Justice exists!

[Smilemaker100]

Hi everyone

I have a problem which I would like to discuss and please I will appreciate any kind of response. About 2 and a half years ago my fiance broke up with me. We were engaged for a year and I knew him for two years. The reason for the breaking up was weird. But, I am going to tell you so you can get the whole background. I met him in one of my classes he was a physician from middle east but he was unable to get a residency at that time. We became friends, he was doing his masters in computer science at that time and I was an under grad. Soon after we started dating I changed my major and so one day he asked me why i didn't take a specific course and I said it was waived for me. He thought I was serious and went and argued with the dean about not waiving the course for him and as a result I told him the truth and went and appologized from the dean, who said that it wasn't my fault the guy wanted to pick fight with him from the moment he came to this dept. Anyways later my fiance applied for residency and lied on the application ( i didn't know about that lie till much later), and got the residency, he didn't mention that he wasn't practicing for last 5 years. On the other hand when he left for residency he didn't tell anyone in the department and continued receiving his stipend. When the dean figured it out he went after him and fired him. Now the guy (my ex-fiance) became scared from the residency program director finding out about his lie (because the dean was calling every where to findout about him as he had lied to state of florida and received the pay checks) and so my ex-fiance went ahead and told the program director about his lie. The program director kind of gave him a sign that he might be fired for lying on his residency application. So he called me up and broke the engagment and said it all happened because of my not telling him about the change in major. He said that this is why the dean went after him. Later within six months he got married to a senior staff/faculty at his residency. Anyways it has been more than two years now, the first year and a half was very difficult as he was my first love but then I got over it. In fact now I am happy that it didn't workout. Actually during my masters I became very involved in medical informatics and now I am planning to go to medical school. Now today over the internet while searching for some medical informatics information I came across my ex-fiance's information including pictures. He seemed very happy. That seemed to bother me because I was raised believing that people who cheat or deceive others are never happy. What is bothering me is that he was the one who lied and cheated and hurt others and he is the one who is settled in his residency and is married. On the other hand I didn't do anything to bother anyone and I am the one who is taking the MCAT and has to go through the whole medical school requirements and is not settled. I became so angry after seeing this. I hadn't thought about him in a while but today it just annoyed me and the whole day I was upset. I don't know what to do about it. So please could anyone give me any advice. How should I deal with this anger or take this thinking out of my head or what should I do.

Hello freshair and all the gals that have been "burned" by men,

From one gal to another, please take this advice to heart...

When I was younger (not that I am THAT old- I am nearing 30), I used to feel vengeful when I saw injustice (or was treated injustly). As I got older, I observed the nature of life, became wise, and came to learn that there is no need to feel vengeful nor deliver your "form" of justice because there is a "higher power"...what comes around goes around. It's also called karma...in some form or another, justice will be delivered. If it doesn't happen during someone's lifetime, it will happen in the afterlife- on "judgement day" . I vehemently believe in this with all my heart! I am not saying that you should wish ill on your ex-fiance. All I am saying is be passive- forget it, move on and let life deliver it's form of justice.

If in your heart you know you are leading a sincere life, even if none other is aware but God, don't worry...sometimes I feel alone and think people don't know who I truly am but I don't worry for I know that on "judgement day" , everything will be revealed. I have no doubts about it. It's an unshakable faith which I can't explain. You shouldn't feel bad about "injustices" for you can't hide such things from God. God knows your heart and mind...and sometimes as hard as it is to believe, even if no other human being sees the truth that lies within your heart and mind, just remember you are not alone. (Aside, I am eventually going to become a "woman of God". The greatest dream I have is that when I die , I will be canonized a saint like Mother Teresa ) .

On a personal note, those that have "messed with me" have met bad demises ( a few ex-pals that were cruel to me as well as some ex-boyfriends)...especially my last ex-boyfriend. I won't get into the details of it but he burned me (he was a typical Don Juan/womanizer) pretty badly . Oddly enough , it is exactly that year,the worse year of my life (because of other events too) when I was so devastated that I had a religious experience and recovered my unshakable faith in God . I regained my dignity and later when the playboy wanted to resume the relationship (when he was a complete emotional wreck and didn't have any idea what he wanted to do career wise) I played "cold turkey" (in other words you pretend like the guy never lived and that he is dead) - I neither returned his calls nor responded to his emails...tough luck. By nature, I am a forgiving person and am not cruel, but once someone plays with fire, I play back with fire (but in a subtle form)!

When people gossip viciously/injustly about me or are cruel or injust with me, they are often shocked when they get no reaction from me. It is when you are vengeful that your "enemies" get what they want. When it comes to me, they have no idea who they are dealing with. When it comes to me, expect the unexpected! They think I am stupid . A lot of people underestimate me...they have no idea about how my mind is wired. I pretend that I am "oblivious" but I am a very keen observer. I simply don't react. They have no idea that I believe in a "higher form of justice" and that I vehemently believe that God will serve the sentence. And a lot of these so called "enemies" come to respect me. There is definitely a lot that people don't know about me This is very unlike the way I was when I was a teenager ( I had quite the temper and used to talk back)...but I have grown up for the better. I think God has forgiven me for those outbursts...it was the only self defense mechanism I knew.

And another smart piece of advice which my mom gave to me...when you "invest" in your education /career, you usually see the benefits/results. However, when you "invest" in men you are playing Russian roulette- even if you do everything right, some men don't give the expected "results". If you remember this, you will never be heartbroken. It has saved my sanity, believe me.

You were too good for that fella- it's his loss, not yours. Don't cry crocodile tears! The only true valid time to cry and mourn is for your own loss of faith in yourself, in God , and the goodness of humanity but not over one measly dishonest and heartless man! And if you do lose hope and cry, find yourself a quiet little place (whether in a religious temple or in the woods/by a pond/by the ocean-in the arms of Mother Nature-where the first human beings of the Earth prayed) and pray...and pour your heart out to God...you are not alone. It is only when you are alone with your own thoughts, that the Divine One will come to you. Religious experiences and finding God is a solitary activity. And oddly enough, it is when you are alone with God that you find the greatest strength.

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[Smilemaker100]

Let me finish that previous post with two inspirational type poems which I wrote a few years ago. Even now, as I reread them, I feel revived and I regain my strength.

I honestly don't care if people think I am odd when they read this. I've arrived at a point in my life where I simply don't give a damn what people think about me anymore! I have grown past that "immature phase". I am who I am and I treasure who I am and that is enough for me! I know that it sounds audacious to speak in this way but it is who I am and I won't deny who I am! Life is too short for pretense and dishonesty. Through the death of loved ones, I learned what my priorities were , I learned to live and SUCK THE BONE MARROW OF LIFE DRY !

Rise (2001)
I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near.
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!

I searched for beauty in vain
And became so wrapped up in my pain
That I didn?t realize my tears
Warmed the earth and flowers grew again.

I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!

I searched for a voice that was divine
As fluid and as warm as flowing red wine.
Then a nightingale perched on a tree
And sang the sweetest melody.

I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near.
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!

I searched for the truth
And saw it manifested in the eyes of the suffering,
In the eyes of happy lovers and children,
And in the eyes of those dying.

I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near.
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!

I searched for love but it evaded me.
When I stopped searching,
Love?s seed flowered in me
And a gust of wind blew
All of the flower?s pollen across the land, across the sea.

I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!

I searched for rejuvenation
Then the autumn leaves rose from the ground
And danced around my feet to a new music they found.
The wind laughed at me,
And said: "You will be reborn and find liberty,
If you dance to the music of life in time.
You will be reborn and find liberty,
If you speak the language of your heart in rhyme.
You will be reborn and find liberty,
If you learn from the young and the old.
You will be reborn and find liberty,
If you discover your own faith
And not that which you are told."

I was sinking, sinking
And I thought the end was near
But the sun was rising, rising
And the answer became so clear.

Rise ! Rise! Rise! Open your eyes!


Gloria (2001)
There was a time when
All I did was cry.
But then the Divine One
Sang to me
Through the mouths of earthly angels
And this song set me free:

"Sing! Sing! Sing!
Rise! Rise!Rise!
Open your eyes.
Light a candle.

Sing of the moment
That your eyelids open
Like the petals of a flower open
In response to the morning light.

Let your heart vibrate
With your song
As the hollow wood of a violin
Vibrates when its strings are strum.

Sing of your revelation!
Sing of your salvation!
When you no longer cried your sorrows
But cried your joys.

Sing of the moments you made others smile.
Sing of the moments that didn?t dance
To the rhythm of time
But danced to the rhythm of your heartbeats
And were as sweet as flowing red wine.

Sing not of your love for one human being,
But of your love for the whole human family.
Sing not of your ego?s greatness,
But of the greatness of the Divine One within you.

Sing of the moment
Your soul took flight
And surveyed the earth
Not with fear nor hatred
But with love and compassion.

Sing of the moment
Your eyelids close
As the petals of a flower close
When the moon?s face glows
In the starlit heavens.

Do not dream your life away
But live as though you were in a dream
And one lifetime lasted one day.

Sing!Sing! Sing!
Rise!Rise!Rise!
Open your eyes.
Light a candle."

 

[Smilemaker100]

Here are some more of my inspirational poems I wrote a few years ago.

Woes of my woes! Joys of my joys! (2001)

Oh! Woes of my woes!
Sorrows of my sorrows!
For I would have nearly wasted many tomorrows
Mourning and cooing like a dove
For a love that was not love.

Oh! Cries of my cries!
Tears of my tears!
To have spent so many years in pain
For a love that was in vain.

Oh! Fears of my fears!
Afraid of being me.
Afraid of accepting what I see.
But now my soul is naked
For now I have opened my mind to the sacred.

Oh! Joys of my joys!
Laughter of my laughter!
Long, I did not know what I was after
But now the answer is so clear
All along it was near.

All the roads lead to me.
I am the answer to all I see.
There is no greater love
Than that of the great Lord above.

Oh! Questions of my questions!
Answers of my answers!
There are no more illusions!
For once I am filled with true visions.

I am the sun of suns.
I am the star of stars.
I am the wind of winds.
I am the bird of birds.
I am the child of children.
I am the woman of women.
I am the prayer of prayers.
I am the song of songs.
I am the truth of truths.

I am what I see.
I am what I touch.
I am what I hear.
I am what I feel.
I am what I speak.
I am what I think.
I am what I pray.

Oh! Hallelujah!Hallelujah!
Prayer of my prayers!
I have evolved from somebody to nobody
And now I have transformed from nobody to everybody.
I am all that was, all that is and all that will be.
I am everlasting like the sky and the waters of the
sea.

KISS and WHISPER GOODBYE (2001)

Blow a kiss to the setting sun
Wave and whisper goodbye
But don't turn back and cry
For the sun will rise tomorrow
So forget about your sorrow.

Cup a bird in your hands
Kiss it, set it free
Wave and whisper goodbye
But don't turn back and cry
For one day you will also fly.

Embrace your lover in your arms,
Passionately kiss him on the lips
Wave and whisper goodbye
But don't turn back and cry
For one day we must all die.

Hug and gently kiss your children
Teach and love them well
Watch them grow, wave and whisper goodbye
Children are gifts you cannot keep
So don't turn back and weep.

Kiss your sacred body
Watch it age, wave and whisper goodbye
But don't turn back and cry
For if you fed your soul
You won't mourn the loss of your earthly body when you
die.

The nature of life is that of impermanence
So kiss all you know and all you have,
Wave and whisper goodbye
But don't turn back and cry.

RISING FROM DUST (1995)

I rise from dust.
I am blessed with sight, hearing, and breath.
I am given the burden of pain.
I am given the joy of love.
I am given the overwhelming feelings of passion.
I am implanted with the seeds of thought and
inspiration.
I am given the challenge to live.
In the end, I am dust again.

 

[Smilemaker100]

This evening, as I was reflecting on the loss/ disappointments that you have been through freshair, I was holding my dog's urn (containing his ashes) in my lap and reflecting on the impermanent nature of relationships and life...how everyone we love leaves us one by one...and I composed this poem tonight.

ONE BY ONE (2004)

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me with ashes in my hands.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me with time slipping through my hands.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me to face the world alone.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me to find my own strength.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me to find my own faith.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me to the other side.

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
And wait for me...
They all wait for me to figure out
What this riddle called life is all about.
And then I realize I must love anew,
lose love, regain love and the cycle goes on...

One by one,
The ones I love leave me,
Leave me to discover the only immortal love...
The love within myself, the love of the Lord above.

 

[freshair]

Hi Smilemaker

Thank you so much for your inspirational poems and your message. Its very thoughtful of you. I agree that justice does exist but I want to see it NOW and even though I know that this is not the way God works I become impatient. But, I will take yours and everyone else's advice and try to forget and invest in my career. Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[nachoDoc]

?To err is human.? To make mistakes is what we are all about. What is divine, on the other hand, is the ability to forgive. Develop your career and help those who cannot help themselves. Love will come to you.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Hi Smilemaker

Thank you so much for your inspirational poems and your message. Its very thoughtful of you. I agree that justice does exist but I want to see it NOW and even though I know that this is not the way God works I become impatient. But, I will take yours and everyone else's advice and try to forget and invest in my career. Thank you so much for sharing.

I know very much what it is like to suffer the deception of men which is a strong motivation behind me giving moral support to women who have suffered likewise. I hope that one day my poetry and my art can inspire humanity-but mostly women to find the strength to rely on themselves and not depend on men that toy with their emotions.

I understand your impatience, freshair. When I was badly burned by my last ex, retaliation was boiling in my blood. It took 6 months before I saw/heard anything but by then I simply didn't care if he was alive or dead. You will realize that too...time will heal the wounds and time will render justice. Trust in the divine order of things. Justice has no concept of time...it may happen in this life or the afterlife. Just trust in this and let it go...go on with your life. Don't waste energy wishing ill for someone. Use your energy constructively
( as I do in my art) Expend your energy elsewhere.

You have to find Divine love before being able to have a healthy earthly love relationship. I am still on the path of self reliance because I still have a weakness for men - the wrong type of men- men that have toyed with my mind and feelings. I have still a lot of growing to do.

There is a french saying which goes as follows, "Mieux etre seul que mal accompagner." Translation: "It is better to be alone than be in bad company." The last thing I want in my life is to be stuck in a lifelong agonizing long term relationship/terrible marriage . I don't need problems.

 

[Smilemaker100]

?To err is human.? To make mistakes is what we are all about. What is divine, on the other hand, is the ability to forgive. Develop your career and help those who cannot help themselves. Love will come to you.

That is my aim...firstly, to lick my wounds (that has mostly been handled), heal myself and heal those around me. In healing yourself, you heal the world! Love is already in my life...through my family , my friends, my art and the Divine Love of God (which you can only discover in solitude).

My art is my method of recovery. My art is my "raison d'etre"! It is a good thing that I am not presently distracted by a man for then I would have less time for my art...and men have only brought me heartaches. My art sustains me and I find peace in it.

God is my source of love and strength above any earthly love. CATHARSIS!

 

[alison_in_oh]

I know very much what it is like to suffer the deception of men which is a strong motivation behind me giving moral support to women who have suffered likewise. I hope that one day my poetry and my art can inspire humanity-but mostly women to find the strength to rely on themselves and not depend on men that toy with their emotions.

*shakes fists mutely*

*sighs disappointedly*

*shrinks into the shadows*

 

[Smilemaker100]

*shakes fists mutely*

*sighs disappointedly*

*shrinks into the shadows*

That's very easy for you to express, Alison_in_oh. You're in a happy marriage. All my friends who are "coupled" are SO optimistic. I was too when I was in my previous relationships (the "high" periods at least)...very good at dispensing advice to my single girlfriends. It's very easy to be so hopeful when you have met the love of your life...but how many times has your heart been wrecked? How many times have you been rejected? How many times were you in a one sided relationship where you were the giver and the man was the taker and didn't really care for you? Then you can tell me otherwise!

 

[alison_in_oh]

That's very easy for you to express, Alison_in_oh. You're in a happy marriage. All my friends who are "coupled" are SO optimistic. I was too when I was in my previous relationships (the "high" periods at least)...very good at dispensing advice to my single girlfriends. It's very easy to be so hopeful when you have met the love of your life...but how many times has your heart been wrecked? How many times have you been rejected? How many times were you in a one sided relationship where you were the giver and the man was the taker and didn't really care for you? Then you can tell me otherwise!

You're missing the point entirely. You didn't experience the deception of men. You experienced some ****ty people pulling a fast one on you. The same goes for freshair, "men" weren't "toying with her emotions", one guy that she thought she knew turned out to be a real jerk -- but, well, karma's a bitch.

It doesn't take being in a relationship to know that what's between your legs doesn't make you the person you are. Having a penis doesn't make a person into a deceptive butthead who trys to get in everybody's pants without regard for the consequences. Having a vagina doesn't make a person flawlessly pure and above all mortal dalliance. I know some really great men, and believe it or not, I'm not married to all of them!

I've had ups and downs and heartbreaks. I know you've had more than your share, and freshair has had quite a bitter experience. But look how she has risen to the challenge of having her life turned upside down by a very sad and small person. She has overcome adversity, and now finds herself on the track to being a doctor! She is a stronger person for the experience she has had.

Look at yourself! You are a strong, amazing person and your life's experience plays no small part in that! If I were in your position I wouldn't be encouraging women to wall themselves off, I'd be encouraging them to cope...to fight through the pain...to overcome and to SHINE! Square your shoulders and meet the next challenge head-on with a knowing smile!

Life is the richer for human interaction. I cannot distinguish between romantic, platonic, maternal (or even divine) relationships...they're all so valuable. And they're malleable. The platonic relationship could become the romantic or vice versa. The maternal relationship unfolds into the platonic -- you and I have experienced the fun of becoming friends with our moms. But every time I see you decide for yourself, or encourage other women to believe, that they are too good for men, I see the potential to sever yourself from society, to wall yourself off and lose out on all that complexity and beauty that can be found every day in your fellow human beings.

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."

 

[Febrifuge]

 

[Smilemaker100]

You're missing the point entirely. You didn't experience the deception of men. You experienced some ****ty people pulling a fast one on you. The same goes for freshair, "men" weren't "toying with her emotions", one guy that she thought she knew turned out to be a real jerk -- but, well, karma's a bitch.

It doesn't take being in a relationship to know that what's between your legs doesn't make you the person you are. Having a penis doesn't make a person into a deceptive butthead who trys to get in everybody's pants without regard for the consequences. Having a vagina doesn't make a person flawlessly pure and above all mortal dalliance. I know some really great men, and believe it or not, I'm not married to all of them!

I've had ups and downs and heartbreaks. I know you've had more than your share, and freshair has had quite a bitter experience. But look how she has risen to the challenge of having her life turned upside down by a very sad and small person. She has overcome adversity, and now finds herself on the track to being a doctor! She is a stronger person for the experience she has had.

Look at yourself! You are a strong, amazing person and your life's experience plays no small part in that! If I were in your position I wouldn't be encouraging women to wall themselves off, I'd be encouraging them to cope...to fight through the pain...to overcome and to SHINE! Square your shoulders and meet the next challenge head-on with a knowing smile!

Life is the richer for human interaction. I cannot distinguish between romantic, platonic, maternal (or even divine) relationships...they're all so valuable. And they're malleable. The platonic relationship could become the romantic or vice versa. The maternal relationship unfolds into the platonic -- you and I have experienced the fun of becoming friends with our moms. But every time I see you decide for yourself, or encourage other women to believe, that they are too good for men, I see the potential to sever yourself from society, to wall yourself off and lose out on all that complexity and beauty that can be found every day in your fellow human beings.

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."
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Hey Ali,

Once again, you astound me with your high EQ (emotional intelligence quotient)! It is really hard for me to believe that you are only in your mid-twenties (You are a lot more evolved than I am ). You really are a great pen pal Too bad you aren't a single man

All that you wrote sounds pretty rational to me. In my mind, I know that what you are saying is the resonating truth, however, in my heart I don't have faith in most men. I need to see some form of proof...until then, everything is in my imagination and any facial expressions or kind words don't mean a thing to me...it is all a masquerade. Grown men are not like children, what you see is not what you get.

Unlike what you are saying, I am not cutting myself off from the world. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am quite the extrovert. I am open to communication, however, in the romantic sense I don't have any ideas what clues to look out for because the signs that I observed in the past were meaningless and were playful- not serious at all. So until I see some form of proof I am a cynic!

Thanks for trying to convince me...it isn't easy to convince me anymore...I am more skeptical as I get older. I think I have lost my childhood innocense in that I don't trust like I used to nor am I as gullible as I used to be. Until some wonderful man comes along and prooves to be truthful, I will remain a skeptic. Ultimately, I am only trying to protect myself. If I fall in love with the wrong man it could be self-destructive (especially if it isn't mutual) . I have been on that path before and am not willing to go there ever again...NEVER AGAIN!

 

[Med-Student2B]

Hi Freshair. I feel like I can relate to your current emotions. I've been there, and I know the frustration. It's like you wanna scream "Hello!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????????!!!!!!!!"

So go ahead and vent - cry, scream into a pillow, write a long letter and burn it. Do what you need to do to get those poisnous emotions out of your system. The worst position to be in is that of the loser. And if you let these emotions sink into your system and alter who you are, you will have lost. So VENT! Just don't go running throught the streets naked and screaming at the top of your lungs!

Then once you feel release, sit in quietude and think things through. Make sure to keep in mind that your objective is your happiness. You will see that what you need to do is just let bygones be bygones. Let him go on with his F-ed up self, and beleive in your own power. Just let him go.

In the end - you have your integrity. And don't forget by the way, that selfish people suck (but they can be quite fun). You learned that the hard way sweety. Next time steer clear.

 

[Med-Student2B]

And Ali - that was some great advise. Men are not all bad, and a good freind once told me:

"Until you meet the right one, everyone else is just practice"

Just drop this guy, and focus on YOU! The wonderful person you are, the wonderful person you want to be. LOVE YOURSELF - IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!!

Think about all the reasons why you are wonderful, and repeat them over and over until you are convinced. Your own happiness is what matters most, and anyone who makes you cry is NOT worth your tears. They are trash.

Trust me, I have cried many a time. Either at the hand of guy I was involved with, my family, freinds. Sometimes life hurts. But do not give up on yourself sweetie. You are what counts.

On the same token, don't give up on men either. I've met some REAL A-holes. But I've also met some angels. Think back to even just one guy you know (a cousin, an old high-school classmate, etc.) that you felt was a "good" guy. Got one? There you go - living proof, They exist! Now just wait till the stars are aligned for you to bump into someone like that.

 

[freshair]

Thank you so much ya all. I can't tell how much I appreciate your help. Thank you for all the advice. It is so nice to know that there are people who care so much about others. Thank you so much for your help.