My AACOMAS Personal Statement... Good Luck Class of 2008!

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ramsestiger

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With both the MCAT and finals over for a lot of class of 2008 applicants, I've gotten a few requests for help with essays. So, I'm starting this thread! If people could post a few effective personal statements, I'm sure the class of 2008 would appreciate getting the jist of what types of essays work. My stats weren't great, but I did graduate with honors from UNC. I'll be attending KCOM this fall, and received additional interviews from UHS, CCOM, LECOM, and UNE. I turned down the interviews at UHS and CCOM. Feel free to e-mail [email protected] if you have questions about anything else. If someone really wants me to do it, I'll post the secondary essays when I get a chance, too. AACOMAS squished all four paragraphs into one giant one, so be careful about that... try to remember that you're kind of writing one big essay. Good luck to everyone and ask questions on this board if you ever need help... it's a great resource that I didn't know about until after I got accepted. I pretty much maxed out the AACOMAS essay size limit, so your essay should be around this size. Good luck!

Note: Don't flat out STEAL the universal parts, but use them as a guide to your own creativity if you want!
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The human spirit has achieved unimagined goals throughout history. No one could fathom that humanity would have what it has today. Wonderful developments are occurring in the world and now, more than ever before, people care about the problems of others. The global reach of the medical community has been one of the most pleasant surprises in history. It is actually feasible to think that a biomedical researcher studying the genetic code of a mole rat could actually be helping someone with Parkinson's disease in a small African village. The world is surging forward and it is an exciting time to be alive.

I have been very impressed by osteopathic medicine's manipulation techniques and holistic approach to patient care. The improvement of the flow of bodily fluids while allowing the body to begin its own healing is not only safer because of minimal side effects, but it is also more cost effective and comfortable for the patient. Instead of a mechanical approach to medicine, I believe that physicians must apply basic, behavioral, and clinical sciences to address the complete needs of the patients, encompassing prevention, treatment, rehabilitation and restoration of health in enhancing the patient quality of life. A physician must look at the patient as a dynamic whole, with physical, psychological, socioeconomic, and cultural dimensions. Only through this type of approach can patient care be maximized. I hope to receive this extra training at an osteopathic medical school.

I was born in a small village named Khedi Kalan near New Delhi, India. My father never made a lot of money, but he worked hard to provide opportunities for my sister and for me. Because my father was very committed to his work, he received an invitation to come to the United States. I came to America with my mother and my sister a little over a decade ago, two years after my father. We left behind the familiar faces of relatives and friends and we left behind the only feelings of security we had ever known. My parents have shown me that hard work achieves desirable results in the end. More than anything else, education helped my parents progress in life. My father was the first person in our village to ever go to college and my mother was the first in her side of the family to finish high school. Both have emphasized the importance of learning throughout my life.

The feeling I have gotten from helping others in the past has been the greatest feeling I have experienced during my many travels in life. My various volunteer experiences have shown me that helping fellow human beings in their time of need renders great joy to the helping individual. My desire to become a physician stems from this feeling. I love learning science, I love helping others, and I have enjoyed my varied experiences in the medical field. I have a clear vision of what I want to do with my life - I want to use science to provide comprehensive health care for patients.

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ramsestiger,

Thanks for your kind thoughts and good wishes! And for the PS example. I hope to be joining you at KCOM in 2004!
 
run - Good luck buddy or buddette!


A few other points for people to consider:

1. My original essay was much longer, but remember that there's a very stringent size limit. Try to copy and paste my essay into your word processor to see approximately how much space you're given. Or better yet, open your account at AACOMAS and try to paste as much of your essay as it will allow into the PS window. I think you're allowed on AACOMAS 24/7 now ( https://aacomas.aacom.org/ ).

2. My professors and teachers have always emphasized the funnel. Not to say that my essay is great or anything, but note that it starts out with general medicine, moves to osteo, then to me, and finishes with my specific reasons for wanting to enter medicine. There's a clear structure that almost anyone can see right away.

3. My younger sister gave me some good advice, also. Don't try to present yourself as Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or other GREAT human beings. I took out allusions to those two because I didn't want to give the committee the impression that I really was stooping to low depths to get my point across. No matter how much I want to help people, I'm not at MG's or MT's level so I shouldn't be using their names for my benefit. The essay should be about me, and I'm not a great humanitarian (maybe destiny will disagree, but that's still decades away).

4. I had really flowery language originally. Phrases like, "Since the dawn of human existence," "The goal of medicine should be to wipe every tear from every eye," and "diseases only need human complacence to triumph." Really, I agreed with my reviewers that those would hurt me more than help me, because adcoms don't want to see you go overboard and in essence try to win some sort of essay contest for romantic portrayals of medicine.

5. Write down the descriptions and characteristics that you definitely want adcoms to know about you right away. I forgot exactly what those were, but the compendium definitely included 1. enthusiasm regarding medicine, 2. unique foreign background, 3. knowledge of differences between allopathy and osteopathy, 4. creativity, 5. medical experience. It'll make your essay-writing experience much easier. Adcoms are looking to buy - what are you selling?

6. Hold back one or two punches. I didn't write about a couple of impressive things in my primary or secondary essays. I called them my knockout (KO) punches. For instance, I didn't write about my outstanding chess abilities (having read 3-5 books about chess strategy and having a very high rating) or exactly how extensive a couple of my college activities were. During your interviews, people generally try to discuss a couple of hobbies. That's when I delivered "the KO." I wowed my interviewers at KCOM and UNECOM who were casual chess players with the surprise knowledge I busted out about chess - they seemed to be very impressed (we even discussed moves in the Kasparov vs. Deep Junior game on ESPN). Then, when we were discussing college activities, I jumped right into extensive detail about my most impressive activity (namely resident advisor which I had only listed as a regular activity in primaries and secondaries). If you have something to say, you'll definitely get your chances. I believe that if it seems like an entire hour disappeared in seconds, schools are definitely much more likely to accept you.

7. The most important part of your essay is where you discuss yourself. You have to straddle a fine line between overconfidence and not enough confidence (it's very difficult). Be careful and really listen to the people that help you review it. BUT, think of yourself as the head coach getting advice from assistants... don't use the suggestions if you can't see the merit in them.

8. Try to do your primaries quickly. Check, double check, triple check... check them at least 5 times! The first thing a med school is going to see about you is your primary... you look STUPID if you have a mistake in it and EVERY school is going to see it. Try your best to avoid typos, etc. I procrastinated like a mofo, and eventually only took about two days to finish it. Beware the 6-8 weeks that AACOMAS takes to process your primary. Send your transcripts to them ASAP, and set a deadline for yourself to finish the primary (try to do it before June).

Good luck, everybody!
 
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AACOMAS squished all four paragraphs into one giant one, so be careful about that...
According to AACOMAS the essays transmitted to the schools were in the correct and origional form that we drafted them in. The appearance of one giant paragraph was a product of sloppy programming limited to our interface with the online application. I wonder if they fixed it this year.
 
Here's my personal statement if anyone would like it.

Ramsestiger is right about wanting to walk the fine line between confidence and cocky. The personal statement is your time to tell them who you are. This is the place where you can say anything you want about yourself in any format you want. It should be reflective of who you are as an applicant and a person. You can also use it to explain a not-so-stellar thing about your application (notice I said explain, not excuse).

I think the biggest mistake people make is trying to impress the adcom with their huge vocabulary (unless they REALLY talk like that in person). Remember adcoms are assessing how you communicate from your personal statement. Keep in ming, they are going to meet you when you interview (hopefully :D ). If your person statement is very flowery with lots of academic words, but then you are really not like that, it could work against you. If you are pretty plain spoken, your personal statement should reflect that.

Good luck to you all. It's an adventure.

Zippy

**Note* This is not the way it was typed into AACOMAS. This is how is was sent out, though. Obviously I had apostrophes and more than one paragraph. Something to keep in mind.
__________________________________________
I walked into the clinic a little apprehensive. It wasnt my first time in a clinical environment, as I had spent a significant amount of time in an ER in Arizona. Still, I was going to shadow a colonel who was a D.O. and the chief of orthopedic surgery. I didnt know what to expect or whether the questions I had in mind were astute enough. But within seconds of meeting the colonel, my fears were allayed. He was genuinely excited about having me learn more about both orthopedic surgery and osteopathic medicine. I watched the way Dr. Nicholls related to his patients on a personal level and how they responded to his medical advice. He had obviously built a relationship with each of his patients and regarded them with an impish grin that immediately set them at ease even when he wasnt giving them the news they wanted to hear. Before each left, he reminded them of what they could do to maintain their health. Then as they left, he made sure to have them say hello to their significant other or children, whom he knew by name. I had the opportunity to shadow other physicians in the orthopedic clinic and saw a different approach to patient care. What a stark contrast! I heard terms like interesting case and a total knee replacement we did last week from nearly every other physician on staff. I almost expected to walk in and see a body part lying on the table with no person attached. They didnt seem to have made the same personal connection with their patients. I began to think of other physicians I had met. After my mother became disabled, her health declined quickly. During my freshman and sophomore years of college, I balanced taking care of her and going to office visits with her with a full time job, my classes and my Air Force commitments. I dont remember a single one of her physicians having the same personal touch as Dr. Nicholls. It was then that I felt a personal connection with osteopathic medicine. I left the clinic with a sense of knowing where I belong. My own philosophy of working with others to help them achieve their goals is well matched with the osteopathic philosophies of whole person care and prevention. Ive been fortunate to learn lessons through my seven years with the Air Force that will assist me through life. One such lesson is when you build a personal relationship with others, they are more receptive to your advice. Through my volunteer work, Ive seen how children respond positively to personal attention and I think the same is true with medicine. When the focus is shifted from the case to the person, better health care can be provided. This lesson, and others, will help me serve my community as an osteopathic physician.
 
Let's get some more Personal Statements, people.
 
here's mine...pretty standard issue, just demonstrate a decent ability to communicate and try to say something interesting.

enjoy, and pm me about the interview process if you have questions. my advice is be yourself in all aspects of the app and don't be afraid to be assertive in expressing your interest to schools you really like.
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The marker for Mile 22 of Humpy?s Classic Marathon was just at the top of the hill. My leg muscles ached and I fantasized about collapsing in a fetal heap just as I started to feel the effects of the tepid sports drink I consumed a mile earlier. I knew I wouldn?t hit the dreaded Runner?s Wall this time. As I moved forward, I was my own ideal: strong, confident of my ability to complete the race in my goal time and possessing the knowledge that this day was the fruition of 1000 miles worth of training. Later, as I crossed the finish line (improving my personal record by almost a half hour), I knew that such experiences, which transformed my abilities into accomplishments, defined me as a person.
My desire to be a physician grows from my need to transform my communication skills, compassion, analytic abilities and leadership skills to benefit others. From observing my father?s career as an OB/GYN for the U.S. Army and Indian Health Service, I know that a physician?s actions toward her patients can help alleviate racism, poverty and other types of disempowerment. Similarly, my shadowing experience with Dr. Bruning, an osteopathic family practice physician, revealed the complexity of the physician?s role. Besides being a physical healer, the physician often serves as arbiter, counselor and, when an ailment or pain cannot be healed, a comforting shoulder. My past experiences, such as my summers as a camp counselor, my recent EMT training, and ecological research in East Africa, will prepare me well for this role.
Further, I am confident that my rigorous undergraduate science courses provided a firm foundation upon which to begin learning the technical skills of the medical profession. My intellectual capabilities and resolution have enabled me to excel at small liberal arts college, at a large university, as well as within a study abroad program. Such versatility indicates that, with the same hard work, success at medical school will follow in the same fashion.
Applying my skills to my medical education will be fulfilling and worth the inevitable sacrifices because I understand the capacity of a physician?s role. As a skilled professional woman, I will be an asset to my community and a great example to young girls. At this point, I want to do family practice or OB/GYN in whatever community can benefit from my presence, but I know that medicine offers a myriad of varied routes that I could decide to pursue. Regardless of the route, seasons, locale, or other whims and conditions of fate, I will keep going, one foot in front of the other, always a runner, woman, scientist, and human.
:p :p :p
 
Your Personal Statements were all so much more creative than mine. I had a rather straight-forward and explanatory essay. I guess it worked, because I got in to almost all the schools--but wow, I'm really impressed by the creativity. Way to go :oops:)
 
I would be careful posting your personal statements. This is a public board and you never know when someone will copy/reword pieces of your essay.
 
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