So I wanted advice and absolutely need to just ****ing vent. Right now I just want the **** out and just disappear to an island where I can sit and drink margaritas and sit on a beach with my headphones in and forget this world.
I have been having a really hard time lately. I am a 2nd year resident in EM (almost 3rd year now). I am about 16 hours from my family and can very rarely get home. My family is not even close to connected to the medical field and I have now become the medical liaison for my family.
My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and is in her last stages of life. I recently convinced my mother to enroll her in hospice because I really think this is the best way to go. Meanwhile my father was diagnosed with lung cancer and is ongoing biopsies, meeting with oncologists, and having countless doctors appointments.
My family runs every single damn decision by me. They expect me to know all the answers to everything and think I should double check every single decision that the doctors make (from 16 hours away). I tell them that they need to listen to the doctors since they know more about their specialty but I still get questions on whether my father should take X drug.
I answer calls from my family crying because of bad news that they received about my grandmother or father. I spend hours trying to comfort them and answer questions that they have. Every single doctors appointment my father goes to I get a call from my mother. I listen to her then my father (who is all doom and gloom) gets on the phone and tells me how bleak things look. I swear they then text my sister because she asks me the same ****ing 100 questions then starts crying and I spend another hour trying to comfort her.
Never, not once have they ever wondered how I feel. They all live within a 15 mile radius and see each other almost everyday. I feel like I am watching my grandmother and father die from a distance and I have no one to talk to because I feel like I'm barely holding my family together as it is. I really do want to be the go to person for my family but it has been a bit much for me lately. I broke down to one of my attendings tonight after my shift and he gave me some comfort but I know tomorrow I have to get up answer the same calls and then go to work.
Thank you for letting me vent.
I have been having a really hard time lately. I am a 2nd year resident in EM (almost 3rd year now). I am about 16 hours from my family and can very rarely get home. My family is not even close to connected to the medical field and I have now become the medical liaison for my family.
My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and is in her last stages of life. I recently convinced my mother to enroll her in hospice because I really think this is the best way to go. Meanwhile my father was diagnosed with lung cancer and is ongoing biopsies, meeting with oncologists, and having countless doctors appointments.
My family runs every single damn decision by me. They expect me to know all the answers to everything and think I should double check every single decision that the doctors make (from 16 hours away). I tell them that they need to listen to the doctors since they know more about their specialty but I still get questions on whether my father should take X drug.
I answer calls from my family crying because of bad news that they received about my grandmother or father. I spend hours trying to comfort them and answer questions that they have. Every single doctors appointment my father goes to I get a call from my mother. I listen to her then my father (who is all doom and gloom) gets on the phone and tells me how bleak things look. I swear they then text my sister because she asks me the same ****ing 100 questions then starts crying and I spend another hour trying to comfort her.
Never, not once have they ever wondered how I feel. They all live within a 15 mile radius and see each other almost everyday. I feel like I am watching my grandmother and father die from a distance and I have no one to talk to because I feel like I'm barely holding my family together as it is. I really do want to be the go to person for my family but it has been a bit much for me lately. I broke down to one of my attendings tonight after my shift and he gave me some comfort but I know tomorrow I have to get up answer the same calls and then go to work.
Thank you for letting me vent.
