SO of a 4th yr med student - ROL - how much to give up?

[whatabih]

Hey guys,

I recently married my GF who is graduating medical school in a few months! We've been together for a while and things have been going really good.

Now the time has come for the ROL, and I'm trying to gauge how much should I give up for our greater good. I'm doing really well in NYC, close to the salary of a hospitalist. Barring 1 strong program (RWJ) and 1 mid tier program (Stony Brook), all the other non community programs are either 3-4 hrs by train or 2hrs air travel (Temple, UMD, Georgetown, Emory, Wake). I will either have to find a new job (take a 40% pay cut ... and give up on my awesome job) or work out a deal to work remotely part time and travel on site 4 times a month for 3 days each. Both options suck ... and the second one depends if my employer will even let me.

Should I be the one to sacrifice now for better collective opportunities in the future? Will I always be at the mercy of the rigidity of the medical field? Fellowships (cards / pulm) match seems like the same thing all over again grrr .. Will picking the strongest program now give us better options in the future? Or should we focus on the present and rank less reputed programs around NYC higher (UMDNJ newark / SUNY Downstate ... or even Jacobi / SLR / Lenox Hill)?

Sorry this stuff has just been bothering me for a few weeks ... needed to get it out I guess.

Any thoughts / advice?

Thanks!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[J ROD]

More than likely yes........but it depends on what she will settle for. You both are in the marriage and have things you need. If you have around a 200K job I would be willing to work something out to keep it.

 

[deleted480308]

You married a 4th yr medical student and didn't hash this stuff out before hand? Talk to your spouse

 

[qwerty89]

While I have nothing to add regarding the ROL I will say this.

NYC for IM (which I'm assuming your SO is applying for) is a place with a few good programs and lots of bad ones. Places like SUNY Downstate are terrible. I think one of the mods gutonc? went to med school there and wouldn't recommend the place for residency. If your SO wants to be a hospitalist then she could just suck it up, finish and get a job. But if she wants a competitive fellowship then you have a decision to make. Crappier program in NYC/surrounding areas which decrease your chance of getting into NYC for fellowship & into the fellowship in general OR better program faraway where you get a better chance of getting into the fellowship of your choice.

It appears that both of you have demanding careers that will require sacrifices. How and when you make those are up to you.

I do find it interesting though that you recently married a 4th year med student and yet the discussion of the ROL comes up just <8 weeks prior to finalization of the list. This is something that should have been discussed a LONG time ago. Even if she got top interviews at Columbia/Mt Sinai/NYU/Cornell at some point on the list you would have to choose to rank a lower tier NYC place vs upper tier faraway place. This is concerning because intern year in internal medicine (ESPECIALLY in NYC) will be brutal, requiring even more sacrifices. And I hear the first year of fellowship can be even worse.

Good Luck.

 

[whatabih]

You married a 4th yr medical student and didn't hash this stuff out before hand? Talk to your spouse

We did talk about it (but I guess not in great enough detail). Unfortunately she slacked off with all the residency program research. My input was mostly to apply to places in and around nyc. I personally didn't know anything about program strength and have just recently gotten a sense of good / mediocre / weak programs from lurking on these forums.

Now that the rank list is due, I guess I was looking for input on what a difference strength of the program makes in the long run.

 

[j4pac]

Don't ask us...ask your wife. You are married...so you two need to work it out. Look at things objectively and realistically...and compromise. I've been playing this game for 6 years now...and it has worked because both of us have sacrificed significantly. It's endured suffering at time...my friend.

 

[whatabih]

Don't ask us...ask your wife. You are married...so you two need to work it out. Look at things objectively and realistically...and compromise. I've been playing this game for 6 years now...and it has worked because both of us have sacrificed significantly. It's endured suffering at time...my friend.

Agreed. Posting here on behalf of my wife as well. She doesn't have a strong preference but obviously we don't want to make a decision that makes sense short term but not in the longer scheme of things.

 

[medspouse2012]

You're going to have to make compromises and sacrifices, and so is she. I'm supporting my husband through residency, and I've had to sacrifice a lot to get where we are today. I knew that going in, but when he went through Match I'd just gotten a great job with an amazing company that doubled my salary. So we stayed where we were (there's a residency program here). And honestly? I think that was for the best. We've loved the experience so much that he's considering coming back after fellowship. But that's just our experience. You'll probably still be the breadwinner throughout residency, too. So take that into consideration.

 

[hello lady!]

Hey guys,

I recently married my GF who is graduating medical school in a few months! We've been together for a while and things have been going really good.

Now the time has come for the ROL, and I'm trying to gauge how much should I give up for our greater good. I'm doing really well in NYC, close to the salary of a hospitalist. Barring 1 strong program (RWJ) and 1 mid tier program (Stony Brook), all the other non community programs are either 3-4 hrs by train or 2hrs air travel (Temple, UMD, Georgetown, Emory, Wake). I will either have to find a new job (take a 40% pay cut ... and give up on my awesome job) or work out a deal to work remotely part time and travel on site 4 times a month for 3 days each. Both options suck ... and the second one depends if my employer will even let me.

Should I be the one to sacrifice now for better collective opportunities in the future? Will I always be at the mercy of the rigidity of the medical field? Fellowships (cards / pulm) match seems like the same thing all over again grrr .. Will picking the strongest program now give us better options in the future? Or should we focus on the present and rank less reputed programs around NYC higher (UMDNJ newark / SUNY Downstate ... or even Jacobi / SLR / Lenox Hill)?

Sorry this stuff has just been bothering me for a few weeks ... needed to get it out I guess.

Any thoughts / advice?

Thanks!

Only you and your wife can work this out after you get all of the details from your employer.

One extra note, it is hard to compare salaries in the NYC area vs elsewhere. I wouldn't get hung up on the extra dollar amount less that you'll be making. The cost of living is so wildly inflated in the NYC area that a pay cut in a less expensive location could still make you richer.

 

[DokterMom]

Only you and your wife can work this out after you get all of the details from your employer.

One extra note, it is hard to compare salaries in the NYC area vs elsewhere. I wouldn't get hung up on the extra dollar amount less that you'll be making. The cost of living is so wildly inflated in the NYC area that a pay cut in a less expensive location could still make you richer.

This -- Also, your post sounds like it was written by a military spouse whose career would forever take a back seat to the whims of your spouse's employer. NOT SO at all. This is one move. One. That will stick for a pre-determined 3-7 years followed by an optional round of fellowship applications that may or may not involve another move.

Work it through together. But before you whine about what you're being asked to possibly give up, acknowledge that you're unlikely to be asked to move for her career often and that post-residency, she will more than pull her own financial weight.

TLDR - This time, it's probably your turn to sacrifice.

 

[whatabih]

This -- Also, your post sounds like it was written by a military spouse whose career would forever take a back seat to the whims of your spouse's employer. NOT SO at all. This is one move. One. That will stick for a pre-determined 3-7 years followed by an optional round of fellowship applications that may or may not involve another move.

Work it through together. But before you whine about what you're being asked to possibly give up, acknowledge that you're unlikely to be asked to move for her career often and that post-residency, she will more than pull her own financial weight.

TLDR - This time, it's probably your turn to sacrifice.

Thanks for your response. After thinking some more I am leaning towards this too. Just easier when someone re-affirms your thoughts. Thanks!

 

[deleted520847]

Don't ask us...ask your wife.

I think asking on an internet forum is not necessarily a bad idea. It is a brilliant way to hear opinions of people who might have done it in the past and the outcome. It is all part of research before he makes an informed decision on how to move forward. This would be a big sacrifice for him and it is normal for him to feel slightly cheated out of a lucrative career. That is why it is a sacrifice.Kudos for researching it beforehand and not just making decisions with your heart, instead, employing the brain as well. Many people make big declarations and move before researching it only to regret it later. That being said, you should definitely make this sacrifice for her. It is sure to pay off.

 

[J ROD]

Medicine can break you if you let it. You have to be willing to give to get

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

Gotta love being single.