Personal Statement Advice Please

[Sed8&Intub8]

What do you guys think is better, and why?

1. Start personal statement with an awesome medical experience story that solidified my reason to go into medicine, then talk about how I was initially introduced to medicine and started to go that route.

OR

2. Go linear, and speak about a less catching story about how I was introduced to medicine, then talk about my medical experience that solidified my reason to go into medicine

Thanks!

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[baxt1412]

As long as it isn't cliché, I say start with the more exciting. As long as you aren't including specific dates I don't think a non-linear approach will be too confusing.. at least I hope not because that is how I did mine!

 

[hoihaie]

if you chose #1, you need to make sure the connection between that story and your initial interest in medicine is as smooth as my bald head. Otherwise, jumping randomly from later to earlier will interrupt the flow of your essay.

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

In case this helps:

-Solidifying story is one of my early experiences I had as an EMT helping a 15-year old girl out of a crushed car and she refused to let go of me.
-Initial interest story is my brother suddenly being diagnosed with terminal cancer

Not sure if these are cliché.

 

[aspirantmed]

In case this helps:

-Solidifying story is one of my early experiences I had as an EMT helping a 15-year old girl out of a crushed and she refused to let go of me.
-Initial interest story is my brother suddenly being diagnosed with terminal cancer

Not sure if these are cliché.

Sorry to hear about your brother. About the essay, it depends on your ability to thematically tie the two together and use both to answer the questions "Who am I?" and "Why medicine." Maybe you have this all planned out in a way that will work, but at least from my perspective, I'm not sure how smooth the transition would be.

 

[hoihaie]

I think both of these stories are unique and will serve as good opening to your essay. So find which way best makes your essay flow smoothly and your reasons for why medicine apparent and touching.

 

[theseeker4]

In case this helps:

-Solidifying story is one of my early experiences I had as an EMT helping a 15-year old girl out of a crushed and she refused to let go of me.
-Initial interest story is my brother suddenly being diagnosed with terminal cancer

Not sure if these are cliché.

I think you could pretty easily make it flow by discussing the "solidifying story" first, and using something like "it took me back to..." as a transition to your "formative" experience. It might take a bit of work and advice from others, but I don't think this has to be awkward to do it in the order you want to.

I hope you are getting an early start for next cycle, because you are getting pretty late if you are applying this cycle....

And sorry about your loss, it really sucks to lose a sibling.....

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

I think you could pretty easily make it flow by discussing the "solidifying story" first, and using something like "it took me back to..." as a transition to your "formative" experience. It might take a bit of work and advice from others, but I don't think this has to be awkward to do it in the order you want to.

I hope you are getting an early start for next cycle, because you are getting pretty late if you are applying this cycle....

And sorry about your loss, it really sucks to lose a sibling.....

Oh thanks! But he is still around!

And Unfortunately, I am applying this cycle. C'est la vive. We will see what happens.

 

[theseeker4]

Oh thanks! But he is still around!

And Unfortunately, I am applying this cycle. C'est la vive. We will see what happens.

Oh, good, jumped to a conclusion based on your use of "terminal."

Do the best you can to get the primary submitted as soon as possible. It is getting close to the time when it will be better for you to wait until next cycle. Good luck!

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Oh, good, jumped to a conclusion based on your use of "terminal."

Do the best you can to get the primary submitted as soon as possible. It is getting close to the time when it will be better for you to wait until next cycle. Good luck!

Well docs said 2 years max. It's now 5 years later...

Yeah I already have several people lined up who will read my statement and respond immediately. I plan on getting it done in the next few days. I have been brainstorming for a few days, so I have it all planned out. But I just can't figure out how to use both of those stories. I really want to use option A because that story is more captivating, however my issue is finding a good flow between the two. Every other aspect of my application is complete.

My advisor is also telling me that I need to address my grades in my statement, and I just don't know how to do that. They were crap before I decided to do medicine, and after my brothers cancer and knowing what I wanted to do, they are much better afterwards. I don't know how to fit that in. Those are my two issues.

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Tips?

 

[HinduHammer]

Tips?

I think the story of the crushed girl would be very compellig. You don't need an awesome hook to connect it to your bro. Just say something like "seeing the look of fear in her eyes reminded me of the look of fear my brother had when he'd been told he was diagnosed with terminal cancer" or something like that.

Re the grades...tough, I had to do that in my statement as well, my situation is different though. I've gotten good feedback on my PS, and the only advice I can give in that regard -- is mention it, but don't harp on it. Something like "when I finally realized what I wanted to do, I had a 3.0 GPA, and since then it has only improved." I think short and sweet, a one-liner is your best bet. Don't want to harp on it.

 

[gyngyn]

We get a little shell-shocked from all the trauma vignettes, especially at the beginning of the PS. As dramatic as they are to the writer, I prefer the more personal story.

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

We get a little shell-shocked from all the trauma vignettes, especially at the beginning of the PS. As dramatic as they are to the writer, I prefer the more personal story.

That's an interesting perspective that I never considered before!

 

[IL Pre Med]

In case this helps:

-Solidifying story is one of my early experiences I had as an EMT helping a 15-year old girl out of a crushed car and she refused to let go of me.
-Initial interest story is my brother suddenly being diagnosed with terminal cancer

Not sure if these are cliché.

You actually got to work a trauma call as an EMT?

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

You actually got to work a trauma call as an EMT?

uhhh yeah???? Why wouldn't I? Isn't that what my training is for? So far probably done 20+

 

[IL Pre Med]

uhhh yeah???? Why wouldn't I? Isn't that what my training is for? So far probably done 20+

Do you work for city or private?

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Do you work for city or private?

County

 

[IL Pre Med]

Hmm.. I'm just curious as to why dispatch is constantly sending out BLS to trauma calls. Where I'm from they send ALS. BLS is always patient transports. I don't know if I buy it that you've worked 20+ trauma calls as an EMT. Also the city/state doesn't employ EMTs, only paramedics around me.

 

[IL Pre Med]

It's pretty feasible that he worked trauma calls as an EMT. Could have to do with a few related things:
1) Lack of paramedics - My hometown is very rural and has a volunteer fire/EMS department, and they're all EMTs. Basically they don't have enough full-time people - or get paid well enough - to justify the cost and time commitment of medic school. In severe traumas, they serve as initial response and call for helicopter transport to a trauma center if ALS is needed.
2) Response time - I'm an EMT for my campus department, and we get called to everything on campus regardless of the severity. We're foot-based, but we get there a heck of a lot faster than the local ALS units, and can usually at least do some initial damage control - manage bleeding, hold c spine, place an OPA/NPA if the patient isn't controlling his own airway, etc. - until ALS gets there. This is also useful if the two ALS units are already out on calls and we have to wait for them to finish or call in someone from the next suburb over. Again, this is especially common in rural areas and smaller cities where less ALS units exist.
Overall, the EMT/medic roles vary significantly by region, even down to the city level. What OP is describing is perfectly reasonable, even if it might not be the case in your particular area.

Yeah that isn't the case in urban environment at least. Here we're dialysis, nursing home, hospital transport

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Hmm.. I'm just curious as to why dispatch is constantly sending out BLS to trauma calls. Where I'm from they send ALS. BLS is always patient transports. I don't know if I buy it that you've worked 20+ trauma calls as an EMT. Also the city/state doesn't employ EMTs, only paramedics around me.

It's pretty feasible that he worked trauma calls as an EMT. Could have to do with a few related things:
1) Lack of paramedics - My hometown is very rural and has a volunteer fire/EMS department, and they're all EMTs. Basically they don't have enough full-time people - or get paid well enough - to justify the cost and time commitment of medic school. In severe traumas, they serve as initial response and call for helicopter transport to a trauma center if ALS is needed.
2) Response time - I'm an EMT for my campus department, and we get called to everything on campus regardless of the severity. We're foot-based, but we get there a heck of a lot faster than the local ALS units, and can usually at least do some initial damage control - manage bleeding, hold c spine, place an OPA/NPA if the patient isn't controlling his own airway, etc. - until ALS gets there. This is also useful if the two ALS units are already out on calls and we have to wait for them to finish or call in someone from the next suburb over. Again, this is especially common in rural areas and smaller cities where less ALS units exist.
Overall, the EMT/medic roles vary significantly by region, even down to the city level. What OP is describing is perfectly reasonable, even if it might not be the case in your particular area.

Yeah that isn't the case in urban environment at least. Here we're dialysis, nursing home, hospital transport

I'm not from a small town. And I have been an EMT for 5 years, and the 20 calls was actually a conservative estimate. I don't how things work in your city, but I am on an ALS ambulance. You just need one ALS provider to be an ALS ambulance and can have 2-3 BLS providers. The BLS people will go into the car, hold C-spine, talk to the patient, remove them from the car, immobilize them, do bleeding control, setup the IV, place the 12-leads, insert the oral airway and the ALS person will usually will just watch or help until they are needed. The ALS provider will actually insert the IV, read the EKG, administer the drugs, intubate, etc. For car accidents, even if it is dispatched as an ALS call (which almost every call is) if the ALS provider believes that is can be handled as a BLS call (which most of them can) they will just tell the BLS person to run it. To remove the patient from the car and do bleeding control etc, requires no ALS skills.