How Not to Write a Personal Statement

[Mad Jack]

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/15/o...-in-admissions-essays.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

This article is about Ivy League applicants, but many of the same concepts still apply to medical school.

"THE Yale applicant had terrific test scores. She had fantastic grades. As one of Yale’s admissions officers, Michael Motto, leafed through her application, he found himself more and more impressed.

Then he got to her essay. As he remembers it, she mentioned a French teacher she greatly admired. She described their one-on-one conversation at the end of a school day. And then, this detail: During their talk, when an urge to go to the bathroom could no longer be denied, she decided not to interrupt the teacher or exit the room. She simply urinated on herself.

Ah, The Secretary approach to the personal statement. Unique, I'll giver her that, but certainly not winning her any points.

“He wrote about his genitalia, and how he was under-endowed,” Motto told me. “He was going for something about masculinity and manhood, and how he had to get over certain things.”"

Writing about how you have to live with the adversity of a lilliputian penis evidently doesn't count as "diversity" or "hardship" to adcoms. Aside from the whole "writing an essay that alludes to how I'll hit the gym incessantly and one day have to purchase a Corvette in a form of sad overcompensation" aspect of it.

"Motto said that one Yale applicant “actually described himself as one of the world’s great Casanovas” and said that his amazing looks inspired envy in other boys and competition among girls vying for his affection."

I almost want to get into admissions someday just so I can see some of the hilarious essays that come through. I guess the moral of the story is: no matter how brilliant you believe your personal statement to be, have a few eyes take a look at it before you submit. Because you might think it's the best idea ever, but there might be some glaring flaw you've overlooked because you got so lost in the writing process.

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[Cyberdyne 101]

I think in some of these cases, the glaring flaw is the actual applicant

 

[breakintheroof]

I almost want to get into admissions someday just so I can see some of the hilarious essays that come through.

The examples in the op-ed are hilarious. But most essays are probably not that fun. There was a segment on This American Life where they talked to an admissions officer at Georgia Tech, and he said that only 1 out of 20 essays was any good at all.

He bemoaned the "mission trip essay," which he described like this:

You know, we flew down to somewhere in Central America. And we got off the plane. It was really hot. And we got on the bus, and 20 miles outside of the village, our bus broke down. But we got picked up by like a chicken truck and taken into town. And then, over the course of my time there, I went expecting to help others. But it was, in fact, me who was changed.

Not that medical school applicants like us would ever write such a thing for our personal statements...

 

[Mad Jack]

The examples in the op-ed are hilarious. But most essays are probably not that fun. There was a segment on This American Life where they talked to an admissions officer at Georgia Tech, and he said that only 1 out of 20 essays was any good at all.

He bemoaned the "mission trip essay," which he described like this:

Not that medical school applicants like us would ever write such a thing for our personal statements...

Obligatory when mentioning the "mission trip essay:" http://www.pandabearmd.com/2006/05/26/my-personal-statement/

 

[sundancing]

What the...just what?! How?! How could you look at what you've typed, read it over, and think to yourself, "yeah, this is not disturbing at all and will totally get me in to medical school"?!

I am done. DONE.

 

[touchpause13]

The examples in the op-ed are hilarious. But most essays are probably not that fun. There was a segment on This American Life where they talked to an admissions officer at Georgia Tech, and he said that only 1 out of 20 essays was any good at all.

He bemoaned the "mission trip essay," which he described like this:

Not that medical school applicants like us would ever write such a thing for our personal statements...

hahahahhaha
I actually wrote the mission trip essay for my undergrad admission and that is super accurate rofl.

 

[1nnocuous]

I had a temp job scoring a particular college entrance exam, and no matter what the prompt was, there was always a student who found a way to incorporate Hitler into their essay.

 

[touchpause13]

I had a temp job scoring a particular college entrance exam, and no matter what the prompt was, there was always a student who found a way to incorporate Hitler into their essay.

Are you serious?
How?
In what context?

 

[operaman]

And now for one of my favorite gomerblog posts:

http://www.gomerblog.com/2014/05/med-school-admission-essay/

 

[velodork]

And then, this detail: During their talk, when an urge to go to the bathroom could no longer be denied, she decided not to interrupt the teacher or exit the room. She simply urinated on herself.

Spectacular. Such commitment. Such French.

 

[AAATPase]

And then, this detail: During their talk, when an urge to go to the bathroom could no longer be denied, she decided not to interrupt the teacher or exit the room. She simply urinated on herself.

That should be reserved for interviews, not personal statements.

 

[WingedOx]

I honestly have no idea what I wrote for my med school essay, but my UG essays were all the same for every school except I would intermittently have to switch the words "large research university" with "small liberal arts college" without any change in content besides the name of the school.

Probably helps that I didn't apply to reaches.

 

[MajorBubblez]

There was a really good article I read (might have actually been on Pubmed) about things you should 100% avoid in your med school personal statement. Off the top of my head, I remember you should never talk about a sick loved one as a reason for going into medicine or a role model physician who inspired you to do med school.

 

[breakintheroof]

There was a really good article I read (might have actually been on Pubmed) about things you should 100% avoid in your med school personal statement. Off the top of my head, I remember you should never talk about a sick loved one as a reason for going into medicine or a role model physician who inspired you to do med school.

In that case, most people would submit blank personal statements. Here's what @gyngyn has to say on this topic:

A dead grandma is the most frequent single component seen in a medical school PS. It neither helps nor hurts...

 

[Psai]

I would like to say something disparaging about these applicants but I remember how much writing those essays sucked and mine was probably just as dumb

 

[MajorBubblez]

In that case, most people would submit blank personal statements. Here's what @gyngyn has to say on this topic:

Doesn't surprise me. Another variation of that is the "I want to go into medicine to help cure (blank) disease". A big adcom was saying that this is one of the worst things you could talk about as it immediately makes them wonder why you want to do medicine over research, and that you would be better suited to pursuing a PhD if that's your end goal.

 

[WildZoo]

Related: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/01/opinion/bruni-our-crazy-college-crossroads.html

A friend of mine in Africa told me recently about a center for orphans there that a rich American couple financed in part to give their own teenage children an exotic charity to visit occasionally and mine for college-application essays: admissions bait. That’s the degree of cunning that comes into this frenzy.

(This is, of course, also referring to the undergrad admissions process, but still intriguing and a little disturbing)

 

[MrLogan13]

Why would anyone in their right minds write things like that and expect not to horrify the reader? Wow. Just wow.

 

[touchpause13]

That should be reserved for interviews, not personal statements.

Reject

Lack of wearing an adult diaper shows unpreparedness and lack of commitment

 

[aegistitan]

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/15/o...-in-admissions-essays.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0


Writing about how you have to live with the adversity of a lilliputian penis evidently doesn't count as "diversity" or "hardship" to adcoms.

It is a hardship though!

 

[Goro]

My first thought was "What is it about Yale that provokes these??"

 

[Mad Jack]

My first thought was "What is it about Yale that provokes these??"

It just made me wonder "What if the people that get in are the same as these people, but just repressing their crazy a little bit?"

 

[hoihaie]

Now i really want to know how adcoms think of my PS haha

 

[DokterMom]

From the article @WildZoo posted, a lovely quote:

"A high school senior I know didn’t get into several of the colleges she coveted most. She got into a few that are plenty excellent. And I’ve never been more impressed with her, because she quickly realized that her regrets pale beside her blessings and she pivoted from letdown to excitement."

 

[grivacobae]

I had a temp job scoring a particular college entrance exam, and no matter what the prompt was, there was always a student who found a way to incorporate Hitler into their essay.

THIS. FINALLY! Hitler is honestly the best use of example, every SAT essay, ACT essay, and highschool essay I used him and got max points! My high school teacher would always tell me it wouldn't fly in college, that I would be no where near an A in writing class. Then the first college essay came and half of the class bombed it, I of course used Hitler and got one of the highest scores, but that's not the awesome part... After she told us our grades she made us take out textbooks and turn to a page where there was an essay with the same topic that was ideal, and sure enough they used Hitler.

 

[Lucca]

A dead grandma is nothing. If you told me that you are dead then my attention would be peaked.

Funny anecdote about high school:

One of my English teachers told us to start our essays off with something that suggested we were mentally ill because then the readers would be forced to read it. Pretty awful advice but that's the way it went down.

I have a friend who interpreted UChicago's focus on "strangeness" or "uniqueness" to mean they wanted something outlandish so she wrote about her imaginary friend.

Idk about you guys but reading college entrance essays would be a VERY fun job.

 

[InsertMemberNameHere]

A dead grandma is nothing. If you told me that you are dead then my attention would be peaked.

Funny anecdote about high school:

One of my English teachers told us to start our essays off with something that suggested we were mentally ill because then the readers would be forced to read it. Pretty awful advice but that's the way it went down.

I have a friend who interpreted UChicago's focus on "strangeness" or "uniqueness" to mean they wanted something outlandish so she wrote about her imaginary friend.

Idk about you guys but reading college entrance essays would be a VERY fun job.

I don't know about it being very fun. I'd imagine that every couple 50-100 or so you get a really good one, every 500-1000 or so you'd get to read a really bizarre one like OP posted, but for the most part, it would just be getting to read through thousands of really similar, generic, boring essays. I think it would actually be a really boring job, with some interesting reads only every once in a while.

 

[username456789]

THIS. FINALLY! Hitler is honestly the best use of example, every SAT essay, ACT essay, and highschool essay I used him and got max points! My high school teacher would always tell me it wouldn't fly in college, that I would be no where near an A in writing class. Then the first college essay came and half of the class bombed it, I of course used Hitler and got one of the highest scores, but that's not the awesome part... After she told us our grades she made us take out textbooks and turn to a page where there was an essay with the same topic that was ideal, and sure enough they used Hitler.

I wrote one of my two MCAT WS essays on Piss Christ.

 

[1nnocuous]

THIS. FINALLY! Hitler is honestly the best use of example, every SAT essay, ACT essay, and highschool essay I used him and got max points! My high school teacher would always tell me it wouldn't fly in college, that I would be no where near an A in writing class. Then the first college essay came and half of the class bombed it, I of course used Hitler and got one of the highest scores, but that's not the awesome part... After she told us our grades she made us take out textbooks and turn to a page where there was an essay with the same topic that was ideal, and sure enough they used Hitler.

It definitely was not your use of Hitler that got you high scores.

Every time someone uses Hitler as the worse case scenario in response to essay prompts about politics, television, how to raise your children, whatever, it immediately causes the essay scorer to face-palm. It is the most cliche and over-used extreme that only the unimaginative use. However, despite how much loathing it incites in the scorer, we cannot use that fact alone against you.

You earned your high score despite your example because you displayed critical thinking and hit all the requirements of the prompt.

 

[gyngyn]

Without a doubt every fall I will at some point walk into my PD/PC's office suite and find everyone in the office snickering. It's because they have all read and passed around some poor lost soul's tragically hilarious essay.

Swinging for the fences seems to produce the most cringe-worthy PS's.

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

Swinging for the fences seems to produce the most cringe-worthy PS's.

I'll be swinging for a ground-rule double*

*preferably in a California ballpark.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

Swinging for the fences seems to produce the most cringe-worthy PS's.

If you have a 3.8+ GPA, 35+ MCAT, Research (2 first-author publications), 150 volunteer hours at homeless shelter, 1000 hours working as a scribe, President of Fraternity, President of Chem Honor Society, Tutor (for chemistry), recreational basketball player, + 2-3 other random ECs, could you just write (for the Personal Statement): "Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. I look forward to interviewing with you." Would this person get an interview?

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

If you have a 3.8+ GPA, 35+ MCAT, Research (2 first-author publications), 150 volunteer hours at homeless shelter, 1000 hours working as a scribe, President of Fraternity, President of Chem Honor Society, Tutor (for chemistry), recreational basketball player, + 2-3 other random ECs, could you just write (for the Personal Statement): "Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. I look forward to interviewing with you." Would this person get an interview?

Why medicine?

 

[gyngyn]

If you have a 3.8+ GPA, 35+ MCAT, Research (2 first-author publications), 150 volunteer hours at homeless shelter, 1000 hours working as a scribe, President of Fraternity, President of Chem Honor Society, Tutor (for chemistry), recreational basketball player, + 2-3 other random ECs, could you just write (for the Personal Statement): "Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. I look forward to interviewing with you." Would this person get an interview?

Nope.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

Why medicine?

"Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. **I would like to practice medicine because it guarantees me an adequate salary. I have witnessed the pros and cons of a career in medicine through my extensive shadowing, and I have decided that this is the best path for me.** I look forward to interviewing with you."

 

[velodork]

If you have a 3.8+ GPA, 35+ MCAT, Research (2 first-author publications), 150 volunteer hours at homeless shelter, 1000 hours working as a scribe, President of Fraternity, President of Chem Honor Society, Tutor (for chemistry), recreational basketball player, + 2-3 other random ECs, could you just write (for the Personal Statement): "Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. I look forward to interviewing with you." Would this person get an interview?

As long as you also mention something about Hitler or your Grandma you should be fine.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

Nope.

Why not?

 

[gyngyn]

Why not?

This response implies laziness, entitlement or both.
It also presumes facts not in evidence.

 

[petyr_baelish]

So what is good to write for a personal statement? A large part of my motivation for medicine does stem from being around my parents who both developed terminal illnesses. Honestly my volunteer experiences pale in comparison to staying at the hospital for hours on end with my loved ones. That is where I had the most interaction with all strata of healthcare and it has informed my decision to pursue geriatrics in particular. I am now at a loss for what to write, but I suppose it's good I saw this thread now rather than in 5 months.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

This response implies laziness, entitlement or both.
It also presumes facts not in evidence.

Wouldn't the high GPA/MCAT and extracurriculars suggest the opposite (i.e. the student is definately not lazy as he/she has great grades and was president of various organizations, etc)???

And isn't the student entitled to an interview because they have a stellar resume? That is not "entitlement" in the traditional sense. If you work hard shouldn't you be entitled to an interview? Why should that student need to write a bunch of fluff if they don't feel that way. Especially when many adcoms view most of what is in the personal statement as fluff.

 

[gyngyn]

So what is good to write for a personal statement? A large part of my motivation for medicine does stem from being around my parents who both developed terminal illnesses. Honestly my volunteer experiences pale in comparison to staying at the hospital for hours on end with my loved ones. That is where I had the most interaction with all stratas of healthcare and it has informed my decision to pursue geriatrics in particular. I am now at a loss for what to write, but I suppose it's good I saw this thread now rather than in 5 months.

Write clearly, in your own voice, with content that shows that you are right for this profession.

 

[gyngyn]

Wouldn't the high GPA/MCAT and extracurriculars suggest the opposite (i.e. the student is definately not lazy as he/she has great grades and was president of various organizations, etc)???

Not with that response to the prompt.
Writing the PS is inherently uncomfortable.
Avoiding the uncomfortable does not bode well for an applicant in this profession.

 

[gyngyn]

And isn't the student entitled to an interview because they have a stellar resume? That is not "entitlement" in the traditional sense. If you work hard shouldn't you be entitled to an interview? Why should that student need to write a bunch of fluff if they don't feel that way. Especially when many adcoms view most of what is in the personal statement as fluff.

There is no right to a medical education. It is an honor that is earned.

 

[jamcat]

Wouldn't the high GPA/MCAT and extracurriculars suggest the opposite (i.e. the student is definately not lazy as he/she has great grades and was president of various organizations, etc)???

And isn't the student entitled to an interview because they have a stellar resume? That is not "entitlement" in the traditional sense. If you work hard shouldn't you be entitled to an interview? Why should that student need to write a bunch of fluff if they don't feel that way. Especially when many adcoms view most of what is in the personal statement as fluff.

In the off chance that you're serious:

The high GPA/MCAT show that you are an academically capable person. This is a necessary but not sufficient quality for med school. You also have to, you know, want to be a doctor.

You could just be a heartless automaton pre-med who checked off a list of things that adcoms want to see. The personal statement tells people who you are and why you want to go into medicine. If you can't articulate this, that's a problem in and of itself.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

In the off chance you're not just playing devils advocate or trolling...That response shows a severe lack of insight and judgment.

I am playing devils advocate to a certain extent (which I feel is a good thing for most conversations), but i'm also genuinely interested as to how admissions might view such a personal statement.

There is no right to a medical education. It is an honor that is earned.

I believe that the student in our hypothetical example has "earned" the honor of going into medical school. He/she is remarkable by every criteria used to gauge an applicant, with the exception of having altruistic reasons for pursuing medicine or just saying that they do in the personal statement section.

In the off chance that you're serious:

The high GPA/MCAT show that you are an academically capable person. This is a necessary but not sufficient quality for med school. You also have to, you know, want to be a doctor.

You could just be a heartless automaton pre-med who checked off a list of things that adcoms want to see. The personal statement tells people who you are and why you want to go into medicine. If you can't articulate this, that's a problem in and of itself.

The student did say why he/she wanted to be a doctor--mainly because of the financial stability. And the high gpa/mcat was only one aspect. If they were elected president of two clubs, they likely have strong interpersonal skills. An interview might give admissions a greater insight into this...

IMO, our hypothetical student may just be an unusually rare and honest applicant. I'm sure that many students who go into medicine have altruistic reasons for doing so, but I guarantee you that there are also many who went into medicine that don't have them. There are tons of students who chose medicine because it provided financial stability. So tell me who's the real automaton, the one who approaches the personal statement in a rare matter-of-fact tone and the skills to back it up or the one who writes a generic cookie-cutter heartfelt personal statement?

p.s. Personal statements aren't necessarily bad. I'm sure there are great stories out there and incredible motivations for pursuing medicine. But not everyone who applies has those. I've seen many adcoms complain about personal statements that seem cliche and uninspiring (e.g. I knew I wanted to be a doctor when I saw the compassionate care delivered to my grandpa...). If the student doesn't feel this way and this isn't truly the moment that inspired the kid to apply to med school, why should they fake it? In that situation, I have more respect for the applicant who checked all the boxes and had a no BS attitude on the PS than the one who checked all the boxes and lied.

 

[jamcat]

The student did say that he wanted to be a doctor (mainly because of the financial stability). And the high gpa/mcat was only one aspect. If they were elected president of two clubs, they likely have strong interpersonal skills. An interview might give admissions a greater insight into this...

I don't think being elected president of clubs means somebody has strong interpersonal skills at all. And I was the president of several clubs! Lots of interpersonal factors do indeed go into who gets elected president but particularly at the undergrad level cliques and politics are much more important in club elections than vision and interpersonal skills, even for the pre-professional organizations.

Not saying they don't possess the skills; just saying that being president of a club doesn't demonstrate them.

 

[gyngyn]

Admissions would find this lazy and entitled.
Believing himself to be "above" a PS supports this conclusion.
I would agree that he is "rare" but not because of honesty, rather exceptional cluelessness.

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

I am playing devils advocate to a certain extent (which I feel is a good thing for most conversations), but i'm also genuinely interested as to how admissions might view such a personal statement.

One would have to be insane to submit such a personal statement. It would compromise years of hard work.

 

[Goro]

Doesn't explain who is this person, nor why Medicine? The applicant is very accomplished, yes.

If you have a 3.8+ GPA, 35+ MCAT, Research (2 first-author publications), 150 volunteer hours at homeless shelter, 1000 hours working as a scribe, President of Fraternity, President of Chem Honor Society, Tutor (for chemistry), recreational basketball player, + 2-3 other random ECs, could you just write (for the Personal Statement): "Please see experiences section for evidence of strong interpersonal skills. If accepted to your school I plan to continue doing research. Please see GPA and MCAT to see that I am capable and intelligent enough to excel in medical school. I look forward to interviewing with you." Would this person get an interview?

Such an applicant would earn an immediate reject for being outright stupid. You can't fix stupid.
I believe that the student in our hypothetical example has "earned" the honor of going into medical school. He/she is remarkable by every criteria used to gauge an applicant, with the exception of having altruistic reasons for pursuing medicine or just saying that they do in the personal statement section.

 

[GaiusOctavius]

Doesn't explain who is this person, nor why Medicine? The applicant is very accomplished, yes.



Such an applicant would earn an immediate reject for being outright stupid. You can't fix stupid.
I believe that the student in our hypothetical example has "earned" the honor of going into medical school. He/she is remarkable by every criteria used to gauge an applicant, with the exception of having altruistic reasons for pursuing medicine or just saying that they do in the personal statement section.

lol. If the applicant had great grades, MCAT and research, I don't think it would be accurate to call them "stupid." But sure. After all, it's just a fictitious applicant created for the sake of a hypothetical example.