Is there something wrong with me?

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Bulbasaur

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Please, this is an honest question and not a troll post. For those of you who think I'm trolling, then please don't respond.

I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school.

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Personally, I think this is a negative attitude to have as you enter medical school. You should be working hard to do well and land a good residency and whatnot, but I wouldn't think of it as trying to "beat them in residency placement". Who cares where your friends are going to medical school? What's done is done. Don't compare yourself to them anymore. Go to medical school, collaborate with your classmates, and do the best that you can. Compete against your previous academic performances (ie. always strive to improve), but I think always trying to be the best will bring constant disappointments, because there will always be someone better. And be proud of your acceptance, remember that about half the people who applied this cycle have nothing.
 
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You got into an American MD school, yes?

Unless you were hell bent on doing lots of research and climbing that ladder, it doesn't matter at this point-- you got in. You'll land your residency of choice without being at Hopkins so try to relax a little bit while you can.
 
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you probably know the answer to this already. Yes, it is a bad mindset. Not only is it bad for you as a person to constantly compare yourself to others based on perceived status (there will always be someone who has it "better" if you have this attitude), your classmates won't take too well to someone who views them as the competition for residency.
 
I felt pretty jealous of my friends when they got accepted last cycle and I didn't. I still feel that somewhat.

Is this jealousy of ours unhealthy? I honestly don't know. I can tell you that it's muted my excitement none, and I feel very lucky to have the acceptance that I do.

The grass is always greener. People get into top 10 schools every year, and many more don't. It really doesn't matter if you know them or not; they're still your peers.

Coulda shoulda woulda won't get you anywhere, and you're already in a great spot. Focus on that. :thumbup:
 
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Be jealous for a day or two.

Then put it behind you.

Seriously, you're going to be a doctor. In the long run, no one will care what school you graduated from.
 
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Please, this is an honest question and not a troll post. For those of you who think I'm trolling, then please don't respond.

I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school.
I'm Asian too, and Asian parents do that. If only I did JD/MD... Is t that all Asian parents' dreams? (Lawyer, doctor). Haha.


Don't sweat it. Who cares about the title of the school? Just get a good residency and pick a specialty you will enjoy.

Are you going to medicine for you or your parents or to show off to your friends?
 
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There is always a higher level.
 
Please, this is an honest question and not a troll post. For those of you who think I'm trolling, then please don't respond.

I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school.
Like the other posters, I think that pure jealousy/envy is a useless emotion that only serves to beat you down.

However, I think that it is possible to turn that around to be more positive. For example, if you see a friend doing better than you who originally had the same smarts and other opportunities, and you think that they succeeded because of their drive/focus/hard work, then you can turn that person into something more like a role model. It shouldn't be about doing better than this particular person, but rather about working harder with what you have so that you can be a better person. I think the typical analogy is that it should be more like being a gymnast, where you try to improve your own skills, than tennis or something where you just outdo the other person. So when you are looking forward to residency placement, you can think about what you would want out of that and emulate the harder workers in your life so you can do better for your own sake.

There is a reason why people (esp parents) tell us to try to be surrounded by other successful and driven people. It helps you identify what you need to do to achieve what you want and to not be complacent. People have always been driven by competition and I think it's ok to acknowledge it, as long as you use it as a tool and not have your happiness be consumed by it.
 
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There's nothing wrong with you, but I really think that you need to put this behind you soon. You've already been accepted to medical school! So what if your friends got into higher ranked schools? Who cares? Rock the Step 1 and land the residency that you want (without caring about what residency programs your facebook friends get into). Again, who cares about what other people think? Saying "well, if I had put in a little more effort as an undergraduate..." won't help you at this point. That is in the past now. Focus on starting medical school and putting your best foot forward.
 
Don't be jelly, just be mirin.
 
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It's definitely not unusual to feel jealous or envious in a process so degrading as med school admissions is.

But you have to jettison the desire to "beat" your friends for residency placements. Bury the hatchet. From now on, you only compete with yourself. Med school is often a rude awakening when you realize how smart everyone else is. If you continue to let your self esteem ride on how you compare yourself to others, you're in for a rough ride.
 
Forget about it. You can only worry about yourself...work harder and you can land the best residency, etc from here on.
 
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It's perfectly normal. You can do this at every level, if you are always comparing yourself to others. If you get into a top 10 med school, you can think "If only I'd tried a little harder, I could have gotten into Harvard like that guy," or "I could have gotten a merit scholarship like that girl." It's destructive and ill-advised. By getting in you beat out a huge pool of qualified applicants; focus on them if you have to compare yourself to somebody.

There is something wrong with you, though; you are an animal that can photosynthesize! What is up with that?!
 
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Thinking this way is a recipe for perpetual and unabated unhappiness.

I don't think people who are suggesting that this is normal are doing you any favours in the long run. To be fixated on others after a great achievement is just sad. Would you be truly happy or just relieved to be better than everyone you know (or know of)? I get the sense it is the latter.

Being better than other people does not mean you are "the best." That is an abstract concept like perfectionism and it is wholly unachievable. (The reason is that we cannot judge people on a single metric, like who had the highest average scores over their entire life. We look at other things like quality of life, talents or variety of experiences. If you cherry-pick and get jealous of the best traits observed in many people than you should realize the logical fallacy in doing so.)

So you might as well just enjoy life and try to be more introspective. If you must compare yourselves to others, think about those who have it much worse and think about them with kindness. You will feel better.
 
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I don't think people who are suggesting that this is normal are doing you any favours in the long run.

There's a difference between normal and good. I don't see anybody above encouraging this behavior (well, Ponyo a little bit, but obviously encouraging a very different approach).
 
There's a difference between normal and good. I don't see anybody above encouraging this behavior (well, Ponyo a little bit, but obviously encouraging a very different approach).
I dont think most people, in a statistical sense, would be as jealous as OP. That's what I meant.
 
Is jealousy unhealthy? I don't know. Probably it's part of the engine of your locomotion of aspiration. Or chances are it is a weapon of mass self-destruction.
But then let's think it this way - when you look at people who go to any 'lesser' schools than yours, do you feel any kind of superiority over them? If so, you have a problem. You have a bomb in your heart that will potentially hurt people around you and yourself altogether.
 
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Addendum:

To OP, why do you want to become a physician in the first place? What story did you tell in your primary application?
Do you want to become a physician to satiate your ego by proving to yourself that you are able to achieve a higher goal than your colleagues? Or what?

I invite you to have a deep conversation with your very inner self about your ultimate life goal with your career and set your guiding principle of life straight.
 
There will always be someone who is smarter, better, prettier, got into a more prestigious school. And that's OK. You can't reach that perfection and be on the very top all the time. Just strive for excellence and do your best. And yeah, drop that unhealthy mindset. It's not gonna do you any good.
 
There are always going to be people better than you. But in your case, you are close friends with them. Even if you never met them and went to the most prestigious school out of all your friends, there would STILL be people better than you out there. The key is to getting over that.
 
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Please, this is an honest question and not a troll post. For those of you who think I'm trolling, then please don't respond.

I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school.

Yes it's an unhealthy mindset and you will never be happy if you continue this way. Sounds like you were raised to think in this manner, but now you are a free-willed adult and can choose not to follow your parents' way of thinking.

Also, you will make your future spouse/children miserable. So stop now.
 
You might want to have a chat with a counselor. There will always be people who are better and worse than you are. Neuroses are also poorly managed on anonymous internet forums.


I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Please, this is an honest question and not a troll post. For those of you who think I'm trolling, then please don't respond.

I've recently been stalking my facebook friends' medical school statuses and seeing who is going where. I have been accepted to a decent medical school but all I can think about is if only I took college more seriously, I may have been able to land in a top10 school, like many of my facebook acquaintances have been able to. I am somewhat filled with jealousy and envy towards a lot of them and all I can think about is for medical school to start already so I have a fresh start in competing again and the opportunity to beat them in residency placement.

Is this an unhealthy mindset? I grew with korean parents always comparing me to other parents' children and have always felt these kind of feelings but I am worried that this will not bode me well in medical school.

It's very unhealthy. What's done is done and you gave it the best possible effort you could at that time. You got into a decent medical school and that's a lot to be happy about. Stop holding yourself accountable for the past, and work on the future. Also, try and drop perfectionism. Do the best you can and don't agonize over what you couldn't do.
 
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