How much do your friends/colleagues know about what you're doing?

[innercellmass]

I'm at the beginning of a long slog of GPA repair after several years out of school, and I'm having trouble figuring out how honest to be with the people around me (particularly people connected to my professional life) about what I'm up to with school and med school application plans. People know I'm aiming towards med school, but have no idea that I have years of ****ty grades weighing me down--and I feel like in my professional and personal circles I'm the lone ****up outlier in a sea of academic superstars with amazing GPAs.

I don't want to damage my professional reputation by blabbing about how terrible my academic record is, and there's a lot of overlap between my professional contacts and my friends, so trying to keep this information out of my professional life means keeping a lot of friends in the dark too. But without that context the path I'm taking makes absolutely no sense, and is going to look like I'm either dithering and taking forever for absolutely no reason, or am incredibly neurotic, or both. I can be vague and/or say I'd rather not get into it, but that starts to look weirdly evasive, especially since when people ask about it they're just being honestly supportive and curious! Part of me wants to just avoid the topic altogether, but a) this is a time-consuming project that's going to take years, so it's going to come up sometimes, and b) ideally I want to be able to occasionally vent about how things are going.

So, any ideas/sympathy/tried and true ways of framing this that have worked for you?

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[innercellmass]

Thanks for the input! Sorry to hear about your unsupportive family/ex--that's some bull**** right there.

If you need to feely-feel support from others to tell you this is what's for you, is your heart really in it?

Hah! No, fortunately have zero need for other people to tell me this is the right thing for me to do. But people know I'm back in school (since it affects my professional and social availability), plus I work in healthcare so it's to my benefit to have my MD/DO colleagues generally aware this is the road I'm going down. I'm just thinking people will start wondering in a year or so why I haven't actually gotten around to applying yet, plus I'm pretty sure I'll eventually explode if I'm not able to gripe to my friends about wanting to wring the necks of the idiot 19 year olds trying to cheat off of me in chem lab...

 

[esob]

My friends (outside of school) are all either business associates or subcontractors (sad I know) and for the most part they are supportive. Even though technically all the people who work(ed) for me were subcontractors, many of them depended on me for their primary income. I was up front and honest with them though. Some bailed completely even though I could have still employed their services on a smaller scale, while others have actually stuck it out and continued in a diminished capacity while finding other sources to supplement their income.

 

[TexasPostBaccPreMed]

I keep it all vague. Close friends know what I'm doing but even with them, when we get together I try to steer the conversation towards what's going on in their lives. I just don't think I'll feel comfortable being so open about it until I've aced O-Chem and ideally done well on the MCAT. I'm also doing GPA repair and I have several friends who went to med school or work in medicine and are familiar with the process, so I'm sure they wonder/will wonder why this whole process is taking me so long. If I know them well enough to not care what they think (which is mostly all of them) I'm just honest, I say I'm taking prereqs and some extra classes to bring up my GPA a bit. If I don't feel like getting into it I just say I'm taking the prereqs and some extra upper division science classes that I'm interested in and that I think will help me in med school/with the MCAT. Then I change the subject. Luckily I have a boyfriend who I can vent to about the annoying lazy lab partners, but that's about it.


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[innercellmass]

Interesting, thanks for the input.

I keep it all vague. Close friends know what I'm doing but even with them, when we get together I try to steer the conversation towards what's going on in their lives. I just don't think I'll feel comfortable being so open about it until I've aced O-Chem and ideally done well on the MCAT. I'm also doing GPA repair and I have several friends who went to med school or work in medicine and are familiar with the process, so I'm sure they wonder/will wonder why this whole process is taking me so long. If I know them well enough to not care what they think (which is mostly all of them) I'm just honest, I say I'm taking prereqs and some extra classes to bring up my GPA a bit. If I don't feel like getting into it I just say I'm taking the prereqs and some extra upper division science classes that I'm interested in and that I think will help me in med school/with the MCAT. Then I change the subject. Luckily I have a boyfriend who I can vent to about the annoying lazy lab partners, but that's about it.

Sounds like you're in a really similar boat. Glad it's been working out for you so far!

I think I would be way, way more comfortable being at least somewhat honest if it weren't for the personal/professional overlap, though I guess given how important personal networks are in most fields that's hardly unique. I'm sure a lot of my friends and closer colleagues would understand (and if they judge me for it, that's their problem), I just don't want anyone planting seeds in my professional life that could come back to bite me. I'm imagining a friend innocently saying something at work like "Oh, give innercellmass a call tomorrow, you won't get him today--on Mondays he takes classes at Local College because he's trying to raise his GPA for med school applications" and it making people subtly or not-so-subtly doubt my competence. Ah well. I don't want to treat it like some deep dark secret, but will probably stick with vagueness.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Family knows and is extremely supportive. Chain of command knows because they had to approve the application. They have been very supportive. My immediate "colleagues" poked fun at all the medical appointments I had putting the package together, but they all support me as well.

If I didn't have to tell anyone, I probably wouldn't have told anyone at work until I had to, but I definitely would have told my family. I tell my wife everything, and my step-dad is obsessed with my career.

 

[TheTao]

My immediate family (DH,DD) knows everything. But no one else in my family knows I plan to matriculate in med school after I finish my PhD. No one on my research project knows either.

And the reason I haven't told anyone is because I'd hate to curse someone out for saying something stupid like I'm too old to be thinking about med school because I'm over 40.

 

[GoGetEm29]

.

 

[SkiBum8]

My immediate family and closest friends (some of whom are coworkers, but our friendship trumps the coworker bit) know, but all my other coworkers do not.

I've taken three classes over the past year and I've kept my disclosure intentionally vague. Every class has just been "chemistry" when asked, which is somewhat related to my field, so I get away without anymore questions. (In reality, it's been Orgo & BioChem, so still Chemistry, but not related to the engineering realm so I'd rather avoid that disclosure).

One last thought: don't be so worried about what others are thinking. You are doing this for you! If you're really worried about the perceptions of others, just tell them you are taking classes to make your application more competitive. I don't think anyone would fault you for that. You don't need to admit your GPA is "low" to begin with.

 

[ghostman]

I considered my manager at work to be a friend, so I told him two months before I quit. He was supportive, but he kept on trying to convince me to stay and think it through. It was much appreciated, since he was looking out for me. He let me keep the business laptop too! Others at work didn't know until my official announcement.

I told my friends after I quit. Some said, "REALLY?!?!?!" I've been a computer guy for as long as they remember, so it seemed out of nature. Some said they always saw me in the medical field more than the business field. Another friend who was in residency at the time questioned whether I knew what I was getting myself into. I thought I did, but I really didn't.

My parents were not supportive of the idea, but once I made steps toward that direction, they knew I was going to go through with it and supported me. I tried to keep it a secret from my relatives, but my mom has a big mouth and told everyone. I became somewhat of a "black sheep" during that time, with my aunt telling my younger cousins not to be like me.

I have my MD now and I'm in residency. I still keep in touch with my manager after 7-8 years. My friends are all still there, but most are married and have kids now, so they have their hands full. My parents are proud, but they are parents and they want me married, settled, with kids already. My relatives treat me a tad differently now that they know I'm a doctor, but I don't pay them much mind.

 

[DrMikeP]

I'm at the beginning of a long slog of GPA repair after several years out of school, and I'm having trouble figuring out how honest to be with the people around me (particularly people connected to my professional life) about what I'm up to with school and med school application plans. People know I'm aiming towards med school, but have no idea that I have years of ****ty grades weighing me down--and I feel like in my professional and personal circles I'm the lone ****up outlier in a sea of academic superstars with amazing GPAs.

I don't want to damage my professional reputation by blabbing about how terrible my academic record is, and there's a lot of overlap between my professional contacts and my friends, so trying to keep this information out of my professional life means keeping a lot of friends in the dark too. But without that context the path I'm taking makes absolutely no sense, and is going to look like I'm either dithering and taking forever for absolutely no reason, or am incredibly neurotic, or both. I can be vague and/or say I'd rather not get into it, but that starts to look weirdly evasive, especially since when people ask about it they're just being honestly supportive and curious! Part of me wants to just avoid the topic altogether, but a) this is a time-consuming t project that's going to take years, so it's going to come up sometimes, and b) ideally I want to be able to occasionally vent about how things are going.

So, any ideas/sympathy/tried and true ways of framing this that have worked for you?

I didn't keep my intentions secret from family/friends, but didn't tell most of the people I worked for until I was closer to being done. It can take 2-3 yrs to complete prerequisites and apply and that's a long time for an employer to invest in someone who might be leaving. If you tell your employer you may find you are out but you'll also limit your career advancement and raise opportunities. Why move you up or pay you more if ur leaving? Also, no use in risking getting fired.

So just consider it carefully before telling anyone at work and ask, what is the worse potential negative consequence and is it worth risking that?

Good luck

 

[SSnows123]

So, any ideas/sympathy/tried and true ways of framing this that have worked for you?

On my phone so sorry in advance about formatting issues and typos. I am on a long slog of Gpa repair too and very few people know. None of my family knows and very few friends know. Really, only coworkers, wife and boss know. I'm generally embarrassed that I have such poor undergrad grades but I'm also slightly embarrassed to be doing such a drastic career change at this point in my life (even though I'm not even that old). I'd just rather not tell people.

When the few people who do know found out, I simply told them that I am retaking all pre-reqs because med schools don't like to see classes that are older than 10 years. I figure it's slightly true (some med schools don't accept old credits) and convincing enough for people to leave me along (everyone expresses pity for me at that point knowing that I'm redoing a lot of classes but then they all drop it).

If your classes are 10 ish years old, you could use that excuse.

 

[jl lin]

IDK, some people at least present like they are truly curious in a supportive kind of way, others not so much. I think it comes down to if you really give two cents about what others think. But if you don't care and still are forced w/ hearing their negative two cent, eliminate the negativity by not telling them your business. When you get "Why are you back in school?" or whatever, simple say you like learning. (Hopefully that is the truth for you.) When they ask what you are taking and try to pin you down, just say "I am enjoying different science courses now." (And hopefully you are.) When they further ask, "Why are you taking these sciences courses--meaning what do you hope to accomplish?" Just say, "IDK. I am focused on the learning right now, but we will see." That's it. You are under no obligation to tell anyone about your life. It's like people saying, "How come you aren't married yet?" or "Why don't you want kids?" or "Why did you put having kids first before your career?" or whatever. No two lives are the same, and we cannot live our lives except by our own determinations and situations, and perhaps w/ God's help, if you are inclined to believe that. I think as we mature, we get to the point where we feel like we shouldn't have to explain our lives to anyone else, unless there is some very compelling reason. Just b/c someone inquires about your life, doesn't mean they really care. It's surprising how some people can be just plain old nosey--or sadly have some other motive that's not always good, b/c they often feel like they have to compare and contrast their lives w/ everyone else. To which I say, "Get off of that jag, and focus on your own purpose and life unless you genuinely want to be helpful or supportive. Otherwise my life is NYB." I am not angry as I say this. I'm chill. With a calm spirit I say this is simply how I feel. So, don't worry about what everyone else thinks. Do what you think is right.

 

[Promethean]

Everybody has opinions about what you ought to do with your time and resources. Just keep your head down, do what you need to do, and when people want to have casual conversations, talk about what is going on in their lives. They will love that. If people want to know what is up with you, have a ready supply of other topics besides your education / career.

No one really cares about your business except to the degree that it can provide them entertainment / distraction... I was really very open about what I was doing. No secrets were kept. And yet, a half dozen of people that I consider fairly close friends were like "Why don't you come to any of our events over this past year or so?" Or, "Hey, I'm having a crisis, can I show up at your place and have you help me sort that out?"

Uhm... I'm 150 miles away in med school? "Holy crap! I didn't know that!"

These are people that were definitely included in conversations about the topic. It just went in one ear and out the other. There is nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that what I'm doing with my life isn't a priority for anyone but me. That is actually how it should be.