. Just find a new girl, you'll thank yourself later.

Thiiiiiis is wrong.

 

[Blake1e]

Thiiiiiis is wrong.

Ok you might be a rare exception.

 

[BYU4you]

My wife and I were long distance for quite some time and much further apart before we got married. It's hard and it's tough but it was worth it in the end. The good thing about long distance in your situation is that you actually can focus more on school since you don't have to play the dating game and she's not around actually helps give you more time to study. My GPA was best when we were apart actually haha now I am with her there is more distraction.

 

[Dipdoc]

Consider this, if she is 4 hours away from you driving, why don't you two meet up in the middle? So for example, both of you would drive to a hotel in the middle, you guys would hang out have a date night, sleep, and then go back home then next day. Doesn't sound too bad anymore does it?

That's actually a great idea. I never thought of that..

 

[Dipdoc]

My wife and I were long distance for quite some time and much further apart before we got married. It's hard and it's tough but it was worth it in the end. The good thing about long distance in your situation is that you actually can focus more on school since you don't have to play the dating game and she's not around actually helps give you more time to study. My GPA was best when we were apart actually haha now I am with her there is more distraction.

Yea exactly. Maybe we'd both be so focused on school that we wouldn't even notice that we don't see each other that often? I actually think it would be worse if one of us was in school and the other wasn't.

 

[Dipdoc]

My significant other and I are 1.5 hours apart and see each other about every third weekend. We've done this for 4 years throughout undergrad and although it hasn't been ideal (or cheap), it's doable. I'm not sure how doable it would be being 4 hours away while taking on a dental/vet school load. I think it would be especially hard at the beginning of dental school while you're still trying to mingle and make friends with your classmates and adjust to the workload. I think personally it would be too overwhelming for me to juggle it all.

Why only every third weekend? 1.5 hours doesn't seem too far?

 

[TheDanger]

Why only every third weekend? 1.5 hours doesn't seem too far?

We both had demanding majors that required a lot of group/lab work that didn't allow us to leave our respective campuses. It became a little more frequent as time went on but freshman year was when we saw each other least because we both agreed it was important to branch out and form our own friend groups. Like @BYU4you was saying, I think being far from my s/o actually made focusing on school easier, but also provided that outside support when I needed it. I think being 4 hours apart would be difficult but manageable, as long as you're realistic about it. You can't expect to see each other every other weekend, and you have to be prepared to spend a lot of money on traveling.

 

[Dipdoc]

We both had demanding majors that required a lot of group/lab work that didn't allow us to leave our respective campuses. It became a little more frequent as time went on but freshman year was when we saw each other least because we both agreed it was important to branch out and form our own friend groups. Like @BYU4you was saying, I think being far from my s/o actually made focusing on school easier, but also provided that outside support when I needed it. I think being 4 hours apart would be difficult but manageable, as long as you're realistic about it. You can't expect to see each other every other weekend, and you have to be prepared to spend a lot of money on traveling.

Realistically I was thinking we could see each other at least once a month. But even that seems optimistic at this point.

 

[arkenstone]

I had a relationship that actually was better as a long distance relationship. Kept falling apart whenever we lived together. We lived 4 hours away because of school, and I drove to see her twice a month for a year and a half. I don't know. Love is weird. That was an expensive and stressful time for me.

You're obviously going to try it. Good luck. As has been said, some people get through it. I don't know anyone personally that's done it successfully, though.

I'm single and in a position where I know I'm going to need to move in about 6 months. I'm avoiding entanglement until I move because I don't want to do long distance again.

4 years is a long time, but it's not like you can just breakup now because it's the "smart" thing to do. I never understood people who could make decisions like that, mature though it may be. You're going to try making it work, so try it.

Just stay honest with each other, put a little armor on, and make each other's school work the sacred thing between you two.

Also, Skype. My long distance girl was needy and nightmare prone so Skype was left up most nights, all night.

I'm getting nostalgic now

 

[y3nd0]

If you are both willing to commit to this relationship, then anything is doable.

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago during undergrad. We dated for 2 months before he had to go back home to Korea (17 hour difference). Two years later and we're still going strong. Our relationship was a lot easier when he and I were both undergrads since we had so much time to Skype with each other. He works now, and with the horrible work life in Korea, he's working for 12-14 hours at times. Mix in the huge time difference and it's obvious that we don't have time to see each other at all. The first quarter of dental school with our very busy schedules was VERY difficult. There were times when I just wanted to end things because it was getting so stressful. But I'm still here, because I know that things will be worth it in the end. (This has been a very expensive relationship... but you can't put a monetary value on love.)

We made it work by finding time to Skype with each other on weekends as much as possible, and to text each other whenever we have the time. If we can't see each other during the day, we'd try to send pictures and video messages.

After the first quarter, I believe we worked through another huge obstacle in our relationship. And guess where I am now? In Korea, waiting for him to come home from work.

You guys can do it as long as you guys both want it, have faith in your relationship, and trust each other. Yes, it's very stressful, but not impossible. I understand that it has only been 8 months, but you have said yourself that you believe she is marriage material. If you think she's worth it, then give it a shot.

 

[yeslek88]

Ive found that when it comes to relationship advice, very few people have any clue as to what the f*ck they are talking about. Seriously. Go for it and figure it out along the way.

 

[Dipdoc]

If you are both willing to commit to this relationship, then anything is doable.

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago during undergrad. We dated for 2 months before he had to go back home to Korea (17 hour difference). Two years later and we're still going strong. Our relationship was a lot easier when he and I were both undergrads since we had so much time to Skype with each other. He works now, and with the horrible work life in Korea, he's working for 12-14 hours at times. Mix in the huge time difference and it's obvious that we don't have time to see each other at all. The first quarter of dental school with our very busy schedules was VERY difficult. There were times when I just wanted to end things because it was getting so stressful. But I'm still here, because I know that things will be worth it in the end. (This has been a very expensive relationship... but you can't put a monetary value on love.)

We made it work by finding time to Skype with each other on weekends as much as possible, and to text each other whenever we have the time. If we can't see each other during the day, we'd try to send pictures and video messages.

After the first quarter, I believe we worked through another huge obstacle in our relationship. And guess where I am now? In Korea, waiting for him to come home from work.

You guys can do it as long as you guys both want it, have faith in your relationship, and trust each other. Yes, it's very stressful, but not impossible. I understand that it has only been 8 months, but you have said yourself that you believe she is marriage material. If you think she's worth it, then give it a shot.

Stories like this give me hope, thank you

 

[Cello]

I had an 18-month long distance relationship once. It was actually the best part of our relationship. Sometimes I guess that can happen too...

 

[Dipdoc]

I had an 18-month long distance relationship once. It was actually the best part of our relationship. Sometimes I guess that can happen too...

Why was it the best part? Did you two not get along well?

 

[arkenstone]

Why was it the best part? Did you two not get along well?

Absence makes the heart [and genitalia] grow fonder.

 

[Gen. Beauregard]

I dated a girl 3.5 hrs away for over 3 years while she was in undergrad and then grad programs. Lord willing, she'll say "yes" when I hit a knee over Christmas break in a few days. She has been my rock, and I wouldn't be nearly as motivated or sane without her. She understands what a professional program is like, the demands,stress, and lack of time, and that has given her perspective that I don't think a girl without postgrad studies would understand. You'll both be in the same boat, you'll both be able to empathize, and it might even bring you closer together. Skype is a wonderful thing, and so is meeting in the middle. The Shenandoah Valley region between you two has a lot of nice affordable weekend destinations for couples, and you can travel pretty quick down highway 81. My vote is give it a shot, especially if you both feel that marriage is a real possibility. I'm glad I did.

 

[Cello]

Why was it the best part? Did you two not get along well?

Exactly. haha

Skype makes things much easier.

 

[SXCoronado]

.

 

[Dipdoc]

I dated a girl 3.5 hrs away for over 3 years while she was in undergrad and then grad programs. Lord willing, she'll say "yes" when I hit a knee over Christmas break in a few days. She has been my rock, and I wouldn't be nearly as motivated or sane without her. She understands what a professional program is like, the demands,stress, and lack of time, and that has given her perspective that I don't think a girl without postgrad studies would understand. You'll both be in the same boat, you'll both be able to empathize, and it might even bring you closer together. Skype is a wonderful thing, and so is meeting in the middle. The Shenandoah Valley region between you two has a lot of nice affordable weekend destinations for couples, and you can travel pretty quick down highway 81. My vote is give it a shot, especially if you both feel that marriage is a real possibility. I'm glad I did.

Wow, congrats in advance man! That's awesome! I feel like it would be impossible to date someone who didn't understand how demanding school is gonna be, so I guess that's one advantage we do have. And I've never be heard of Shenandoah Valley but we'll definitely check it out. Thanks for you input.

 

[Garett24]

Just go on a relationship break so you can both fully immerse yourselves in the new environments. You might meet some new babes and she might meet a new dude. You guys can always take it up again after school. Much less stress that way

THIS ^

In the long run if you put in all the effort now, as much as you love her it is simply too hard to make things work. Semi-Long distance with school is impossible. You have to focus on you and hope things pick up later.

 

[DentalDoge]

This is new. Relationship advice on a health professions forum.

 

[Member 6236]

If you really think you might end up marrying her....go for it. Love is always worth it man. F-U-C-K the people that think it can't work. It just means the other person wasn't important enough to them...OR that person didn't care enough about them. So go for it bro. My girlfriend and I are planning to do long distance and I KNOW it'll work cause we BOTH will MAKE it work.

Also I have quite a few friends that have done long distance and it's worked (although very difficult at times). My oral surgeon actually met his wife in undergrad but then they had to do long distance for four years. He was at Columbia and she was at Tufts. They're happily married with 3 kids and a **** load of money. Granted, many people try long distance and fail but it really comes down to how much you love her man, and in turn, how much she loves YOU.

 

[Dipdoc]

If you really think you might end up marrying her....go for it. Love is always worth it man. F-U-C-K the people that think it can't work. It just means the other person wasn't important enough to them...OR that person didn't care enough about them. So go for it bro. My girlfriend and I are planning to do long distance and I KNOW it'll work cause we BOTH will MAKE it work.

Also I have quite a few friends that have done long distance and it's worked (although very difficult at times). My oral surgeon actually met his wife in undergrad but then they had to do long distance for four years. He was at Columbia and she was at Tufts. They're happily married with 3 kids and a **** load of money. Granted, many people try long distance and fail but it really comes down to how much you love her man, and in turn, how much she loves YOU.

How far apart will you and your girlfriend be? Is she also going to be in school?

 

[deleted390966]

If you really think you might end up marrying her....go for it. Love is always worth it man. F-U-C-K the people that think it can't work. It just means the other person wasn't important enough to them...OR that person didn't care enough about them. So go for it bro. My girlfriend and I are planning to do long distance and I KNOW it'll work cause we BOTH will MAKE it work.

Also I have quite a few friends that have done long distance and it's worked (although very difficult at times). My oral surgeon actually met his wife in undergrad but then they had to do long distance for four years. He was at Columbia and she was at Tufts. They're happily married with 3 kids and a **** load of money. Granted, many people try long distance and fail but it really comes down to how much you love her man, and in turn, how much she loves YOU.

Exactly this
I have been in a LDR with my partner who is in Europe (yup, in another continent!) for 1.5 years now. We meet (and plan to meet) during the winters and summers when both of us have breaks from school. In this Internet age, this is not difficult AT ALL. Believe me, if you break because of distance, you don't fit together in the first place anyway - regardless of distance. Lots of married people do take business trips away from their families at times, do they fall apart then? Plan meetings ahead that you can look forward to; it's better

 

[Member 6236]

How far apart will you and your girlfriend be? Is she also going to be in school?

We'll be approximately 6 hours away by drive and only an hour by plane. We both will be attending dental school next year. Thus we'll be quite busy throughout the day. However, we agreed we'll make time EVERY night for Skype/Facetime/etc. Sure during exams we might be talking for 10 mins, but eventually you'll get more free time and you can use that to further stay in touch.

It'll be worth it in the end because we both will have a fantastic career. Even better I'll have her to look forward to every break I get in dental school.

 

[feeling-dizzy]

So my girlfriend and I are both starting professional school next year. I'll be going to Dental school in either Philadelphia or Maryland and she'll be attending Veterinary school in lower Virginia. Maximum we'll be around 7 hours apart and minimum we'll be around 4 to 4.5. Is 4 hours really considered long distance? I've read many threads condemning long distance relationships but we have a guaranteed end goal in about 4 years. Even if I choose to specialize she'll be able to follow me wherever so distance won't be an issue then. We've currently been dating for 8 months but we've been friends for awhile and I truly believe this relationship has marriage potential. Despite this I'm still worried about the relationship causing extra stress during school and it might not be worth it if there's a high potential for a break-up? I guess my main question is how have others done in terms of semi-long distance relationships? Do you think the amount of distance contributed to the relationship failure or success? And at what distance do you draw the line for being 'too far' to be able to make something work for 4 years.

You are fine man. 7 hrs drive is still doable, you can always drive to see her over the long weekend, honestly I think driving is faster than to go the airport. It should work

 

[Dentsss]

WOW...in actually dumbfounded at this thread

Shouldn't this be come sense. If you like a girl why break up over distance but if you don't like her break up and say distance and dental school was the problem. Come on...

Why worry over things you can't control? youll found out when your in dental school if she and you like each other that much is the answer to this thread

 

[Mad Jack]

Give it a shot. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, it doesn't. Stressing out over it will do nothing but make it more likely to go poorly.

 

[Glimmer1991]

I think you're probably just looking for affirmation that it's doable--which is fine! We all need that sometimes.

My fiancé and I made it through all of undergrad and were semi-long distance. We saw each other most weekends, and we were 2.5 hours apart. We got engaged last month after five years together. If you want to make it work, you can make it work!

Also, if you're willing to work HARD during the week, you can possibly take the weekends off during dental school. I started doing that about halfway through the semester, and it just made life a lot more bearable for me. I like having Saturdays and Sundays to myself, and that would give you plenty of time to see your girlfriend if she's willing to do the same.

 

[predentalgirl]

If you want it to work, like @Glimmer1991, it will.

I am currently 6 hours away from my husband. We see each other once in like 3 weeks, and I stay the duration of my breaks.
Yes, it's hard. But it's not impossible.

 

[Dipdoc]

If you want it to work, like @Glimmer1991, it will.

I am currently 6 hours away from my husband. We see each other once in like 3 weeks, and I stay the duration of my breaks.
Yes, it's hard. But it's not impossible.

That is true, but I think the fact that you two married may also help. I think that alone gives you guys more of an incentive to make it work, regardless of distance.

 

[Glimmer1991]

That is true, but I think the fact that you two married may also help. I think that alone gives you guys more of an incentive to make it work, regardless of distance.

Well, are you wanting us to talk you out of it?

 

[Dipdoc]

Well, are you wanting us to talk you out of it?

I see what you're saying.

 

[Unknown11]

Lol no I was just saying that no one here is going to give you the "correct" advice. If you wanna try it, do, and if it doesn't work out, oh well, there's TONS of people out there; we're young. I'm soon to have to make this choice as well. But you know more than anyone whether it's worth it or not to try.

 

[toofsies]

I can't talk about semi-long distance, but I can talk about long long distance. I've been making a much longer distance work with my boyfriend due to school for the past couple of years.

It has been both easier and harder than expected. Easier because if you have a good plan going in and modify it as necessary then all the logistics are taken care of. Harder mainly because you don't realize how much you miss someone and how many things you can miss out on by not being around. But I'm happy in my relationship, I love my boyfriend, and I wouldn't give him up for the world. In the end that's what matters. Good luck to you and message me if you're interested in more specific advice.

 

[joiedevivre86]

I think you're probably just looking for affirmation that it's doable--which is fine! We all need that sometimes.

My fiancé and I made it through all of undergrad and were semi-long distance. We saw each other most weekends, and we were 2.5 hours apart. We got engaged last month after five years together. If you want to make it work, you can make it work!

Also, if you're willing to work HARD during the week, you can possibly take the weekends off during dental school. I started doing that about halfway through the semester, and it just made life a lot more bearable for me. I like having Saturdays and Sundays to myself, and that would give you plenty of time to see your girlfriend if she's willing to do the same.

Ok, I know this is a few months old but this thread applies to me so I'm responding. My boyfriend will be 2 hours away pursuing his doctorate while I'm in dental school. We've been dating for 9 months but we both are thinking marriage material. Just the thought of four years long distance is scary though, especially when I only get like 2 weeks off in the summer. I'm pretty impressed that you were able to take weekends off, @Glimmer1991. Out of curiosity, what does working hard during the week look like for you?

 

[kmandrew]

I firmly believe that it depends on the couple. If she means enough to you to stay with her then give it a try! Better to try and have it fail then dump her and regret it later. This is my first year being long distance (3.5 hrs) from my boyfriend while he works and I'm in grad school (applying to dental school this upcoming cycle). We've been dating for five years and it hasnt always been a picnic but there was a point that I think we both decided on our own that it was worth it to do the distance. I see him about once a month and I agree with the being apart from him makes it easier for me to focus and study. We went to undergrad together and there will definitely times I spent time with him that I should have been studying. My brother and his fiancée are getting married this summer and as far as I know (he doesn't tell me much lol) they got serious right before or during his tour in Afghanistan. If you both want it to work it will good luck!


Update: I just saw the dates on these posts but I hope things worked out the way your wanted!

 

[Dipdoc]

I firmly believe that it depends on the couple. If she means enough to you to stay with her then give it a try! Better to try and have it fail then dump her and regret it later. This is my first year being long distance (3.5 hrs) from my boyfriend while he works and I'm in grad school (applying to dental school this upcoming cycle). We've been dating for five years and it hasnt always been a picnic but there was a point that I think we both decided on our own that it was worth it to do the distance. I see him about once a month and I agree with the being apart from him makes it easier for me to focus and study. We went to undergrad together and there will definitely times I spent time with him that I should have been studying. My brother and his fiancée are getting married this summer and as far as I know (he doesn't tell me much lol) they got serious right before or during his tour in Afghanistan. If you both want it to work it will good luck!


Update: I just saw the dates on these posts but I hope things worked out the way your wanted!

It wasn't that long ago (the advice is still relevant). But thanks! Hopefully everything works out in the end. I guess we'll see when the semester starts in August!

 

[Anselmian]

I would just like to point out that long distance relationships are becoming easier and easier as technology continues to progress. Think about it. A couple in your parents generation couldn't just snapchat their SO all day long. It was a phone call, maybe even a rare phone call; or snail mail...

Today you can skype, text, snapchat, facetime, call etc, ANY TIME. An in the age of social media, long distance relationships will only get easier.

If you came on here looking for a reason to break up with her, you won't be able to pry that out of me. In my opinion, if you care about someone, in this day and age, there is absolutely ZERO excuse not to make a long distance relationship work.

Realistically, today, communication isn't hindered by distance. What's left to miss then with a long distance relationship? Cuddling and affection? Yeah sure, that will be something to miss, but if you care about her, it's worth it. What else? Sex? If you're in to that then yes, the sex will be few and far between, but if you guys really care about each other, it's worth a shot. And this "it's only been eight months" crap is meaningless, that's not what matters.