Idea for Personal Statement a turn-off for adcomms?

[LIC2015]

Background: I did a crowdfunding campaign to raise money to purchase an ultrasound machine for a hospital I volunteered at in Tanzania. It took eighteen months, but it worked: $8K and a new ultrasound.

I'm thinking of introducing this as the first part of my PS in a "walk-you-through-my-thinking" (first person) style to demonstrate an ability to use problem-solving skills to help others. Again, this was for a regional hospital in Tanzania, and the majority of the donors were in the US, UK and Australia. And of course, there will be other experiences I'll incorporate into later portions of the PS to demonstrate leadership, analytical thinking, desire to help others, etc...

Will this be a turn-off for adcoms? I'm applying to domestic schools in the US. The main reason I ask is that an adcom member at a med school in NYC said that overseas shadowing and volunteering "can't be assessed" and that domestic experience is preferred. On the contrary, some of the med students at the med school I do research at said they disagree with that adcom's statement, and that overseas experience isn't a negative thing when it comes to discussing it on the PS.

Any adcoms out there willing to give their $0.02? Thanks!

@Goro I assure you, I did all the searching on SDN I could for this question, and nobody has asked it.

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[LIC2015]

Background: I did a crowdfunding campaign to raise money to purchase an ultrasound machine for a hospital I volunteered at in Tanzania. It took eighteen months, but it worked: $8K and a new ultrasound.

I'm thinking of introducing this as the first part of my PS in a "walk-you-through-my-thinking" (first person) style to demonstrate an ability to use problem-solving skills to help others. Again, this was for a regional hospital in Tanzania, and the majority of the donors were in the US, UK and Australia. And of course, there will be other experiences I'll incorporate into later portions of the PS to demonstrate leadership, analytical thinking, desire to help others, etc...

Will this be a turn-off for adcoms? I'm applying to domestic schools in the US. The main reason I ask is that an adcom member at a med school in NYC said that overseas shadowing and volunteering "can't be assessed" and that domestic experience is preferred. On the contrary, some of the med students at the med school I do research at said they disagree with that adcom's statement, and that overseas experience isn't a negative thing when it comes to discussing it on the PS.

Any adcoms out there willing to give their $0.02? Thanks!

@Goro I assure you, I did all the searching on SDN I could for this question, and nobody has asked it.

 

[Goro]

We treat overseas trips as "medical tourism". Shadowing overseas.....even worse.

Fundraising is fine

 

[ace_inhibitor111]

I think what he means is that it is much harder to verify whether what you say is accurate. They can't exactly call the hospital in Tanzania and have a chat. Did you do this during a study abroad trip? Or peace corps? If you have some sort of evidence you are in good shape, but if it is just an informal trip then it might carry less weight. People make stuff up about sick relatives all the time, but for something as impressive as this they may want to see that it is at least verifiable.

 

[LIC2015]

I think what he means is that it is much harder to verify whether what you say is accurate. They can't exactly call the hospital in Tanzania and have a chat. Did you do this during a study abroad trip? Or peace corps? If you have some sort of evidence you are in good shape, but if it is just an informal trip then it might carry less weight. People make stuff up about sick relatives all the time, but for something as impressive as this they may want to see that it is at least verifiable.

The program was called GapMedics, it's pretty big and well-known among pre-meds who do overseas shadowing/volunteering. The company is based out of the UK and can verify that I participated for three weeks in the program. It most definitely was not informal. Med schools should have no problem verifying anything I claim having done through GapMedics.

 

[LIC2015]

This isnt an onsite volunteer activity of you performing work in Tanzania as it is a fundraiser for a worthy cause. Nor it is an EC that needs to be evaluated as ti quality or time but rather evidence of you personal commitment to community service (where ever the community is), leadership/initiative for taking this idea on, work ethic for staying on it 18 months, and it adds to your story of "why medicine."

My only question in this, a question I have for many applicants, is why would you question your own sincerity in such an endeavor? Have confidence and, more importantly, have integrity, which is the first step of ethics, in why you have done this project. If you cant have integrity in expressing why you want to be a doctor, have can you ultimately have integrity to treat your patients? Ok, sermon over

I completely understand your question. I don't doubt my sincerity or integrity at all. The main concern I had was whether or not adcoms would think I'm trying to pursue medicine for the sake of using the degree outside the US. Perhaps a silly concern, but I certainly don't mean to imply that I'm not sure if what I did was the right thing or "useful." I know it was. I understand your point though, as long as I can effectively communicate the skills I used and what I learned from the campaign, there shouldn't be any concerns about me using a medical degree for overseas practice (if that makes sense).

 

[LIC2015]

We treat overseas trips as "medical tourism". Shadowing overseas.....even worse.

Fundraising is fine

Yes, sorry, as stated above I meant to ask whether writing about a fundraising campaign that was inspired by my overseas volunteering would be a turn-off. Is there a significant chance an adcom would think "he spent all this time and energy on fundraising for an overseas hospital?" The point of me writing about it would be to discuss achievements/qualities that, when supplemented by other things such as research publications and STEM mentorship for URMs, show my interest in pursuing medicine. This is a semi-irrelevant point, but it wasn't just observation, I did a lot of basic assistance work like telling patients in the ER that the doctor was ready for them, which room to go to, etc....nothing beyond what I'd do in the US. But I'll assume the shadowing experience overseas isn't taken seriously. The program I used is called GapMedics.

 

[Catalystik]

Background: I did a crowdfunding campaign to raise money to purchase an ultrasound machine for a hospital I volunteered at in Tanzania. It took eighteen months, but it worked: $8K and a new ultrasound.

I'm thinking of introducing this as the first part of my PS in a "walk-you-through-my-thinking" (first person) style to demonstrate an ability to use problem-solving skills to help others. Again, this was for a regional hospital in Tanzania, and the majority of the donors were in the US, UK and Australia. And of course, there will be other experiences I'll incorporate into later portions of the PS to demonstrate leadership, analytical thinking, desire to help others, etc...

Will this be a turn-off for adcoms? I'm applying to domestic schools in the US. The main reason I ask is that an adcom member at a med school in NYC said that overseas shadowing and volunteering "can't be assessed" and that domestic experience is preferred. On the contrary, some of the med students at the med school I do research at said they disagree with that adcom's statement, and that overseas experience isn't a negative thing when it comes to discussing it on the PS.

Any adcoms out there willing to give their $0.02? Thanks!

@Goro I assure you, I did all the searching on SDN I could for this question, and nobody has asked it.

It's a lovely story, and I'm not against an overseas adventure being included in the PS, but I'm not clear on how it's answering the question, "Why medicine?" or how it fits into the cascade of experiences that helped you test your fitness for this career.

 

[Ismet]

Merging duplicate threads

 

[caffeinemia]

Background: I did a crowdfunding campaign to raise money to purchase an ultrasound machine for a hospital I volunteered at in Tanzania. It took eighteen months, but it worked: $8K and a new ultrasound.

I'm thinking of introducing this as the first part of my PS in a "walk-you-through-my-thinking" (first person) style to demonstrate an ability to use problem-solving skills to help others. Again, this was for a regional hospital in Tanzania, and the majority of the donors were in the US, UK and Australia. And of course, there will be other experiences I'll incorporate into later portions of the PS to demonstrate leadership, analytical thinking, desire to help others, etc...

Will this be a turn-off for adcoms? I'm applying to domestic schools in the US. The main reason I ask is that an adcom member at a med school in NYC said that overseas shadowing and volunteering "can't be assessed" and that domestic experience is preferred. On the contrary, some of the med students at the med school I do research at said they disagree with that adcom's statement, and that overseas experience isn't a negative thing when it comes to discussing it on the PS.

Any adcoms out there willing to give their $0.02? Thanks!

@Goro I assure you, I did all the searching on SDN I could for this question, and nobody has asked it.

Just to clarify - I think most personal statements are supposed to be in the first person and are supposed to show us your thinking -- ie motivations, emotions, insights, ideas, etc etc. I challenge you to write your essay in another person -- how about 3rd person. That sounds like it would really get the adcom's attention

 

[LIC2015]

Merging duplicate threads

Sorry about that, accidentally clicked twice..

 

[LIC2015]

Just to clarify - I think most personal statements are supposed to be in the first person and are supposed to show us your thinking -- ie motivations, emotions, insights, ideas, etc etc. I challenge you to write your essay in another person -- how about 3rd person. That sounds like it would really get the adcom's attention

I am thinking of trying a present-tense first-person is what I should've said. As if I'm reliving the moment. Make sense? I probably won't go with it but, if pulled off effectively, it can be a nice way to keep the poor soul reading my PS after a 15 hour rotation from falling asleep.

 

[LIC2015]

It's a lovely story, and I'm not against an overseas adventure being included in the PS, but I'm not clear on how it's answering the question, "Why medicine?" or how it fits into the cascade of experiences that helped you test your fitness for this career.

Yes, right, to clarify, the fundraising and 18+ months of (exhausting) work took place in NYC where I live. The overseas shadowing trip was the "inspiration" (I hate using that word for some reason) for the campaign, and I don't plan on discussing it in my PS. The only thing I may mention is seeing a mother burst into hysterical sobbing when her baby was stillborn, it was a devastating sight to watch. A completely helpless mother. But hopefully that won't suggest I suddenly want to save all of Tanzania.... The hospital's ultrasound machine didn't work and they didn't have funds available to buy one, thus neither she nor the physician expected a stillborn baby. I plan on focusing the first part of my PS on the actual fundraising, which had a very significant impact on my ability to lead a group of people; I learned how to lead by actually doing it rather than just observing from afar. I had over a dozen people work under my guidance to help us get social media awareness. For example, the medical school I work at in NYC supported us on Twitter, and I was featured in an article written in The Cornell Daily Sun (I'm an alumnus). I also got social media support from the program I used (a huge UK-based company) to do the overseas shadowing, etc...there was a lot of complex decision-making involved with getting all the parts moving, the most difficult part of course being the tireless begging I had to do to get people to contribute and support us. This is what I want to spend ~30% of my PS on, 1-2 paragraphs, then transition into my research on psychiatric disorders and the STEM mentoring I do for the NY Academy of Sciences. Three main experiences, all of which showcase a lot of skills and qualities that I hope will show adcoms that I give a s**t about humanity. I believe this will answer the question "Why medicine?" without leaving any doubt in the reader's mind.

 

[Catalystik]

Yes, right, to clarify, the fundraising and 18+ months of (exhausting) work took place in NYC where I live. The overseas shadowing trip was the "inspiration" (I hate using that word for some reason) for the campaign, and I don't plan on discussing it in my PS. The only thing I may mention is seeing a mother burst into hysterical sobbing when her baby was stillborn, it was a devastating sight to watch. A completely helpless mother. But hopefully that won't suggest I suddenly want to save all of Tanzania.... The hospital's ultrasound machine didn't work and they didn't have funds available to buy one, thus neither she nor the physician expected a stillborn baby. I plan on focusing the first part of my PS on the actual fundraising, which had a very significant impact on my ability to lead a group of people; I learned how to lead by actually doing it rather than just observing from afar. I had over a dozen people work under my guidance to help us get social media awareness. For example, the medical school I work at in NYC supported us on Twitter, and I was featured in an article written in The Cornell Daily Sun (I'm an alumnus). I also got social media support from the program I used (a huge UK-based company) to do the overseas shadowing, etc...there was a lot of complex decision-making involved with getting all the parts moving, the most difficult part of course being the tireless begging I had to do to get people to contribute and support us. This is what I want to spend ~30% of my PS on, 1-2 paragraphs, then transition into my research on psychiatric disorders and the STEM mentoring I do for the NY Academy of Sciences. Three main experiences, all of which showcase a lot of skills and qualities that I hope will show adcoms that I give a s**t about humanity. I believe this will answer the question "Why medicine?" without leaving any doubt in the reader's mind.

Sorry, but your "Why medicine story" is all over the map. Much of it sounds more like an application essay to be a professional fund raiser. I don't blame you for wanting kudos for this significant accomplishment, but this effort would be better placed in, perhaps, a Most Meaningful essay about your time in Tanzania and how it inspired you.

 

[LIC2015]

Sorry, but your "Why medicine story" is all over the map. Much of it sounds more like an application essay to be a professional fund raiser. I don't blame you for wanting kudos for this significant accomplishment, but this effort would be better placed in, perhaps, a Most Meaningful essay about your time in Tanzania and how it inspired you.

Never a need to apologize for good feedback. Thank you.

 

[Catalystik]

Never a need to apologize for good feedback. Thank you.

I appreciate your gracious acceptance of my comments. We don't always see that around here.

 

[LizzyM]

Was there a needs assessment that determined that this ultrasound machine was wanted and needed by the hospital. Who did that assessment? Were there personnel trained in the use of the machine and technicians capable of maintaining the machine? You do know that an ultrasound does not prevent stillbirth and would not identify before birth every fetus that will be stillborn. Furthermore, there are far less "high tech" mechanisms to identify cases of fetal demise. I agree with @Catalystik that it seems more like a professional fundraiser application. I would not be particularly impressed to have this as the opening of a PS and if I were asked to interview the applicant who wrote such a PS, I'd have some hard questions about who made the decisions about this project. It feels great to be the "savior" but unless we are providing what is most needed and that can be appropriately utilized, we are spinning our wheels and not serving in the best interest of the patients in that place.

 

[LIC2015]

Was there a needs assessment that determined that this ultrasound machine was wanted and needed by the hospital. Who did that assessment? Were there personnel trained in the use of the machine and technicians capable of maintaining the machine? You do know that an ultrasound does not prevent stillbirth and would not identify before birth every fetus that will be stillborn. Furthermore, there are far less "high tech" mechanisms to identify cases of fetal demise. I agree with @Catalystik that it seems more like a professional fundraiser application. I would not be particularly impressed to have this as the opening of a PS and if I were asked to interview the applicant who wrote such a PS, I'd have some hard questions about who made the decisions about this project. It feels great to be the "savior" but unless we are providing what is most needed and that can be appropriately utilized, we are spinning our wheels and not serving in the best interest of the patients in that place.

Yes there was. The decision was made by the head of the obstetrics/gynecology department, a physician who I shadowed for ~80 hours. The choice ultimately was between an EKG and ultrasound, and the head of Obs/Gyn made the decision to prioritize the ultrasound. I'm actually doing some fundraising right now for the EKG (which costs less than half of what the ultrasound did). And I certainly did not mean to imply that an ultrasound can prevent stillbirth, but we all know what the benefits of an ultrasound machine are and why physicians use it for more than just detecting fetal health. There were several technicians and multiple physicians trained in how to use the ultrasound, and they made the decision on which machine to buy based on their knowledge. They already had a machine but it had stopped functioning several months before I arrived, and because this was a federally-funded hospital, the government prioritized the major city hospitals over smaller, regional hospitals. The result was a lack of federal funding for medical equipment, and sometimes not even enough for sterile supplies. Although, sterile supplies were frequently purchased by volunteers in the GapMedics program (same one I used), so it wasn't really a major problem. I'd be more than willing in an interview to discuss in great detail the rationale for decisions made, that would be no problem for me. I had to convince total strangers to give me $8K for a hospital in Africa, an adcom would have to try very hard to ask me a question that would leave me scratching my head. I appreciate that you and others said it sounds more like a fundraiser application. I also appreciate the comment about "need" vs "want" in providing medical supplies, a very helpful thing for me to keep in mind as I write. I won't go into a lot of detail in the PS; I'll leave that for work/activities. Would you agree that as long as the focus of this portion is kept on how it drives my interest in medicine and what I learned throughout the process, it wouldn't come across as pompous or braggadocios? I don't intend on portraying myself as a "savior" in any way, just someone who learned a lot about medicine by working with physicians to improve the quality of medical care provided at a hospital. In the process, I learned that physicians, including my boss, an MD, do this sort of work all the time. They're constantly thinking about how to improve the quality of care they provide, whether it's by using better diagnostic tools, more effective drugs, lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise, etc. My approach to learning about medicine was to help provide diagnostic equipment to physicians in order to improve the quality of medicine at the hospital I volunteered at.

Does this make sense? Sorry for the drawn-out essay.

 

[LizzyM]

Yes there was. The decision was made by the head of the obstetrics/gynecology department, a physician who I shadowed for ~80 hours. The choice ultimately was between an EKG and ultrasound, and the head of Obs/Gyn made the decision to prioritize the ultrasound. I'm actually doing some fundraising right now for the EKG (which costs less than half of what the ultrasound did). And I certainly did not mean to imply that an ultrasound can prevent stillbirth, but we all know what the benefits of an ultrasound machine are and why physicians use it for more than just detecting fetal health. There were several technicians and multiple physicians trained in how to use the ultrasound, and they made the decision on which machine to buy based on their knowledge. They already had a machine but it had stopped functioning several months before I arrived, and because this was a federally-funded hospital, the government prioritized the major city hospitals over smaller, regional hospitals. The result was a lack of federal funding for medical equipment, and sometimes not even enough for sterile supplies. Although, sterile supplies were frequently purchased by volunteers in the GapMedics program (same one I used), so it wasn't really a major problem. I'd be more than willing in an interview to discuss in great detail the rationale for decisions made, that would be no problem for me. I had to convince total strangers to give me $8K for a hospital in Africa, an adcom would have to try very hard to ask me a question that would leave me scratching my head. I appreciate that you and others said it sounds more like a fundraiser application. I also appreciate the comment about "need" vs "want" in providing medical supplies, a very helpful thing for me to keep in mind as I write. I won't go into a lot of detail in the PS; I'll leave that for work/activities. Would you agree that as long as the focus of this portion is kept on how it drives my interest in medicine and what I learned throughout the process, it wouldn't come across as pompous or braggadocios? I don't intend on portraying myself as a "savior" in any way, just someone who learned a lot about medicine by working with physicians to improve the quality of medical care provided at a hospital. In the process, I learned that physicians, including my boss, an MD, do this sort of work all the time. They're constantly thinking about how to improve the quality of care they provide, whether it's by using better diagnostic tools, more effective drugs, lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise, etc. My approach to learning about medicine was to help provide diagnostic equipment to physicians in order to improve the quality of medicine at the hospital I volunteered at.

Does this make sense? Sorry for the drawn-out essay.

So you want to provide high quality care to patients in the role of physician. How did you test that interest through activities? (Shadowing a doctor in Africa appears to be one activity, and I hope that there were other activities as well). As admirable as it is to spend your time to successfully raise thousands of dollars for a charity, I'm not sure what it has to do with being a doctor.