I am having a painful time in intern year as well. I am in psychiatry and love my program. But I had an off-service (non-psych) rotation last month, and one of the senior residents in that service wrote a very harsh eval for me about my lack of medical knowledge and lack of proactiveness (while another resident had great things to say about me about how detailed and thorough I am). The resident wrote the eval without telling me what to change during my time with her, as I only spent a few days with her, and if I had gotten feedback when I could still salvage the evaluation, I would have made every effort to do so. I am already doing things differently and being WAY more proactive since I got that horrible eval, and I think I am doing a much stronger job now. I'm taking a much more active role now for patient management. I think it is just a learning curve, as not that much was expected of me as a medical student. The medical students at the program where I'm now an intern have way more responsibility for patient management than I ever did as a student... so it was an issue of getting accustomed to a new role. As far as medical knowledge, I'm doing a bit of reading when I come home, but it is not as much as I'd like to do. Will work to be more efficient during the day so I can have more time to read at night.
After reading threads on this forum about residents getting fired for medical incompetence, I am feeling utterly devastated by my harsh eval as it has been stressing me out beyond belief. No one in my program has brought it up yet, though I fear I will be terminated over another resident writing on my eval that I lack medical knowledge. This month I'm doing another off-service rotation and working over 90 hours per week. (I'm not supposed to be breaking duty hours, but I stay extra because that's how long it takes for me to get my work done and notes finished as I have ADD. I don't have to log my hours, so that's not the issue as I'm not 'officially' violating anything... but I'm afraid that other on-call teams are noticing me staying several hours after everyone else, and will think I can't get my work done in a timely fashion.) Not only is working such long hours hard enough in which I'm just trying to survive another day, but carrying around the pain and fear from last month's negative eval is just crushing my soul at this point. Getting through residency means everything to me, and I don't mind living at the hospital and having no life if I have to for this brief time. There is no time for my personal life. I am in a new city away from family and I made a few friends here... but I just don't have time right now to talk to anyone. I don't mind working hard, and I can truly say I'm working to well over 90%+ capacity and burning out.... but being criticized for not being competent enough when I'm putting all I have into what I'm doing is just too demoralizing. I'm putting myself totally into my work.... yet it is still not good enough. Getting through each day is a challenge. I'm not normally anxious like this, but right now I am very freaked out about the situation. I feel like someone will call me any day to let me know I'm out of the program. I wish interns were allowed 4-5 months before evals of competency really counted, so that we don't get penalized for the first bad one. I'm only sleeping 5-6 hours per night, and I'm just trying to hang in there without breaking down. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.