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I would be okay with giving up my maiden name for his. Assuming we're married before finishing school. Post-school I'd have to consider the difficulty of getting my name changed on everything.
I think what you want is way more important than what he wants in this situation. I tend to be kind of cynical when it comes to last name stuff though.
I gave my son his father's last name when he was born, despite my mom advising me otherwise. His father was only around a few years and then skipped town. I loathed being called "Mrs ExBF", and it happened all the time. One day my son asked why he didn't have my last name and expressed that he'd really like to. I waited several more years, but eventually went through with changing his name, which was costly and time consuming. Most people don't even realize he ever had a different last name now. He, my family and I are all much happier now and I wish I had listened to my mom initially, or even just was willing to put my foot down with the ex.
Basically the point of that was, if you want to be Dr maiden name, then that is what you should do, because if you ever get a divorce from current BF (not that you will, but it happens) you may really resent being Dr married name, and it will be a pain to change it over (from what I was told by a vet that got married after vet school.)
Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?My response to this would be "Oh hells to the no". Wanting me to give up a) the name I've had since I was born plus b) the title I've worked my ass off for to stroke his ego would be a gigantic NO. And would probably make me rethink my relationship with him, because to me, it shows a massive lack of respect.
He is firm in that we won't be engaged until after I graduate. I say, what's wrong with a longer engagement? He doesn't want an engagement/marriage to start out long distance. I can respect that, but that doesn't mean I agree lol.I would be okay with giving up my maiden name for his. Assuming we're married before finishing school. Post-school I'd have to consider the difficulty of getting my name changed on everything.
It's the feminist in you. Embrace her.It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?
My only stipulation is that we need to live together for a year before there's a ring in a box in his pocket.He is firm in that we won't be engaged until after I graduate. I say, what's wrong with a longer engagement? He doesn't want an engagement/marriage to start out long distance. I can respect that, but that doesn't mean I agree lol.
Certainly not a bad stipulation at all. I'd likely be moved in with my boyfriend now, but part of me thinks it's pointless to move in with him for a few months. I also can't take my dog (my dad would be sad) and I love her dearly and don't want to be separated from her. If I had gotten into my IS, we would have gotten an apartment together closer to the school.My only stipulation is that we need to live together for a year before there's a ring in a box in his pocket.
Re: last name change with marriage
I'm pretty firm on not changing my last name. My boyfriend is very firm on me changing my last name. I am pretty sure this is the #1 reason why we are not engaged yet. I'm not giving in. I love my last name and will be the first Dr. in my family. My family is super proud of me and my father is very glad that I insist on keeping my last name. Also, I am used to being identified solely my last name. A part of me would die if I gave up my last name. Besides, my boyfriend's last name is lame, anyways.
This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)it was more important to my husband that I take his name than that I keep mine. But I compromised and am now dr. dyachei maiden name husband's last name.
Eh some people might think it's weird but I'm of the opinion that unless you're using a title you didn't earn or stealing someone else's identity, what you call yourself is your business and anyone who complains about it can STFU.This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)
Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?
I don't think it's weird.This would work well for me, considering I was not given a middle name at birth. But......still. I like my last name. Maybe I will make his last name my middle name (weird?)
I told my SO less than a year into dating that my last name is important to me (mother's maiden name - I didn't change it when she got married, I'm the only kid from this generation of my family that is doing anything with their life, first doctor ever, etc) and that it wasn't going to be changing. Period. It's either a dealbreaker for people or they'll get over it, and that's that. Definitely with Minnerbelle that if he someone desperately wants to have the same last name, changing to the female's name is always an option, too... doesn't have to go one way.
For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.Re: the feminist undertones...with all due respect, keeping one's maiden name is simply continuing the line of patriarchy for another (your father - unless your mother didn't change her last name, so you're carrying on her father's line). If you're concerned about not being someone's property, a) don't marry someone who considers you their property and b) come up with a new last name of your own
Yeah....it's a bigger issue between us than I made it out to be. His 'dream' is to have a Mrs. married name. He thinks different last names would separate us and confuse children and friends. And I'm like....being Dr. maiden name would honor the little girl who wanted to be a vet and did it. It's really hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he's dating a girl who has always wanted to be a vet first, not a wife/mother like other little girls might say. It might be the feminist in me, but regardless of being a doctor or not, I don't see why women are expected to sacrifice their birth identities once married. We're a little past the time of a wedding being the 'passing of ownership' of a woman, ya know?
LOL YES. This is exactly what I said!!Um if it's that important for him for both of you to have the same last name, then he should take Mr. YourMaidenName.
I might actually change my legal last name to pinkpuppy now.If that's his reasoning, then I'll go ahead and call it out as BS. My mom didn't change her name. I can't recall a time I've ever had to question - or had others question - whether or not she was our mom, or if we were a family. If it is important to you, then don't change it. You'll still end up being Mrs. So-and-so in various social situations because that's what people will often call you, but remain Dr. pinkpuppy for work.
I would never change mine - but I'm also from a family of non-name changers.
For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.
This has been brought up on this thread before, but how are you ladies handling maiden -> married name changes? I'd really like to stay Dr. maiden name, but my bf wants me to be Mrs. married name badly. If any of you do this, does it cause any confusion in legal/financial matters? If you did change your name, did you have to change anything for your veterinary license?
I agree with this. I've had people accuse me of being "anti-feminist" for changing my last name and also that I must be disappointing my family for not becoming Dr. Maiden name. No one forced me to change my name - I simply wanted to have the same last name as my husband and future children. That doesn't affect my viewpoints (or my family's for that matter) on anything else.For the record, I didn't mean tbat it was anti-feminist to take your husband's name if that's what you choose. Feminism is about choice. It's when someone else forces a woman to change her name that it bothers me.
happy birthday!! i have chocolate cookie dough cupcakes on my counter right now, but i seriously want to steal your cheese cake that sounds amazing!!Yesterday was my birthday. It was lovely. Around 7 PM, flatmate comes home. For the record, flatmate is another vet (different clinic) and a former classmate. First words out of his mouth: "So here was the plan. I was supposed to be off at 4, and I was going to take you to dinner. And I have stuff in the fridge to make a cheesecake which would have been ready by the time we got back from dinner. Unfortunately, at 3:50 a cat came in with a huge fish hook in its arm." At least his heart was in the right place? (And I'm apparently still going to get both the dinner and the cheesecake. In fact, the cheesecake is in the fridge now. Dark chocolate chip with a strawberry glaze.)
It was amazing. I came home from work last night to the smell of chocolate filling the apartment. Having him as a flatmate is easily one of the best decisions I've ever made.happy birthday!! i have chocolate cookie dough cupcakes on my counter right now, but i seriously want to steal your cheese cake that sounds amazing!!
yeah but it was probably the natural, high protein cardboard crap because that's always better!! Even if higher protein foods haven't been typically beneficial to most dogs and are contraindicated in some disease processes.So I'm at the grocery store today, stocking up for the week. Checking out and I don't really notice the dude in line behind me until his female partner waltzes up complaining loudly about all the grams of sugar in the organic, non-GMO, happy-apples-only apple juice the dude picked out (nevermind the fact that without sugar, apple juice would taste even more like its true main ingredient: horse piss.) Then she starts rambling on about grams of protein and other health conscious stuff. I peek back and notice their cart is full of fruits, vegetables, all kinds of healthy stuff (at which point I move my bag of nectarines to obscure the view of mint Oreos) and then I see it: a 50lb bag of grocery-store brand dog food.
If you're going to be so self-righteous about healthy eating, at least do your dog the favor of feeding him something that isn't ground up cardboard with meat flavoring and food coloring. Sheesh.
I get so annoyed whenever I'm watching something on Hulu because they have so many Blue Buffalo adsyeah but it was probably the natural, high protein cardboard crap because that's always better!! Even if higher protein foods haven't been typically beneficial to most dogs and are contraindicated in some disease processes.
ETA: i'd rather a client feed a store brand grocery food than Blue Buffalo.
So I'm at the grocery store today, stocking up for the week. Checking out and I don't really notice the dude in line behind me until his female partner waltzes up complaining loudly about all the grams of sugar in the organic, non-GMO, happy-apples-only apple juice the dude picked out (nevermind the fact that without sugar, apple juice would taste even more like its true main ingredient: horse piss.) Then she starts rambling on about grams of protein and other health conscious stuff. I peek back and notice their cart is full of fruits, vegetables, all kinds of healthy stuff (at which point I move my bag of nectarines to obscure the view of mint Oreos) and then I see it: a 50lb bag of grocery-store brand dog food.
If you're going to be so self-righteous about healthy eating, at least do your dog the favor of feeding him something that isn't ground up cardboard with meat flavoring and food coloring. Sheesh.
I saw that post, too. I honestly don't know why I continue to follow that page; it is literally just people giving poor, uninformed advice and asking the same six or so questions over and over again. It is terrible.So I've gotten into a debate with a girl on the APVMA facebook page (of course I did) about the condition of vet med. For once, it's actually someone I think is too doom and gloom. The main reason is that she is saying that she works for the AVMA looking at statistics and most of the vets who wrote in for this survey are saying that they're basically destitute: they wouldn't be able to eat without their spouse sort of thing. Now, while I'm all for economic awareness in vet med, that seems rather far fetched to me. I even broke it down for my state's average cost of living, starting salary for vets, etc, and I wasn't getting anywhere near "verge of starvation poor". More over, the ten to twelve vets I've worked for are no where near that situation either. It's just super hard for me to grasp that.
So question: Of those of you who are now vets, would you guys be unable to afford necessities such as food or housing if you were without a spouse? Those without a spouse, do you feel like you're suffering compared to those with spouses?
It would be very difficult to make ends meet if I did not have my spouse's income.So question: Of those of you who are now vets, would you guys be unable to afford necessities such as food or housing if you were without a spouse? Those without a spouse, do you feel like you're suffering compared to those with spouses?
I feel like this ignores the part-time jobs and low paying jobs people feel forced to take due to their loan situation. The unemployment rate isn't higher because there is *some* demand. It's just that not all jobs are good jobs.I feel like if the extreme she is describing were more of the norm, the unemployment rate would be higher and the starting salary would be lower. That's basic economics.
It would be very difficult to make ends meet if I did not have my spouse's income.
I feel like this ignores the part-time jobs and low paying jobs people feel forced to take due to their loan situation. The unemployment rate isn't higher because there is *some* demand. It's just that not all jobs are good jobs.
ok so you have your rent (in this area, it is high cost of living), car payments and/or car maintenance, student loan payment, association dues and CE (may or may not be covered by employer), liability insurance, utilities, pet food and care, medical bills and or insurance to name a fewThanks very much for the info. Can you think of stuff I might not be considering when factoring in everything together? I'm having a real hard time understanding where the extra difficulty comes in for vets. Like I said, I did a quick mock up of what monthly expenses would be for my home state and while it wouldn't be cushy living by any means, I was coming up with a little extra cash at the end of the month.
I did not consider part-time jobs at all, I will admit. I wonder if there is anywhere that shows an estimated number of newer vets working part time.