In my best interest to hide the extent of my mental health struggles?

[geneexpression]

I have been going through situationally related depression for a long time. By situationally related, I mean there are circumstances in my life that I'm stuck with that have caused me to become more and more depressed over the course of the past few years, so it's not really a matter of me just having a chemical imbalance that I need to find the right medication to correct.

It's gotten to the point where I think things like, "I just want to die" to myself a lot, and that kind of scares me but is mostly frustrating because I wish I could think of another way out of the mess I'm in that doesn't involve ceasing to exist. I know I wouldn't commit suicide right now. Frankly, I'm too chicken. But I still wish I could find a safe way to communicate how depressed I am to someone so maybe they'd take me seriously for once. I'm afraid to, though, because I'm afraid that if I tell anyone I think thoughts like, "I want to die" all throughout the day, I'd be forced into a hospital, and then I wouldn't be allowed to finish up the courses I already paid thousands of dollars to take and would get a series of unerasable Ws on my transcript. Furthermore, I am aware there's a huge stigma against mental illness in healthcare, so I fear that explaining why those W's are there would ruin any chances I might have of getting into medical school.

I have been seeing this psychologist-in-training at my school's low-cost psychology clinic, and every time she asks if I have thoughts of hurting myself, I just straight up say no. I mean, that's mostly true, but it would be helpful to be able to say, "But I do think to myself that my only option if I want to escape my circumstances is to die a lot" just to get it off of my chest so I'm no longer keeping it to myself. I fear that she'd force me into a psychiatric hospital the moment I said that, though, so I feel like I'm in an unfair place where my smartest option is just to keep my mouth shut and suffer alone. I don't want school taken away from me. School is really the only thing in my life that I actually enjoy. I'm scared of being forced into a hospital and having it taken away because then I'd have nothing, so I don't know what to do.

As messed up as it seems that it has to be this way, am I correct in thinking my smartest bet is to keep my mouth shut and continue to deal with this on my own?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Boolean]

Continue seeing a psychologist. Do not disclose the extent of your mental health struggles (to the professional schools). Do be honest with your psychologist.

 

[geneexpression]

But my fear is that if I'm completely up-front with the therapist, she'll make me go to a psychiatric hospital, and then I won't get to finish my classes.

 

[LizzyM]

If you had a problem with your bowel or your lung that required surgery, would you refuse to go to the hospital despite the pain and the risk of death? This is the same deal. Be honest with your therapist. "I'd like to stay in school and finish the term, if at all possible. What do you think?"
If you need to withdraw from classes because you have a condition that requires hospitalization then that's what you need to tell the adcom when you apply to medical school. "In Spring 2014, my health deteriorated and I required hospitalization which precluded me from finishing the term. I was able to return to classes in ___."

 

[geneexpression]

I think a lung problem that likely could kill me if I ignored it and a mental health struggle that would just cause me a great deal of mental stress (and that I think being removed from school would actually make worse) are vastly different circumstances, though. It just sucks that you run the risk of being hospitalized against your will if you're honest in mental healthcare. No one is going to force me into the hospital if I have lung cancer; even if I will die if I don't do anything about it, the choice is still mine.

 

[LizzyM]

I think a lung problem that likely could kill me if I ignored it and a mental health struggle that would just cause me a great deal of mental stress (and that I think being removed from school would actually make worse) are vastly different circumstances, though. It just sucks that you run the risk of being hospitalized against your will if you're honest in mental healthcare. No one is going to force me into the hospital if I have lung cancer; even if I will die if I don't do anything about it, the choice is still mine.

If you had TB you could be forced into treatment and into quarantine. If you need hospitalization to protect your life and your health, go for it, but talk with your therapist, it may be possible to get care without being hospitalized.

 

[geneexpression]

If you had TB you could be forced into treatment and into quarantine. If you need hospitalization to protect your life and your health, go for it, but talk with your therapist, it may be possible to get care without being hospitalized.

The thing is that I know I don't need hospitalization. I'm not a threat to myself or to anybody. I just want to talk honestly with someone without hiding parts of my situation for fear of being forced into the hospital unnecessarily because of one-size-fits-all protocol.

I'll think about it. Thanks.

 

[withoutlyrics]

Your wanting to finish the term says good things about your mental health.
If you are not comfortable with the psychologist enough to be honest, asked for them to switch you to a different one. No shame and happens all the time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[geneexpression]

Your wanting to finish the term says good things about your mental health.
If you are not comfortable with the psychologist enough to be honest, asked for them to switch you to a different one. No shame and happens all the time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No, it's not that I'm not comfortable being honest with her. I'm afraid of being honest with anyone because I don't want to be forced into a hospital. I want to stay in school. I was previously going to a different psychologist, but I switched to the low-cost clinic because I ran out of money. It was the same thing with him. I wasn't going to say, "Hey, sometimes I think to myself that I wish I would just die" because I was scared he'd take school away from me then.

 

[Cinclus]

Take care of yourself; be open and honest with mental health professionals. Admitting to thoughts of hurting yourself does not necessarily = involuntary hospitalization. I do not recommend providing details of your illness on any application materials or in interviews, however, and you will not have to provide them.

 

[withoutlyrics]

I would encourage you to be honest. The decision to hospitalize someone for depression is more intricate than it seems. I do not know the extent of your depression, but please believe that a. You are more likely to get the help you need if you are honest and b. All efforts are made to keep people in the least restrictive setting possible.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[lalalaaaaaa]

Involuntary hospitalization is not something psychologists or mental health professionals can do to anyone who talks about suicide/homicide/self harm. Helping people through these issues is a major part of their job/training and they can support and help people in your position if you are open with them. As long as you can contact for safety, meaning state explicitly that these are just thoughts and you have no intention if acting on them, then you are free to discuss any negative thoughts you are having. It's important for you to talk to a therapist about these issues though and it sounds like you want to, which is a great step forward. You can even ask your therapist about the criteria for involuntary hospitalization if you want to hear it from them.

 

[bobobear27]

I want to encourage you to get whatever help you need. I have gone through a similar situation and one of the best pieces of advice I heard was, "You may be able to get into any medical school you want. But if you deal with a mental health issue and you don't get help and your grades suffer as a result then you are jeopardizing your own chances." Most likely no one is going to force you into a hospital until you have shown evidence of self harm. If you need to talk to someone you should.

 

[geneexpression]

Well, I know my grades won't suffer. I'm kind of neurotic when it comes to school. I'll let every other aspect of my life fall apart, but I won't let my grades slip. That's part of why no one takes me seriously, I think. I had a psychiatrist tell me that once. He asked what my GPA in school was, and then he said, "Sounds like you're doing pretty alright to me." That's why I don't want school taken away from me. It's the only think I'm good at.

 

[seabiscuit31]

.

 

[Goro]

Pay attention to my learned colleague. If you started peeing blood, you'd get it treated, even if it meant your withdrawing from classes. This is no different.

What concerns me more is your denial of your condition. Having been through three episodes exactly like learned where I needed a therapist's help, and two that required anti-depressants, I know what you're going through. And it's a fast and slippery slope to let those black thoughts fester and grow. if you can't change your situation, then medication is a suitable alternative.

I have been going through situationally related depression for a long time. By situationally related, I mean there are circumstances in my life that I'm stuck with that have caused me to become more and more depressed over the course of the past few years, so it's not really a matter of me just having a chemical imbalance that I need to find the right medication to correct.

But my fear is that if I'm completely up-front with the therapist, she'll make me go to a psychiatric hospital, and then I won't get to finish my classes.

 

[geneexpression]

hey, lurked around here for a while, thought I'd weigh in on this issue as I can be of some help. A long, long time ago, in what seems like a past life I struggled with some very similar stuff and I did engage in self harm behaviors. Even then, knowing I did this no one hospitalized me as I was not going to actually attempt suicide and had plans in place to get help if it seemed like things were getting bad. My therapist just talked about stuff and helped me through it. It will not be forced on you in your situation if you are not a threat to yourself or others. And I have had multiple professionals tell me it is a lot more common than most people think, not saying it is common just know you are not the only one. She said it is ok to have these thoughts as long as you are actively trying to figure out how to change your situation. This was years ago and I am doing great now. But you will not get better if you do not get help and who knows, in a year or even a month the situation may change for the worse. So get help while you can. As I said, unless you are an immediate threat I do not think you will be hospitalized.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you're doing great now!

I have read things where people say they won't force anything on you unless you tell them you have an intricate plan. I'm just scared they might do it anyway or I might word it wrong to where they think they have to. In addition to wanting to stay in school, I don't have the money to pay a hefty hospitalization bill. I just really, really cannot be hospitalized. I wish I could get a written guarantee that no one will force anything on me ahead of time.

 

[mrh125]

don't disclose it, i have ADD and have had to deal with depression and anxiety forever. this is not the place to put this sort of stuff.

 

[edgerock24]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you're doing great now!

I have read things where people say they won't force anything on you unless you tell them you have an intricate plan. I'm just scared they might do it anyway or I might word it wrong to where they think they have to. In addition to wanting to stay in school, I don't have the money to pay a hefty hospitalization bill. I just really, really cannot be hospitalized. I wish I could get a written guarantee that no one will force anything on me ahead of time.

Tons of psych pt's have suicidal ideation. It's called ideation for a reason, as there is a difference between thoughts and intent. I suggest seeing a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist, and disclosing all of your symptoms, so you can get better ASAP. It is none of any medical schools' business to learn about your health issues. Mental health is simply another area of the medical field (just like cardiology, sports medicine, etc.).

 

[Served]

Medical schools look for applicants who are emotionally and mentally stable.

 

[geneexpression]

Nah, I'm not going to go to a psychiatrist. I have before but don't want to again. Psychiatric medication is too expensive, has always made me feel worse, and often causes weight gain.

 

[geneexpression]

Medical schools look for applicants who are emotionally and mentally stable.

That's why I don't want a series of Ws on my transcript that I'll have to explain later. I'm not planning on telling med schools that I went through depression because I'm not that stupid. It's a huge shame that the bias is there, but we all have to play the application game.

 

[Served]

That's why I don't want a series of Ws on my transcript that I'll have to explain later. I'm not planning on telling med schools that I went through depression because I'm not that stupid. It's a huge shame that the bias is there, but we all have to play the application game.

Not trying to be a jack@ss, but that "shame" and the "bias" is a perfectly legitimate one. Getting into a med school is not the issue here. I presume med school will be times more stressful than college, and it will impose some serious metal/emotional stress on some students. And even if you get into a med school, survive there, and become a doc, ****'s gonna get real. I don't know what kind of doc you want to be, but nonetheless, things WILL go wrong at some point in your medical practice. It happens to everyone. The real question is, how well will the doctor (you in this case) be able to cope with the stress when things go crashing down.

 

[geneexpression]

Not trying to be a jack@ss, but that "shame" and the "bias" is a perfectly legitimate one. Getting into a med school is not the issue here. I presume med school will be times more stressful than college, and it will impose some serious metal/emotional stress on some students. And even if you get into a med school, survive there, and become a doc, ****'s gonna get real. I don't know what kind of doc you want to be, but nonetheless, things WILL go wrong at some point in your medical practice. It happens to everyone. The real question is, how well will the doctor (you in this case) be able to cope with the stress when things go crashing down.

Without going into detail, fine because those types of problems are completely different than the types of problems in my personal life now.

Not trying to be a jack@ss either, but I wouldn't be the first person who has been depressed to get into medical school, and I'll make it happen whether you think I should or not. It's just unfortunate that, as a pre-med student, I have to allow worries about how med schools will perceive me in the future to keep me from doing what would be best for me in the present moment.

 

[DermViser]

Well, I know my grades won't suffer. I'm kind of neurotic when it comes to school. I'll let every other aspect of my life fall apart, but I won't let my grades slip. That's part of why no one takes me seriously, I think. I had a psychiatrist tell me that once. He asked what my GPA in school was, and then he said, "Sounds like you're doing pretty alright to me." That's why I don't want school taken away from me. It's the only think I'm good at.

Why are you talking to a psychologist, and not a psychiatrist? You need to talk to a psychiatrist that has experience in dealing with those with perfectionistic tendencies.

 

[geneexpression]

Why are you talking to a psychologist, and not a psychiatrist? You need to talk to a psychiatrist that has experience in dealing with those with perfectionistic tendencies.

Wait, what? In my experience, psychiatrists are mostly medication managers. I think a psychologist is more who someone would go to to deal with perfectionist tendencies if they wanted to, which I don't. I'm okay with being a perfectionist or at least having perfectionist tendencies.

 

[Served]

Wait, what? In my experience, psychiatrists are mostly medication managers. I think a psychologist is more who someone would go to to deal with perfectionist tendencies if they wanted to, which I don't. I'm okay with being a perfectionist or at least having perfectionist tendencies.

Either way, you definitely might wanna get that sorted out before you apply.

 

[DermViser]

Wait, what? In my experience, psychiatrists are mostly medication managers. I think a psychologist is more who someone would go to to deal with perfectionist tendencies if they wanted to, which I don't. I'm okay with being a perfectionist or at least having perfectionist tendencies.

Then you are going to the wrong psychiatrist. Good psychiatrists are not just glorified pill titrators. In your case, good psychiatry will involve cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as optimal pharmacotherapy. The problem is that your perfectionist tendencies, are heavily contributing to your mental distress. You're heavily lacking in insight, in this regard.

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

Sorry to hear about this. I look at it this way. Assuming you get around 6 hrs of sleep at night, you have 18 hrs in your day and about 125 hours per week that you have to spend awake (i.e. dealing with life). Your objective is to make that time as comfortable as possible for yourself, and I sincerely hope that the ppl around you (not just the therapist) are proactive in making you more comfortable. If you can find methods to cope with everyday life, you won't need to think about a hospitalization. If anything, being hospitalized may disrupt whatever positive conventional life rhythm you may have at this point.

Perhaps getting into medical school will improve matters for you. A few years ago, a med student I befriended told me she had an agonizing time in undergrad (similar to what you've mentioned) but things picked up substantially as a med student.

I hope everything turns out well!

 

[geneexpression]

Then you are going to the wrong psychiatrist. Good psychiatrists are not just glorified pill titrators. In your case, good psychiatry will involve cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as optimal pharmacotherapy. The problem is that your perfectionist tendencies, is heavily contributing to your mental distress. You're heavily lacking in insight, in this regard.

Thanks for your opinion *shrug*

Sorry to hear about this. I look at it this way. Assuming you get around 6 hrs of sleep at night, you have 18 hrs in your day and about 125 hours per week that you have to spend awake (i.e. dealing with life). Your objective is to make that time as comfortable as possible for yourself, and I sincerely hope that the ppl around you (not just the therapist) are proactive in making you more comfortable. If you can find methods to cope with everyday life, you won't need to think about a hospitalization. If anything, being hospitalized may disrupt whatever positive conventional life rhythm you may have at this point.

Perhaps getting into medical school will improve matters for you. A few years ago, a med student I befriended told me she had an agonizing time in undergrad (similar to what you've mentioned) but things picked up substantially as a med student.

I hope everything turns out well!

Thanks! I do think getting into med school would help a lot because it would eliminate a lot of the issues I have now. I realize I'm being vague, but I don't really want to spill my life story onto a forum of strangers.

I'm going to stop responding to this thread now. People who hardly know anything about me trying to psychoanalyze me makes me really uncomfortable.

 

[Served]

I do think getting into med school would help a lot because it would eliminate a lot of the issues I have now.

 

[DermViser]

 

[geneexpression]

So much for not trying to be a jack@ss.

 

[DermViser]

Thanks! I do think getting into med school would help a lot because it would eliminate a lot of the issues I have now. I realize I'm being vague, but I don't really want to spill my life story onto a forum of strangers.

 

[DermViser]

So much for not trying to be a jack@ss.

I've been through and completed medical school. We're laughing at your COMPLETE LACK OF INSIGHT as you think that your problem will be resolved when you get to medical school, as if it's some type of magic. The stress and pressure of medical school, will make premed look like a cake walk.

 

[geneexpression]

I've been through and completed medical school. We're laughing at your COMPLETE LACK OF INSIGHT as you think that your problem will be resolved when you get to medical school, as if it's some type of magic. The stress and pressure of medical school, will make premed look like a cake walk.

When about 85% of your problem stems from a lack of money to the point where you're about to be homeless and where you've spent months investing numerous hours per day into applying to jobs not hearing anything back, then yes, getting into med school will help since med students tend to live off of loans. Loans I do not have access to as a post-bacc pre-med. You really thought all of this was about school-related stress? One shouldn't assume so readily.

 

[DermViser]

When about 85% of your problem stems from a lack of money to the point where you're about to be homeless and where you've spent months investing numerous hours per day into applying to jobs not hearing anything back, then yes, getting into med school will help since med students tend to live off of loans. Loans I do not have access to as a post-bacc pre-med.

The logic in that one sentence, tells me that you're not seeing things clearly. Medical school is not a ticket out of depression. You realize the six figure loans from med school, have to be paid back, right? Once you get into med school, the next problem, will be basic science grades, then boards, then clinical grades, then applying to the match, etc. etc. etc.

Studies have shown clearly that medical school, increases the amount of mental health issues in students. Medical school and getting the MD is not an endpoint. It's just the beginning, as it's the minimum barrier to entry to enter a residency training program.

 

[geneexpression]

The logic in that one sentence, tells me that you're not seeing things clearly. Medical school is not a ticket out of depression. You realize the six figure loans from med school, have to be paid back, right?

Studies have shown clearly that medical school, increases the amount of mental health issues in students. Medical school and getting the MD is not an endpoint. It's just the beginning, as it's the minimum barrier to entry to enter a residency training program.

Obviously the loans have to be paid back because duh. But I'd have the ability to do so at that point.

Again, the reason you think my statement is ridiculous is because you don't actually know the details of my situation because I haven't provided them. Feel free to make whatever assumptions you'd like, but as I said earlier and should have stuck to my own word, I'm not participating in this conversation any longer. You're just being a better-than jerk towards someone whose situation you know very little about.

 

[Served]

When about 85% of your problem stems from a lack of money to the point where you're about to be homeless and where you've spent months investing numerous hours per day into applying to jobs not hearing anything back, then yes, getting into med school will help since med students tend to live off of loans. Loans I do not have access to as a post-bacc pre-med. You really thought all of this was about school-related stress? One shouldn't assume so readily.

My mistake for assuming so readily. I thought you were being vague, because you didn't really want to spill your life story onto a forum of strangers.
People who hardly know anything about you trying to psychoanalyze you makes you really uncomfortable , so I had to somehow get around that since this is a forum, and you asked a question.

 

[DermViser]

Obviously the loans have to be paid back because duh. But I'd have the ability to do so at that point.

Again, the reason you think my statement is ridiculous is because you don't actually know the details of my situation because I haven't provided them. Feel free to make whatever assumptions you'd like, but as I said earlier and should have stuck to my own word, I'm not participating in this conversation any longer. You're just being a better-than jerk towards someone whose situation you know very little about.

Your ability to pay back your loans realistically isn't going to be until after you finish residency, which can be anywhere from 3-7 years with compounding interest. Again, while we may not know your situation (which is ironic, as you've come for advice to a public thread), your quote of " I think a psychologist is more who someone would go to to deal with perfectionist tendencies if they wanted to, which I don't. I'm okay with being a perfectionist or at least having perfectionist tendencies," is concerning and reveals a total lack of insight on your part, bc real life doesn't work that way. Medical school is a big test, in being able to leg go of your perfectionistic tendencies, bc the time crunch in med school is huge.

You somehow believe that all your problems will be solved once that golden ticket of medical school acceptance comes. You are wrong, but best of luck to you, doing what it takes to resolve your mental health issues.

 

[ponyo]

I am obviously in no way qualified to give psychiatric/medical advice, but here are a few thoughts.

OP, I think to your point, it is possible for schools to kick you out for a semester or even longer due to suicidal tendencies if the school's psych service find out about it. Not every school will do this, but it definitely has happened to people I'm fairly close to. If you are seriously worried about this, try to see someone who is not in any way affiliated with your school. In an ideal world, the people who make the decision of whether or not you will be kicked out of the school are fully accredited physicians or psychologists who are sympathetic and reasonable, but the ugly truth is that the mental health service at many schools is not up to par and the decision is often not up to the physician or therapist.

Obviously, seeing a school-affiliated therapist is better than not seeing one at all. Dead pre-meds don't become doctors and we are not always the best at gauging our own mental state. Also, I agree the answer to that question isn't black-and-white... you can say something along the lines of "Sometimes I think about it" and as long as you are very adamant about not having any plans whatsoever and not seeing yourself actually doing it, it shouldn't trigger anything. If they committed everyone who has suicide ideation they would have no more beds in the ward. You can also ask about coping skills in a hypothetical situation, while still protecting yourself. I think you can do the same with people around you, like friends or family. You might be surprised to hear that some of your friends might feel the same way and it's nice to have someone to empathize with.

If you haven't already, check out books like The Depression Workbook (by Copeland) or The Anxiety and Worry Workbook (by Clark--if you are at all anxious this is a good one). They might be able to help you if you really feel like you lack the financial resources to find trustworthy and accredited professionals. They also have tactics to dealing with these things in the more long-term frame.

It seems like you are against psychiatric medication, which is understandable since the AE profile can be a turnoff, but it could be worth it to experiment with different kinds. Prof. Jonathan Haidt, who wrote best-selling The Happiness Hypothesis and is an expert on human emotion, openly discusses how he had to take SSRIs when he was an assistant professor because he was so stressed out about getting tenure, etc. Even if your depression is only situational, it could get you back on your feet so you don't feel as overwhelmed, and that could become a virtuous cycle. If you are really concerned about weight gain consider atypical antidepressants, something like Wellbutrin, which is probably more likely to make you lose weight if anything (don't quote me on this).

I agree with the other posters who have said that life will only be more stressful in medical school and that if you don't learn to manage it now, it will get worse. Maybe you think it'll be easier because you will have more hope and a general sense of stability, and if that is the case I think you could be right. Being able to focus on realizing a dream can be profoundly anti-depressive, even if you still have a lot to do. But clearly, you'll be way better positioned for pursuing medicine if you learn coping skills now, rather than later. Think of your current obstacles as a training ground for the inevitable stresses, and think of how much better prepared you'll be than if you had had an easy life!

Lastly I'm sure you've seen this already but: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
So good and so true.

 

[withoutlyrics]

Does anyone know how schools can take action on what you say to the school-affiliated psychologist without the psychologist breaking HIPAA?
From my understanding, everything is confidential unless services need to be escalated for treatment purposes.

 

[touchpause13]

A few things. For most people a combination of both therapy and psychotropic drugs do wonders for depression. I would strongly suggest seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

Unless you are actively planning on killing yourself, it's unlikely you are going to be involuntarily committed. You also need to be honest with your doctor. How are they supposed to take care of you if you are withholding symptoms?

 

[ponyo]

Does anyone know how schools can take action on what you say to the school-affiliated psychologist without the psychologist breaking HIPAA?
From my understanding, everything is confidential unless services need to be escalated for treatment purposes.

I believe that they can tell the school if there is any sort of self harm or harming others involved either in planning or reality, but I'm not sure and from what I've heard anecdotally some people certainly don't seem to be sticklers for those rules.

For anybody who's interested in collegiate mental health care, this article, written by a Yale student, stirred up some controversy a while ago (and lends some credibility to OP's concern): http://yaledailynews.com/weekend/2014/01/24/we-just-cant-have-you-here/
It's tough for the institution to handle these situations too--clearly if they think you are at serious risk for self-harm it is reasonable to make the student go home, even if it is against the student's wishes. But who can really tell for sure whether someone will really hurt themselves or others? I don't have any answers, but being depressed is really hard in any situation and context and I really hope OP finds a support system that works for him/her.

 

[withoutlyrics]

I believe that they can tell the school if there is any sort of self harm or harming others involved either in planning or reality, but I'm not sure and from what I've heard anecdotally some people certainly don't seem to be sticklers for those rules.

For anybody who's interested in collegiate mental health care, this article, written by a Yale student, stirred up some controversy a while ago (and lends some credibility to OP's concern): http://yaledailynews.com/weekend/2014/01/24/we-just-cant-have-you-here/
It's tough for the institution to handle these situations too--clearly if they think you are at serious risk for self-harm it is reasonable to make the student go home, even if it is against the student's wishes. But who can really tell for sure whether someone will really hurt themselves or others? I don't have any answers, but being depressed is really hard in any situation and context and I really hope OP finds a support system that works for him/her.

I have been following that story and am disappointed to see administrative action being taken with regard to student enrollment based on confidential information. In my opinion, those who were making the decision to withdraw the student are not in the need-to-know circle as far as treatment goes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Buono]

I have been going through situationally related depression for a long time. By situationally related, I mean there are circumstances in my life that I'm stuck with that have caused me to become more and more depressed over the course of the past few years, so it's not really a matter of me just having a chemical imbalance that I need to find the right medication to correct.

It's gotten to the point where I think things like, "I just want to die" to myself a lot, and that kind of scares me but is mostly frustrating because I wish I could think of another way out of the mess I'm in that doesn't involve ceasing to exist. I know I wouldn't commit suicide right now. Frankly, I'm too chicken. But I still wish I could find a safe way to communicate how depressed I am to someone so maybe they'd take me seriously for once. I'm afraid to, though, because I'm afraid that if I tell anyone I think thoughts like, "I want to die" all throughout the day, I'd be forced into a hospital, and then I wouldn't be allowed to finish up the courses I already paid thousands of dollars to take and would get a series of unerasable Ws on my transcript. Furthermore, I am aware there's a huge stigma against mental illness in healthcare, so I fear that explaining why those W's are there would ruin any chances I might have of getting into medical school.

I have been seeing this psychologist-in-training at my school's low-cost psychology clinic, and every time she asks if I have thoughts of hurting myself, I just straight up say no. I mean, that's mostly true, but it would be helpful to be able to say, "But I do think to myself that my only option if I want to escape my circumstances is to die a lot" just to get it off of my chest so I'm no longer keeping it to myself. I fear that she'd force me into a psychiatric hospital the moment I said that, though, so I feel like I'm in an unfair place where my smartest option is just to keep my mouth shut and suffer alone. I don't want school taken away from me. School is really the only thing in my life that I actually enjoy. I'm scared of being forced into a hospital and having it taken away because then I'd have nothing, so I don't know what to do.

As messed up as it seems that it has to be this way, am I correct in thinking my smartest bet is to keep my mouth shut and continue to deal with this on my own?

There is NO WAY you will be involuntarily hospitalized for DEPRESSION. Depression is extremely common and manageable. Anyone telling you otherwise is just trying to scare you. I wouldn't exactly mention it in your interview or application but it will definitely make you a stronger person and better doctor for having experienced it. There are too many mental health stigmas, don't give them the satisfaction.