Sarcastic comments

[ericdamiansean]

Hey guys, wana share some sarcastic comments directed to you by the docs?

Here are some I've got:

a) To a student who asked if he could wash his hands because he got some grime on it : Hey, while you're washing your hand, could you wash your brains as well?

b) To students who could not answer pimp questions: Your brains are the size of a polyp (which made me feel so tempted to reply: Polyps can be quite large)this would earn me a one week bar from the wards

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[DOtobe]

This wasn't directed at me, but at a fellow student:

Surgery attending (after student's presentation on rounds): "Okay, my ten-year-old could present like that. Do you want to try again?"

Ouch.

 

[dermatome S5]

"The only way it would be fitting for you to wear a white coat is behind the cosmetics counter at Dillards"

"I would like to burn your white coat.....with you in it"

From a Medicine attending, also he sometimes replaces the cosmetics counter with PetSmart. He is very entertaining on rounds, needless to say.

 

[B_ADAMS]

General surgery-- this guy could quite possibly be my greatest attending to date- seriously he is that entertaining.

Surgeon :"Have you played simon says?"
MS: "Yes"
Surgeon: " Ok, I am simon. There will be no independent thinking on your part."
ms: Yes sir.
Surg: "Do you understand what you are suppossed to be doing?"
ms: Yes, sir
Surg: "Then you can see how bad you are f**king it up."

Probably the best laugh I had that day, well only second to the rodeo sex joke he later told.

 

[ericdamiansean]

This wasn't directed at me, but at a fellow student:

Surgery attending (after student's presentation on rounds): "Okay, my ten-year-old could present like that. Do you want to try again?"

Ouch.

did he try again?

 

[Gimlet]

Probably the best laugh I had that day, well only second to the rodeo sex joke he later told.

Now that you've built it up, don't leave us hanging on the rodeo sex joke!

 

[ericdamiansean]

Now that you've built it up, don't leave us hanging on the rodeo sex joke!

yeah!!

 

[bigfrank]

My favorite thus far (directed at me):

Medicine Attending (MA): "What is Wernicke's triad?"
Me: "Alcohol-induced confusion, ataxia, and ophthalmoplegia."
MA: "Oh my God, that is sooooooo wrong."
Me: "Thank you, Dr. ___. I'll look this up."

 

[csmith1]

surg onc fellow commenting on my trouble with suture cutting:

"A sterile rat could cut through that faster than you."

Me, dumbfounded: "Wow...they have everything here at Anderson."

 

[B_ADAMS]

Here goes--
Preface the following however you want-

Rodeo Sex=
Having sex with your girlfriend/wife and call her by the wrong name, then try to hold on for 8 seconds

 

[imtiaz]

OBGYN attending: whew! that one was a double bagger! do you know what that is?
me: um, no
OBGYN attending: you know, one for her, and another one for you just in case hers falls off.
me: ROFLMAO

 

[Winged Scapula]

How about the "classic" comment to students suturing...

"If you take any longer, that wound will heal by secondary intention!"

 

[imtiaz]

How about the "classic" comment to students suturing...

"If you take any longer, that wound will heal by secondary intention!"

my attending would sing some song that went like "i will wait for you, yes, i will wait for you, waiting for youuuu" it was some old fart song that he knew.

 

[DOtobe]

did he try again?

No, he didn't. We were all stunned by that for a few seconds, then moved on to the next patient

For some reason the attending never liked that poor guy.

 

[ericdamiansean]

my attending would sing some song that went like "i will wait for you, yes, i will wait for you, waiting for youuuu" it was some old fart song that he knew.

OH, got this one this week:

'DOn't yall ever think I'm asleep, I'm very awake especially with students........(long pause).........due to your stupidity'

 

[bustbones26]

I once scrubbed in with a neurosurgeon that apparently when he first met somebody new in his OR, med student, tech, x-ray tech, etc. He would look at them and in a real serious tone ask them to please go find him a can of umpire. And so the newbie would search high and low for umpire, but to no avail would finally get the courage to ask the surgeon, "I can't find any umpire, and nobody in the OR area knows that it is, what is it?"

So then he'd look up and say in a real loud annoying tone----

"ITS FOR MY FOUL BALLS!!!"

 

[ericdamiansean]

I once scrubbed in with a neurosurgeon that apparently when he first met somebody new in his OR, med student, tech, x-ray tech, etc. He would look at them and in a real serious tone ask them to please go find him a can of umpire. And so the newbie would search high and low for umpire, but to no avail would finally get the courage to ask the surgeon, "I can't find any umpire, and nobody in the OR area knows that it is, what is it?"

So then he'd look up and say in a real loud annoying tone----

"ITS FOR MY FOUL BALLS!!!"

They use this for alot of other jobs too

Can you find me a headless hammer?

 

[bustbones26]

This one is a second hand story, possibly an urban legend, but funny.

Apparently there was once this MS-3 who was in the OR for his first time. Before the surgeon arrived the OR staff warned him that if he passes gas during the procedure, he must announce it so that the surgeon does not think that her perforated bowel. So a few times during the surgery the student owns up to passing gas wehn finally the surgeon gets frustrated and say---

"BOY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???"

Student learned by this time that he had been had

 

[pippergal]

We would have these painfully boring pre-coffee early morning sessions in medicine where I would doze off daily. At the end of the rotation, the attending decided that he would give me some "helpful criticism." He says, "I noticed that you often are very quiet during AM class. Have you ever considered being evaluated for social anxiety disorder?" Apparently he said the same thing to another student and told one student that she had an annoying tone to her voice which was highly distracting on rounds. Weirdo.

 

[ericdamiansean]

This one is a second hand story, possibly an urban legend, but funny.

Apparently there was once this MS-3 who was in the OR for his first time. Before the surgeon arrived the OR staff warned him that if he passes gas during the procedure, he must announce it so that the surgeon does not think that her perforated bowel. So a few times during the surgery the student owns up to passing gas wehn finally the surgeon gets frustrated and say---

"BOY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???"

Student learned by this time that he had been had

HAHA..I've been doing some of these to some of my friends who have been really blur

I'm cruel

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Rodeo Sex=
Having sex with your girlfriend/wife and call her by the wrong name, then try to hold on for 8 seconds

I thought rodeo sex was when, while having sex with your girlfriend/wife, you mutter, "your sister has a tighter p---y than you"...semantics semantics semantics. I love how rodeo sex got worked into the thread here

 

[NurseyK]

Ahhhhh, I just luv these kinds of threads!

Let me preface these quips with the statement that none of these comments were said during the first few "getting to know each other" weeks of the rotations. I was always very polite and cordial for the first week or two -- THEN came the humor!!

1) While attempting to cut suture with dull scissors:
Surg: "Whassamatter, Student Doctor NurseyK, didn't you learn how to use scissors in Kindy-garden?"
Me: "Yes, Doctor, I did...the dull-tipped chubby ones. These scissors are skinny and sharp-tipped and they're scaring me..."

Naturally, we got the same damn dull scissors the next day, so ---
Surg: "OH GOD, not these scissors again!"
Me: "Sir, I've decided that I'm going to use my teeth to cut this suture."
Surg: "Don't you break my sterile field, NurseyK!" "Our Resident here will go sterilize his teeth and then cut this suture properly." <--over the mask

2) At the end of a partial chewing-out:
Doc: "....and just WHERE is your head today?!"
Me: "Well, Sir, I usually shove my head up my own a$$ for safekeeping, but I just checked and it's not there."
Doc: "Great....now I'm going to have to prep one of these scopes for you so we can find your head before rounds...."


Thank god I've had a lot of Attendings with great senses of humor!

Kat

 

[DOtobe]

I just remembered another comment my surgery attending made to my fellow student (disclaimer: I do not have the same opinion)

After his presentation (which evidently was bad again), he looked at his white coat and saw that he went to WVSOM and said, "Oh, you're from West Virginia, that explains it."

No offense to any West Virginians

And I remember one directed at me - I was told by an attending on one of my FP rotations that "You and all other med students are albatrosses around our necks - all you do is weigh us down." He was a nice guy, though, so it was in jest

 

[kanyanta]

This one is a second hand story, possibly an urban legend, but funny.

Apparently there was once this MS-3 who was in the OR for his first time. Before the surgeon arrived the OR staff warned him that if he passes gas during the procedure, he must announce it so that the surgeon does not think that her perforated bowel. So a few times during the surgery the student owns up to passing gas wehn finally the surgeon gets frustrated and say---

"BOY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???"

Student learned by this time that he had been had

 

[ericdamiansean]

This one came in fresh today.

A senior of mine was late for a case presentation, and he told the attending "I'm sorry I'm late, I was BUSY clerking patients in the wards"

BUgger didn't know the doc was there almost the whole day..his reply:

"WOW...you're very hardworking"

 

[ericdamiansean]

This came in today:

There was an OSCE exam, and a very senior lecturer asked the student:
Lecturer: What’s a hernia?
(Correct ans: protusion of a viscus through an abnormal opening of the wall that normally contains it)

Student: Protusion of a viscus through an opening
Guess what happened next? The lecturer looked at the student, and stuck out a portion of his tongue


For that poor dude, he just lost it

Anyone has a similar story?

 

[bigfrank]

When I was on General Surg., my female M-3 partner was carrying the "general surgery bucket-thingey" to change dressings, etc.

A medicine attending saw her and, in front of approximately 10 residents and 7-8 medical students (in our class) said, "WOW, You'd make an excellent nurse."

So my friend turns around and says, "WOW, You make an excellent dingus."

This attending loves to get it dished back to him, and it was a good laugh for all.

 

[ericdamiansean]

Same lecturer:

"I want you guys to sit in front before any one of you has of De Mussett's head nodding or any signs of bilateral ptosis during my lecture"


"Did your brain just undergo a cranio-sacral migration?"

 

[chicamedica]

This one is a second hand story, possibly an urban legend, but funny.

Apparently there was once this MS-3 who was in the OR for his first time. Before the surgeon arrived the OR staff warned him that if he passes gas during the procedure, he must announce it so that the surgeon does not think that her perforated bowel. So a few times during the surgery the student owns up to passing gas wehn finally the surgeon gets frustrated and say---

"BOY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???"

Student learned by this time that he had been had

ROFL!! This is my fav, by far!!!

 

[phoenixsupra]

Ahhhhh, I just luv these kinds of threads!

Let me preface these quips with the statement that none of these comments were said during the first few "getting to know each other" weeks of the rotations. I was always very polite and cordial for the first week or two -- THEN came the humor!!

1) While attempting to cut suture with dull scissors:
Surg: "Whassamatter, Student Doctor NurseyK, didn't you learn how to use scissors in Kindy-garden?"
Me: "Yes, Doctor, I did...the dull-tipped chubby ones. These scissors are skinny and sharp-tipped and they're scaring me..."

Naturally, we got the same damn dull scissors the next day, so ---
Surg: "OH GOD, not these scissors again!"
Me: "Sir, I've decided that I'm going to use my teeth to cut this suture."
Surg: "Don't you break my sterile field, NurseyK!" "Our Resident here will go sterilize his teeth and then cut this suture properly." <--over the mask

2) At the end of a partial chewing-out:
Doc: "....and just WHERE is your head today?!"
Me: "Well, Sir, I usually shove my head up my own a$$ for safekeeping, but I just checked and it's not there."
Doc: "Great....now I'm going to have to prep one of these scopes for you so we can find your head before rounds...."


Thank god I've had a lot of Attendings with great senses of humor!

Kat

Glad to hear it's not just me unleashing sarcasim up the ladder. Surgeons love it. IM folks, not so much.

 

[thepinkposner]

Doctors are not funny. This proves it. What a bunch of tools.

 

[phoenixsupra]

Doctors are not funny. This proves it. What a bunch of tools.

But you, on the other hand, are just a barrel of laughs.

 

[ptolemy]

Doctors are not funny. This proves it. What a bunch of tools.

you must not be in/have gone through med school, 'cause some of these had me on the floor.

 

[rubyness]

During OB the clerkship director came to morning report one day. He looked at the 3 out of 5 of us there and asked us if our classmates (the ones who weren't there) knew how to read. "Because it clearly states on the schedule that you are to be here every day at 7 for morning report." (Thanks for enlightening those of us who did manage to show up.)

Then he said "I'm not going to go around WIPING your BUTTS for you." As in, he was not going to hold our hands to get us to school on time, we would have to figure that our for ourselves.

Hmmm.

 

[zedpol]

big shot attending: "tell me how the treatment of diabetes has changed since 1990"

me: "well....i can't comment on the treatment of diabetes in the 90s as i was 10"
i got about half way through that sentence i thought, "oh ****" . Thankfully he laughed and we moved on.

 

[greets fr. nyc]

a few weeks back, plastic surgeon to scrub nurse:
"what kind bottles of beer do you prefer to buy for your husband, the kinds with the twist-off or the pop-off caps?"

"twist-off."

"wrong answer. it doesn't matter what kind you prefer.
it should be already open when you hand it to him."

(the same surgeon who says, "now give the Metz to daddy....now the 15-scalpel back to daddy..." and who couldn't stop talking about his BOATS for the entire case) omigod. i don't know whether to laugh in incredulousness or sigh how friggin' pathetic or both!

-----------------------

a few months back...
course director of OB-GYN on the first day.

walking by us with his fetch-boy & secretary onto the conference room, and talking to them...

"here, you see, are my new space students....(pause).....
all they do is take up space."


great. just friggin' lovely.

 

[zedpol]

From here on out i am just keeping my mouth shut:

attending: "You guys probably don't want to listen to me talk anymore"
me post call on a friday: *nodding my head*
attending: "wise ass"

 

[ericdamiansean]

big shot attending: "tell me how the treatment of diabetes has changed since 1990"

me: "well....i can't comment on the treatment of diabetes in the 90s as i was 10"
i got about half way through that sentence i thought, "oh ****" . Thankfully he laughed and we moved on.