medical students in long distance and/or online relationships

[encourageme]

As a medical student, there is hardly any time to date. Therefore many are engaging in long distance relationships with the use of technology. Medical students who are in a long distance and/or online relationships.... share your stories here

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[arsenewenger]

As a medical student, there is hardly any time to date. Therefore many are engaging in long distance relationships with the use of technology. Medical students who are in a long distance and/or online relationships.... share your stories here

Why don't you start? Or, is there a law preventing you from sharing your own stories. And when you are done with yours, we would very much like to hear stories about your friends.

 

[Blade28]

Er...what's an online relationship? One in which you never actually meet the other person in real life?

 

[nekrogg]

ive only met my girlfriend through world of warcraft but man does she look good in that armor. dont even get me started when she wields her epic sword of eternal justice

 

[perilou]

I have nothing against people having online relationships (a close relative of mine met his wife online), but I do think that you shouldn't use your status as a medical student as a reason not to socialize. I think its much easier to have a healthy relationship when you see each other with regularity.

 

[fireflygirl]

My boyfriend and I have been doing LD for more than three years now and we have another two years to go before I will be near him. We both got on the same cell phone company so that our minutes were included in our monthly plan. We chat on gchat during the day at work/school. And we also recently bought online cams so that we can see each other. We also got a joint credit card from Southwest so that we can collect points toward our flights since one of us is usually flying every other week and Southwest has the best rewards plan and the best deals to Pittsburgh (I'm in Philly). It takes a lot of committment and I am nervous about how it's going to work when I start med school this summer, but we are really serious and intend to get married. So for us, it's just the nature of the beast. I have a lot of friends that spend all four years of med school apart and they do similar things.

 

[priu]

I was just in a long distance relationship. They can work... you just need the right person and a whole of dedication and commitment. It takes communication and planning.

Mine didn't work because the relationship became very unbalanced... I was putting in most of the effort in the relationship... doing all the travelling, etc. And then I found out about some shady things about her that she had never told me... well, enough of that!

If one is putting in more work given similar circumstances, then the relationship is in troubled water. The commitment and effort has to be mutual. The most important thing is communication.

Other than that... it is doable. I learned to listen to course lectures in the car... we were about 550 miles apart. (Love can make people do things they never imagined!)

Ultimately... (sorry for being cliche)...it takes two to tango! From my experience... both need to be able to communicate and attend to each others' needs (and to know what those emotional needs are!!). If one cares more and does more than the other... that's a recipe for disaster!!

 

[alwaysaangel]

I'm in a long distance relationship as an MSI.

He and I were always sort of long distance. He lived about an hour away from me in college. So we only saw each other on weekends. But we saw each other EVER weekend and we usually did Fri night-Mon morning.

Now we are in different states - about a 1.5 hr flight. So we only see each other about once or twice a month (depending on my test schedule).

It depends on the person you are and how much work you're willing to put into it. He and I are ok with being long distance, some people absolutely cannot handle that. Also we put in the effort to spend time together and when we are together its all about us instead of me studying intermittently on weekends when he's here.

Also, its important to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I know someone who's bf is a 4 hr flight away and he's stuck there doing a PhD for 4 years then he's going to do some research thing in England for like 5 years...I don't understand how she handles it. 9 years of long-distance and no assurance that it will even end after that.... For me and my bf he can come back to Cali in a couple of years and then we can be together - it helps knowing that soon we can be together all the time.

 

[priu]

Speaking of online relationships...

What do you exactly mean by online? Chat with them? Not really ever meet them in person? These may sound like silly questions, but a lot of misunderstandings are based on people having different meanings for the same word or phrase.

If by online you mean you only meet and talk to the person online and make a commitment... I'd have to be very skeptical. Until you actually live with the person and get know their habits... you really don't know that person.

People in general sometimes say one thing, and do something else (we're all guilty of this!). Until you get to know someone in real life and see how they interact... and what their habits are... how they live... from your eyes rather than their mouth or fingers... you really don't know that person.... and are taking a big gamble as to whether the two of you are compatible and dedicated enough to make it work.

 

[KrzyDOC]

I thik it depends on your relationship before the long distance part. If you think this person miht be the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and no one else then probobly it can work. It can also probobly wirk if you have never met the person in real life or if it is really casual. But if you are intimate with the person and rely on them for their support, but they are not willing to move with you, then I think you should just forget it. I had a relationship that was good but we were not sure where it was going but we decded to stay together and have an LD relationship. It didnt work. So much frustration and misery. I widh we would have just decided to end it when I left. Many people in med school ahve theit SO move with them and it's fine.

 

[katester25]

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 6 months when I moved to start med school and he moved for a new job. So far, the long distance thing's going well - it's hard but it's good.

The transition was rough. Until July, we lived about 4 blocks from each other, and I worked at the university where he was a grad student, and then suddenly he was traveling outside of the US for a month and I was suffering through gross anatomy. I was so excited when he was back in the same time zone and we had unlimited cell phone minutes, even though he was still a couple hundred miles away.

Since October, we've settled into a routine where we talk almost every night (sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes 2 hours, sometimes we skip a day) and occasionally email during the day. We manage to see each other every 2-4 weeks, and we've been pretty good about switching off weekends so neither of us is burdened with all of the driving.

A few things that I think have helped us:
-we started talking almost immediately about how and when we'd be in the same place more permanently
-we both decided that we were willing to make some academic and professional compromises to be in the same place long-term - I'm giving up some travel and research opportunities to spend the coming summer in the city where he lives, and he's probably going to move here in a year or so (despite being really happy with his current job and location)
-we sit down and schedule out our visits for a couple of months ahead of time, and then stick to the schedule, rearranging other things that need to be done around the visits. Occasionally things come up that are non-negotiable, but we've both made our weekends together a priority

Hope this is useful.