The Lady Non-Trad

[futuremdforme]

It's hard to say either or because I am 100% in love with the kids i have and I do try and be the best mother I can be. I am not a bad mother, i know my statement from my original post may seem like i am awful, but i am not. I think what it really means is that my goals and outlook in life is one of a person who has kids really late in life, or not at all. I would rather be traveling and or working on my carer goals than to be picking up kids from school at 3 pm and running snacks for the football teams and setting up play dates. That stuff just isn't for me. i do it, but it's just not for me.
The second kid was a contraceptive mistake by me. I kept going back and forth about having an abortion but ultimately, i waited until it waste late to have one so i can have that excuse. But my kids are definitely my world, and what sucks is that i always have to be explaining that to people because in people's eyes you are either a good mother, or you're a career woman.

Got it, and I don't think you came across as awful in the least. You sounds practical and caring -- great features in a physician and in a mom. Thanks for explaining!

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[yeshymae]

Wow, those are some pretty intense feelings - not judging, but it is rare to hear someone say she would have been better off not having become a mother. I applaud you for your honesty.

As a mother of school-aged kids, I also get some of the same sorts of commentary, but I've been getting it for ages given my prior career, so it no longer fazes me. I am confident that I am the best mom for my kids and they are the best kids for me. What more could I ask?

I think part of the reason why it's rare is because you are not supposed to feel that way. you are supposed to be happy and content with your life as a mother, because that's what women "Are supposed to do"
I speak up about it because firstly, I know the horrors of being the child of a person with no maternal instincts. but also because as a feminist, i want to let other women know that it's ok to not have the maternal instinct in you. Not everyone has to have kids, we are just made to believe that at some point in life we will want to. which is not true. basically screw gender norms and society's expectations of us.

 

[Traumahawk]

I bet. I don't mind being confused with a nurse. I'm just amazed how deep the gendering goes. Like they don't even hear the word "medical" when I say it.

It's even more hilarious if you're an RN to begin with. "I'm going to medical school" is immediately met with "Oh, all the nurses are doing that now! My sister/friend/SO is a nurse practitioner and she says it's great!"

You also get such gems as "That's cool, you can be your own office assistant, LOL" and "Wouldn't your patients get confused calling you Doctor Nurse Traumahawk?"

/facepalm

 

[daivimarga]

There is a correlation with the father as well. It is less well studied, but it may contribute equally. When combined, the risk is greatest.

ergo plan to go to med school in mid thirties and scoop up a strapping 24 year old mate