RANT HERE thread

[Emiloo4]

I know, I know. He is an awesome guy, but this is getting to be too much. I will definitely talk to him again about it when I go home next week. After that, I will have to start thinking about my own sanity. Thank you for your support.

I'm not trying to be pushy. It's your life and I'm sorry, I just get frustrated when people get away with acting like that! I hope things work out the way they are supposed to. Mine was an awesome guy too in pretty much every way but one, but that ONE was enough to make it NOT worth it to stick around. That's what you need to decide. I wish you the best!

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[libster06]

I agree, except I wouldn't call her "dumb". The victim complex is a well studied area of psychology, and I think that plays a role in their relationship. I don't think she is being proactive role model, but not everyone is. I hope that things work out for the best if they decide to stay together and that there is no more domestic abuse.

I'm sorry if my message offends anyone who is/was abused or knows someone who is/was abused.

I agree and I was wrong to do that, as I thought about later.

I was mostly speaking to the consensus that I've seen now that people don't care because it's a good song. It just disturbs me on a lot of levels...

 

[bunnity]

Just wanted to give another perspective on the psilovethomas situation:
I think what is okay as far as attachment to exes is pretty subjective. For example, in the lesbian world it's super normal to have your friends be your exes and your exes be your friends. My girlfriend's best friend is her ex and she is a lovely lady and I am glad she is in my girlfriend's life still. In the context of our relationship / culture / whatever it would be really uncool of me to ask her to stop spending time with this lady. Whereas it seems like in the straight world it's not usually considered okay to be close with exes. I guess I just mean that whatever boundaries and agreements you and your guy work out should be something that work for BOTH of you and to not worry too much about what's normal or what it might look like to outsiders. I think it's entirely possible that he's being sketchy and that he's still romantically attached to this lady, but it's also entirely possible that he's not interested romantically but still has a strong friend or family-style bond that would really hurt him to give up. Anyway just wanted to give another perspective and I hope things work out the way you want them to!

 

[psilovethomas]

I'm not trying to be pushy. It's your life and I'm sorry, I just get frustrated when people get away with acting like that! I hope things work out the way they are supposed to. Mine was an awesome guy too in pretty much every way but one, but that ONE was enough to make it NOT worth it to stick around. That's what you need to decide. I wish you the best!

I understand what you mean. It is pretty significant to me, and I won't tolerate a relationship with a guy who can't seem to move on from his ex. Hopefully he gets his head out of his butt soon.

 

[heylodeb]

This has nothing to do with veterinary medicine but it has been particularly on my mind today...

[I must disclaimer that I don't get into celebrity lives or things of that sort much but this is a bit depper than that...] a friend of mine posted a link to the you tube music video of Rihanna's new song with Chris Brown... and I truthfully had NO idea that Rihanna had a new song with him. However, when I found out upon seeing that, I said something along the lines of how dumb she was and how he beat her and now she's making songs with him, and my friend responded that "she didn't give a **** if she was with him after he beat her because it's a good song and they're good singers" ..........it made me want to throw up.

How are people not more upset by this? How can you hear something like that and not immediately think about the sheer twistedness of the situation? Both my aunt and mom (just to be clear, not by my dad) have been victims of domestic violence, so I guess that's why it hits home for me, but even if I hadn't known someone like that, I would be just as disgusted. It makes me so sad to see someone sending such a terrible message to women, girls and society in general. And that no one cares as long as she's cranking out good music. It's really frightening that nothing affects people anymore.

I agree with you libs. I don't understand how people who are convicted of terrible things like domestic abuse, exploitation of minors, etc etc....are still able to make music and make a living. I don't give a rat's ass how talented you are. All it does is show people that it isn't that big of a deal and if you do it or it happens to you it'll blow over.....

 

[psilovethomas]

Just wanted to give another perspective on the psilovethomas situation:
I think what is okay as far as attachment to exes is pretty subjective. For example, in the lesbian world it's super normal to have your friends be your exes and your exes be your friends. My girlfriend's best friend is her ex and she is a lovely lady and I am glad she is in my girlfriend's life still. In the context of our relationship / culture / whatever it would be really uncool of me to ask her to stop spending time with this lady. Whereas it seems like in the straight world it's not usually considered okay to be close with exes. I guess I just mean that whatever boundaries and agreements you and your guy work out should be something that work for BOTH of you and to not worry too much about what's normal or what it might look like to outsiders. I think it's entirely possible that he's being sketchy and that he's still romantically attached to this lady, but it's also entirely possible that he's not interested romantically but still has a strong friend or family-style bond that would really hurt him to give up. Anyway just wanted to give another perspective and I hope things work out the way you want them to!

Thanks. I think that is the situation on his side, I don't know about hers. I really do try to see it the way you have explained, but it is hard. I don't want to be selfish, but sometimes I just want the attention.. It would be easier for me to accept their relationship if I had a friendship with her, but she seems to hate me. She's only met me once..Oh well.

 

[Emiloo4]

Just wanted to give another perspective on the psilovethomas situation:
I think what is okay as far as attachment to exes is pretty subjective. For example, in the lesbian world it's super normal to have your friends be your exes and your exes be your friends. My girlfriend's best friend is her ex and she is a lovely lady and I am glad she is in my girlfriend's life still. In the context of our relationship / culture / whatever it would be really uncool of me to ask her to stop spending time with this lady. Whereas it seems like in the straight world it's not usually considered okay to be close with exes. I guess I just mean that whatever boundaries and agreements you and your guy work out should be something that work for BOTH of you and to not worry too much about what's normal or what it might look like to outsiders. I think it's entirely possible that he's being sketchy and that he's still romantically attached to this lady, but it's also entirely possible that he's not interested romantically but still has a strong friend or family-style bond that would really hurt him to give up. Anyway just wanted to give another perspective and I hope things work out the way you want them to!

You might not be familiar with this exact situation... His ex /best friend and him tell each other that they love each other all the time, and she calls him at night to comfort her. I have NO problem hanging out with exes or my boyfriend hanging out with his exes, but not when they are attached at the hip, tell each other they love each other every day, and are comforting each other all the time. I have a problem with the fact that they are making psilovethomas feel like the outsider! Again, I have very healthy relationships with most of my exes and so does my bf, but if there is ever a time it makes either one of us uncomfortable (and I believe this situation would do to most of us) then we talk about it, and it is put to rest.

 

[Emiloo4]

It would be easier for me to accept their relationship if I had a friendship with her, but she seems to hate me. She's only met me once..Oh well.

Exactly... that makes it even sketchier!

I actually don't mean to push you in one direction or the other, I just want you to know it's ok to stick up for yourself and get what YOU want out of the relationship too!

 

[EllieGirl89]

Just wanted to give another perspective on the psilovethomas situation:
I think what is okay as far as attachment to exes is pretty subjective. For example, in the lesbian world it's super normal to have your friends be your exes and your exes be your friends. My girlfriend's best friend is her ex and she is a lovely lady and I am glad she is in my girlfriend's life still. In the context of our relationship / culture / whatever it would be really uncool of me to ask her to stop spending time with this lady.

THIS! Haha I don't understand the straight world at ALL because I've never been in it. My ex-girlfriend currently lives in the basement of me and my current girlfriend's apartment and we all live quite harmoniously. A friend of mine in vet school has an ex-girlfriend with a daughter, and she is that child's godmother. So I find it hard to see it as "odd" that someone would be close to their ex. Also I tend to see heterosexual people having opposite-sex best friends in a similar light as I see homosexual people having same-sex best friends, so it's hard for me to see where that would bother people too. My best friend and I are together at least 5 hours every day at school and more often when there's an exam coming up and it's not an issue-but if I were in a straight relationship and she were a guy, there would probably be some raised eyebrows. I guess men and women are just so different.

However, the bottom line is that if this is bothering PSILT, the boyfriend should acknowledge that and take steps to remedy it. Not that he should stop hanging out with this girl if they are close friends-but since HE is the one with a responsibility to PSILT, he should at least do what he can to make her more comfortable with the situation. Invite her to hang out with him and the ex sometimes, choose to hang out with PSILT instead once in a while when the ex asks to hang out, be understanding of why she feels the way she does. It just takes little things to build that trust and make everyone more comfortable with a situation.

 

[hedgiehog]

I agree and I was wrong to do that, as I thought about later.

I was mostly speaking to the consensus that I've seen now that people don't care because it's a good song. It just disturbs me on a lot of levels...

I read a celeb gossip site and from what I saw there about most people were upset about the collaborations. The few people who said that they liked the songs also said they were upset with themselves about it due to the circumstances. The fact that the Cake remix contains whicwhat can easily be read as racial slur towards Chris Brown's current girlfriend just solidified the anger about the songs. If Rihanna had wanted a public reconciliation with Chris Brown there certainly would have been a better way to do it than feature him on a song about how good their sex was where she says she's gonna make him his b*tch.

 

[psilovethomas]

However, the bottom line is that if this is bothering PSILT, the boyfriend should acknowledge that and take steps to remedy it. Not that he should stop hanging out with this girl if they are close friends-but since HE is the one with a responsibility to PSILT, he should at least do what he can to make her more comfortable with the situation. Invite her to hang out with him and the ex sometimes, choose to hang out with PSILT instead once in a while when the ex asks to hang out, be understanding of why she feels the way she does. It just takes little things to build that trust and make everyone more comfortable with a situation.

I really do appreciate everyone's advice and understanding. You are all great.

 

[libster06]

If Rihanna had wanted a public reconciliation with Chris Brown there certainly would have been a better way to do it than feature him on a song about how good their sex was where she says she's gonna make him his b*tch.

I didn't listen, but I did look up the lyrics after hearing that it was a really dirty song, and yea, I thought so too. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, the lyrics are pretty tasteless given the circumstances. I'm no stranger to filthy grinding music, but knowing the mess that came before it, makes it that much more appalling. suffice it to say, she no longer appeals to me, as i can't see past the wrongness of all that.

I was pretty horrified once I found out and after my friend posted that and no one except Me and one other girl responded that way (the others said everyone needed to get over it because it was such a good song), so I googled her and him to see if there was an uproar... thankfully there are quite a bit of people who are sickened by it as well.

 

[Bisbee]

I have to agree with Emiloo about taking charge of what you will and will not tolerate, PSILT. He is having his cake and eating it, too, and you're letting him. No consequences for hurting you.

And Emiloo....look at you after going through your own situation and now helping someone else deal with hers. That is so great!

 

[libster06]

For example, in the lesbian world it's super normal to have your friends be your exes and your exes be your friends.

I would like to know more facts about the lesbian world. It sounds interesting.

It is pretty significant to me, and I won't tolerate a relationship with a guy who can't seem to move on from his ex.

However, the bottom line is that if this is bothering PSILT, the boyfriend should acknowledge that and take steps to remedy it.

That's the bottom line for me. I can deal with a dude being friends with his ex, but I don't understand "close" friends, simply because of the history you have with that person. And perhaps it doesn't work this way in the lesbian world, but in the straight world, girls are crafty, and don't have any moral issue with moving in on a guy with a girlfriend, all the while using the "close friends" excuse to get more time with them. Since PSILT is the current girlfriend, her objecting to all the behavior (which is very understandable) and him insisting on it, doesn't show that he cares about PSILT as much as he should and that he is obviously too attached to the other person to want to make his gf feel better.

And I would certainly not tolerate a guy I was dating who was in essence "hiding" me from their relationship. I am a trusting person, but I'm not a doormat. If you think that what you're doing isn't coming off as shady, think again. D

 

[Marsala]

I have to agree with Emiloo about taking charge of what you will and will not tolerate, PSILT. He is having his cake and eating it, too, and you're letting him. No consequences for hurting you.

And Emiloo....look at you after going through your own situation and now helping someone else deal with hers. That is so great!

I don't normally like to butt in on the personal biz of others, but gotta go with Bisbee here on your problem here, psilovethomas. You are the one who dictates how you are treated by the people in your life. There is a difference between being friends with an ex (which is fine, mostly) and the way you are describing his 'friendship' with this ex. You are going to have to draw the line in the sand. This won't resolve itself, and he will keep this up as long as you let him.

 

[libster06]

You are going to have to draw the line in the sand. This won't resolve itself, and he will keep this up as long as you let him.

To quote the original jerk of jerks, Tucker Max:

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people. Let a guy eff you in the a, drink all your beer and then leave, and he’ll do it. But if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.”

It's raw and vulgar, but it's all too true.

 

[Trematode]

psilovethomas:
I have to chime in too.
It does not matter if he says that the relationship with the ex is innocent. Is does not matter if he is the most honest and most trustworthy guy in existence. If the way he is interacting with this ex is making YOU uncomfortable, you have every right to confront him about it and ask him to tone it down. Having an ex say tell a committed guy that she loves him on a frequent basis is not normal behaviour. Calling him constantly to talk about every little thing that is bothering her is not normal behaviour. I have a difficult time believing that this girl is over the break-up and does not have an alternate agenda that she does not want you two to know about out. I feel that if I were in that situation, I would be very uncomfortable. She is crossing the line. She needs to buck up and learn how to communicate appropriately with her ex or seek some counseling if the only person she feels comfortable dumping her problems on is him.

I LIVE with my ex. You do not see me telling him that I love him or calling him whenever we are apart from each other (except to say, "Come pick me up now!" and "Where did you hide the mop head?"). I had a hard enough time telling my recent date that I still live with my ex (in a one bedroom none-the-less). The thought of having him find out that I constantly call my ex and still tell him I love him...... is an easy way to make sure nobody ever loves me again! So what is this girl expecting to get out of being hung-up on her ex?

My advice? If it makes you uncomfortable, do not be afraid to to talk to him. If he does not realize that the behaviour is awkward and socially unacceptable, then I would take that as a warning sign. It is not a huge one like infidelity or violent tendencies... but do you really want this girl showing up on your wedding day and cozying up to your husband? (hopefully it does not result to that )

Best of luck.
I am off to bed before I start saying things that make no sense.

 

[Lab Rat83]

To quote the original jerk of jerks, Tucker Max:

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people. Let a guy eff you in the a, drink all your beer and then leave, and he’ll do it. But if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.”

It's raw and vulgar, but it's all too true.

Love it!

 

[goldnretrivrgrl]

Also I tend to see heterosexual people having opposite-sex best friends in a similar light as I see homosexual people having same-sex best friends, so it's hard for me to see where that would bother people too. My best friend and I are together at least 5 hours every day at school and more often when there's an exam coming up and it's not an issue-but if I were in a straight relationship and she were a guy, there would probably be some raised eyebrows. I guess men and women are just so different.

I'm with ya on that one. My best friend is a guy and his new girlfriend HATES me. Other than the fact that I'm a single straight girl who occasionally hangs out with him, I can't figure out what I did to make her act this way. I live two hours away, only get home maybe 1 weekend a month, have never dated him, don't want to date him....
It makes me really sad because they were so happy for a while and now she seems to have decided that it's me or her. I would not be surprised if she asked him to cut me out of his life pretty soon.

 

[twelvetigers]

I'm with ya on that one. My best friend is a guy and his new girlfriend HATES me. Other than the fact that I'm a single straight girl who occasionally hangs out with him, I can't figure out what I did to make her act this way. I live two hours away, only get home maybe 1 weekend a month, have never dated him, don't want to date him....
It makes me really sad because they were so happy for a while and now she seems to have decided that it's me or her. I would not be surprised if she asked him to cut me out of his life pretty soon.

Yes, but do you do any of these things?

...random stupid messages on facebook... calling him... telling him to cut his time short with me... like they don't have boundaries...telling each other 'I love you'... her calling him late at night to bitch and complain about her life... said some pretty snarky/b*!ch things about me before she even met me... sure she still does... also the godfather of her baby

 

[Katie8]

PSILT, in the end, I think you just need to do what's right for you! If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to say something. Yes, exes can be friends and both can have mutual respect for each other without the romantic feelings, and yes, sometimes one party can have romantic feelings that are not being reciprocated. But ultimately, it's just doing what you need to do to make yourself feel better. If you're okay with waiting to see if things will be different, then wait. If you think you should say something, do it. I would hate for you to regret never saying anything. And if he respects you and your relationship, coming to him with how you feel shouldn't be a problem. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, hopefully things will start to get better! (or the ex will stop being a pain in the *****!!!!)

 

[FutResearchVet]

I just need to get something off my mind....

So I currently live with my boyfriend and his brother. I love my boyfriend very much and see us getting married someday (we're already talking about getting engaged ), so I would have rather just moved in with him. But, we agreed to live with his brother for 1 year so that we could all save money. It's a 3 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment, so there is plenty of space, but I absolutely cannot stand living with his brother.
When I first moved in, my boyfriend and his brother were both horrible at cleaning/picking up after themselves and I seriously felt like a maid. I told my boyfriend that if he didn't learn to clean up after himself that would be a deal breaker for me. He took that seriously and is doing a much better job cleaning/etc and now understands why it is important for us to respect the communal space.
He brother, on the other hand, has seriously not cleaned once in the last 6 months. We had to ask him to vacuum the living room rug and he's only done it once in the last 6 months. He almost never cleans his own dishes, leaving them in the sink. My boyfriend and I run the dishwasher 3 or so times a week, his brother runs it about once a month. And when he actually does do the dishes he complains and curses. Don't even get me started on the bathroom... he has left **** and pee stains on the toilet seat after using it... and I know it was him because many times I have literally gone to use the bathroom 5 minutes after he left.
But, this morning was just about my breaking point. I had come back to the apartment after missing my bus to wait for the next bus and he must have thought I wasn't there. I know that a women can sometimes be messy during a certain time of the month, but I always clean up after myself. Well, this morning I overheard him complaining about tampons/pads in the trash "every f***ing month." Well, duh, where the hell else am I supposed to put them... in the toilet so they clog it up. And it's not like I leave them open/exposed, I try to "conceal" the contents as best as possible (sorry if this rant is a little gross, but I know the women understand). And then he walks into the living room when I am sitting and acts awkward knowing that I just overheard him, asking me how the weather looks outside.
I am so fed up with his laziness and negative attitude towards everything. It's not my fault that he's 31, has never ever had a girlfriend (and honestly with that lack of tolerance I don't know if he ever will get a girlfriend), and never goes out to hang with friends (my boyfriend said that his brother is introverted because he got teased a lot in grade school... who hasn't - get over it already). I don't want to start a feud because I still have 6 months to go, but this is just driving me nuts!

 

[goldnretrivrgrl]

Yes, but do you do any of these things?

No!!! We do talk (via text usually) almost every day, but never while she's there- that would be really rude. I never tell him I love him or expect him to chose me over her when I'm in for the weekend. No facebook messaging or blurring of boundaries- I'm happy to just be friends. As for his girlfriend- I thought she sounded pretty nice in the beginning- I even helped him wrap some of her christmas gifts because he sucks at wrapping.... I always tell him to consider how she feels when they argue (which is pretty often).... WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!!!

Also, piece of crucial information- he works with my autistic brother, which is how we met. We did not meet through mutual friends, or at a bar, or on a dating website. There has never been a hint of romance. He calls me "sis" most of the time.

 

[psilovethomas]

...

 

[Emiloo4]

I talked to him about it, and this is what he said. "I talked to her the other day on the phone about what you and I discussed. She didn't understand and thought I was trying to end our friendship. I told her how important to me it is for your to feel comfortable about our friendship, and I tried to give her examples where she may have come off as slightly (?!) intrusive and I believe that gave her a better understanding of where I was coming from." That's from a text. I'm assuming that if this happened a couple days ago, that it was before her typical facebook post last night. You can say you want one thing and that it is important to you, but it's another thing to make sure that thing happens. It's like in one ear and out the other. I don't think he really understands the extant of the damage she causes.

It sounds like he is trying to make BOTH of you happy instead of sticking up for his GIRLFRIEND!! If you seemed like a looney tune, psycho, jealous b*tch, then I would tell you to let him be friends with whoever he wants, but you seem MORE than reasonable to me. You are gonna have to draw a big, thick, hard a** line if you ever want this to end. And the more I read details, the more I have to say, I really feel like there is a little more going on here than there should be. Maybe not necessarily physical, but definitely emotional, and if I was there I would beat both their a**es!! The fact that he brushes off you hanging out with her and gets NERVOUS before you meet her is really sketchy to me. I am really trying hard not to influence you one way or the other here, but love can be SO blind and I don't want you to get hurt (more hurt than you already are). Take a step outside your relationship for a second and think about what advice you would offer your best friend going through the same thing. The outside can be a very powerful perspective!

The guy I just broke up with asked me when we first started dating, why I talked to my ex so much, and I was resistant at first "You can't tell me who I can and can't talk to" and blah blah blah. And then I realized he wasn't trying to control who I talked to, but he was plain and simply uncomfortable with me being so close with my ex. I told my ex this, and he had NO problem with us talking less if it made my current BF more comfortable. And that's because neither one of us had alterier motives!

Edit: And whether your BF has alterier motives or not, I can pretty much guarantee you from the things I've read, that the girl DOES! If you are the woman making him happy, and she truly cares about him, then she should LOVE you!

 

[that redhead]

I talked to him about it, and this is what he said. "I talked to her the other day on the phone about what you and I discussed. She didn't understand and thought I was trying to end our friendship. I told her how important to me it is for your to feel comfortable about our friendship, and I tried to give her examples where she may have come off as slightly (?!) intrusive and I believe that gave her a better understanding of where I was coming from." That's from a text. I'm assuming that if this happened a couple days ago, that it was before her typical facebook post last night. You can say you want one thing and that it is important to you, but it's another thing to make sure that thing happens. It's like in one ear and out the other. I don't think he really understands the extant of the damage she causes.

Well, it seems like he's at least taken steps to respect your feelings in communicating to her that you're uncomfortable. I'd give them a shot to sort themselves out but really, if he doesn't understand what you feel or think it's important, that's bottom line material.

 

[Emiloo4]

And Emiloo....look at you after going through your own situation and now helping someone else deal with hers. That is so great!

I just want to give her an outside perspective because everytime I get one, it opens my eyes and makes me realize what an idiot I've been, letting people get away with crap!

 

[Trematode]

What kind of mature, responsible adult would automatically assume "OMG he does not want to be friends with me!" from "We should start talking less because my girlfriend is uncomfortable."
Is this girl... like 12?
*red flag, red flag, red flag*

 

[Bisbee]

I just want to give her an outside perspective because everytime I get one, it opens my eyes and makes me realize what an idiot I've been, letting people get away with crap!

You've learned a lot while going through the pain. You have a great ability to be open to what people are trying to tell you, seeing the "outside perspective" as you put it. You realize that the outside people have no ulterior motive...just trying to help. Now you are doing the same for PSILT. She is having a lot of pain, too, in her situation. Live and learn, right? (I'm old and still learning...I think that's what life is mostly all about--learning).

 

[Trematode]

Urgh. I recently realized that I need to start looking out for red flags too.
Engineer buddy who I liked for 7 years and went out with for new years ended up being a total d-bag. Learned my lesson, built myself a bridge and got over it.

 

[Bisbee]

No!!! We do talk (via text usually) almost every day, but never while she's there- that would be really rude. I never tell him I love him or expect him to chose me over her when I'm in for the weekend. No facebook messaging or blurring of boundaries- I'm happy to just be friends. As for his girlfriend- I thought she sounded pretty nice in the beginning- I even helped him wrap some of her christmas gifts because he sucks at wrapping.... I always tell him to consider how she feels when they argue (which is pretty often).... WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!!!

Also, piece of crucial information- he works with my autistic brother, which is how we met. We did not meet through mutual friends, or at a bar, or on a dating website. There has never been a hint of romance. He calls me "sis" most of the
time.

I don't know...that everyday texting might be what bothers her. And then there's the wrapping of her presents. Maybe you should just back off a little bit since she's already feeling threatened by you. That way you can still remain friends with this guy and not have him give you the big "I can't be friends with you anymore" speech if things continue going the way they are now. If you do some damage control now (be the bigger person and diffuse the situation by telling him that you're stepping back a little and the ball is in his court to contact you and you don't want to cause any problems in his relationship, yada, yada, yada), it can be better for all later. Good luck! Also, do you have a boyfriend? I think having a relationship of your own will help fill the absence you may feel...someone new to text every day! Also, she'd see that you aren't interested in her man.

 

[that redhead]

Also, do you have a boyfriend? I think having a relationship of your own will help fill the absence you may feel...someone new to text every day! Also, she'd see that you aren't interested in her man.

With all due respect, that is a terrible reason to have a boyfriend.

I think the best thing she can do in this situation is reach out to the other girl and say "Hey, I know it must seem strange that Dude and I talk a lot and hang out a lot but I just wanted to assure you that I'm not interested in taking him away from you." And then maybe go out for drinks in a bigger group or something chill.

 

[Trematode]

It is day 22 of the transit strike... and the transit union just rejected the city's "final" offer.
I am SICK and TIRED of paying $$$ to get around and making sacrifices so that YOU can pick your shifts and earn an extra buck. I don't get to see my friends. I had to give up volunteering at the vet clinic. I have to WAKE my roommate up every day and ask him to pretty-please take me to school. I cannot even go to the damn grocery store without poking my roomate and asking him to take me. I am SICK of it.
Our bus passes were included in our tuition. $175 I believe for the year.

I hope they fire you all. The city is full of people willing to drive a bus for $25/hour and be cool with not picking their own shifts.

The faculty of my roommate's university just voted in favor of a strike. If his school strikes, I will be screwed.

 

[lux0r]

With all due respect, that is a terrible reason to have a boyfriend.

I agree.

 

[Bisbee]

It doesn't necessarily have to be getting a boyfriend, but just having others things to do to fill the void. That way she won't feel so at loose ends without the daily texting and all. Just something to keep her life happy and fulfilled so that the other girl doesn't see her as infringing on the relationship. It could be boyfriend, or anything really.

 

[Fireflysushi]

FutResearchVet- I am sorry about your living situation -I know how frustrating it is to have roomates not pick up after them selves (eeeewwww poo on the seat!!!) especially one that you may have to deal with for a very long time if you and your bf get married. But atleast your bf is trying to be cleaner.

My rant- I can't stand my bf's new best friend! He is 30 years old (7 years older than my bf and I) and yet he acts like a 5 year old. I think he is a woman-hater, but he refuses to admit it and is constantly wishing he had a gf. He thinks that it is despicable when a woamn relys on a man or even thinks for a second that he should pay for anything for her. His mom is a stay-at-home-mom that he constantly says is the best woman in the world -where does he think she gets her money!?! I am all for financial equality in a relationship, but if it is decided, by the couple, that they guy pays more then who cares? He also thinks all of his guy friends' wives and gfs (yes me included) are bitches because we try to control our men. His example of the bitchiest wife was when the guys wanted to get together in the mountains but this woman's husband was sick. She told him he couldn't go because he needed to get better. My bf's friend thinks this was awful and controling- if he can't make the decision to benefit his health then the person that has to deal with his coughing and snorting should have some say!
Before I realized just how much of a woman-hater he is I tried to set him up with some of my friends, but when I showed him their pictures on facebook he said he wasn't interested then proceded to find my two friends who are modles and legitimatley asked me to hook them up. Yeah right! He weighs almost 300lbs and is an a**hole! Not going to happen.
Now my bf and I are spending the weekend with him... My bf swears that he really is a nice guy....

 

[bbeventer]

I just received my alternate letter from Illinois. It is my IS so they might as well flat out rejected me, at least that would save me future stress over the summer.

I am totally lost now, this was cycle 2, I don't know if I have the stamina for a 3rd. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl under a rock. I don't know what else I can change about my application, I rehauled the whole thing last cycle. God, I don't want to do a masters. Uhg, I want to become a professional bum.

 

[StartingoverVet]

People who bring dogs on their trips that bark ALL DAY LONG in their rooms.

If your dog is not well-behaved, leave them home!

You make the rest of dog owners look bad, annoy everyone, stress out well-behaved dogs (like mine), and give a good excuse to exclude dogs from more places in the future.

And I am sure these are the same types of owners who don't pick up after their dogs, etc etc.

 

[Bisbee]

I just received my alternate letter from Illinois. It is my IS so they might as well flat out rejected me, at least that would save me future stress over the summer.

I am totally lost now, this was cycle 2, I don't know if I have the stamina for a 3rd. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl under a rock. I don't know what else I can change about my application, I rehauled the whole thing last cycle. God, I don't want to do a masters. Uhg, I want to become a professional bum.

I'm sorry to see this post bbeventer. But it's not a rejection, so hang in there. Start working on your Plan B, but stay hopeful for Plan A to still work out.

 

[goldnretrivrgrl]

I think both of you have valid points, Bisbee and Redhead. Bisbee, vet school is probably my other 'thing' to occupy my time. I got out of a long relationship in Sept 2011 and I'm not really interested in trying to balance school and a boyfriend right now. I offered to back off some when the problems started but he got annoyed and said I was being ridiculous. Perhaps I will try to reach out to her when I'm home for break. It would be nice if we could be friends! If she isn't receptive, I will back off. I appreciate the advice!

 

[nyanko]

It doesn't necessarily have to be getting a boyfriend, but just having others things to do to fill the void. That way she won't feel so at loose ends without the daily texting and all. Just something to keep her life happy and fulfilled so that the other girl doesn't see her as infringing on the relationship. It could be boyfriend, or anything really.

I don't think it's grg's problem that the other girl is insecure about her relationship. It is NOT grg's responsibility to break off a friendship because the dude's girlfriend is uncomfortable with their friendship, if it is completely platonic on grg's end. I assume the guy is completely capable of making his own decisions and it is HIS responsibility to properly balance his time between friends (of any gender) and his relationship, not his friends'. If he's not capable of doing that, again, his problem.

Incidentally, it is also psilt's boyfriend's responsibility to break things off or put more space in if psilt is uncomfortable with the situation with his ex. It is not the ex's responsibility.

 

[Emiloo4]

I don't think it's grg's problem that the other girl is insecure about her relationship. It is NOT grg's responsibility to break off a friendship because the dude's girlfriend is uncomfortable with their friendship, if it is completely platonic on grg's end. I assume the guy is completely capable of making his own decisions and it is HIS responsibility to properly balance his time between friends (of any gender) and his relationship, not his friends'. If he's not capable of doing that, again, his problem.

Incidentally, it is also psilt's boyfriend's responsibility to break things off or put more space in if psilt is uncomfortable with the situation with his ex. It is not the ex's responsibility.

 

[psilovethomas]

I watched Bambi, and that just made me feel better. I also took a 5 hour nap (meds really knock me out!). I am trying to keep my mind off it by studying..

 

[Emiloo4]

I just want to thank everyone for all their help and insight. You are all so awesome and I wish we could all go to vet school together. We would have one awesome support group. I would make brownies (not burned to a crisp!) for everyone if I could!

I talked to him about it today, and he thought I am upset because of school. I'm pretty much fed up. Yeah, thanks for reminding me that if I don't pass cell bio I won't go to vet school. That's just what I need right now!

I watched Bambi, and that just made me feel better. I also took a 5 hour nap (meds really knock me out!). I am trying to keep my mind off it by studying..

I'm not sure how your mind works, but when my BF (ex BF... still trying to get used to that lol) pulled that crap on me "You're just stressed because of applications, blah blah blah" , my anger became such a driving force for me to study. I would get so mad, and say "Study Emily, so you can get the hell out of here in August!"
Once you stop being hurt and sad and start getting angry... **** changes
Hang in there PSIL(jerkface)T!! (Just messin about the jerkface Thomas part... well kind of )

 

[psilovethomas]

I'm not sure how your mind works, but when my BF (ex BF... still trying to get used to that lol) pulled that crap on me "You're just stressed because of applications, blah blah blah" , my anger became such a driving force for me to study. I would get so mad, and say "Study Emily, so you can get the hell out of here in August!"
Once you stop being hurt and sad and start getting angry... **** changes
Hang in there PSIL(jerkface)T!! (Just messin about the jerkface Thomas part... well kind of )

Tommy is my ex, but our relationship will always be special to me. We were together for 6.5 years, and have been broken up for about 9 months. We don't really talk anymore, and I am okay with that. New boyfriend's name can just be butthole. BUT, that probably wouldn't be a good tag...psilove.....

 

[Emiloo4]

Tommy is my ex, but our relationship will always be special to me.

.......hhhmmmmmmm??????? My avatar actually expresses my emotions rather perfectly lol.

So now that this has been thrown in the pot, I have way too many thoughts to even post right now .

 

[psilovethomas]

.......hhhmmmmmmm??????? My avatar actually expresses my emotions rather perfectly lol.

So now that this has been thrown in the pot, I have way too many thoughts to even post right now .

I meant that to mean I will never forget him. I made this account while we were still together, and didn't want to change it just because we broke it. I am over that relationship and it ended pretty badly. It was my decision and I don't regret it. I learned a lot from him and he never treated me poorly, he just made a lot of bad decisions that I couldn't put up with. It was almost exactly the same as your most recent relationship. We are not friends on facebook and last time he said anything to me was 'happy birthday' in November.

 

[Emiloo4]

I meant that to mean I will never forget him. I made this account while we were still together, and didn't want to change it just because we broke it. I am over that relationship and it ended pretty badly. It was my decision and I don't regret it. I learned a lot from him and he never treated me poorly, he just made a lot of bad decisions that I couldn't put up with. It was almost exactly the same as your most recent relationship. We are not friends on facebook and last time he said anything to me was 'happy birthday' in November.

Oh ok. I didn't think about the fact that you might of had this account name for a while . My bad! I wasn't trying to jump to conclusions, I just didn't have the energy to get into it. All makes sense now... Learn from your past relationships and make sure you are putting up with bullcrap less each time, PSILBH

I wasn't criticizing the "always be special thing" because I get that... I was confused that your name was PSILmyexBF. lol

 

[psilovethomas]

Oh ok. I didn't think about the fact that you might of had this account name for a while . My bad! I wasn't trying to jump to conclusions, I just didn't have the energy to get into it. All makes sense now... Learn from your past relationships and make sure you are putting up with bullcrap less each time, PSILBH

I wasn't criticizing the "always be special thing" because I get that... I was confused that your name was PSILmyexBF. lol

I would change it it I could, but, oh well. Maybe I will get a hamster and name it Tom?

 

[Emiloo4]

I would change it it I could, but, oh well. Maybe I will get a hamster and name it Tom?

Haha, no because then people might not know that you are the same person. I get it now, I was just really confused .