Summer Volunteen Application Essay
1. There are many reasons as to why I chose the Volunteen program at Dignity Health.
(Maybe see if you can come up with a more engaging first sentence. The opening line is crucial and should grab the attention of the reader.) I have spoken with friends who have previously attended this program,
and they described it as (verb tense agreement) a
very stimulating program that
enables future health care professionals
(maybe change this to "students interested in health care" or something of that sort) to give back to their community. I am thoroughly motivated to help out our community while deepening my knowledge of how health care works. My commitment to helping out other can be greatly strengthened with my involvement in this program.
(awkward wording, rephrase these two sentences.) I have
been seeking a summer program that would allow me to
volunteer in a hospital and do just that.
Until now, I have been largely unsuccessful as most programs have an age requirement of 16. However, at Dignity Health, I will be able to volunteer at a hospital as a 15 year old,
learn about the world of healthcare, and
give back at the same time.
These things are what drew me to Dignity Health, and I hope to be able to pursue these goals by taking part in this program.
2. In contrast to many other applicants, I have significant amounts of leadership, motivation, and responsibility. (same thing here, try to be a little more engaging with your opening line. Don't be afraid to be creative.
)
As the vice-president for Health Occupations Students of America (HOSA) at my school, I have been engaged in many community service projects that have strengthened my leadership skills. As vice-president, I am in charge of all club related events that occur at our school.
I take pride in my work, and help manage events that benefit our community or school. In addition
to this, I recently attended a National Student Leadership Conference here in the valley, designed for motivated club officers who want to contribute to the growing industry of health care. By having experience in leadership and managing successful events, I have unique skills that will be beneficial to Dignity Health. I also believe that my determined motivation towards medicine will make me an outstanding applicant
(you can mention this, but there are many others that have an interest in medicine, so it doesn't really make you unique per say. I would tweak this statement.). Being a part of HOSA has been an obligation and all of my work was done with passion and desire (? I don't understand this sentence, rewrite it.). I did not become involved in that student organization solely for the benefits, I made a commitment to helping others and
want to continue to do so through the medical field. My superior work ethics, fueled by my motivation, will unquestionably be advantageous to both Dignity Health
and myself ("and myself" isn't necessary, as the prompt focuses on how it will benefit Dignity Health and not necessarily you as a person. Also, this was the first time you mentioned your work ethic, maybe work that in one of the previous sentences somewhere.). Another useful characteristic that I
have is responsibility. As one of the trailblazers for most of our projects, there have been times where I have had enormous amounts of
responsibilities on my hands. This has greatly polished my ability to withstand a lot of liability.
(a transition sentence of some sort would be good here, you change thoughts kind of abruptly) All of these characteristics that have made me who I am today will be beneficial to Dignity Health because
it means that they will be working with a volunteer
who is highly interested in health care, and willing to take on responsibility and leadership roles.
Let me know if you have any questions about any of my comments. 
