I'm at the Wrong School and looking for advice

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Hey Guys,

I'm between a rock and a hard place and would very much appreciate some level headed advice from anybody willing to listen.

I matriculated at the wrong school and am looking for advice. I am confident that I committed to the wrong school and have been since within a week of doing so. I have tried to move forward but my regret keeps coming back stronger. I reached out to my preferred school about this last spring (just after making the wrong commitment) and they said that they would be happy to take me on if any spot opened up (my spot had already gone to a waitlister). Unfortunately that didn't happen. I've been trying to move past it, including reaching out for external help, but this regret is usually the first and last thing I think about everyday and is has been a large obstacle to my happiness, productivity, and generally my participation in my current medical school. I worry that it is affecting my ability to train at this point.

Over the course of the application year during which I was making this decision a few major tragic things happened that shook me very deeply and and made it very difficult to make this decision as I was far from myself. In hindsight I wish that I would have let the schools I was considering know and maybe ask for more time but in the anxiety of the situation I was afraid to do so and did not want to share what had happened.

I feel trapped. I have spoken vaguely and confidentially about this with a person in my current program's administration(not the director) but again I hesitate to share too much, as if I cannot make a change I will be stuck at my current institution and don't want to illicit a bad-blood vibe between myself and the people in charge of my training. I worked very hard, as does everyone of my peers, to obtain the acceptances I did in order to pursue this career and am terrified of how much this situation has shaken that to the point where I don't know that I can continue.

I don't know whether to reach out to the director of my desired program and ask if they would still be willing to take me as effectively a 1-year deferral student from last years application class or to go to my program director and ask to leave or both. I'm worried about souring relationships and being stuck anyway. 8 years is a long time to feel like I'm living a mistake and I feel as though I've already made several sacrifices to move towards a career in Academic Medicine and am struggling to decide

I'm at the end of my rope and would really appreciate any insights or input from absolutely anyone.

-Exhausted

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[Neuronix]

Why is the program you matriculated into the "wrong" one?

 

[parapraxish]

Hey Guys,

I'm between a rock and a hard place and would very much appreciate some level headed advice from anybody willing to listen.

I matriculated at the wrong school and am looking for advice. I am confident that I committed to the wrong school and have been since within a week of doing so. I have tried to move forward but my regret keeps coming back stronger. I reached out to my preferred school about this last spring (just after making the wrong commitment) and they said that they would be happy to take me on if any spot opened up (my spot had already gone to a waitlister). Unfortunately that didn't happen. I've been trying to move past it, including reaching out for external help, but this regret is usually the first and last thing I think about everyday and is has been a large obstacle to my happiness, productivity, and generally my participation in my current medical school. I worry that it is affecting my ability to train at this point.

Over the course of the application year during which I was making this decision a few major tragic things happened that shook me very deeply and and made it very difficult to make this decision as I was far from myself. In hindsight I wish that I would have let the schools I was considering know and maybe ask for more time but in the anxiety of the situation I was afraid to do so and did not want to share what had happened.

I feel trapped. I have spoken vaguely and confidentially about this with a person in my current program's administration(not the director) but again I hesitate to share too much, as if I cannot make a change I will be stuck at my current institution and don't want to illicit a bad-blood vibe between myself and the people in charge of my training. I worked very hard, as does everyone of my peers, to obtain the acceptances I did in order to pursue this career and am terrified of how much this situation has shaken that to the point where I don't know that I can continue.

I don't know whether to reach out to the director of my desired program and ask if they would still be willing to take me as effectively a 1-year deferral student from last years application class or to go to my program director and ask to leave or both. I'm worried about souring relationships and being stuck anyway. 8 years is a long time to feel like I'm living a mistake and I feel as though I've already made several sacrifices to move towards a career in Academic Medicine and am struggling to decide

I'm at the end of my rope and would really appreciate any insights or input from absolutely anyone.

-Exhausted

without knowing the details of your situation, i feel sometimes it is best to accept a burden or wrong decision and make it your own in order to make peace and move forward. otherwise it becomes a neurosis. i think you're doing the right thing now in trying to make a change and soliciting advice (without giving details) here, but prepare and be content for both scenarios. i also know it is easier said than done.

 

[Shifty B]

How can you possibly have decided that you made the wrong decision before even matriculating into the program? To be honest, this sounds like buyer's remorse, but even buyers don't get remorse until they get their purchase in their hands and realize that the didn't really want or need it.

Without more information, it's going to be hard for us to help you. It's doubtful that it really has anything to do with your program and seems based on personal preferences, geography, or family/significant other.

You can try to change and it may work, but I'll give you this warning. Throughout medical training there will likely be many occasions (medical school, residency, fellowship, and job) where you do not have 100% control over where you are located. You may have to work in a place you don't really want to be or an institution you perceive as inferior. You will have to go through at least one match, and possibly 2. To thrive at this, you need to be the kind of person who can thrive in a variety of different environments and be successful regardless of obstacles. What happens when you get to the other side of the fence and your desired PI leaves and goes to a different institution? Or if you move to be with a significant other who decides they don't want to be with you anymore?

There are such an extraordinary amount of obstacles in your next 15 years, you've got to learn adaptability. If you can't do this, I've got some news for you: you didn't choose the wrong school, you chose the wrong career path.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

How can you possibly have decided that you made the wrong decision before even matriculating into the program? To be honest, this sounds like buyer's remorse, but even buyers don't get remorse until they get their purchase in their hands and realize that the didn't really want or need it.

Without more information, it's going to be hard for us to help you. It's doubtful that it really has anything to do with your program and seems based on personal preferences, geography, or family/significant other.

You can try to change and it may work, but I'll give you this warning. Throughout medical training there will likely be many occasions (medical school, residency, fellowship, and job) where you do not have 100% control over where you are located. You may have to work in a place you don't really want to be or an institution you perceive as inferior. You will have to go through at least one match, and possibly 2. To thrive at this, you need to be the kind of person who can thrive in a variety of different environments and be successful regardless of obstacles. What happens when you get to the other side of the fence and your desired PI leaves and goes to a different institution? Or if you move to be with a significant other who decides they don't want to be with you anymore?

There are such an extraordinary amount of obstacles in your next 15 years, you've got to learn adaptability. If you can't do this, I've got some news for you: you didn't choose the wrong school, you chose the wrong career path.

I'm sorry but I feel it is best not to give more details in order to maintain anonymity. I hope you understand. Similarly I'd prefer not to respond to guesses of what the underlying reason "seems to be." I appreciate the input on the importance of adaptability in this career (even if it came with an unsolicited and literally bold implication that I chose the wrong career path), and understand that I am not in control of the universe and all of its occurrences. I would add that just because some things are beyond control doesn't mean one should abandon the effort to control what can be controlled. That's why I'm here asking these questions. Happy to adapt if nothing can be done

I'm hoping for input from anyone who has experience, wisdom or, insights to share based on what was shared in the original post

 

[parapraxish]

I'm sorry but I feel it is best not to give more details in order to maintain anonymity. I hope you understand. Similarly I'd prefer not to respond to guesses of what the underlying reason "seems to be." I appreciate the input on the importance of adaptability in this career (even if it came with an unsolicited and literally bold implication that I chose the wrong career path), and understand that I am not in control of the universe and all of its occurrences. I would add that just because some things are beyond control doesn't mean one should abandon the effort to control what can be controlled. That's why I'm here asking these questions. Happy to adapt if nothing can be done

I'm hoping for input from anyone who has experience, wisdom or, insights to share based on what was shared in the original post

I have been in a very similar situation, and I would suggest you go with your gut and do everything in your power to move programs without rocking the boat. If unsuccessful, buckle down, accept, and adapt.

 

[Neuronix]

I do not feel that I can advise you appropriately without understanding the circumstances of your situation. You are welcome to PM me if you wish to discuss further.

 

[Shifty B]

I'm hoping for input from anyone who has experience, wisdom or, insights to share based on what was shared in the original post

That's the problem. There is no information in the original post.

If you want less generic advice you have to provide less generic information.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

That's the problem. There is no information in the original post.

If you want less generic advice you have to provide less generic information.

Reiterating what I just said.... I have said what I am comfortable saying here. Please respect that. I have not and am not complaining about the genericness of the responses. It seems you personally don't have anything to add here. That's fine.


I appreciate the useful responses I've gotten from others and welcome input from anyone

 

[Shifty B]

I think you will probably find better advice from trusted individuals with whom you can share the entire situation then. Good luck.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I have been in a very similar situation, and I would suggest you go with your gut and do everything in your power to move programs without rocking the boat. If unsuccessful, buckle down, accept, and adapt.

If you don't mind me asking, were you ultimately able to make a change in your situation?

 

[parapraxish]

If you don't mind me asking, were you ultimately able to make a change in your situation?

I was not able to change my location, but I was able to eventually change my mindset. Speaking from what I know of your situation, the mind comes first and the body adapts eventually. Let go and forgive, and you will find your way. It is very hard and I feel your pain, but Life is a ride, friend-- you'll come out a better person in the end either way.

In the meantime, go with your gut while accepting both possibilities.

 

[smithers12]

I would encourage you to give up any possibility of transferring out of your program, unless you are willing to drop this career path altogether. I have never heard of an individual that has "reached out" to another director after matriculation. This just doesn't happen.

What you can do, however, is attempt to make peace with your decision. Speak to your director about the specifics of your situation. All you may need is a one year leave of absence to get your mind straight and get back to the grind. If you are so unhappy with your situation that it is affecting your wellbeing, then drop out of the program into the regular curriculum. Period. Medical school goes by so mind numbingly fast that before you know it you will be interviewing in your area of choice for residencies. Any director that refuses to accept a decision based on extenuating circumstances is no director I would want to be associated with.

Stop worrying about "souring relationships". Dropping out of an MSTP is a big deal, yes, but you are not the first nor will you be the last person to drop an MSTP. It happens. We have had a number of individuals at my own institution's program leave for one reason or another. They are now currently in residency.

If four years is too long a time for you to adapt, then you may need to reconsider this career path altogether. Medical school admissions is not a forgiving process, and neither is residency. Every step you take you may be faced with circumstances that are less than ideal. Shifty B said this perfectly.

 

[parapraxish]

I would encourage you to give up any possibility of transferring out of your program, unless you are willing to drop this career path altogether. I have never heard of an individual that has "reached out" to another director after matriculation. This just doesn't happen.

What you can do, however, is attempt to make peace with your decision. Speak to your director about the specifics of your situation. All you may need is a one year leave of absence to get your mind straight and get back to the grind. If you are so unhappy with your situation that it is affecting your wellbeing, then drop out of the program into the regular curriculum. Period. Medical school goes by so mind numbingly fast that before you know it you will be interviewing in your area of choice for residencies. Any director that refuses to accept a decision based on extenuating circumstances is no director I would want to be associated with.

Stop worrying about "souring relationships". Dropping out of an MSTP is a big deal, yes, but you are not the first nor will you be the last person to drop an MSTP. It happens. We have had a number of individuals at my own institution's program leave for one reason or another. They are now currently in residency.

If four years is too long a time for you to adapt, then you may need to reconsider this career path altogether. Medical school admissions is not a forgiving process, and neither is residency. Every step you take you may be faced with circumstances that are less than ideal. Shifty B said this perfectly.

I agree with this, especially with the leave of absence. The last paragraph I disagree with, however. Adaptation is learned, only sometimes given. I do think OP should follow his/her gut, and a one-year leave of absence will likely be very helpful. Go with your intuition and don't be afraid.