Reapplicant feeling burnt out

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Marcion

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So I applied last cycle and thought I had a decent shot. My 520 MCAT would get me some love, I thought. Sure, my UG grades weren't so hot, but I've done great in my post-bacc and my science grades are excellent. Little did I know I'd get wiped out at 24 of 25 schools I applied to... didn't even get an interview except at one.

Well, grades aren't amenable to change at this point, so I've been doing the only thing I really can t0 improve so I can apply again: get more ECs. Thankfully I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to take three days during the week to devote to volunteer work.

I just feel so, so... tired.... now. Between work, three volunteer commitments, and two classes, I don't have evenings anymore and frequently don't get off until 10 PM. I feel like I have a med student's schedule and I'm not even in med school... and I'm trying to get my new application in on top of that (god, when I listen to older doctors tell me about how back when they applied, they didn't need to even write essays :mad:)

I feel stretched thin. Is this what medical school would be like? Or is it just the uncertainty that's killing me? Sometimes I find myself envying people with 9-to-5s since they can at least go home and be done with work... all my free time is spent worrying about the 105 essays I have to write.

I've turned into an angry, neurotic person self-absorbed about his stay in application purgatory. I've enjoyed every clinical experience I've had but sometimes I wonder why I'm still doing this. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or is it just that if I don't get in, I'll have to live the rest of my life getting eaten away by the knowledge I scored a 98th percentile score on the MCAT but couldn't close the deal?

I don't have any expectations about this process anymore... sometimes I just want to turn in whatever piece of crap essay I write as first draft since it doesn't feel like it'll make a difference anyway, it's just going to sit in a drawer for eight months. I poured my heart and soul into my first app and it wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm never going to be the phoney-baloney person they want to see: the saint with no wants or needs of their own, besides a joy in taking on ever-greater quantities of work (yet still somehow well-rounded). I'm not perfect and I'll never be perfect, but when you have 10,000 applicants for 200 spots I guess you can find 200 people who are pretty close.

Am I just not cut out for this? Or is the stress just getting to me? I want a vacation so sooo bad but I know I can't until I get secondaries in. I just feel like I'm suffocating a little bit more every day...

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Hang in there buddy, if it's what you want than giving up isn't a option.


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I felt the exact same way a few months back. Working full time, full time student as well with 5 classes, and multiple volunteer gigs. Hardly getting any sleep, thinking it was too hard or that I wasn't cut out for it, and being so irritable that I was questioning how id handle the rigors of medical school or residency. I was on the verge of having a breakdown. Actually made a thread about it here also.

I'm sure not getting in was devastating. You're going through the same process again and feel like it may not change. I believe you're just overwhelmed and uncertain of what's to come. Both of which are completely rational responses and OK for someone to feel in your situation.

Take it one step and one essay at a time. This will pass. You got this. Ground yourself and don't do anything foolish that you will regret. Your acceptance will be sweeter than any of your classmates will know or have had to work for. You're growing from this experience and it will make you stronger in the future.

Have you talked with anyone about the particulars of your app? Like what schools you should be applying to, or potential weak spots that need to be addressed? Is there any potential for a bad LOR?
 
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I've been in the same place for much of this year. It's awful and the uncertainty is probably the worst. I promise you that with a 520 MCAT you will get in somewhere. Unless there's something truly disastrous on your application, there's not a medical school in the universe that won't salivate over that score. Feel free to PM me, over the past year I've become fairly well versed in reasons behind seemingly qualified people getting rejected from medical school.

"When you're going through Hell, keep going."
 
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Did you extrapolate from last cycle what was holding you back? If it was indeed lack of clinical experience, then you should find solace knowing you will have a much better shot at admission this time around. And no, you are not a glutton for punishment, it's just that nothing worth having ever comes without great effort and strain.
 
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Do you know what went wrong last time, and have you fixed it?

You mentioned a low GPA but high MCAT. That can leave the impression that you're very bright but lazy, immature, unfocused, etc -- any number of bad things. While it's hard to raise a GPA after a full four years of classes, there are things you can do to show you're not lazy, immature, unfocused, etc. Have you done those? And for how long?

Also, a 'hit rate' of 1/25 suggests that either your school list was inappropriate or there was something in your application -- essay, LORs, ECs, etc. that wasn't what it should have been. Have you consulted with knowledgeable folks on those?
 
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Yeah man if you apply wide enough to a decent range of schools a 520 MCAT paired with a great post-bac gpa even with a low ugrad GPA should be enough...

You should post a list here and ask for ADCOM input on how high yield those places are to give yourself the best shot.
 
Yeah man if you apply wide enough to a decent range of schools a 520 MCAT paired with a great post-bac gpa even with a low ugrad GPA should be enough...

You should post a list here and ask for ADCOM input on how high yield those places are to give yourself the best shot.
He's from a state that highly values gpa and operates in a closed system that tends to deter OOS interviews.
 
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Thanks for the responses. I was feeling low last night - I have my good days and bad ones.

As far as what went wrong last time, I can pinpoint:

1) GPA, duh. But this one isn't really fixable. I know what adcoms really want to see is that I can work hard, so I've been trying to demonstrate that this gap year by loading myself down with a med student's schedule's worth of activities.

2) Not early enough. I was complete everywhere by September but possibly this was too late. Also I applied too top-heavy.

3) Meh LOR. I am getting better ones this time.

4) In TX speeding tickets are a misdemeanor... and I may have been too honest in listing the precise dates, speeds, etc. Now these tickets are 4-8 years old at this point but I guess if you have to pick between the candidate without speeding tickets and the one with them, you'll go with the squeaky-clean one? (they start out with speeding, and then the next step is insurance fraud, I guess). My pre-med advisor told me most people would have stopped reading when they came to this section on my app. I had three speeding tickets but two of them (the earliest, in 2008 and 09) were for going pretty fast. I was told I needed to "express contrition" and "talk about what I'd learned" from getting these tickets. Just one more hoop I failed to see I needed to jump through... but I guess I can rewrite this section to talk about how badly I want to apologize for 18-year-old me.

5)Not enough shadowing? This one is sort of scraping the bottom of the barrel, but one of the schools that was nice enough to actually give feedback said it hurt that most of my shadowing was in the couple months right before applying. I've gotten a bit more this year, and some good hands-on experience working at a clinic for uninsured patients (they actually let me take vitals and do intake instead of pushing wheelchairs!!!)
 
He's from a state that highly values gpa and operates in a closed system.
Not anymore (er, I think). I'm an IL resident now since I've been working here the last year after naively thinking I only needed one cycle.
 
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Here's my list so far:

MD:
UIC
Rush
Loyola
Northwestern (reach)
U Chicago (reach)
Sinai (reach)
NYU (reach)
Ros Frank
Albany
NYMC
Drexel
Jefferson
Temple
Albert Einstein
Miami - Miller
MC Wisonsin


DO:
UNT
CCOM
PCOM
Touro -NY
MSUCOM
NYIT COM

Thinking of adding:
Wake Forest?
Georgetown?
South Fla?
U Vermont?
Ohio State?
VCU?
Boston U?
George Washington?
Dartmouth? (hear it's non-trad friendly)
Oakland (Beaumont)?
St. Louis?
Tufts?

Part of me wants to apply to like 40 schools to make sure I'm not here again next year. The other part of me thinks is worried about going insane from writing that many secondaries. Writing the new ones has been like pulling teeth, it's really hard to sell myself after getting wiped out last cycle.
 
It would help to know where all you applied last cycle. In particular, whether or not you are a reapplicant at the schools in your state.

I agree that a different state of residency helps alot here. Your service hours will be in important for schools like Loyola and Rush IS. In particular if you are from the south central parts of Illinois that SIU targets that is another school worth adding as well(hard to say how theyd evaluate someone who just recently moved to that region although at the same time they dont get that many chances at having a legitimate shot at snagging that kind of MCAT).
 
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I just feel so, so... tired.... now. Between work, three volunteer commitments, and two classes, I don't have evenings anymore and frequently don't get off until 10 PM. I feel like I have a med student's schedule and I'm not even in med school... and I'm trying to get my new application in on top of that (God, when I listen to older doctors tell me about how back when they applied, they didn't need to even write essays :mad:

Talk to your family. make a support system. rally your friends and family around you to help you out! also PREWRITE. Don't Give up! you can do it! Turn in your app JUNE 1St and Turn in your secondaries the same day!

I feel stretched thin. Is this what medical school would be like? Or is it just the uncertainty that's killing me? Sometimes I find myself envying people with 9-to-5s since they can at least go home and be done with work... all my free time is spent worrying about the 105 essays I have to write.

Prewrite your essays! start writing your secondaries now. they are all online! can't stress this enough!

Or is it just that if I don't get in, I'll have to live the rest of my life getting eaten away by the knowledge I scored a 98th percentile score on the MCAT but couldn't close the deal?

You will get in! just keep it up! take a break from one of your obligations. spend some time with family and friends.

I don't have any expectations about this process anymore... sometimes I just want to turn in whatever piece of crap essay I write as first draft since it doesn't feel like it'll make a difference anyway, it's just going to sit in a drawer for eight months. I poured my heart and soul into my first app and it wasn't good enough

I feel you. i felt the same way. I saw another SDNer say. don't commit the sin of solipsisism. Just cause you put your heart and soul into it doesnt' mean that people will like it. Remember this isn't about you. its about them and the process. prewrite your essays. maybe they didn't even read it cause they didn't have the chance to get to it? did you apply late? thats what happened to me and then i fixed that the second time around and i got a TON of intereviews. PM me if you want to talk more! i have plenty of insight to share i was in the same boat as you i feel your pain. i was a reaplicant also.

Am I just not cut out for this? Or is the stress just getting to me? I want a vacation so sooo bad but I know I can't until I get secondaries in. I just feel like I'm suffocating a little bit more every day.

YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR THIS! YOU CAN DO IT! Its the stress getting to you! take it. honestly take a vacation thats a great idea take a vacation. work on your essays prewrite while you still have time! thats a great Idea.
 
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You haven't told us your GPAs. Impossible to advise without them,

Here's my list so far:

MD:
UIC
Rush
Loyola
Northwestern (reach)
U Chicago (reach)
Sinai (reach)
NYU (reach)
Ros Frank
Albany
NYMC
Drexel
Jefferson
Temple
Albert Einstein
Miami - Miller
MC Wisonsin


DO:
UNT
CCOM
PCOM
Touro -NY
MSUCOM
NYIT COM

Thinking of adding:
Wake Forest?
Georgetown?
South Fla?
U Vermont?
Ohio State?
VCU?
Boston U?
George Washington?
Dartmouth? (hear it's non-trad friendly)
Oakland (Beaumont)?
St. Louis?
Tufts?

Part of me wants to apply to like 40 schools to make sure I'm not here again next year. The other part of me thinks is worried about going insane from writing that many secondaries. Writing the new ones has been like pulling teeth, it's really hard to sell myself after getting wiped out last cycle.
 
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So I applied last cycle and thought I had a decent shot. My 520 MCAT would get me some love, I thought. Sure, my UG grades weren't so hot, but I've done great in my post-bacc and my science grades are excellent. Little did I know I'd get wiped out at 24 of 25 schools I applied to... didn't even get an interview except at one.

Well, grades aren't amenable to change at this point, so I've been doing the only thing I really can t0 improve so I can apply again: get more ECs. Thankfully I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to take three days during the week to devote to volunteer work.

I just feel so, so... tired.... now. Between work, three volunteer commitments, and two classes, I don't have evenings anymore and frequently don't get off until 10 PM. I feel like I have a med student's schedule and I'm not even in med school... and I'm trying to get my new application in on top of that (god, when I listen to older doctors tell me about how back when they applied, they didn't need to even write essays :mad:)

I feel stretched thin. Is this what medical school would be like? Or is it just the uncertainty that's killing me? Sometimes I find myself envying people with 9-to-5s since they can at least go home and be done with work... all my free time is spent worrying about the 105 essays I have to write.

I've turned into an angry, neurotic person self-absorbed about his stay in application purgatory. I've enjoyed every clinical experience I've had but sometimes I wonder why I'm still doing this. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or is it just that if I don't get in, I'll have to live the rest of my life getting eaten away by the knowledge I scored a 98th percentile score on the MCAT but couldn't close the deal?

I don't have any expectations about this process anymore... sometimes I just want to turn in whatever piece of crap essay I write as first draft since it doesn't feel like it'll make a difference anyway, it's just going to sit in a drawer for eight months. I poured my heart and soul into my first app and it wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm never going to be the phoney-baloney person they want to see: the saint with no wants or needs of their own, besides a joy in taking on ever-greater quantities of work (yet still somehow well-rounded). I'm not perfect and I'll never be perfect, but when you have 10,000 applicants for 200 spots I guess you can find 200 people who are pretty close.

Am I just not cut out for this? Or is the stress just getting to me? I want a vacation so sooo bad but I know I can't until I get secondaries in. I just feel like I'm suffocating a little bit more every day...

Right there with you, bud. Scored a 516 and I'm a URM, now I'm reapplying. I have a full time job at a hospital during swing shift. Commute is awful to and from work. Can't even park in my own apartment because the lot is full when I get home so I have to walk ~.5mi 4-5 nights/week. The big city makes it nearly impossible to find volunteer opportunities in a clinical setting (most hospitals will refuse access to patients in the name of "patient confidentiality" even though I work in a hospital job already and adhere to HIPPA for PHI). Employment is awful since nowhere wants to hire employees and will only work with you as a contract worker to avoid paying you benefits. I'm so busy with everything and I'm just so tired all the time. Tl;dr: it sucks.

I'm just playing this one day at a time and trying to approach it from a task-completion standpoint. Nobody is going to offer us sympathy so the best we can do is dig in and make the best of it.

Edit: One thing that gets me through the day is remembering that my work is for the patient. Not for me, not for my boss, not for my coworkers. If I remember that, it makes the day a lot more manageable.
 
@freak7 The hospital you're currently working at under contract isn't offering volunteer positions?

There's a very long waitlist and no openings for anything that involves patient interaction. There is also a minimum hour commitment so I can't just come in before or after my shifts for a few hours where they'd need me. The head of volunteer services put it (rather bluntly) that "unless you're a pretty girl who can charm your way in, there's no way that you're going to get anywhere near patients". As offensive as that sounds, it's how the hospital game works here.

Edit: But if a patient asks me how to get to the bathroom I am ALL OVER THAT

Edit2: Don't get me wrong though, the volunteer services guy is EXTREMELY nice. He's put in a lot of time trying to get me placed somewhere in the hospital with no luck. The only reason he said that was because it's his experience.
 
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There's a very long waitlist and no openings for anything that involves patient interaction. There is also a minimum hour commitment so I can't just come in before or after my shifts for a few hours where they'd need me. The head of volunteer services put it (rather bluntly) that "unless you're a pretty girl who can charm your way in, there's no way that you're going to get anywhere near patients". As offensive as that sounds, it's how the hospital game works here. Edit: But if a patient asks me how to get to the bathroom I am ALL OVER THAT Edit2: Don't get me wrong though, the volunteer services guy is EXTREMELY nice. He's put in a lot of time trying to get me placed somewhere in the hospital with no luck. The only reason he said that was because it's his experience.
Have you looked at small community hospitals or nursing homes?
 
Have you looked at small community hospitals or nursing homes?
Yes. Small community hospitals around here are actually just big hospital satellites with all the same policies. I've been doing a bit of searching for a "ma and pa" type clinic that needs volunteers but they're either saturated or just plain uninterested. Not trying to play the victim here, it's just the way it is. I'm extremely happy whenever I get a chance to help a patient directly (my job does require it every now and then and I actually have a few experiences I could write about), but for the most part, I want to have more.

Honestly I think everyone here is worried about getting sued so they're keeping anyone without a certification of some kind out of contact with patients as much as possible. Big city life I guess.

As for nursing homes, yeah I've looked. I actually got a job offer for one but it offered half of what I make now to start even with my degrees. I've got a wife and bills, no parental support to fall back on, so that was off the table. They're not looking for volunteers either. Seems kind of backwards bizarro logic but whatever, they must need someone who can commit more hours than I can.

I just wish it was like my mom used to make it sound when I was a kid. She'd always say that if I had the time, I should volunteer at a hospital since they always need it, but that's just not the case. If you do the job for free that a paid employee can do for money, someone's getting handed a labor lawsuit which is not what any hospital wants. Maybe I'm just salty or flat out wrong, who knows.

Like I said earlier though: as long as I remember that my work DIRECTLY impacts our patients' health, I can get through the day and hold my head high knowing I've done more good than harm that day.
 
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The point is @Marcion we're out there too. You're not alone in the struggle. Let the frustration roll off your back since a ton of it (like how easy it was to apply back in the day) is out of your control anyway. Sometimes life deals you a bum hand, but hey you've got to play the game. As a chronic gambler once said: "you can't win if you don't play!" :laugh:
 
@freak7 I hope you honestly followed up on @Goro 's advice to expand your application into DO schools with your sGPA. I'm assuming that the nursing home you got the job wasn't offering a part time/per diem gig? Because I know that if you're someone with only lab experience and need patient experience, a lot of nursing homes are strapped to find any nursing assistant who will work any hours and will pay for your training after completing of a CNA course upon them hiring you.
 
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I can completely relate. Haven't applied yet but working full time + volunteering + writing essays and STILL not knowing if it will amount to anything really sucks (especially if where you work isn't an alternate career that makes decent money). If you have the ability to, try moving to part time. Speaking from experience, even having 10 hours less work a week feels like having 20 hours more free time in practice.
 
@freak7 I hope you honestly followed up on @Goro 's advice to expand your application into DO schools with your sGPA. I'm assuming that the nursing home you got the job wasn't offering a part time/per diem gig? Because I know that if you're someone with only lab experience and need patient experience, a lot of nursing homes are strapped to find any nursing assistant who will work any hours and will pay for your training after completing of a CNA course upon them hiring you.
Oh I'm taking his advice very seriously. The goal is to be a physician. Foolish pride be damned. Casting a wide net this year.

And no, it was full time or no time. The hiring manager was very clear that they needed someone who would show up every day and basically never call in sick.
 
Talk to your family. make a support system. rally your friends and family around you to help you out! also PREWRITE. Don't Give up! you can do it! Turn in your app JUNE 1St and Turn in your secondaries the same day!
Prewrite your essays! start writing your secondaries now. they are all online! can't stress this enough!

Been working on it... that's one reason I feel burned out. I get home and the work isn't over. I am finding that writing essays at 10 PM after a full day is a difficult task, however. Maybe I just need to take some time off, crank these essays out, and get the sword to stop hanging over my head.

I applied... late-ish. (Complete everywhere by early Sept). Will definitely avoid that this year.

@Marcion I'm assuming you don't enjoy the work and volunteering aspect that you are currently undergoing.

I do like my work and the volunteering. I just sort of wish A) there wasn't so much of it, or failing that B) I could actually get paid for most of it. What I don't enjoy is living near the poverty line, yet pulling 12 hour days, and having no certainty about whether any of this effort is going to amount to anything.

You haven't told us your GPAs. Impossible to advise without them,

CGPA 3.3, sGPA 3.89.

The computers are liable to look at the first number and chuck it in the garbage bin, I expect. If I can get an actual human to look at my app I may do better.
 
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didn't AMCAS specifically say to not count minor traffic offenses? Even if they are misdemenor, I'd assume you are ok not reporting it since that's what AMCAS stated.

Hang in there. I was rejected my first cycle and I took 3 years off. While I enjoyed what I did - I felt like I never put my heart in it. I taught for a few years and did a few years of engineering work - but it was always "I wish I was in med school" or "I don't give a crap" - even though I was doing things I liked but the feeling of disappointment/failure just hung over me often and it was like I was under a cloud all the time. Just know you aren't alone in this experience, you aren't a failure, and try (even futilely) to enjoy what you are doing right now. Good luck mate.

sGPA 3.8 is not bad.... I doubt that is what is holding you back. Call some schools and ask them for direct feed back
 
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