Opposite Gender Student Host

[sunshine02]

I've recently got matched with a student host. For this school, we had to pick a few hosts and then they match us. One of the hosts I picked was a student whose name was foreign so I couldn't tell their gender but I saw that the student was from my state and high school so I picked them among 4 others as potential hosts. When I got an email saying that we had been matched together, I learned that he was the opposite gender who was ok with hosting both male/female.

I really prefer to stay with a student instead of living in a hotel, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable sleeping over at a male stranger's apartment.. Although I am slightly hesitant, I'm actually leaning towards staying with this host. My parents, however, are adamant about me staying with a host of the same gender.

Is there any way I can request a change of student host to be with the same gender without making things awkward? Who should I contact in this case (the student host or the admissions office)? Thanks for any suggestions!

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[Mad Jack]

I've recently got matched with a student host. For this school, we had to pick a few hosts and then they match us. One of the hosts I picked was a student whose name was foreign so I couldn't tell their gender but I saw that the student was from my state and high school so I picked them among 4 others as potential hosts. When I got an email saying that we had been matched together, I learned that he was the opposite gender who was ok with hosting both male/female.

I really prefer to stay with a student instead of living in a hotel, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable sleeping over at a male stranger's apartment.. Although I am slightly hesitant, I'm actually leaning towards staying with this host. My parents, however, are adamant about me staying with a host of the same gender.

Is there any way I can request a change of student host to be with the same gender without making things awkward? Who should I contact in this case (the student host or the admissions office)? Thanks for any suggestions!

What is this, 1950? It'll be fine. You could politely ask the same people that paired you if a same-gendered host if possible.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

What is this, 1950? It'll be fine. You could politely ask the same people that paired you if a same-gendered host if possible.

Sexual assaults stopped happening after the '50s? While a medical student is probably not high risk, I still definitely understand not being comfortable with it. It's not just about being prim and proper, there is legitimate reason to be uncomfortable with this, sadly.

 

[whatever5]

Well he passed the certiphi screening so at least he has no Hx of rape.

 

[Holmwood]

Bring a mace, just in case
shoot him in his dirty face

*chant* *chant* *chant*


Okay, but honestly the only bad part is going into his bathroom and seeing hair EVERYWHERE. As others have said, he passed certiphi. And I believe they're rigorous in choosing who gets to be student host. Just think about all the bad publicity if one of their interviewees got assaulted. You'll be fine.

 

[deleted480308]

You absolutely can contact the school and ask if they have a female host. They may not but it isn't a bad request

 

[Mad Jack]

Sexual assaults stopped happening after the '50s? While a medical student is probably not high risk, I still definitely understand not being comfortable with it. It's not just about being prim and proper, there is legitimate reason to be uncomfortable with this, sadly.

Meh, maybe I'm just more of a risk taller than most people. I've stayed in a lot of questionable situations with random strangers in countries where my passport was worth more than my life. People are generally good wherever you go, and while sexual assault is a risk, it's probably not a crazy high risk given the situation.

 

[Law2Doc]

1. You requested him. (Not the other way round, which might be creepier).
2. He's volunteered to host, so he's not exactly a troublemaker looking to get kicked out of school.
3. He presumably has a separate room or couch or he wouldn't have offered to host-- you won't be shacking up.
4. For all you know he's not available, not into women or you won't be his type.
5. He probably doesn't see it as more than some college kid crashing in his spare room.
6. Yes you can ask for a different host.

 

[efle]

Freaking seriously guys? You think it's reasonable to fear rape from your med student host because they're the opposite gender?

 

[bc65]

1. You requested him. (Not the other way round, which might be creepier).
2. He's volunteered to host, so he's not exactly a troublemaker looking to get kicked out of school.
3. He presumably has a separate room or couch or he wouldn't have offered to host-- you won't be shacking up.
4. For all you know he's not available, not into women or you won't be his type.
5. He probably doesn't see it as more than some college kid crashing in his spare room.
6. Yes you can ask for a different host.

7. And then you can tell your parents that you requested a different host. If necessary, be vague about it later if they don't have another host. I suggest that you not share too many details with your parents in the future.

Also, given the circumstances, the risk of assault might very well be higher if you stay in a hotel, where many employees have access to your room, security is often lax or non-existent, window access may be easy, and anyone off the street can roam the halls.

I appreciate your concerns, but you'll be staying in his apartment, not his bed. Also, at some point in the near future, you may be sharing an on-call room with someone of the other gender. It's not too common, in my experience, but it happens. You'll get used to it.

This is why non-traditionals are valued.

 

[deleted480308]

Freaking seriously guys? You think it's reasonable to fear rape from your med student host because they're the opposite gender?

I don't think it has to be about fear of assualt...it can simply be a more conservative sensibility.

I'm going to conference with school and requested a single gender room assignment if they could swing it...I'm not afraid, it's just a situation I prefer

 

[Glazedonutlove]

If you don't feel comfortable just ask for someone else if possible. If it's just bc your parents, just tell them you changed or something

I doubt you have much to fear from a med student tbh (if that's the main concern)

 

[Glazedonutlove]

Freaking seriously guys? You think it's reasonable to fear rape from your med student host because they're the opposite gender?

Doesn't have to be about assault
you would be surprised at how scandalous something like this would be in a conservative culture

 

[mehc012]

Meh, maybe I'm just more of a risk taller than most people. I've stayed in a lot of questionable situations with random strangers in countries where my passport was worth more than my life. People are generally good wherever you go, and while sexual assault is a risk, it's probably not a crazy high risk given the situation.

Yup. Honestly, any student host of any gender could assault you, no matter what your gender is. But the risk is probably higher coming from your S.O.'s and close friends at home...c'est la vie.

But let's be real, the risk of assault here is about as low as you get.
I can't think of the last time I saw the genitals of someone hosting me in their house, so I'm not sure why it would matter what parts they've got.

Doesn't have to be about assault
you would be surprised at how scandalous something like this would be in a conservative culture

I understand it full well, and I find it hilarious but not really relevant.


At the end of the day, OP feels uncomfortable with it (for whatever reason...there's no 'logical' one but there doesn't have to be) and so they have two choices: ask to change it, or push their comfort zone. The former is only an issue if they fear that the school would judge them for their more conservative values, and if they really feel that strongly about said values, such a school would be a poor fit anyway.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

Yup. Honestly, any student host of any gender could assault you, no matter what your gender is. But the risk is probably higher coming from your S.O.'s and close friends at home...c'est la vie.

But let's be real, the risk of assault here is about as low as you get.
I can't think of the last time I saw the genitals of someone hosting me in their house, so I'm not sure why it would matter what parts they've got.

I understand it full well, and I find it hilarious but not really relevant.


At the end of the day, OP feels uncomfortable with it (for whatever reason...there's no 'logical' one but there doesn't have to be) and so they have two choices: ask to change it, or push their comfort zone. The former is only an issue if they fear that the school would judge them for their more conservative values, and if they really feel that strongly about said values, such a school would be a poor fit anyway.

You find it hilarious? You're going into a field where you will need to respect other cultures... Maybe start working on that now

 

[mehc012]

You find it hilarious? You're going into a field where you will need to respect other cultures... Maybe start working on that now

I find it hilarious when they attempt to apply their values to my life and decisions.
They're more than welcome to hold themselves to conservative standards, and I will support that and help them with it if need be. But that doesn't mean that I have to adopt those same values, nor that I will pretend that the actual risks and concerns are in line with their precautions, rather than explaining the actual risks and logical precautions that go along with them.

 

[medic86]

Doesn't have to be about assault
you would be surprised at how scandalous something like this would be in a conservative culture

Yeah. Especially Muslim parents, lol.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

I find it hilarious when they attempt to apply their values to my life and decisions.
They're more than welcome to hold themselves to conservative standards, and I will support that and help them with it if need be. But that doesn't mean that I have to adopt those same values, nor that I will pretend that the actual risks and concerns are in line with their precautions, rather than explaining the actual risks and logical precautions that go along with them.

Lol do you see anyone forcing you to be conservative? This isn't about how logical you think someone's value system is. It's about being respectful

 

[New_Slang]

OP, you are an adult. Do whatever YOU want, and deal with your parents as you best see fit.

 

[HCHopeful]

I vote stay with the male.

 

[Holmwood]

I really prefer to stay with a student instead of living in a hotel, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable sleeping over at a male stranger's apartment.. Although I am slightly hesitant, I'm actually leaning towards staying with this host. My parents, however, are adamant about me staying with a host of the same gender.

Oh, nono. Did you get the address and put it on google map/earth? Was it actually an apartment?
Student hosts typically have housing that is big enough to accommodate an extra bed and bathroom and grant you the utmost privacy. The one I was in was mixed housing and was a humongous house that accomodated 5-6 people. And yes, some of them were opposite genders, but I never saw any of them until muffin hour in the kitchen.

 

[mehc012]

Lol do you see anyone forcing you to be conservative? This isn't about how logical you think someone's value system is. It's about being respectful

Discussing how 'scandalous' something would be very much implies that pressure is being put on a person to conform to that set of conservative beliefs. A scandal is, by its very nature, about judgement. That's what I was responding to.

Two possible explanations were proffered for why it could be problematic to stay with an oppositely gendered host: risk of assault and risk of scandal. I responded with what I think of those risks. I then followed up by saying that, while I see no logical reason for the objection, OP does not need a logical reason for it. If they are uncomfortable, they are uncomfortable.

I do not see how that is disrespectful.
Now, admittedly I could have avoided using the word 'hilarious', but I really meant it much less in the sense of "haha you are conservative" and much more in the sense of "scandalous? Oh haha, people still think that they have the right to dictate others' behavior via shaming them".

 

[mehc012]

Oh, nono. Did you get the address and put it on google map/earth? Was it actually an apartment?
Student hosts typically have housing that is big enough to accommodate an extra bed and bathroom and grant you the utmost privacy. The one I was in was mixed housing and was a humongous house that accomodated 5-6 people. And yes, some of them were opposite genders, but I never saw any of them until muffin hour in the kitchen.

I stayed at my student host's apartment...what's wrong with that?
I would not expect a spare bed/bathroom from someone offering you free housing...it's definitely not universal, probably not hugely common (certainly wasn't the predominant listing on the host sites I've viewed since then...most of them offered a couch or air mattress, some kind soul offered her own bed and said she'd take the futon, etc), and it'd be a far stretch to say that 'most students' live in housing that luxurious. Heck, my family has yet to ever live in a place so large as to have a spare bedroom.

 

[YourFutureBoss]

.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

Discussing how 'scandalous' something would be very much implies that pressure is being put on a person to conform to that set of conservative beliefs. A scandal is, by its very nature, about judgement. That's what I was responding to.

Two possible explanations were proffered for why it could be problematic to stay with an oppositely gendered host: risk of assault and risk of scandal. I responded with what I think of those risks. I then followed up by saying that, while I see no logical reason for the objection, OP does not need a logical reason for it. If they are uncomfortable, they are uncomfortable.

I do not see how that is disrespectful.
Now, admittedly I could have avoided using the word 'hilarious', but I really meant it much less in the sense of "haha you are conservative" and much more in the sense of "scandalous? Oh haha, people still think that they have the right to dictate others' behavior via shaming them".

Lol please google cultural sensitivity

 

[ZedsDed]

Lol please google cultural sensitivity

As someone who was raised by conservative muslim grandparents, I have no problem mocking (lightly and within reason) someone who believes men and women should be segregated in the 21st century.

 

[Spinach Dip]

I'd wager there is a <0.1% change of anything scandalous occurring.

But if it would make you (or others) feel better, go ahead and tell the school that you selected a name by mistake and would like someone else.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

As someone who was raised by conservative muslim grandparents, I have no problem mocking (lightly and within reason) someone who believes men and women should be segregated in the 21st century.

...there is a difference between mocking your own family and calling someone else opinion/culture perspective hilarious

 

[CaliforniaDreamer]

Oh, nono. Did you get the address and put it on google map/earth? Was it actually an apartment?
Student hosts typically have housing that is big enough to accommodate an extra bed and bathroom and grant you the utmost privacy. The one I was in was mixed housing and was a humongous house that accomodated 5-6 people. And yes, some of them were opposite genders, but I never saw any of them until muffin hour in the kitchen.

I stayed on a couch in the living room of a busy little apartment, not anything like what you describe unfortunately

 

[Holmwood]

I stayed on a couch in the living room of a busy little apartment, not anything like what you describe unfortunately

Mine was a sofa bed (lol "bed"). But it was pretty secluded from all the other rooms. Everyone else slept upstairs.

 

[mehc012]

Lol please google cultural sensitivity

OP is not my patient. I am not in a professional relationship with them.

I recognized that they have every right to their beliefs, but stated that I do not find them logical.
I have no obligation to do so.

 

[ZedsDed]

...there is a difference between mocking your own family and calling someone else opinion/culture perspective hilarious

I wasn't restricting myself to my own family. I don't go out of my way to tell anyone anything. But if someone comes up to me with that nonsense, I definitely have no qualms poking fun at them.

I would behave very differently in a professional scenario, so I understand your position.

 

[CaliforniaDreamer]

Mine was a sofa bed (lol "bed"). But it was pretty secluded from all the other rooms. Everyone else slept upstairs.

My head was in the living room and my legs were in the kitchen.

 

[HCHopeful]

Sensitivity will be the death of me, I swear. EVERY JOKE I MAKE IS INSENSITIVE. Then again, most jokes from a human's mouth are the same...

Dear Lord, give it 15 years and we won't even have comedy.

 

[Holmwood]

My head was in the living room and my legs were in the kitchen.

What are you like a giant?

 

[medic86]

I wasn't restricting myself to my own family. I don't go out of my way to tell anyone anything. But if someone comes up to me with that nonsense, I definitely have no qualms poking fun at them.

I would behave very differently in a professional scenario, so I understand your position.

This.

People are way too ****ing sensitive these days. Damn millenials.

 

[wasteofspace323]

You're an idiot and your beliefs and values are garbage.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

Sensitivity will be the death of me, I swear. EVERY JOKE I MAKE IS INSENSITIVE. Then again, most jokes from a human's mouth are the same...

Dear Lord, give it 15 years and we won't even have comedy.

Meh you have a point

 

[ZedsDed]

give it 15 years and we won't even have comedy.

According to Jerry Seinfeld it's already happening.

 

[Holmwood]

Nonconsensual relations isn't even the most pressing concern for me.
It's the idea of having my wallet or passport snatched by someone while I'm sleeping. I know it's irrational in a student housing situation, but I lived in that kind of a neighborhood my entire life. So even if given a separate bed in a secluded part of the house, I sleep with my wallet and passport in my underwear.

Okay, off topic I know.

 

[HCHopeful]

You're an idiot and your beliefs and values are garbage.

 

[Law2Doc]

...but I never saw any of them until muffin hour in the kitchen.

And muffin hour is a euphemism for ...

 

[Spinach Dip]

You're an idiot and your beliefs and values are garbage.

Good to see wee are being rational adults about this.

 

[Holmwood]

And muffin hour is a euphemism for ...

BREAKFAST SILLY GOOSE.

I have so much soup in my nose right now, thanks.

 

[medic86]

Nonconsensual relations isn't even the most pressing concern for me.
It's the idea of having my wallet or passport snatched by someone while I'm sleeping. I know it's irrational in a student housing situation, but I lived in that kind of a neighborhood my entire life. So even if given a separate bed in a secluded part of the house, I sleep with my wallet and passport in my underwear.

Okay, off topic I know.

Life pro tip: don't take your passport with you when traveling domestically.

 

[Holmwood]

Life pro tip: don't take your passport with you when traveling domestically.

I only do it just in case I lose my ID in a sewer. I also keep only 20 bucks in my wallet just in case someone steals it. And I store my ID in a hidden part of my jacket.
I'm basically a nervous wreck when it comes to traveling.

 

[medic86]

I only do it just in case I lose my ID in a sewer. I also keep only 5 bucks in my wallet just in case someone steals it. And I store my ID in a hidden part of my jacket.
I'm basically a nervous wreck when it comes to traveling.

Lol. Paranoid much?!

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

[ZedsDed]

I sleep with my wallet and passport in my underwear.

Great idea! But that sounds, uh, uncomfortable.

 

[wasteofspace323]

Great idea! But that sounds, uh, uncomfortable.

It's different for girls.

 

[mehc012]

I only do it just in case I lose my ID in a sewer. I also keep only 5 bucks in my wallet just in case someone steals it. And I store my ID in a hidden part of my jacket.
I'm basically a nervous wreck when it comes to traveling.

Does it make you feel better or worse to know that I've totally bluffed my way, both ways, through airport security with no ID in post-9/11 America? IDs are a good thing to have, but losing one is not the end of the world, even if they do bar you from a plane without one.

Honestly, your passport is probably safest left at home where family/friends know its location, so if you really do lose all of your stuff, someone can overnight it to you. It'll cost you less money to overnight it on that rare bad luck situation than the ulcer/aneurysm/HTN you're brewing over there...