potential competitors??

[Pugsforlove2014]

I don't know if this story is gonna help at all but I'm gonna share it because I hope it does. It was my senior year of undergrad and in one class we were placed into groups that we sat and worked with all semester. We did mid semester evaluations of everyone and I got some not so perfect reviews from a partner, not terrible, just room for improvement.
At first I just wanted to blame it on the team member being a male and expecting everyone to listen to him. That was my first reaction, I was 22, I thought I'd already learned as much as I could about being nice as I could. But I thought about it and realized I was wrong, I changed my ways and spoke less and listened more. I still spoke a bunch! But I listened. The end of semester review came and I had improved in every catagory.
I never would have realized it without those reviews. Its good to be introspective but sometimes you really just need to ask and have a heart to heart. No one I've ever met has been perfect, we can all improve more and more, but we need input to realize it. So realize that all of these things that are happening in your world is just life's way of giving you input that it's time to really nestle in and ask questions of other's and be honest with yourself. I've been there.

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[vetmedhead]

People pick up maladaptive behaviors all the time! Speaking as someone who grew up around multiple personality disordered people I have to say that there are many traits that are simply not good and really need work to fix. Personality traits are like tools, at first you only know how to work with what came in the first set you ever got. But some of those tools are rusted or inappropriate or just outright dangerous and it's okay to recognize when you need to put tools down and pick up some new ones to use.

I grew up in a household where I was constantly threatened for doing less than perfect work and I picked up some serious perfectionism/fear of failure as a result, and I had to work to unpack that tool and pick up some other ones. You ever heard that phrase "When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail"? You respond with the traits and strategies that you use the most and breaking those habits is difficult, but absolutely not impossible. Conscientiousness is key and working on aspects of yourself that are maladaptive takes only discipline, intention, and practice.

 

[havegoalachieved]

Again, this is not about the incident by itself. This is about you asking why your coworkers seem to not want to interact with you (which was your original question which you have now deleted, which is rather childish) why you are told things like you are a good friend but not a good coworker, why it got to the point of people living with you moving out, etc. The incident is just another example.

You ask why people may be treating you this way, you give several examples, and we are making suggestions based on those. Then you reject our interpretations and suggestions in the same breath because we are not telling you what you want to hear.

My fault, Doctor, I should have worded my sentences more carefully. I was wondering why some of the volunteers didn't want to interact with me and didn't extend the conversation with me even I started it. I was told I am a good friend but not a good coworker, which means I didn't do anything morally wrong to my friends; since people who work together as a team have a same interest, if they treat you as a threat or competitor, some of them may talk ill behind you or set a dirty scheme to take you down. I am not sure if this idea is also applied to western work environment, but in Chinese work environment, it is rumored that you are a difficult person that doesn't mean you are really a difficult person. Being judgmental is part of human instinct. So far only two roommates moved out because I pissed them off very badly, but you don't know the reason, do you? I showed you the examples that I was not trying to tell you how difficult I am but trying to tell you how honest I am, so that you can evaluate me based on the incident without suspiciousness

Again, if you insist on proving how difficult I am, you will become biased on this incident and on the evaluation

 

[dyachei]

My fault, Doctor, I should have worded my sentences more carefully. I was wondering why some of the volunteers didn't want to interact with me and didn't extend the conversation with me even I started it. I was told I am a good friend but not a good coworker, which means I didn't do anything morally wrong to my friends; since people who work together as a team have a same interest, if they treat you as a threat or competitor, some of them may talk ill behind you or set a dirty scheme to take you down. I am not sure if this idea is also applied to western work environment, but in Chinese work environment, it is rumored that you are a difficult person that doesn't mean you are really a difficult person. Being judgmental is part of human instinct. So far only two roommates moved out because I pissed them off very badly, but you don't know the reason, do you? I showed you the examples that I was not trying to tell you how difficult I am but trying to tell you how honest I am, so that you can evaluate me based on the incident without suspiciousness

Again, if you insist on proving how difficult I am, you will become biased on this incident and on the evaluation

2 roommates moving out for those reasons isn't something that I would think of as "normal".

No one here is attacking you. Most people want to try and show you the other viewpoint. Every story has at least 2 sides. And the incident may not be as cut and dried as you think. Maybe they didn't hear you. maybe they did and judged you like you think. The only way to find out is to talk to them. And to take some personal responsibility.

 

[havegoalachieved]

You can change negative qualities about your personality so all of the above is pure BS. The reason I said what I stated is that you refuse to attempt to address those negative qualities instead you double down, insist there is no right or wrong, it is who you are, you aren't going to change, etc etc. The bottom line is that if you don't attempt to work on those negative aspects, you will not get to the point of worrying about vet school because you won't have any letters of recommendation. Period. It won't happen. If multiple people are really that put off by you as you are describing and multiple roommates had to move out away from you, what makes you think a vet will find reason to wrote you a LOR?

I get my comment was blunt, but it is really intended to help. If you want to survive in this field, you need to work on yourself and be willing to admit what your negative qualities are. Heck, it's a basic interview question, what are some negative qualities you have and how have to addressed them or worked to improve them?

No one is saying you need to be perfect, nobody is, but you have to be willing to work on yourself, change and adapt as the situation deems necessary.

I didn't do anything morally wrong in my life; my criminal record is clean like white sheet; tell me what I did "wrong"? I admit my negative personalities to people, and I try my best to produce positive image and adjust myself to fit in the community, but it doesn't mean I "change" my personalities.
Maybe you learn how to judge things from different point of view; become more sophisticated towards some certain situations from your past experiences, but it doesn't mean you have changed your personalities. Once you get relaxed or get in any situation in which you break down, you become who you are. You are hiding yourself to fit in the society but not changed.

 

[havegoalachieved]

2 roommates moving out for those reasons isn't something that I would think of as "normal".

No one here is attacking you. Most people want to try and show you the other viewpoint. Every story has at least 2 sides. And the incident may not be as cut and dried as you think. Maybe they didn't hear you. maybe they did and judged you like you think. The only way to find out is to talk to them. And to take some personal responsibility.

I don't know if this story is gonna help at all but I'm gonna share it because I hope it does. It was my senior year of undergrad and in one class we were placed into groups that we sat and worked with all semester. We did mid semester evaluations of everyone and I got some not so perfect reviews from a partner, not terrible, just room for improvement.
At first I just wanted to blame it on the team member being a male and expecting everyone to listen to him. That was my first reaction, I was 22, I thought I'd already learned as much as I could about being nice as I could. But I thought about it and realized I was wrong, I changed my ways and spoke less and listened more. I still spoke a bunch! But I listened. The end of semester review came and I had improved in every catagory.
I never would have realized it without those reviews. Its good to be introspective but sometimes you really just need to ask and have a heart to heart. No one I've ever met has been perfect, we can all improve more and more, but we need input to realize it. So realize that all of these things that are happening in your world is just life's way of giving you input that it's time to really nestle in and ask questions of other's and be honest with yourself. I've been there.

If I were your partner I was definitely happy to have you as my partner because you were talkative. I become talkative when someone is nice to and talkative with me. You have "worked" on yourself that become less attractive to me. That's why I adjust my personalities depending on what situation I'm getting in. There are no fixed personalities I have when I am suppressing my real personalities. I have a hydrostatic characteristic

 

[havegoalachieved]

People pick up maladaptive behaviors all the time! Speaking as someone who grew up around multiple personality disordered people I have to say that there are many traits that are simply not good and really need work to fix. Personality traits are like tools, at first you only know how to work with what came in the first set you ever got. But some of those tools are rusted or inappropriate or just outright dangerous and it's okay to recognize when you need to put tools down and pick up some new ones to use.

I grew up in a household where I was constantly threatened for doing less than perfect work and I picked up some serious perfectionism/fear of failure as a result, and I had to work to unpack that tool and pick up some other ones. You ever heard that phrase "When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail"? You respond with the traits and strategies that you use the most and breaking those habits is difficult, but absolutely not impossible. Conscientiousness is key and working on aspects of yourself that are maladaptive takes only discipline, intention, and practice.

fear of failure can make you become more motivating to get succeed, right? You keep trying from repeated failures just because you are afraid of failure. It's not wrong to be a perfectionism; the problem is that you are too paranoid to be literally perfect or don't want to try again just because you are afraid of failure. You can get to nearly perfect if you are a perfectionism.

 

[havegoalachieved]

2 roommates moving out for those reasons isn't something that I would think of as "normal".

No one here is attacking you. Most people want to try and show you the other viewpoint. Every story has at least 2 sides. And the incident may not be as cut and dried as you think. Maybe they didn't hear you. maybe they did and judged you like you think. The only way to find out is to talk to them. And to take some personal responsibility.

They just couldn't stand with me anymore. I will look very scary when I am grumpy because I was born with an angry face. That's why I keep plastering a smile on my face to make myself less intimidating. I will stay quiet forever with the person I hate. No complaint or quarrel or whatsoever. I will be fearless to depend myself when the person initiate a fight with me. That's why they find me difficult.

 

[LetItSnow]

I didn't do anything morally wrong in my life; my criminal record is clean like white sheet; tell me what I did "wrong"?

In the whole cat situation that you insist on coming back to?

1) You didn't ask for help when you should have. That puts yourself at unnecessary risk (not acceptable to an employer) and potentially puts the patient at unnecessary risk.

2) You judged your coworker for not "offering to help". Yet, you yourself said there "is no right/wrong in this world". So why are you judging them? Your logic just .... doesn't work.

The most telling thing to me is that you consistently defend not asking for help, as well as judging your peers, but you refuse to accept constructive criticism. You're going to need to focus on being willing to accept criticism in order to make progress.

Very best of luck. It's tough.

 

[havegoalachieved]

if you insist on how wrong I am, every word I say is just my excuse

I'm looking for someone who got in the same situation, but it turned out that I summoned a huge group of opposition

well, this case is now closed

thank you for your reply. have a nice day

 

[LetItSnow]

if you insist on how wrong I am, every word I say is just my excuse

I'm looking for someone who got in the same situation, but it turned out that I summoned a huge group of opposition

well, this case is now closed

thank you for your reply. have a nice day

How is any of us asserting that you might have done something wrong any different than you insisting that your colleague did? Do you really not see the hypocrisy?

 

[dyachei]

if you insist on how wrong I am, every word I say is just my excuse

I'm looking for someone who got in the same situation, but it turned out that I summoned a huge group of opposition

well, this case is now closed

thank you for your reply. have a nice day

I wasn't insisting you were wrong. I'm saying that once you start to notice a pattern of the same behavior around you, it's time to look internally. Once would be a "well this kind of sucks" thing, a pattern implies there is something YOU are doing. Sometimes if it seems like it's everyone else, it's really you.

 

[Mad Jack]

I will fully admit to occasionally being a little standoffish and competitive around other prevets. I used to be pretty bad, but that was before I started seriously getting involved in the veterinary community. I think once you have been in clinics, been around farms, had friends get in, been exposed to how the field works, etc. you get a much more realistic and team-centric view on the whole thing. I have noticed myself that the newer the prevet, the more likely that they are more competitive. This is by no means a fact or anything, just something I have observed which could very well be a fluke.

If people are friendly it is almost physically impossible to stay super competitive.

I never got the whole competitive mentality in regard to pre-professional communities. It's highly unlikely the people you are running shoulders with will be the ones to take your specific spot at any particular school.

 

[havegoalachieved]

How is any of us asserting that you might have done something wrong any different than you insisting that your colleague did? Do you really not see the hypocrisy?

In statistics, it is called "voluntary response". Most readers having left their comments didn't focus on the incident but on my personalities because most readers in this thread said so. I learned from other technicians using a towel to prevent injury. They held cats in place for anesthesia with a towel. I don't see anything wrong with that procedure

 

[dyachei]

In statistics, it is called "voluntary response". Most readers having left their comments didn't focus on the incident but on my personalities because most readers in this thread said so. I learned from other technicians using a towel to prevent injury. They held cats in place for anesthesia with a towel. I don't see anything wrong with that procedure

So you know enough to be dangerous?

Look, if a cat is fractious, using a towel is good, but you still usually need more than 1 person. You need to be able to ask another person for help. Them not volunteering means nothing in regards to competition. You have an answer, you just don't like it. The "incident" is just a symptom of a larger underlying problem

 

[havegoalachieved]

I wasn't insisting you were wrong. I'm saying that once you start to notice a pattern of the same behavior around you, it's time to look internally. Once would be a "well this kind of sucks" thing, a pattern implies there is something YOU are doing. Sometimes if it seems like it's everyone else, it's really you.

I have hydrostatic characteristic that can fit in most situations. I live my life with different masks on. I just don't understand why some people are standoffish even though we meet each other the first time. Do you think that it is because of my negative personalities that affect their attitude?

 

[dyachei]

I have hydrostatic characteristic that can fit in most situations. I live my life with different masks on. I just don't understand why some people are standoffish even though we meet each other the first time. Do you think that it is because of my negative personalities that affect their attitude?

it could very well be. The only way to find out is to ask the other party involved. Just be honest and say that you are looking to improve your interpersonal relations and ask if they can help you out with why

 

[havegoalachieved]

So you know enough to be dangerous?

Look, if a cat is fractious, using a towel is good, but you still usually need more than 1 person. You need to be able to ask another person for help. Them not volunteering means nothing in regards to competition. You have an answer, you just don't like it. The "incident" is just a symptom of a larger underlying problem

as a vet, they should feel others' need before being asked for help because the patients they are going to confront can not speak what they want. If the volunteer failed to understand what I needed but just stood there watching, this behavior can be read either she did it on purpose or she is unable to read patients' need

Read carefully my report, if you think my anticipation was wrong, I have nothing to say.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

as a vet, they should feel others' need before being asked for help because the patients they are going to confront can not speak what they want. If the volunteer failed to understand what I needed but just stood there watching, this behavior can be read either she did it on purpose or she is unable to read patients' need

Read carefully my report, if you think my anticipation was wrong, I have nothing to say.

I've tried to be patient with you thus far, but this is bordering on idiotic.

A good vet knows when they need help, and asks for it. When I have to split a particularly large spine on the bandsaw, I ask the techs to help. Can I use a bandsaw? Sure, I'm a fecking surgeon with a bandsaw. But I realize when something is big enough that asking for a helping hand would be beneficial for safety purposes.

However, I would not expect a student to just jump in and help me with it without me asking for it, especially if they themselves were nervous about using the equipment (or in this case, nervous about dealing with a fractious cat as an untrained volunteer).

Vets are not mind readers, just like anyone else.

The patient's need was the be left alone at that point, or to have a more experienced person handle it, and she read it correctly. You did not.

Again as dyachei said, this is all a small symptom of an underlying problem.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

if you insist on how wrong I am, every word I say is just my excuse

I'm looking for someone who got in the same situation, but it turned out that I summoned a huge group of opposition

Several people here have been in the same situation and have given you their stories. People who initially had trouble interacting with people, and how they managed to change. You seem very unwilling to accept that true change is possible.

 

[dyachei]

as a vet, they should feel others' need before being asked for help because the patients they are going to confront can not speak what they want. If the volunteer failed to understand what I needed but just stood there watching, this behavior can be read either she did it on purpose or she is unable to read patients' need

Read carefully my report, if you think my anticipation was wrong, I have nothing to say.

I've read your report plenty. my feeling is that you are missing something very key

 

[havegoalachieved]

I've tried to be patient with you thus far, but this is bordering on idiotic.

A good vet knows when they need help, and asks for it. When I have to split a particularly large spine on the bandsaw, I ask the techs to help. Can I use a bandsaw? Sure, I'm a fecking surgeon with a bandsaw. But I realize when something is big enough that asking for a helping hand would be beneficial for safety purposes.

However, I would not expect a student to just jump in and help me with it without me asking for it, especially if they themselves were nervous about using the equipment (or in this case, nervous about dealing with a fractious cat as an untrained volunteer).

Vets are not mind readers, just like anyone else.

The patient's need was the be left alone at that point, or to have a more experienced person handle it, and she read it correctly. You did not.

Again this is all a small symptom of an underlying problem.

you are using an extreme example. If I found it as skill requiring as in your case, I definitely would ask her for help; however, I expected her to help right after I helped her to show the cat's butt hole that seems acceptable to me. If a driver is getting stuck in one lane and trying to cut into the another lane, will you make room for him? It is common sense but not mind reading. If you think you need the driver to open the window and shout at you that may I cut into your lane, you might have your problem too.

 

[dyachei]

you are using an extreme example. If I found it as skill requiring as in your case, I definitely would ask her for help; however, I expected her to help right after I helped her to show the cat's butt hole that seems acceptable to me. If a driver is getting stuck in one lane and trying to cut into the another lane, will you make room for him? It is common sense but not mind reading. If you think you need the driver to open the window and shout at you that may I cut into your lane, you might have your problem too.

you ASSUMED and EXPECTED. and your expectations were not met. That is not her fault. That is your fault.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I've read your report plenty. my feeling is that you are missing something very key

I think she needed to help me like a teamwork because I helped her right before I did my assignment. At least, she should have asked me if I needed help. Once again, if you think all she did is acceptable and all I did is unacceptable, I have nothing more to explain.

 

[dyachei]

I think she needed to help me like a teamwork because I helped her right before I did my assignment. At least, she should have asked me if I needed help. Once again, if you think all she did is acceptable and all I did is unacceptable, I have nothing more to explain.

I'm not saying that and you aren't understanding the words that are appearing on the screen. Do I think she should have helped? maybe. I wasn't there. But that's not the point. WHY DOES THAT MATTER?

 

[havegoalachieved]

you ASSUMED and EXPECTED. and your expectations were not met. That is not her fault. That is your fault.

I have acceptable expectation because I helped her literally a minute before. I don't see anything wrong about my expectation

 

[TrashPanda]

I live my life with different masks on. I just don't understand why some people are standoffish even though we meet each other the first time.

If you can't see the connection between the first sentence and the second, I'm not sure I can really help but I'll try anyway. This is not normal. Living life "with different masks on" is not normal. Most people do not feel they wear different masks, but most people can sense when someone else's personality is hidden or fake. I'm sure that's where the standoffish-ness is coming from.

As others have stated, it is possible for people to change, but they have to want to change first. I used to be absolutely miserable and have many of the problems you have (difficulty relating to others, coming off as arrogant, being unwilling to ask for help) and while I'm far from perfect now, I am much, much happier and better adjusted.

Since you're in college, I suggest finding out if you can get a free session with a therapist or counselor (I bet you can). You may not think you need that, but it's obvious that you're unhappy with your situation and you don't know how to change. Talking to a professional can help, and there's no shame in it.

 

[havegoalachieved]

I'm not saying that and you aren't understanding the words that are appearing on the screen. Do I think she should have helped? maybe. I wasn't there. But that's not the point. WHY DOES THAT MATTER?

it does matter because we should help each other as a teamwork. I didn't care that I might get into danger to help her show a cat's butt hole; why is it acceptable for her to stay safe and not to offer me help? I actively offer my help to others when I see them in trouble because I understand that asking help from others is difficult. Not to mention that I just helped her right before I did my assignment. If she walked away that might not piss me off, but she stood behind me watching that drove me nuts.

 

[LetItSnow]

In statistics, it is called "voluntary response". Most readers having left their comments didn't focus on the incident but on my personalities because most readers in this thread said so. I learned from other technicians using a towel to prevent injury. They held cats in place for anesthesia with a towel. I don't see anything wrong with that procedure

Uhhhhh.... ok! Whatever. You got great advice from a LOT of people in this thread. But, similar to how you're approaching the relationships outside of this forum, you seem to think everyone else is the problem.

*shrug*

Objectively read and hear what people have to say or don't. Doesn't matter to me.

Peace out.

 

[dyachei]

it does matter because we should help each other as a teamwork. I didn't care that I might get into danger to help her show a cat's butt hole; why is it acceptable for her to stay safe and not to offer me help? I actively offer my help to others when I see them in trouble because I understand that asking help from others is difficult. Not to mention that I just helped her right before I did my assignment. If she walked away that might not piss me off, but she stood behind me watching that drove me nuts.

right but she is under no obligation to do so for you. None. zip. nada. zilch. 0. You expected she would and when she didn't, it upset you enough to write about it on the internet and vent. The fact that you can't see that you are ALSO at fault for not asking for help means that you clearly don't get it.

 

[havegoalachieved]

If you can't see the connection between the first sentence and the second, I'm not sure I can really help but I'll try anyway. This is not normal. Living life "with different masks on" is not normal. Most people do not feel they wear different masks, but most people can sense when someone else's personality is hidden or fake. I'm sure that's where the standoffish-ness is coming from.

As others have stated, it is possible for people to change, but they have to want to change first. I used to be absolutely miserable and have many of the problems you have (difficulty relating to others, coming off as arrogant, being unwilling to ask for help) and while I'm far from perfect now, I am much, much happier and better adjusted.

Since you're in college, I suggest finding out if you can get a free session with a therapist or counselor (I bet you can). You may not think you need that, but it's obvious that you're unhappy with your situation and you don't know how to change. Talking to a professional can help, and there's no shame in it.

I do know how to ask for help. I always ask my professors and someone I respect for help. I'm not arrogant because I won't show off my achievement in any occasion; I just feel proud of myself if I obtain great achievement. I have difficulty relating to others though. I classify who is my friend and who is my coworker into groups and never treat my coworker as my friend and never treat my friend as my coworker. Please don't make topic on my personalities, ok?

 

[havegoalachieved]

right but she is under no obligation to do so for you. None. zip. nada. zilch. 0. You expected she would and when she didn't, it upset you enough to write about it on the internet and vent. The fact that you can't see that you are ALSO at fault for not asking for help means that you clearly don't get it.

in that case I'm acceptable not to ask for help. If I didn't help her first, I definitely admitted my fault of not asking for help to people. Not willing to help people is not an ideal trait for vets, right?

 

[dyachei]

in that case I'm acceptable not to ask for help. If I didn't help her first, I definitely admitted my fault of not asking for help to people. Not willing to help people is not an ideal trait for vets, right?

it doesn't matter. if someone isn't meeting your personal expectations for help, ask. That's what most people would do. Not willing to help in that situation could mean 100 different things. She might have been afraid of that cat, etc. So I'm not willing to state whether she'd be a good or bad vet. maybe she wants to just volunteer and not be a vet. maybe she needs hours for a vet tech school. Do you understand what I mean yet by multiple sides to every story? You aren't her. You aren't in her head. The only way to solve it is with communication.

 

[Abnerrs]

as a vet, they should feel others' need before being asked for help because the patients they are going to confront can not speak what they want. If the volunteer failed to understand what I needed but just stood there watching, this behavior can be read either she did it on purpose or she is unable to read patients' need

Read carefully my report, if you think my anticipation was wrong, I have nothing to say.

Maybe YOU should anticipate that SHE needed you to ask for help. She didn't know you. She didn't know your level of experience. You are being really hypocritical and acting like a victim, which you are not.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I think she needed to help me like a teamwork because I helped her right before I did my assignment. At least, she should have asked me if I needed help. Once again, if you think all she did is acceptable and all I did is unacceptable, I have nothing more to explain.

She asked you for help. You helped.

You did not ask for help. She waited. You asked for a towel to do it by yourself. She told you that was wrong.

Maybe her assumption was that you would offer her the same curteousy of asking just like she did for you. When you didn't, she assumed you did not want help.

From her end, she can see you getting frustrated, but with no context, since no words were said... She cannot help.

The cat also feels you getting stressed and upset and responds with a fight or flight response. You decide to trap it in this situation with a towel, while still upset. The cat does not know who you are upset with.

It is possible the situation was misunderstood on both sides. Your response would have been better if, when you wondered why she wasn't helping, if you had asked. Her response could have been to assume you needed help, but not everyone wants help until asked. If you got visibly upset, she has now been taught not to work with you. It makes conversation more difficult because the image of you she now has is independent and angry. You have to change that opinion.

The best way to do that is called mirroring.
She asks for help. You give it.
Your turn. You ask for help. She will give it.
This is human nature to repeat patterns. You missed a step by not asking.

 

[Abnerrs]

in that case I'm acceptable not to ask for help. If I didn't help her first, I definitely admitted my fault of not asking for help to people. Not willing to help people is not an ideal trait for vets, right?

You have NO IDEA if she was willing to help because YOU DID NOT ASK FOR ANY HELP. Just because you did so without saying anything does not mean that she had to. You need to learn to open your mouth and ASK.

 

[TrashPanda]

I do know how to ask for help. I always ask my professors and someone I respect for help. I'm not arrogant because I won't show off my achievement in any occasion; I just feel proud of myself if I obtain great achievement. I have difficulty relating to others though. I classify who is my friend and who is my coworker into groups and never treat my coworker as my friend and never treat my friend as my coworker. Please don't make topic on my personalities, ok?

I didn't say you didn't know how to ask for help- I suggested that you were unwilling to ask (which you've said yourself). As others have repeatedly pointed out, you must be willing to ask for help in veterinary medicine. You must also be willing to accept responsibility for your part in something, even if someone else also screwed up. You can't go pointing fingers.

Anyway, a therapist/counselor/some self-help books/a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend/etc. can help you with your difficulty relating to others. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

someone I respect for help

So you do not respect her?
Maybe that is part of the problem. You saw her asking for help as a weakness. You refused to follow that example and expected her, as a lower status person, to know her place and help you without being asked.

She offered you respect by asking, and you refused to return that respect.

In our culture, and as I have seen in yours, being too proud to ask for help does not actually make you a better person.

 

[LetItSnow]

@Abnerrs .... I'm mad you didn't buy me a drink.

 

[LetItSnow]

I would have bought YOU a drink, @Abnerrs .....

 

[Abnerrs]

I do know how to ask for help. I always ask my professors and someone I respect for help. I'm not arrogant because I won't show off my achievement in any occasion; I just feel proud of myself if I obtain great achievement. I have difficulty relating to others though. I classify who is my friend and who is my coworker into groups and never treat my coworker as my friend and never treat my friend as my coworker. Please don't make topic on my personalities, ok?

Then maybe you should have respect for people that you don't see as ABOVE you. Your peers deserve respect and therefore you should realize youshould ask them for help as well.

I'm realizing that you don't seem to think that people who aren't in a position of power deserve that.

I graduate in 8 months. I respect first years, technicians, practicing veterinarians the same. While we all have different knowledge levels we are all colleagues.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Despite all of this, I don't think we are getting anywhere with her. She seems very convinced that she is who she is and nothing will change. Three pages in and I doubt she is any more willing to listen to any of us, whether it is out of pride or defensiveness or what.

She has to want to change first, and make a true effort to evaluate her interpersonal connections second. She has made it abundantly clear thus far that she doesn't value anything we have to say.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

And for the love of God, stop saying butt hole. Use the correct anatomical term.

 

[Abnerrs]

And for the love of God, stop saying butt hole. Use the correct anatomical term.

You made me laugh out loud and people think I'm crazy now.

 

[LetItSnow]

And for the love of God, stop saying butt hole. Use the correct anatomical term.

Note to self: Make sure none of my exam or surgery notes ever get somehow submitted to WTF.

 

[Abnerrs]

Note to self: Make sure none of my exam or surgery notes ever get somehow submitted to WTF.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

And for the love of God, stop saying butt hole. Use the correct anatomical term.

I'm just making a mental list of all the terms I could put here instead.

 

[vetmedhead]

fear of failure can make you become more motivating to get succeed, right? You keep trying from repeated failures just because you are afraid of failure. It's not wrong to be a perfectionism; the problem is that you are too paranoid to be literally perfect or don't want to try again just because you are afraid of failure. You can get to nearly perfect if you are a perfectionism.

Fear of failure gave me anxiety. Perfectionism gave me anxiety. They made me quick to snap, quick to judge, controlling, and difficult to work with. I had a Terri let self image because I wasn't perfect and near perfect is not a goal. I am a living, breathing, mistake riddled human being and being perfect or close to it is a terrible goal. I was not too paranoid to be literally perfect, it was never possible in the first place. The anxiety stemming from these things made me try to kill myself in high school. They are not healthy.

you are using an extreme example. If I found it as skill requiring as in your case, I definitely would ask her for help; however, I expected her to help right after I helped her to show the cat's butt hole that seems acceptable to me. If a driver is getting stuck in one lane and trying to cut into the another lane, will you make room for him? It is common sense but not mind reading. If you think you need the driver to open the window and shout at you that may I cut into your lane, you might have your problem too.

Drivers actually do this. It's clear using a turn signal and it is an effective way to communicate your driving intentions.

I do know how to ask for help. I always ask my professors and someone I respect for help. I'm not arrogant because I won't show off my achievement in any occasion; I just feel proud of myself if I obtain great achievement. I have difficulty relating to others though. I classify who is my friend and who is my coworker into groups and never treat my coworker as my friend and never treat my friend as my coworker. Please don't make topic on my personalities, ok?

Here is the big problem. All people are deserving of respect. People know when they are not respected. This person is your coworker and your equal, so even if you have completely backwards understandings of respect there is no way she is beneath you since you have the same position.

 

[Abnerrs]

"Patient has an issue with his poop chute"

-Dr. A

 

[LetItSnow]

No joke, man. I had to do a really nasty laceration repair on a foot once and I was putting tendons back together and this tissue to that tissue, and my initial notes were all "the thinner tendon that branched back by the thing-a-ma-gig" ... just enough info so I could re-write the notes with correct terms when I could find an anatomy book.

My brain isn't big enough for anatomical terms.