stressed about tomorrow's exam and then this...

[ThaDude]

My girlfriend of 3 years awakens me in the middle of the night early in the week wanting to argue and projects her insecurities on me. No matter if I'm volunteering or working any job, especially the ER, always wants to accuse me of wanting to be with someone else and talking to someone else. I don't do such and am social but professional in every setting. This is not the first time she has projected. I have been more intense in my studies over the past couple of weeks because this exam is more important than anything at the moment. Anytime I have a big exam or project, I've seen irrational behavior. Yet, I have always been encouraging and supportive as she has completed her schoolwork.

I've come to realize this situation is never going to change despite my patience and understanding of her insecurities. She does not see fault in her thoughts, words and actions. I fear this would worsen when I become a medical student and especially a resident. I just wish I didn't see the need to end things this week so I have a clearer head tomorrow. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement about tomorrow and the future. As an older prospective, I certainly hope there are more secure, confident and trusting women out there who knows I at work to care for patients, not flirt and cheat.

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[Gurby]

Chin up mate:

 

[Simpson]

My girlfriend of 3 years awakens me in the middle of the night early in the week wanting to argue and projects her insecurities on me. No matter if I'm volunteering or working any job, especially the ER, always wants to accuse me of wanting to be with someone else and talking to someone else. I don't do such and am social but professional in every setting. This is not the first time she has projected. I have been more intense in my studies over the past couple of weeks because this exam is more important than anything at the moment. Anytime I have a big exam or project, I've seen irrational behavior. Yet, I have always been encouraging and supportive as she has completed her schoolwork.

I've come to realize this situation is never going to change despite my patience and understanding of her insecurities. She does not see fault in her thoughts, words and actions. I fear this would worsen when I become a medical student and especially a resident. I just wish I didn't see the need to end things this week so I have a clearer head tomorrow. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement about tomorrow and the future. As an older prospective, I certainly hope there are more secure, confident and trusting women out there who knows I at work to care for patients, not flirt and cheat.

Sounds like you need to make a choice. Woman or Med school?

 

[ThaDude]

Sounds like you need to make a choice. Woman or Med school?

give me a few minutes to thin...med school.

 

[Simpson]

give me a few minutes to thin...med school.

Amen!

 

[Gfliptastic]

There is something of a "purge" that happens as you move along further into this med school ordeal. The people who will be positive influences on your life have a way of sticking w/ you. And anyone who doesn't is toxic and should be eliminated. Not to say there are only the extremes (i.e. - you're either w/ me or against me) but sometimes the difficult choices need to be made. Particularly w/ significant others. (Not spouses, I hope there is a different process w/ a spouse - w/ which I have no experience).

Having gone through the process you hope to go through, yes I've lost some people - including a long time GF, but at the end of one tunnel (and going into the residency tunnel) I really don't feel any sentimentality. In a way, getting to this point of residency is an evolution of oneself. And for the most part (based on my lack of sentimentality) the person I was when I began evolved into the person I am now.

By and large, I left behind a lot of my "drinking buddies" and less-driven female interests, but I know I'd find them ridiculous to spend time around NOW. My friends I still am close to found a way to evolve themselves during my own process. Getting married, having kids, being grown ups. And these people are quite useful to me, as they serve as my own close examples to the next stage in my life, as far as marriage, raising children and dealing w/ "grown up problems".

Easier said than done, but at the end, as emotional as it may be for you, you have to be driven enough to push through. Apparently you are, by making the decision to choose med school already. Consider compartmentalizing this a part of your training to be a physician.

Have you witnessed the birth of a stillborn? Had a patient in the ICU for 4 days only to return the next AM to see their bed empty because they died? Ran a code on someone for 25 mins only to have the senior end it, knowing this person is now dead? Been around a cancer kid knowing that their prognosis isn't as good as you project to them it is?

Those examples aren't hypotheticals for me. If you keep down this path, these are some things you may encounter along the way, and compartmentalizing all of that is one of the best ways to make it through that day.

Good luck w/ the test and as you continue along this path!!

 

[trev5150]

She's doing what she's doing because she subconciously knows that you are doing big things and she probably isn't, and she's aware on some level of her growing irrelevance in your life. She isn't jealous of other women, she's jealous of medicine. Whether she realizes it or not she's setting the stage for the breakup so that it'll be on her terms and she can deal with it easier. In a way it's perfectly rational.

 

[2010houston]

I'm not one for being quick to end relationships, but you need to end this one! You're going to have plenty of days as a resident when you can't respond to her texts because you're running from one code to another, and where you get home 3 hrs later than you promised....if you then have to go home and spend 30min in your already exhausted state explaining how you're not cheating, you are going to be miserable! End this now. And yes, there are many many secure mature girlfriends /boyfriends /spouses out there. Good luck--

 

[Gordon Gekko]

My girlfriend of 3 years awakens me in the middle of the night early in the week wanting to argue and projects her insecurities on me. No matter if I'm volunteering or working any job, especially the ER, always wants to accuse me of wanting to be with someone else and talking to someone else. I don't do such and am social but professional in every setting. This is not the first time she has projected. I have been more intense in my studies over the past couple of weeks because this exam is more important than anything at the moment. Anytime I have a big exam or project, I've seen irrational behavior. Yet, I have always been encouraging and supportive as she has completed her schoolwork.

I've come to realize this situation is never going to change despite my patience and understanding of her insecurities. She does not see fault in her thoughts, words and actions. I fear this would worsen when I become a medical student and especially a resident. I just wish I didn't see the need to end things this week so I have a clearer head tomorrow. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement about tomorrow and the future. As an older prospective, I certainly hope there are more secure, confident and trusting women out there who knows I at work to care for patients, not flirt and cheat.

Drop her like a bad biochem class. You dont need the extra stress during med school.

 

[ThaDude]

Thanks, everyone. I've been working too long and too hard to finally apply and have someone interfere. Being almost 35 and never married nor kids, I looked forward to building a relationship into marriage w/ kids, as I would see a great many good qualities in her, but the trust issues and associated behaviors have outweighed these good qualities over time. Projection and maybe some degree of narcissistic or bipolar disorder would apply. As someone who grew up in a home of poverty, alcoholism, mental abuse and witnessed physical abuse, I have come far and do not want any semblance of that environment for any future children. For now, I'll focus first and foremost on getting accepted to medical school and then preparing for becoming a physician.

 

[Snivellus]

When I was in undergrad, I had a boyfriend like this. The best thing I ever did was dump him. I finally was able to pursue my dreams without stress and guilt. Now I only go out with ambitious men who support me and my goals.

 

[packersfans]

She's doing what she's doing because she subconciously knows that you are doing big things and she probably isn't, and she's aware on some level of her growing irrelevance in your life. She isn't jealous of other women, she's jealous of medicine. Whether she realizes it or not she's setting the stage for the breakup so that it'll be on her terms and she can deal with it easier. In a way it's perfectly rational.

nailed it.

 

[trev5150]

nailed it.

If there's one thing I know it's girl brain.

 

[Goro]

For you sanity's sake, dump this gal right now. She has way too many issues.

My girlfriend of 3 years awakens me in the middle of the night early in the week wanting to argue and projects her insecurities on me. No matter if I'm volunteering or working any job, especially the ER, always wants to accuse me of wanting to be with someone else and talking to someone else. I don't do such and am social but professional in every setting. This is not the first time she has projected. I have been more intense in my studies over the past couple of weeks because this exam is more important than anything at the moment. Anytime I have a big exam or project, I've seen irrational behavior. Yet, I have always been encouraging and supportive as she has completed her schoolwork.

I've come to realize this situation is never going to change despite my patience and understanding of her insecurities. She does not see fault in her thoughts, words and actions. I fear this would worsen when I become a medical student and especially a resident. I just wish I didn't see the need to end things this week so I have a clearer head tomorrow. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement about tomorrow and the future. As an older prospective, I certainly hope there are more secure, confident and trusting women out there who knows I at work to care for patients, not flirt and cheat.

 

[trev5150]

For you sanity's sake, dump this gal right now. She has way too many issues.

She's got subscriptions.

 

[ThaDude]

Took the exam today and man...it was immensely more fatiguing than the one AAMC practice. I would love to say I did well, but in reality, don't believe I did. I'm staying up til midnight so I can reserve a seat for the mid July exam. Since I will have one less distraction, and know where my weaknesses lie based on today's exam, I think I can put together a solid study plan and will improve greatly on the retake.

 

[68PGunner]

It seems like an easy decision to me.

FACT 1: She is just your girlfriend, not a spouse.
FACT 2: She's affecting your long-term goals in a negative way.
FACT 3: She's replaceable.

 

[doctorold]

She's got subscriptions.

Looool.

 

[Meeah]

Sorry to read this.
Seems like you will have to decide, whether you want to go on like this or make a change. In my point of view, this relationship is for non of you two a positive way.

 

[ThaDude]

Sorry to read this.
Seems like you will have to decide, whether you want to go on like this or make a change. In my point of view, this relationship is for non of you two a positive way.

I'm certainly moving forward and have begun to do so over the past few days.

 

[Stagg737]

I'm certainly moving forward and have begun to do so over the past few days.

One thing to keep in mind as you move forward, there will probably be many women who are in their 30's and 40's that are still single because they chose to focus on their careers rather than relationships. Chances are there'll be a decent number of them who are successful, mature, and will understand why you can't constantly be available or have time for them. People don't realize how stressful med school can be not only for the student, but for their spouses as well. Some SOs just can't handle it.