So I applied last cycle and thought I had a decent shot. My 520 MCAT would get me some love, I thought. Sure, my UG grades weren't so hot, but I've done great in my post-bacc and my science grades are excellent. Little did I know I'd get wiped out at 24 of 25 schools I applied to... didn't even get an interview except at one.
Well, grades aren't amenable to change at this point, so I've been doing the only thing I really can t0 improve so I can apply again: get more ECs. Thankfully I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to take three days during the week to devote to volunteer work.
I just feel so, so... tired.... now. Between work, three volunteer commitments, and two classes, I don't have evenings anymore and frequently don't get off until 10 PM. I feel like I have a med student's schedule and I'm not even in med school... and I'm trying to get my new application in on top of that (god, when I listen to older doctors tell me about how back when they applied, they didn't need to even write essays )
I feel stretched thin. Is this what medical school would be like? Or is it just the uncertainty that's killing me? Sometimes I find myself envying people with 9-to-5s since they can at least go home and be done with work... all my free time is spent worrying about the 105 essays I have to write.
I've turned into an angry, neurotic person self-absorbed about his stay in application purgatory. I've enjoyed every clinical experience I've had but sometimes I wonder why I'm still doing this. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or is it just that if I don't get in, I'll have to live the rest of my life getting eaten away by the knowledge I scored a 98th percentile score on the MCAT but couldn't close the deal?
I don't have any expectations about this process anymore... sometimes I just want to turn in whatever piece of crap essay I write as first draft since it doesn't feel like it'll make a difference anyway, it's just going to sit in a drawer for eight months. I poured my heart and soul into my first app and it wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm never going to be the phoney-baloney person they want to see: the saint with no wants or needs of their own, besides a joy in taking on ever-greater quantities of work (yet still somehow well-rounded). I'm not perfect and I'll never be perfect, but when you have 10,000 applicants for 200 spots I guess you can find 200 people who are pretty close.
Am I just not cut out for this? Or is the stress just getting to me? I want a vacation so sooo bad but I know I can't until I get secondaries in. I just feel like I'm suffocating a little bit more every day...
Well, grades aren't amenable to change at this point, so I've been doing the only thing I really can t0 improve so I can apply again: get more ECs. Thankfully I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to take three days during the week to devote to volunteer work.
I just feel so, so... tired.... now. Between work, three volunteer commitments, and two classes, I don't have evenings anymore and frequently don't get off until 10 PM. I feel like I have a med student's schedule and I'm not even in med school... and I'm trying to get my new application in on top of that (god, when I listen to older doctors tell me about how back when they applied, they didn't need to even write essays )
I feel stretched thin. Is this what medical school would be like? Or is it just the uncertainty that's killing me? Sometimes I find myself envying people with 9-to-5s since they can at least go home and be done with work... all my free time is spent worrying about the 105 essays I have to write.
I've turned into an angry, neurotic person self-absorbed about his stay in application purgatory. I've enjoyed every clinical experience I've had but sometimes I wonder why I'm still doing this. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or is it just that if I don't get in, I'll have to live the rest of my life getting eaten away by the knowledge I scored a 98th percentile score on the MCAT but couldn't close the deal?
I don't have any expectations about this process anymore... sometimes I just want to turn in whatever piece of crap essay I write as first draft since it doesn't feel like it'll make a difference anyway, it's just going to sit in a drawer for eight months. I poured my heart and soul into my first app and it wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm never going to be the phoney-baloney person they want to see: the saint with no wants or needs of their own, besides a joy in taking on ever-greater quantities of work (yet still somehow well-rounded). I'm not perfect and I'll never be perfect, but when you have 10,000 applicants for 200 spots I guess you can find 200 people who are pretty close.
Am I just not cut out for this? Or is the stress just getting to me? I want a vacation so sooo bad but I know I can't until I get secondaries in. I just feel like I'm suffocating a little bit more every day...