Premed Single Mother, Is it even possible?????

[Nxtjourney2MD]

Hello all, its good to find such a large network of non-traditional students! I have often felt completely alone as a 31 year old post-grad, premed student, single mom, and Respiratory Therapist. My dilemma is this....I live roughly 900 miles away from my parents. I planned to complete the remaining 26 credit hours of prerequisites then apply to med-schools closer to home. My daughter was going to stay with my parents in the process. That is no longer feasible and I now have two options: Move myself and my daughter to my hometown where there is somewhat more of a support system while im in school. Option two: I can remain miles away from the family with my 12 year old, spread completely thin with higher living expenses as the sole source of support for my daughter. The answer may seem obvious, however, the difference between the two is: My current location provides positive influence for my daughter (less risk of her getting with the wrong crowd by the time I'm beginning residency) safe, quiet neighborhood and better schools. My mom doesn't mind having us back home, I could reduce my living expenses significantly/work less, but at the cost of vast opportunity for distraction, demands, criticism-many won't understand why I am still in school and not working full-time. Also, my mother lives in a two bedroom house, massive repairs are needed, and two of my siblings live there already....
I know this situation has soooo many variables, but any input is welcome.

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[jl lin]

Is it an option for you to get your own place in a location not too far from mom and in a good school system, etc. and then have your mom come to your place to help out as needed? Is mom interested in coming to stay with you--900 miles away, at least for a while? What about one of your siblings? So, you have no other support systems close to where you are now? Absolutely nothing is available? I know having a child board at a good school gets a bad rap, but I honestly know people with kids that love or have loved going away to a good boarding school. The issue there is affordability. Any help from the dad would be a plus. Of course that doesn't always work out. Is he able to help you in any way? I have a colleague that has a child that really wanted to go to a particular boarding school. It's not too far away from them, and mom and dad get up to see her and vice versa on a regular basis. It's kind of no different from their older girl that is in Georgetown. The keep in touch multiple times through the week, and make sure that regular visitations are arranged. Both of them are doing great in school and are quite happy.

Single parenting is VERY hard no matter what. A little easier if you don't have to work b/c money is not an issue—small percentage of folks in that situation
I put off pursuing medicine for some pretty big reasons. But one of them had to do with my children and family needs on a greater scale--very ill parent--another parent with serious surgical procedures that needed support, while she was also caring for my grandmother--who lived to be >90. Just a whole bunch of stuff. Things were so intense, and my kids' ages were so spread out, that it was such a major challenge. I don't think I would have been able to exceed in my courses at that time. Plus, I was teaching some and working as a RN. It was a wild time.

Bottom line, at least for me, was this. I chose to go through hell and back to have my kids. I have a strong sense of loyalty and commitment to my parents and family. I had to do what I had to do. If I had tried to squeeze in other stuff at that time, chances are, the results would have been subpar--or worse--I would have been a subpar parent to my children, given everything else that was going on. So I made my choice. And I have to live with the possibility of being snubbed at some schools b/c I am not 20 or 30 anymore. Oh well; way it goes. I have confidence that I will get there. OTOH, I could become injured, God forbid, in a car accident, or God knows what else tomorrow. But I have to live my life taking responsibility for my choices and whatever may come. I can't see any other way to live.

So if you want to do this med school/medicine profession thing, you can find a way to work it out. Just don't live with the regret of not putting your child first, b/c that's a very tough thing to live with, and no amount of professional success will make up for it.
I totally feel for you, and I am by no means suggesting that you would. At least you probably would not on purpose. But the whole MS thing is so all-encompassing, well, it could happen to anyone. Play the movie in your head of being on your death bed. At that point, what will be the key things in your life that you will be thinking about?

Here's a link to merit scholarships for boarding school. You are 31, so you still have time. So, if you have to get your daughter through middle school, hopefully with the ability to obtain a merit scholarship, you take the next year or two and focus on that and on her. As you do that, you can simply take one course at a time in order to keep all your immediate priorities in focus. She may or may not be able to get a scholarship, but no one knows these things until they try. Don't put ridiculous pressure on her. It will depend upon what she wants as well. My point is, you can take the next year or so and focus on what's best for her, whilst taking one or two pre-req courses somewhere local. At the very least, maybe you will be able to save and raise or seek out funding for her secondary education.
http://www.boardingschoolreview.com/merit-scholarship-offerd-schools.php

Gold bless and the best to you.

 

[brainnurse]

Hi. First, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult of a position you're in right now. How sure are you that you will get into med school close to your parents? How are you already taking residency into account when you're not even sure if this process will make you move for both med school AND residency? Are you and your daughter prepared to do that?

The biggest red flag for me here is that, aside from possibly costing less, you already know that moving back will not be good for you and your daughter, ultimately. So why not just stay where you are now? Lessen your credit load or maybe take loans out? In the scheme of things, a few thousand dollars is a drop in the bucket of med school expenses anyway, right?

I can feel your anxiety coming through. Take a couple of deep breaths, get yourself a simple pros and cons table, and see if that doesn't clear your options a little. Seems stupid, I know, but sometimes it helps to see our problems really laid out before us.

 

[chooks]

Nxt - it sounds like you have a lot going on and the advice given above is good advice. You are only 31 and while it may feel like a lot of pressure to get going on MS ASAP, there are many here who didn't start MS until their later 30's. I don't have a whole lot to add from the other posts other than you need to make sure you take care of yourself and your child -- the whole medical education process can engulf people so make sure you are in a place where that doesn't permanently damage some of the most important relationships you have.