lonely and in a very bad place

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Hi all, I am reaching out to this thread because the advice I need isn't something I can ask in the real world.

I'm an AMG, I graduated AP/CP residency in 2007 (good program, 4-5 residents/year)- in my last year I was diagnosed with cancer, for which I received treatment, during which I took my AP/CP boards and failed.

Long story short, buying myself more time to prep for the boards and because of complications of my condition, I went on to do 3 more fellowships. In the meanwhile, my husband divorced me because he couldn't handle the fact that his young wife had cancer.

I failed the boards a second time.

I miraculously got a job at an academic place (thanks to having done a specialty fellowship at an academic powerhouse).

I've been practicing for almost 2 years now, and fortunately neither have I missed a diagnosis in my specialty area nor have I screwed up any general frozen sections (knock on wood).

The volume here is very high, and I haven't had time to study for the boards.

I'm not stupid, or slow- I wasn't the best resident but I certainly wasn't the worst. I'm definitely a fully capable pathologist, dragged down by much emotional (and some physical) scarring.

My worries are:

1. I'm going to get fired soon because I'm not boarded
2. My board eligibility is done this fall

Can anyone please give me some advice?? Please?

Thanks and God bless,

-All alone

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Hi.

You're not mentioning your chairperson, so I don't know how much he/she knows of your situation. My first thought is study only for AP and really try to pass AP. I've been out about 15 years so I don't know what the current deal is about changing to AP only- some younger pathologists would know better. Of course, your department would have to agree to this. Hopefully they would understand- maybe you might have to negotiate a bit.
 
Sign up for the test and start studying 6-8 hours each weekend starting 4-5 months in advance. go to all resident education conferences, read then reread then rereread the clinical compendium.
 
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Hi all, I am reaching out to this thread because the advice I need isn't something I can ask in the real world.

I'm an AMG, I graduated AP/CP residency in 2007 (good program, 4-5 residents/year)- in my last year I was diagnosed with cancer, for which I received treatment, during which I took my AP/CP boards and failed.

Long story short, buying myself more time to prep for the boards and because of complications of my condition, I went on to do 3 more fellowships. In the meanwhile, my husband divorced me because he couldn't handle the fact that his young wife had cancer.

I failed the boards a second time.

I miraculously got a job at an academic place (thanks to having done a specialty fellowship at an academic powerhouse).

I've been practicing for almost 2 years now, and fortunately neither have I missed a diagnosis in my specialty area nor have I screwed up any general frozen sections (knock on wood).

The volume here is very high, and I haven't had time to study for the boards.

I'm not stupid, or slow- I wasn't the best resident but I certainly wasn't the worst. I'm definitely a fully capable pathologist, dragged down by much emotional (and some physical) scarring.

My worries are:

1. I'm going to get fired soon because I'm not boarded
2. My board eligibility is done this fall

Can anyone please give me some advice?? Please?

Thanks and God bless,

-All alone

I don't have any advice other than to go through all the remembrances and Osler/ASCP as many times as you can. I dont know your study style but I am more of an audio person (if I read compendium with thousands of facts, I have a hard time remembering all that as opposed to going through Osler or ASCP many times). You have made it through many obstacles, you WILL go through this one as well. It is a lot of material, the only thing I can recommend is repetition until it is ingrained in your brain. Good luck, remember you can do it and stay positive! I have not taken AP/CP boards yet by the way....just wanted to offer some advice. Maybe take Osler? I hear they have a slide session (dont know if you need this since you already have experience).

Just curious what do you mean by board eligibility? You have to pass the boards X number of years after residency?
 
Last edited:
Just curious what do you mean by board eligibility? You have to pass the boards X number of years after residency?

When you apply to take the boards you are eligible to take the test for 5 years.
 
Hi all, I am reaching out to this thread because the advice I need isn't something I can ask in the real world.

I'm an AMG, I graduated AP/CP residency in 2007 (good program, 4-5 residents/year)- in my last year I was diagnosed with cancer, for which I received treatment, during which I took my AP/CP boards and failed.

Long story short, buying myself more time to prep for the boards and because of complications of my condition, I went on to do 3 more fellowships. In the meanwhile, my husband divorced me because he couldn't handle the fact that his young wife had cancer.

I failed the boards a second time.

I miraculously got a job at an academic place (thanks to having done a specialty fellowship at an academic powerhouse).

I've been practicing for almost 2 years now, and fortunately neither have I missed a diagnosis in my specialty area nor have I screwed up any general frozen sections (knock on wood).

The volume here is very high, and I haven't had time to study for the boards.

I'm not stupid, or slow- I wasn't the best resident but I certainly wasn't the worst. I'm definitely a fully capable pathologist, dragged down by much emotional (and some physical) scarring.

My worries are:

1. I'm going to get fired soon because I'm not boarded
2. My board eligibility is done this fall

Can anyone please give me some advice?? Please?

Thanks and God bless,

-All alone

If i were you I would approach the chariman/division head and ask for 1 month off to prepare for boards. It would be better for you AND the department if they gave it to you.
 
Do Osler, I did. I also did the clinical compendium and companion as well as a micro atlas, and some "special" resources I can make available to you if need be. I found Henry's question book useful as well (sometimes dumbed down but who else talks about colored top tubes?). I thought some of the ASCP notes were pretty good.

You've come this far, just gamble and take it. It really doesn't sound like there is much of an option since eligibility is running out. You can't stress about it, it doesn't do any good, just prepare and do your best and you should be fine. I would not worry about getting fired from your academic job (why worry? what can you do? if it happens it happens). If you haven't missed a diagnosis and have been nailing frozen sections consistently you appear well trained, plus you mentiond 3 fellowships, so regain some confidence in yourself. Sometimes faith and luck will help you.
Good luck you to in your endeavours.
 
1) First you need to go to your chair and let them know your situation and what their expectations are. Be honest and transparent.

2) If your current position is OK with you being AP only than switch your designation to AP only, hunker down study and take and pass the fall exam. If you are 5 years out this is your most doable option to pass something. I wouldnt like your chances to succeed with AP/CP this far out, working full-time under that much pressure. Its the esoteric useless CP crap that will most likely trip you up. Even if you pass the AP portion but fail CP, you will not be boarded in anything if your eligibility is up then you would have accomplished nothing. ABP will rape you $1,000 extra to switch from AP/CP to AP only if you originally applied to be both.

3) Since you've done postgraduate training that may factor into your specific eligibility parameters. You have to contact the primary certification person in Tampa and discuss your situation to see if there is any lattitude. I'd go into this with very low expectations of any sort of compassion or consideration- this lady is an impersonable, cold, heartless, B*&^%, but it doesnt hurt to try.
 
1) First you need to go to your chair and let them know your situation and what their expectations are. Be honest and transparent.

2) If your current position is OK with you being AP only than switch your designation to AP only, hunker down study and take and pass the fall exam. If you are 5 years out this is your most doable option to pass something. I wouldnt like your chances to succeed with AP/CP this far out, working full-time under that much pressure. Its the esoteric useless CP crap that will most likely trip you up. Even if you pass the AP portion but fail CP, you will not be boarded in anything if your eligibility is up then you would have accomplished nothing. ABP will rape you $1,000 extra to switch from AP/CP to AP only if you originally applied to be both.

3) Since you've done postgraduate training that may factor into your specific eligibility parameters. You have to contact the primary certification person in Tampa and discuss your situation to see if there is any lattitude. I'd go into this with very low expectations of any sort of compassion or consideration- this lady is an impersonable, cold, heartless, B*&^%, but it doesnt hurt to try.

Are you talking about BB?
 
BB retired, replaced by RJ. If one would be a man of leisure, one would know that all women in at the ABP in Tampa would be impersonable, cold, heartless, a much cherished pre-requisite for employment by the ABP.
 
1) Pass your boards
2) Talk to whoever in your group is in charge of hiring and firing.

If they already know you haven't passed your boards that helps. But I suspect they are continuing to list you as "board eligible" with the assumption to all the hospitals and practices you service that you will at some point in the near future be board certified.
 
To Torsed,

I would like to talk to you by phone or by email. How can I contact you?
 
Well, I agree with those who have said to talk to your boss. For one, it's possible they just don't care whether you're boarded -- although this is admittedly unlikely, and would severely limit your ability to change jobs in the future. However, they may be willing to cut your service time back for a defined period of time so you can commit more time to study and passing. If not, you're at the point that your options are limited and you may need to burn vacation time just to study. It also may well be that you can drop CP -- that would be something to seriously consider, given your circumstances.

I think that while you can find a lot of sympathy for some tough circumstances, you should try to simplify what you need, what you want, and what you -can- do about it, and put aside what you -can't- do about it. Along with that, having someone you can lean on, rant with, etc., in person would be a big help -- family, friend(s), etc.
 
Ok, marginsnegative, listen up. I also had cancer during my 4th year of residency. I tried taking AP/CP boards a couple months after finishing chemo- bad idea!! I managed to miraculously pass CP, but failed the written AP by 5 points (passed the other AP sections). The next year I did an independent sign out gen surg path f/s and tried to pay special attention to topics that had appeared on the exam. I used remembrances and went to AP Osler. I took AP that spring and passed. I also took cyto boards the following fall and passed that too. (I had done a cyto f/s before my 4th AP/CP yr.)

I tell you all this because I suspect that your problem in getting these tests passed has less to do with your ability as a pathologist and more to do with your confidence. Having cancer at a young age zaps your confidence in your ability to rise to the occasion and handle challenges. You feel like you can't even be healthy, how can you do anything else?? It's hard to believe that the sun will still rise in the East and set in the West when something has so profoundly disturbed your sense of well-being. And I'm sure the husband leaving didn't help. I get this.

So here's what you do- DECIDE that having cancer will not define the rest of your life. I cried myself to sleep every night for a year terrified that I would relapse. At some point, you just have to let it go. You are continuing to let cancer win by allowing it to paralyze you. Go to a therapist if needed to help you reclaim your life.

The practical suggestions above are all excellent. But you need your groove back. Believe in yourself again. You CAN do this. Remember, it's just a test not unlike the many, many others you have taken to get where you are today.

I stayed on as academic surg path and cyto faculty for a year. Now I am having a baby and going to move to part-time in a private group that I really love. Not bad for a girl who two short years ago was convinced she wouldn't see 35. I feel like the luckiest person in the world, and you will too when you have moved away from this trauma. God bless and good luck. PM me if you want.
 
Good advice - a lot of it IS just confidence. The studying can seem overwhelming and if you let it be overwhelming you will never learn anything (since you're always focused on what you don't know). Once you acknowledge that you can't possibly learn everything studying will go easier.
 
Dear all... I've taken what you've said to heart, and am thankful for you having lent me an ear. Really- thanks.

If it's ok, I'll PM some of you for more guidance.

Much love.
 
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