I wish I kept some of the before and afters I have helped others edit. I believe that I've helped quite a few people with clarifying their SOP's far better than I ever did for myself.
Below are the letters in question (I tried to keep it small), both are poorly written, but the second was much better than the first. It's a tad bit embarrassing to share them since my writing has improved significantly since 2006.
Here is a sample similar to the letter that got me my interviews. I don't have copies of the exact letters, but these were both drafts similar to what got sent.
Example 1: The Letter that didnt work very well!
Dear Indiana University Graduate Admissions Committee,
Two years ago, I probably would not have been able to identify my academic goals or ambitions. I knew that I wanted to go back to school to pursue my bachelors degree but that was about it. One of my first classes at the University of Texas at San Antonio was a course in abnormal psychology and almost immediately I was hooked on psychology. After taking a few more classes in psychology and researching the field I was convinced that there were two areas of primary interest to me; experimental and clinical psychology. It was quite clear that a research oriented clinical program was the type that fit me best.
There are few programs like Indiana Universitys that are heavily biased towards the research-oriented curriculum that I want to pursue. My educational goals are simple: To find and excel in the best research oriented program I can find and a program that encompasses the type of research I wish to pursue. The word best is a relative one; to some it means the publication volume or the grants held by an institution. To me, it means a program that will provide me the research skills and clinical background to make me a successful researcher in the area of sexual dysfunction and issues related to intimate relationships.
My career objectives include a strong desire to conduct research, in particular, to the treatment outcomes and in some cases etiology of various conditions related to sexual dysfunction and complications in the area of intimate relationships. While I wish to remain heavily vested in the research arena, I do not believe that research can exist in a vacuum and any good researcher should be engaged in both therapeutic and educational endeavors. I hope to be able to use my research findings to give back to the clinical community and provide options for treatment and diagnosis. To this end, I hope to secure a post-doctoral position that will allow me the freedom to conduct extensive research in the above stated areas.
I am applying to the program at Indiana University because there is no other program quite like it in the country. The strong research orientation of the program fits my needs and my desire to conduct research in the field of human sexuality. The Kinsey Institute offers the opportunity to conduct my studies in an atmosphere of understanding where human sexuality is not vulgar but rather an intrinsic part of the human experience. I know that the Kinsey Institute and Indiana University offer an opportunity that would be invaluable in shaping the direction of my career. This is possibly the strongest reason I have for applying to the clinical psychology program at Indiana University.
I believe that I have the credentials and life experience to be an exceptionally strong candidate for the clinical psychology program at Indiana University. I was fortunate enough in my relatively short undergraduate career to participate in several research studies and to be completing an undergraduate thesis comprised of original data that I am collecting to study the implications of acculturation and alcohol comparing Anglo-American and Mexican-American men and their involvement in sexual assault.
Prior to pursuing my undergraduate education I had a wide range of experiences, while some of these may not be directly related to clinical psychology, they are valuable skills that have served me well in my undergraduate career. The combination of skills listed in my resume combined with the work that I have done in completing my undergraduate studies provides a skill set that should provide the foundation needed for successful completion of your program.
In closing, I believe that Indiana University offers me the best environment for academic and career success in the field. I look forward to discussing this more closely with the faculty regarding my candidacy for attending the graduate program in the fall of 2006.
Example 2: The letter that got me into graduate school!
Statement of Purpose
Many people do not get a second chance to refocus their life and pursue the challenges and rewards that are offered by both undergraduate and graduate training. I was fortunate in that not only did I get that chance but I was able to take advantage of it. My decision to pursue my Ph.D. was made early in my undergraduate training at the University of Texas at San Antonio.
My previous work while not directly applicable to the field of clinical psychology still has served me well in my undergraduate studies. Part of that previous work includes nine years in the United States Air Force which has shaped my work ethic and taught me valuable lessons. I learned that nearly any reasonable goal and even some unreasonable goals are attainable with hard work and a desire to succeed.
I did make one serious mistake during my undergraduate education, and I believe without explanation could jeopardize my success in securing a position in a research oriented program like the University of Alabama. In an effort to complete my undergraduate studies quickly I tested out of 50 credit hours of core course work, completed 12 credit hours of work, and transferred in 29 credit hours from other institutions all during my first abbreviated summer semester. This resulted in my being classified as a freshman, sophomore, junior and senior all in the same semester. It wasn't until I discussed graduate education with one of my professors that I realized my mistake. In the short time I had left I crammed in as many research opportunities as I could. It wasn't until the end of the first semester that I realized that to be a competitive candidate for graduate school I would need research, publications, and an honors thesis along with strong GRE scores and a strong GPA in order to be successful.
With the goal of a doctoral degree in mind, I joined the honors college program in order to more closely work with my professors. Working closely with researchers had a tremendous impact on me and made me a much more competent student and researcher. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to engage in independent study in order to learn and participate in conducting contemporary research. That experience helped make my decision to pursue clinical psychology and drove home the importance of the research and statistical method classes I had been taking. One of the most educational experiences I had was being involved with the startup of the Dating Young and Adult Drinking lab at the University of Texas at San Antonio. As a result of this experience I chose to write my honors thesis on the involvement of alcohol in sexual assault among Anglo-American and Mexican-American men. Despite lengthening my undergraduate studies through joining the honors college, I still was going to finish my studies in 5 semesters and only 3 semesters after deciding to pursue clinical psychology.
The reason I am applying to the University of Alabama is to work with clinical faculty there. I believe that my research interests are congruent with Dr. Beverly Thorn and I would be honored to be selected for the fall 2007 class by the committee. My undergraduate work has focused on women's issues and on substance abuse, despite this focus on women and gender studies, my research interests are quite broad. Specifically, I am primarily interested in chronic pain research. The military community and veterans communities alike pose unique challenges to the clinical health psychologist and these settings are perhaps among the most challenging settings for today's clinical psychologist. Additionally the multimodal treatment options that exist today call for a psychologist well versed in a health psychology specific curriculum such as that offered by the University of Alabama.
After graduating I plan to secure an internship with one of the branches of the Military as a clinical psychologist. The reason is simple and somewhat selfish. I love working with the people in the military and I would be able to secure a full retirement package in 11 short years. The unique situation that I am in means that I can devote myself to working with people who suffer from chronic pain as a result of combat or occupationally induced injuries. My prior military service makes me well suited to returning and understanding the patients that I hope to treat in the future. The health psychology field in particular seems well matched to the environments that military officers find themselves working in and the Department of Defense even sponsors its own program in clinical health psychology in recognition of this need throughout the military.
Hope that helps.
Mark