The most ridiculous/funny questions you've been asked...

[RonaldColeman]

On call. Just got asked the following question by a patient(the guy was totally serious too): "Dr., is it possible to catch HIV from being in the firing line of someone's wet fart?"

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[BadVB750]

You should ask him, Why would you be in the firing line of a wet fart?

 

[Ice-1]

What combination of conditions can give green sclerae?
Answer: Osteogenesis imperfecta (blue) + jaundice (yellow)
Pretty silly, except that it was actually asked on rounds!

 

[JuicyMary]

By nurses, every week:

Your patient has HTN and is on a non-salt diet. Are you sure you want NaCl 0.9% as IV fluids?

 

[DOtobe]

Got this call from one of the floors on my last call:

"my patient has a prn order for Ativan for agitation. He's agitated, should I give it to him?"

 

[lvspro]

Hey everyone, I think my question hits the max on the absurdometer.

"Your school requires 6 weeks of OB/GYN, but our program is heavily dominated by XXXXXXXXX university, and they do 8 weeks. Being such, we can not change our schedule, and you are required to do 8 weeks so as not to interrupt our curriculum. You don't mind do you?"



btw, I HATE OB/GYN. I HATE BEING A SECOND ASSIST WHEN THERE IS BARELY ENUF ROOM IN THE OPERATIVE FIELD FOR 1 PERSON. I HATE ROUNDING ON SAID PT I SECOND ASSISTED ON. NOTHING SUCKS MORE THAN BLEEDING WOMEN AT 3:00 AM. I HATE THE SORORITY HOUSE EFFECT ON A MOSTLY FEMALE SERVICE. I HATE MALE OB/GYN RESIDENTS FOR THE FACT THAT THEY ACT MORE LIKE B!TCHES THAN A WOMEN EXPERIENCING SORORITY EFFECT.

It's all good though. I used to fart in the break room cushions, and get up slowly so as to store my vapors in the cushion. Nothing would give me more pleasure than watching a resident sit in the chair, and all of their colleagues turning their heads toward said resident in disapproval.
Hee, Hee, I'm so immature sometimes.

 

[DOtobe]

One day I went up to one of the floors and asked the secretary if a patient had arrived on the floor yet, because I was going to be doing his admission.

She told me no, and then asked me, "Are you family?"

I don't know what part of my white coat with my name embroidered on it, my hospital ID that said "family practice resident," and the stethoscope around my neck she didn't understand.

 

[JuicyMary]

One day I went up to one of the floors and asked the secretary if a patient had arrived on the floor yet, because I was going to be doing his admission.

She told me no, and then asked me, "Are you family?"

I don't know what part of my white coat with my name embroidered on it, my hospital ID that said "family practice resident," and the stethoscope around my neck she didn't understand.

LMAO!!! Seriously funny, you made my day DOtobe!

 

[McGillGrad]

It's all good though. I used to fart in the break room cushions, and get up slowly so as to store my vapors in the cushion. Nothing would give me more pleasure than watching a resident sit in the chair, and all of their colleagues turning their heads toward said resident in disapproval.

All class, all of the time

 

[lvspro]

All class, all of the time

Yup, sometimes it's tough to maintain my actions at such a high standard, but I try.

 

[Discobolus]

Doped up patient at the VA getting a colonoscopy asks "Doctor, I kind of like this, does that make me gay?"

 

[tiredmom]

We had a lady get mad 'cause no one had offered her a PSA test -why weren't we as concerned as she was that she would die of prostate cancer?

 

[Bevo]

I was once asked how long it takes a proton to get from the surface of the sun to the earth and how long it took for a proton to travel from the core of the sun to its outer surface.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

When I was working as an RT, one of my patients asked me "So if I quit smoking cigarettes is it still OK if I continue to smoke marijuana?"

Mind you this came from an 78 y/o blue haired little old lady.

 

[CallawayDoc]

we had a fellow student get asked on internal medicine by an attending, "which organ of which animal has the highest concentration of Na/K pumps?"-----the answer, if you ever happen to get the same question is apparently the rectum of a dog shark.

 

[monkey7247]

While this certainly can't hang with some of the stuff you guys posted, I have an attending that must have wet dreams thinking about organic chemistry. Today he was going over alcoholic ketoacidosis and asked me "Is that an S1 or S2 reaction?"

 

[hermione]

While this certainly can't hang with some of the stuff you guys posted, I have an attending that must have wet dreams thinking about organic chemistry. Today he was going over alcoholic ketoacidosis and asked me "Is that an S1 or S2 reaction?"

I love questions like this. I actually take pleasure in saying "I have absolutely no idea". I think it takes all the fun out it for the sick bastard who asked it just to watch the med student/resident squirm. I say it with pride, too. Because there is NO REASON for us to know that, and I love it!!

 

[monkey7247]

I love questions like this. I actually take pleasure in saying "I have absolutely no idea". I think it takes all the fun out it for the sick bastard who asked it just to watch the med student/resident squirm. I say it with pride, too. Because there is NO REASON for us to know that, and I love it!!

I just laughed at him. I don't even remember what he said was the right answer, but I definitely made sure to put it at the top of my "I don't give a ****" list.

 

[Mom2five]

Several years ago I worked a couple nights a month at a crisis pregnancy center. After informing a young woman that her pregnancy test was positive she said, "So, Like, can I get pregnant again and like have twins??" I swear she really said it. She was sitting there with her husband and he looked at me with a questioning face as well. I can not remember what I replied.

 

[gagolden]

Yesterday, a 15 year old girl came in to the ER. Keep in mind that she's pregnant and says she has some pain "down there". So I order a Ultrasound and the Radiologist calls and says Molar pregnancy. So I figure, the ER staff should talk to her about this one. Yadda Yadda Yadda, its a form of Cancer.. She responds by saying, "So, Im going to keep having babies over and over and over again?"

I know its not nice to make fun of a 15 year old, but come on. Not as good as some of the ones already posted, but its the best I got.

 

[quideam]

A molar pregnancy is a form of cancer? I thought it was a placental abnormality...??

 

[StudKnight]

While on my orthopedic rotation, I heard this a few times:

Resident: You have a fracture
Family/patient: good...so it's not broken.
Resident: yes it is broken
Family: i thought you said it was fractured.

Shoot me in the head now I cannot take this anymore.

 

[lvspro]

A molar pregnancy is a form of cancer? I thought it was a placental abnormality...??

oops, didn't catch the sarcasm, and decided to edit it after the sarcasm sank thru my unusually dense calvarium.

Hey that rhymes
I guess if I flop medicine, I can always rap.

 

[(nicedream)]

oops, didn't catch the sarcasm, and decided to edit it after the sarcasm sank thru my unusually dense calvarium.

Hey that rhymes
I guess if I flop medicine, I can always rap.

huh?

 

[quideam]

No, I was serious... I know that a molar pregnancy can turn into metastatic cancer (in a small percentage of patients), but I don't think that's the actual 'definition' - as in, most are non-cancerous and confined to the uterus.

 

[lvspro]

No, I was serious... I know that a molar pregnancy can turn into metastatic cancer (in a small percentage of patients), but I don't think that's the actual 'definition' - as in, most are non-cancerous and confined to the uterus.

My bad. My original post mentioned a choriocarcinoma before I edited it. I don't remember exactly, but I think a molar pregnancy can metastise (most commonly to the lungs if I remember correctly). So all-in-all, I think those little berries may be one of those strange creatures that mets, but are not necessarily considered malignant until it is a chorio.
I think the board question for this goes something like : G2P2 is 2 weeks s/p SVD without complic. and comes in with difficulty breathing. CXR= a few nodular densities. b-HCG is some astronomical number, and the uterus is enlarged beyond the level of the navel. What's going on.

 

[gagolden]

Ok- let me clarify my earlier post. In how I understand it "from a few pimp questions that I only partialy got right after the diagnosis" A Molar pregnancy has a 15-20% chance of developing into a trophoblastic disease. A small percentage of those will MET. The good news is that nearly 100% are completly cured with chemo.

Now, with the 15 year old with the molar pregancy. The big CA word was dropped so that she "understood" the importance of getting the D&C, and treating her future birth control methods/sexual practice with a little more....importance

The whole situation was funny to me, and the ER staff cause she took it as meaning she was going to have lots and lots and lots of babies. I think the humor is subtle, but funny. It may not be funny to everyone, but at least me.

 

[DOgator]

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more? "

 

[lvspro]

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more? "

A la Chris Rock