Pre-med has broken me down.

[stresseddddd]

Feel free to call me out at any point, I'm at a low right now and can't get much lower.

I wish I wasn't so scared to follow my own path and choose a major/career that I liked, not what my parents told me to do. Since I was barely even ten years old they said that medicine was the only path for me to have success and that I would be "a woman" if I didn't make it. Although the sexism has decreased over the years, they still remind me every day that I need to get As on every exam I take.

I did this to myself, I should have just followed my own path and allowed my development to happen organically, but instead I caved into the pressure. I'm stuck taking monotonous intro science classes that I have no interest in, and I'm millions of times more excited when searching for minors or other majors (aka 90% of the ones at my school) than browsing courses for my major (Biology). I'm sick of my dad reminding me every day that I need to score As in every class under every circumstance, and it's only worse that he's a dean of a medical school in a foreign country where he is nationally known, and it's gotten to his head recently and now he and his colleagues (when I last visited said country) expect me to follow my dad's success - some of them are expecting me to go to an Ivy medical school... I get grey hairs thinking about my bio exam, now they want me to do that too? It honestly doesn't help that I'm in an Ivy undergrad, now they're really expecting it to happen...

I wish I can switch majors, but I only have enough aid to last me through eight semesters, and I'm in the middle of my fifth right now. So basically, based on how far I am on my current courses, potential financial problems prevent me from switching majors at all unless I'm willing to take up a substantial amount of debt (I'm estimating low-six figures at the moment), and if I transfer to my state school I'll rack up about an mid-to-upper 5 digit number in debt anyway. There is no way they would support the decision. I'm going to be emotionally ruined in ten years if I keep at this, but my parents won't bother listening because they're still convinced that money and stability = happiness. And at this point, I know better than to think they are right :/

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[mimelim]

Penn or Brown?

How do I learn more about medical schools that have football teams?

Okay, seriously. knowing when to quit is an underated skill. clearly you are unhappy with the path that you are on. Only you can determine what is the correct path for you not your parents, advisors, or other students and certainly not people on it an anonymous messaging forum. your first step needs to be to figure out whether or not medicine is the right path for you the best way to figure this out is to get some clinical experience even if it's as simple as spending some time shadowing a couple of physicians. eat medicine is the pathway that you end up choosing this is a very different story. However, there's a distinct possibility that you may find that you are more interested in something else in which case you need to have a serious discussion with your parents.

I hate to break it to you but you are only at the very beginning of your training. Medicine is a long hard road not only because the academics never end and the standardized tests keep coming, but also because the profession itself has a lot of build in hurdles. If you don't enjoy what you do on some basic level you will be absolutely miserable.

 

[Holmwood]

Feel free to call me out at any point, I'm at a low right now and can't get much lower.

I wish I wasn't so scared to follow my own path and choose a major/career that I liked, not what my parents told me to do. Since I was barely even ten years old they said that medicine was the only path for me to have success and that I would be "a woman" if I didn't make it. Although the sexism has decreased over the years, they still remind me every day that I need to get As on every exam I take.

I did this to myself, I should have just followed my own path and allowed my development to happen organically, but instead I caved into the pressure. I'm stuck taking monotonous intro science classes that I have no interest in, and I'm millions of times more excited when searching for minors or other majors (aka 90% of the ones at my school) than browsing courses for my major (Biology). I'm sick of my dad reminding me every day that I need to score As in every class under every circumstance, and it's only worse that he's a dean of a medical school in a foreign country where he is nationally known, and it's gotten to his head recently and now he and his colleagues (when I last visited said country) expect me to follow my dad's success - some of them are expecting me to go to an Ivy medical school... I get grey hairs thinking about my bio exam, now they want me to do that too? It honestly doesn't help that I'm in an Ivy undergrad, now they're really expecting it to happen...

I wish I can switch majors, but I only have enough aid to last me through eight semesters, and I'm in the middle of my fifth right now. So basically, based on how far I am on my current courses, potential financial problems prevent me from switching majors at all unless I'm willing to take up a substantial amount of debt (I'm estimating low-six figures at the moment), and if I transfer to my state school I'll rack up about an mid-to-upper 5 digit number in debt anyway. There is no way they would support the decision. I'm going to be emotionally ruined in ten years if I keep at this, but my parents won't bother listening because they're still convinced that money and stability = happiness. And at this point, I know better than to think they are right :/

It's not the undergrad education that's the problem. It's your relationship with your parents.

And honestly, you won't even survive medical education with your current mentality. . . You'll either disappoint your parents now, or you'll disappoint them in the near future. Either way, it's inevitable. I have a cousin who was in the same predicament, and she ended up in an asylum.

You'll have to break off from your parents by finding work and taking out loans. . . you know, like the rest of us. Maybe even transfer to a CC for a couple years, then go to a more affordable university.

Job stability should be the primary reason to go to college. Don't waive it off like it's nothing. Luckily for you, medicine isn't the only option out there. Explore your other options, then come back to us. Or better yet, a forum that isn't for pre-allopathic students. : O Although, I would still be happy to help in any way I can.

 

[2Pints]

Have you thought about counseling? A lot of schools offer free counseling. And before this sounds way off base, I think @Holmwood was very accurate in saying that your relationship with your parents just seems rough. A counselor would also give you skills to set boundaries with your parents and stand up for yourself hopefully in a way where you can keep your relationship intact.

I would also talk to a financial aid advisor and and academic advisor. Gather as much information as possible about what it would really look like to switch majors. Reflect on what would actually be a satisfying career. This might mean dropping down to being a part-time and simply working. I would avoid taking classes just for the heck of it, if you have absolutely no clue what you want to do. I'd understand if other people disagree but I'd rather get paid to explore my options instead of shell out money or use up financial aid on an uncertain path.

 

[stresseddddd]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

Is this directed towards me? I'm not even white.

 

[WhittyPsyche]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

In my opinion and experience the issues expressed by the OP are definitely more prevalent in immigrants.

So the white people comment is not only unnecessary but inaccurate.

Just my .02 ¢


OP you have to talk to your parents but you need to be better equipped to have an effective conversation with them, as I have an idea of how it will go "weakness" etc. So I second the counseling suggestion to gain the necessary interpersonal skills to improve your communication and relationship with them.

Also assess your outlets. If you are in a non-stop worry about grades and expectations you are becoming way too stressed to study and perform effectively. Are you doing anything to relieve tension and stress? Do you currently have anyone to talk to to express frustrations? Hobbies? Try to improve these things.

If your parents are constantly contacting you about grades etc try to talk to them about agreeing to certain "checkpoints". You can focus if you are constantly weary of their opinions. Perhaps they will easily agree to some boundaries if you express how it inhibits your learning. After all, they want As from you right?

Finally, it could just be that this is not the path you should take. If you are constantly forcing it then it may be time to explore other interests. I know though that this is the hardest part because of your parents' wishes. Counseling should help you find what you truly want and how to attain it.

 

[mimelim]

Asian? that seems more likely

Mind checking the racism at the door? Also, if you don't like people being 'mean' toward you, you should probably avoid the whole mocking people, especially those stressed out about something.

 

[SnakeOilForSale]

Then don't depend on your parents financially. Yeah, "easier said than done" and whatnot, but all of us have to give up that safety net eventually. Do it how we do it: work, scholarships, loans.

It doesn't make much sense to me for you to pursue another bachelor's when you will have been graduated in a year. Instead of going back to undergrad, why not get a master's? Well you never did say what you are actually interested in and if you don't know, that's an even bigger problem.

But your choices are clear-- either give up the money and the obligations attached to it, or let your parents determine the course of your life.

 

[2Pints]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

OP seems genuinely upset. As much as I would love to have anybody dish out money for my schooling, I would also think twice if the money came with those kind of strings.

 

[ruonboothb]

This might mean dropping down to being a part-time and simply working.

 

[deleted480308]

Op, the problem is pressure from your parents, not school.

Consider seeing your school's therapist/counselor for some advice

Keep your head up

 

[nOchemallday]

If the only reason you're even pre-med is because of your parents, you should absolutely change majors! Find something you love and pursue that instead. You go to an Ivy league school, as long as you apply yourself and make connections you are going to get a job in your field. Because you go to that caliber of school, you're very likely a high caliber student and should almost definitely be successful no matter what you decide to do. Lastly, if you are concerned about finishing on time: if you're doing something you love, it's much easier to pack on a little extra work and power through it than if you're doing something you hate. Go ahea and drop that "American Dream" on your parents - but remember to do it with tact. Show that your decision to pursue an alternative career is well thought and that you're dedicated to your success (which seems of paramount importance to your parents).

 

[Psai]

Don't do something you don't want to do. Remember, you're doing this for the rest of your life. You don't want to be miserable forever just to please your parents. Medicine sucks and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There's so much bullcrap to deal with from other people that it's enough to make your head spin. I feel like a lot of people think that medicine is all sunshine and rainbows then get to the wards and discover that not only do people suck, sick people are worse. Sick fat poor people with multiple morbidities... jesus christ.

 

[Psai]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

I'm shocked that no one likes you here or in real life

 

[kthxbai]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

Blow it out your ass, loser. If you're so thick that you can't appreciate the severity of OP's problem, what are you doing in medicine - where for better or for worse you'll meet lots of patients with diverse life stories and challenges?

P.S - yeah, really, how the **** did you get into medical school with your stunted compassion skills...

 

[Conflagration]

I'm shocked that no one likes you here or in real life

 

[Doctor Strange]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

You're disgusting.

 

[CLE216]

OP, what kind of classes are you interested in?

 

[stresseddddd]

Thank you all for the kind words.

My interests has been in sociology with a focus on contemporary minority issues. It began during the second half of my freshman year when I took a certain course and really began to intensify as I really started to research these kind of issues on my own time, joined clubs that have a relation to this topic, and began volunteering for a nonprofit serving a minority population. If I switch however, I suspect that I'll have to cram 12-13 courses into three semesters (which can of course be extended with more semesters here). I've toyed with the idea of going into academia for this topic, even though I've heard warnings against this.

 

[atomi]

Thank you all for the kind words.

My interests has been in sociology with a focus on contemporary minority issues. It began during the second half of my freshman year when I took a certain course and really began to intensify as I really started to research these kind of issues on my own time, joined clubs that have a relation to this topic, and began volunteering for a nonprofit serving a minority population. If I switch however, I suspect that I'll have to cram 12-13 courses into three semesters (which can of course be extended with more semesters here). I've toyed with the idea of going into academia for this topic, even though I've heard warnings against this.

So your dad is forcing you do this, follow in his footsteps, and isn't even paying for your college let alone med school, just so you can get a financially stable job and never have to be a potential financial burden to him? Your dad sounds like a parsimonious cheapskate ass.

Medicine sucks. Get out now -- it has the potential to ruin your life, trust me I've been there. Before I went to med school I was making $250k/year doing non-med tech work that your dad would probably look down on. Imagine the look on his face when you're making more money than he does without having endure the **** that is the medical field and having earned it by striking your own path vs. trying to sell out for some kind of sure-thing income level, which is why virtually anybody gets interested in going to medical school in the first place. My suggestion would be to transfer to engineering. There are lots of different fields in engineering and I'm sure you can find one you like. It's financially sustainable and doesn't require expensive graduate education and allows for all sorts of career opportunities. And if your dad doesn't respect the academic rigor of engineering, he's an idiot. It sounds like all he cares about is money and has some really ignorant ideas about money and careers.

The important thing is that you need to learn to be ok with the decision NOT to go to med school. You don't want to be bouncing around what-ifs the rest of your life and end up going anyway like I did. Resolve this issue NOW while you are still young and bury it FOREVER. You may need counseling to do this. It's hard when you're dealing with illogical pressures from family who mean well but are too ignorant and would rather see you sell yourself out for financial security than take risks in life.

 

[Goro]

Concur. Tiger parents come in all sizes/races/ethnicities/nationalities. Gawd knows I grew up with tons of them breathing down my friends' backs.

OP, you sound like you need some time off to reflect. You're going to have to grow a spine and stand up to your parents, for your happiness' and sanities' sake.

Mind checking the racism at the door? Also, if you don't like people being 'mean' toward you, you should probably avoid the whole mocking people, especially those stressed out about something.

 

[reapplicanthelpme2014]

#whitepeopleproblems, when your life is so sweet you have make up stuff to be upset about.

Bro you left Allo, where you felt like you were being harassed, to come and harass pre-meds? Get a lifeeeeeeeeee with your piss poor comments. You bored? Go study. Like its getting tiresome to read your ridiculous comments. And you're making us black folks WITHOUT A CHIP ON OUR SHOULDER look bad. Go back to Allo, nobody wants you on this side. Toodles!

 

[jqueb29]

Feel free to call me out at any point, I'm at a low right now and can't get much lower.

I wish I wasn't so scared to follow my own path and choose a major/career that I liked, not what my parents told me to do. Since I was barely even ten years old they said that medicine was the only path for me to have success and that I would be "a woman" if I didn't make it. Although the sexism has decreased over the years, they still remind me every day that I need to get As on every exam I take.

I did this to myself, I should have just followed my own path and allowed my development to happen organically, but instead I caved into the pressure. I'm stuck taking monotonous intro science classes that I have no interest in, and I'm millions of times more excited when searching for minors or other majors (aka 90% of the ones at my school) than browsing courses for my major (Biology). I'm sick of my dad reminding me every day that I need to score As in every class under every circumstance, and it's only worse that he's a dean of a medical school in a foreign country where he is nationally known, and it's gotten to his head recently and now he and his colleagues (when I last visited said country) expect me to follow my dad's success - some of them are expecting me to go to an Ivy medical school... I get grey hairs thinking about my bio exam, now they want me to do that too? It honestly doesn't help that I'm in an Ivy undergrad, now they're really expecting it to happen...

I wish I can switch majors, but I only have enough aid to last me through eight semesters, and I'm in the middle of my fifth right now. So basically, based on how far I am on my current courses, potential financial problems prevent me from switching majors at all unless I'm willing to take up a substantial amount of debt (I'm estimating low-six figures at the moment), and if I transfer to my state school I'll rack up about an mid-to-upper 5 digit number in debt anyway. There is no way they would support the decision. I'm going to be emotionally ruined in ten years if I keep at this, but my parents won't bother listening because they're still convinced that money and stability = happiness. And at this point, I know better than to think they are right :/

It's your life. You're in a hard spot with no easy choice, but the only thing you owe to anybody is making sure that you are happy. I would not recommend proceeding on to medical school if you're not positive it's what you want to do. Med school is hard and it takes full dedication to get through it.

Have you talked to your parents about this? I couldn't quite tell if you have or not. I know that's a hard conversation to initiate, but I think most parents would be supportive if you just explained to them that you're not happy and you just want to do what interests you and makes you happy. You only get one life; don't waste it trying to please others at the expense of yourself.

 

[stresseddddd]

It's your life. You're in a hard spot with no easy choice, but the only thing you owe to anybody is making sure that you are happy. I would not recommend proceeding on to medical school if you're not positive it's what you want to do. Med school is hard and it takes full dedication to get through it.

Have you talked to your parents about this? I couldn't quite tell if you have or not. I know that's a hard conversation to initiate, but I think most parents would be supportive if you just explained to them that you're not happy and you just want to do what interests you and makes you happy. You only get one life; don't waste it trying to please others at the expense of yourself.

I haven't recently, but last year I tried to coerce them to no longer pressure medicine on me anymore and I said that I may not be happy from the career, and they scoffed at me saying I have no idea what I want, that I'm too naive to understand what makes me happy (which may be true, who knows) and that I'll grow into becoming happy in medicine. (I just turned 20 then for what it's worth)

It took an eternity for me to convince them that engineering is a solid career in the United States, too, and I still haven't convinced them that dentistry is a good job here (not that I'm planning these careers - we had talked about various non-medical careers one time just for conversation)

 

[Silverflash]

You are the only one who knows what will make you happy, not your parents. Don't let them dictate the course of your life. Medicine is a very long, very hard road that you simply won't survive unless you have a passion for it. You need to stand up to your parents and take your education and happiness into your own hands. Change your major, change your focus. You sound like a smart person, so don't be afraid to go against your parents' wishes.

 

[Diesel47]

Is pre-med generally suppose to be easier than med?

Or the other way around?

 

[Lucca]

Is pre-med generally suppose to be easier than med?

Or the other way around?

It just gets harder and harder, generally speaking. YMMV.

 

[PharmDCandidate2014]

Is pre-med generally suppose to be easier than med?

Or the other way around?

Generally speaking the COMPETITION amongst "pre-anythings" is equivalent to a dog-eat-dog world which adds another layer of stress to the schoolwork. As for the difficulty of the material to the two categories you have alluded to, they are probably similar in terms of understanding the material - of course at the graduate level, the volume of work has increased. Time management is really the primary obstacle that graduate students face, rather than understanding how a particular mechanism works with respect to their subject. In these fields, the students are supposedly friendlier with each other. That's what I've heard from my friends in medical and dental school. However, you will most likely continue to see this dog-eat-dog competition, on TOP of the immense schoolwork in the following fields:

-Graduate, i.e. MA/MS/PhD: Why? A good amount of students are from abroad (India, China, etc.) and are on working visas. If they don't publish or stand out amongst their peers, they are going back to their country with nothing to show for it. With this type of pressure, people will do anything to survive. And I mean, ANYTHING - use your imagination here.

-Law/Pharmacy: The increased number of graduates fighting for a limited number of jobs. This will inevitably lead to competition and people doing whatever they can to gain the upper-hand.

My advice: work hard in whatever field you decide to do and don't let the competition bother you. You have enough on your plate already. Make some good friends that will encourage you during the times you feel like giving up, and vice versa.

 

[pharmolu]

Penn or Brown?

You said in another post that Penn student are more likely to say they went to an Ivy than the rest of the Ivy leaguers. However, do you think is that applicable online, where people might say they go to an Ivy solely to protect their anonymity, and not so much to get the prestige factor?

 

[mimelim]

You said in another post that Penn student are more likely to say they went to an Ivy than the rest of the Ivy leaguers. However, do you think is that applicable online, where people might say they go to an Ivy solely to protect their anonymity, and not so much to get the prestige factor?

No. Schools are relatively big.

 

[pharmolu]

No. Schools are relatively big.

yep, that true, and now that I think of it people could say "top private school" or "HYP" instead of Ivy.

 

[stresseddddd]

yep, that true, and now that I think of it people could say "top private school" or "HYP" instead of Ivy.

I didn't think it would be that big of a deal but in the future I can keep that in mind.

Update, I decided to talk to my mom and I didn't expect her to tell me to do what would make me happy... I'll admit I was quite close to tears when she had said that especially considering how she had pushed for me to pursue medicine - but not as hard as my dad, but she also warned that my dad will definitely have a much different (and likely more aggressive) reaction. She promised not to tell him what I've been thinking but I'm still worried on what's going to happen :/

 

[PharmDCandidate2014]

I didn't think it would be that big of a deal but in the future I can keep that in mind.

Update, I decided to talk to my mom and I didn't expect her to tell me to do what would make me happy... I'll admit I was quite close to tears when she had said that especially considering how she had pushed for me to pursue medicine - but not as hard as my dad, but she also warned that my dad will definitely have a much different (and likely more aggressive) reaction. She promised not to tell him what I've been thinking but I'm still worried on what's going to happen :/

Good luck. He should tone down his narrow minded thinking that being a physician is the only thing one can do to be successful, happy, rich, comfortable, etc. Life is short and full of surprises...how can you appreciate it when you're forced into misery?