Things I Learn From My Patients

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
docB said:
Remember that there is a Federal law that states that no one over the age of 60 is allowed on the roof unless they are on Coumadin.
Click to expand...

Except for the corollary that states you can go on the roof while drunk (or at least up the ladder) if there are Christmas lights involved.
Members don't see this ad.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
[YOUTUBE]http://youtube.com/watch?v=ogsdAdSL0SI[/YOUTUBE]
 
if you develop chest pain/shortness of breath/anxiety on an 18 hour drive, please wait 8 days to come into the ER despite your wife trying to get you to go the entire time.

Sit up and talk with us while we get the TPA drip going due to the ginormous mobile clot that can't decide if it likes your right atrium or ventricle better as a place to hang out and then code when we get you to the MICU.

damn. I wish they didn't come in walking and talking sometimes.
 
njac said:
Sit up and talk with us while we get the TPA drip going due to the ginormous mobile clot that can't decide if it likes your right atrium or ventricle better as a place to hang out and then code when we get you to the MICU.

damn. I wish they didn't come in walking and talking sometimes.
Click to expand...

That cracked me up. :laugh:
 
If you have acute onset of substernal chest pain, shortness of breath, diaphoresis and nausea, that's probably nicotine withdrawal and you should treat it by chain-smoking 6 cigarettes. When it doesn't go away after that, try drinking 2 beers...it might be alcohol withdrawal. When that doesn't work, maybe it's time to walk to the ER across the street from your apartment and see if they can help you out. Inferior S-T segments will be up 6-8mm and your Trop will be 10.
 
PedsEndoSec said:
So I learned that a) if you're diagnosed with appendicitis, don't take eight days to do something about it, and b) if you do wait eight days, don't drive yourself to the hospital, for Pete's sake, as you will run over the nice secretary who is SOCMOB.
Click to expand...

I'm not a student or a doctor, so this is from personal experience... Long story, I'm afraid, I'm terrible at short ones.

About five years ago I woke up with abdominal pain, general malaise. I thought it was menstrual cramps - unusually severe, but no bigie. I didn't feel very keen on getting up, and was really pissed with my mom, who kept poking her head in my room when all I wanted to do was curl up around a hot water bottle, wait it out, and be left alone.:(

Eventually she started nagging me to go to the ER, and after a few hours I figured I could be miserable in the ER just as much as at home, and consented to being driven out. Middle of the afternoon at this point. It was thirty or so degrees out (Celsius, no idea in Fahrenheit - hot anyways) but I insisted on wearing a coat, because I thought it was cold damnit. :)confused:)

Triage asks me to rate my pain, and I figure "well, I haven't tried to kill myself because of it, so it can't possibly be a 10", and tell her a five or a six. (since apparently pts normally think the pain scale goes up to 11 or 100, I think I should re-evaluate how I use it...)

She takes my temperature, and I point out that my temp. is usually pretty low, I only break 98.5 F after physical exertion or standing around in the sun (I charted it every hour I was awake for a week for a school project). She gives me the hairy eyeball, and refuses to tell me, or my mother, what my actual temperature is. :eek: Instead I'm rushed out of the waiting room into the cubicals, and actually see a doctor pretty quickly.

Pretty obvious at this point is that I have appendicitis, but the doctor wants to be sure, so orders a blood test. If my white blood cell count was elevated, I'd go for surgery, otherwise they'd keep trying to figure out what broke.

The 70s-ish old volunteer nurse with shaky hands and cokebottle glasses obviously had a wealth of knowledge and was very gentle, but she had zero luck getting anything. The tech she called in eventually had to drop it in the back of my hand.
I'd like to say a big thank you to ER techs, by the way, y'all are the only folks who can tap a vein on me, even with the wee little butterfly needles.:D Apparently I'm one of those folks with tiny, deep veins that roll out from under the needle.
A big thank you to the anonymous tech, by the way, for listening to me and putting in a shunt in case I actually went to surgery. :love: I must have sounded (and by this point looked) like an IV drug abuser, but if it takes 14 or 15 tries to draw blood, and someone's eventually going to have to put me under for surgery, I'd rather have 15 holes, a shunt, and an appendix scar, rather than 30 holes and an appendix scar. :eek:

Also a huge thankyou to whoever it was who gave me the unit of cold saline. When you have a fever of "I don't think I should tell you" and haven't had anything to drink for hours because you could be rushed into the OR at any minute, cold saline is like a bag full of heaven.

Of course, I was in when the ER was in overflow, observation was in overflow, and they were hiding patients in the hallways, in the Prayer Room, and basically anywhere else they could fit us. I was lucky and got to spend my 8 hrs post op in geriatric care with an overnight nurse who was thrilled to have a non-senile, continent patient.

She kept asking me if I needed any pain control, though, when all I really wanted was more ice chips. At that point, I think my ego would have strangled me if I'd accepted pain control for post-op pain, when all I took was 2 tylenol for the appendicitis itself...

I got a stern lecture from my family doctor about pain and what my body is trying to tell me with it. Lasted long enough that I kited myself off to the ER two months later for what turned out to be spasmodic esophagus :p.

The lecture wore off before the next summer, when a bad run of smog and two weeks of a mystery ailment that apparently was a creepily good symptom match for pulmonary thrombosis eventually sent me to the ER to frighten the triage nurse again. Lots of radioactive diagnostics later, conclusion was it wasn't thrombosis; second guess was "some kind of inflamation of your pleura or something" and recommended treatment was "take asprin, it will probably go away".:confused:

30m after taking two asprin, my breathing is unhindered, my blood oxygen is good, I feel like a confused idiot, and I get discharged with instructions to keep taking asprin as it's obviously working.:p

I still don't know WHAT that was. Ended up taking asprin for another two weeks and then the symptoms just went away. Cheapest, easiest treatment for "mysterious lung disease" I've ever heard of :thumbup:
 
smq123 said:
I learned that letting your 5 yo kid ride around on an ATV without a helmet is really as bad an idea as it sounds.

But, fortunately, his mother (who was an emergency room nurse) was standing nearby, and was able to keep his c-spine nice and stabilized until EMS arrived.

(No, I don't know what she was thinking either.)
Click to expand...

As a former ED nurse, I think I would have had to smack her around. I positively would have had no sympathy for her. The kid, yes. Mom..no way. It would have been worth any potential A&B charges. That was just flat out stupid.
 
gutonc said:
There is nothing in that sentence that sounds like a good idea. 5yo on an ATV, riding, no helmet. I assume CPS was called.
Click to expand...


I was thinking the same thing. That kid needs to be protected from his idiot mother.
 
If, after being discharged for a suicide attempt, you still really want to end your life, stealing an amp of epi from our code cart and taking it PO will not induce a MI, contrary to popular belief.

Proceed immediately to Baker act number two--do not pass go. Good times.
 
smq123 said:
I learned that letting your 5 yo kid ride around on an ATV without a helmet is really as bad an idea as it sounds.

But, fortunately, his mother (who was an emergency room nurse) was standing nearby, and was able to keep his c-spine nice and stabilized until EMS arrived.

(No, I don't know what she was thinking either.)
Click to expand...

Very very similarly, I learned that if mom is cooking dinner and dad is watching the 6 and 7 year-olds (both with a known hx of behavioral problems and on psych meds) ride the family ATVs unsupervised, if dad comes in "to get something to drink" (who wants to take bets on what he picked?), the 7 y/o will play chicken with the 6 y/o. This will result in possible head trauma and a very open tib-fib fx to the 6 y/o. Morphine given by the OSH will do nothing to sedate him, therefore he must be "incubated" just to get him to CT and then the ICU.

gutonc said:
There is nothing in that sentence that sounds like a good idea. 5yo on an ATV, riding, no helmet. I assume CPS was called.
Click to expand...

And in my case, yes- they were, because I'm the ER social worker and I have limited tolerance for this crap. But that's when I learned something else: It's OK, as the (male) parent of this child, to accuse the social worker of being "city", not understanding that things are "different in the country", and tell her you're not allowing her to call CPS. When she tells you it's too late- she's already done it, by all means use methods of physical intimidation as you tell her to "TAKE IT BACK!" Sorry, no take-backs, no do-overs, and an attitude like that will get you told that until you can calm yourself down and start acting appropriately, no one's letting you into the ICU to see your kid.

fab4fan said:
I was thinking the same thing. That kid needs to be protected from his idiot mother.
Click to expand...

I give my kid's mother *this* much more credit but don't let her off the hook- she was pissed at the father, referred to this as her "worst nightmare", said they had their helmets on the last time she saw them, and verbalized understanding of why the hotline call was happening. She's also not physically safe in her own home because of him. :( And she is definitely not an ER nurse.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
pingouin said:
And in my case, yes- they were, because I'm the ER social worker and I have limited tolerance for this crap. But that's when I learned something else: It's OK, as the (male) parent of this child, to accuse the social worker of being "city", not understanding that things are "different in the country", and tell her you're not allowing her to call CPS. When she tells you it's too late- she's already done it, by all means use methods of physical intimidation as you tell her to "TAKE IT BACK!" Sorry, no take-backs, no do-overs, and an attitude like that will get you told that until you can calm yourself down and start acting appropriately, no one's letting you into the ICU to see your kid.
Click to expand...

Hey, the "we're country!" excuse was the same one used by Britney Spears when she was caught driving with her infant son on her lap, and on another occasion when she was caught driving with her children not in car seats.

It's amazing to me that anyone makes it out of childhood growing up "country", you know? :rolleyes:
 
pingouin said:
Very very similarly, I learned that if mom is cooking dinner and dad is watching the 6 and 7 year-olds (both with a known hx of behavioral problems and on psych meds) ride the family ATVs unsupervised, if dad comes in "to get something to drink" (who wants to take bets on what he picked?), the 7 y/o will play chicken with the 6 y/o. This will result in possible head trauma and a very open tib-fib fx to the 6 y/o. Morphine given by the OSH will do nothing to sedate him, therefore he must be "incubated" just to get him to CT and then the ICU.



And in my case, yes- they were, because I'm the ER social worker and I have limited tolerance for this crap. But that's when I learned something else: It's OK, as the (male) parent of this child, to accuse the social worker of being "city", not understanding that things are "different in the country", and tell her you're not allowing her to call CPS. When she tells you it's too late- she's already done it, by all means use methods of physical intimidation as you tell her to "TAKE IT BACK!" Sorry, no take-backs, no do-overs, and an attitude like that will get you told that until you can calm yourself down and start acting appropriately, no one's letting you into the ICU to see your kid.



I give my kid's mother *this* much more credit but don't let her off the hook- she was pissed at the father, referred to this as her "worst nightmare", said they had their helmets on the last time she saw them, and verbalized understanding of why the hotline call was happening. She's also not physically safe in her own home because of him. :( And she is definitely not an ER nurse.
Click to expand...

This "country" ATV...it didn't happen to come equipped with a gun rack and mudflaps decorated with the Confederate flag, did it? Just a wild guess.

You're way more generous than me. This may be due to the fact that my next door neighbors have been my daily torment with their damn ATVs at all hours. I have been thinking of how I can sabotage them without causing bodily harm (much). No 5 year old should be riding unsupervised. Way back in another lifetime I was also a peds nurse, and I had a really sad case that was due to a kid riding an ATV. Let's just say I am not a fan at all of those things. They're noisy, they pollute, and they can do a body lots of harm.
 
I heart EM said:
1. If you are an inmate who self-mutillates, and you have given yourself fifteen cuts to the fascia with the broken off edge of a plastic spoon (b/c you aren't allowed metal anymore, or even plastic knives-Hgb 6.4 btw), please do not complain to the MS4 sewing you up that "Jeezus, it hurts!" when she has exceeded your maximum mg/kg dose of lidocaine already and still has 5 lacerations yet to go. Also, do not reappear on the board on her next shift two days later with an abdominal wound 3 mm away from peritoneum. If after she sews you up this time, you promise never to cut on your belly again since that "hurt like a mo****f****," do not show up in the ED a third time that week with an identical wound parallel to the last one she closed.
Click to expand...

I spent time as a patient on psych and was telling a friend about another patient who was given plastic utensils because she held back a butter knife from her meal tray. Friend snorted and said, "Don't they know you can do more damage with a plastic knife than a butter knife?".

Guess who, in a fit of mania, tried out his theory a few days later? :oops: He was right. I have no marks from the butter knife, but have two scars from the plastic knife. I wasn't trying to self-mutilate; I simply wanted to see if he was right about the amount of damage that could be done, and being manic, didn't stop to think through what I was doing. I can just imagine what a person who truly wanted to harm themselves could do with a sharp edge of a broken plastic spoon.

My roommate during that stay got hold of a razor and sliced her lower leg to the point of severing a good sized vein-blood everywhere. Not only did she whine and complain about how much it hurt when she was getting sutured, she was complaining to everyone who came near her to not get too close, because she didn't want her leg bumped-it would hurt too much.
There was another patient on that ward a few years prior who was in 4-points 23 hours a day because she would swallow spoons, knives, pins, whatever she could get her hands on-she even once broke a plate and ate the pieces. They tried just putting her on constant obs, but she still managed to consume enough FBs to earn her several trips to endoscopy and OR. She had been inpatient since she was about 13 and was about 19 at the above mentioned time.
 
fab4fan said:
This "country" ATV...it didn't happen to come equipped with a gun rack and mudflaps decorated with the Confederate flag, did it? Just a wild guess.
Click to expand...

:laugh: Sorry, I didn't see them. But I like your visual there.

You're way more generous than me. This may be due to the fact that my next door neighbors have been my daily torment with their damn ATVs at all hours. I have been thinking of how I can sabotage them without causing bodily harm (much). No 5 year old should be riding unsupervised. Way back in another lifetime I was also a peds nurse, and I had a really sad case that was due to a kid riding an ATV. Let's just say I am not a fan at all of those things. They're noisy, they pollute, and they can do a body lots of harm.
Click to expand...

My generosity extends slightly to the mother for having a smidge of common sense, but risking bodily harm to herself if she tried to intervene more than she did. Now the state gets to intervene on her behalf and it's the fault of "those damn city folks". I'm OK with taking the heat on this one if it in any way protects she and the kids. Sometimes it's good to be the bad guy.
 
When you are BIBA beaten to within an inch of your life by the drug dealer be sure that when you regain consciousness you swing at you treating doctor... then offer everyone some of the large rock of ice that you have just taken from your pocket that was supposedly checked by MAS...
make sure when the nice security officer takes it off of you, you dont get upset but just pull out the second one from your pocket and offer again...

at least he was nice enough to share :)



also

Fecal matter makes a great decorating tool!!!!
 
While this didn't happen while I was working but I learned that foxes can seek revenge. Quite an amazing story of which I still break out laughing when I think about it.....

Police officer gets called to a house for a fox attacking the owners dog (didn't know foxes existed in VA Beach). Cop searches the area and can't find anything and about to give up her search when sure enough a fox comes from nowhere and bites her leg, she shoots it with a tazor and it runs off with the tazer still implanted in its head. She calls backup and apparently about 6 units show up and the cops comb the area guns drawn and everything and after a while shots are fired and they recover a dead fox, problem being it didn't have a tazor stuck in it so...... they resume the search and but give up. So as the police officers are standing around before leaving, the original and now revenge seeking fox (tazer wires still attached) runs through the maze of officers finds the one that tazered it and bites her this time on the arm and then runs off again without being shot:laugh:
 
Pearl of Wisdom #963:

If you were just discharged from the hospital after AICD placement secondary to a AMI and you miss your bus, do NOT go running 1/4 of a mile after it. The people on the bus will look at you really funny when you go uncon/unresp on the floor and your AICD starts firing. On the bright side, if you do it soon enough, you can even have your old bed at the CICU back (with the same sheets). EMS - protecting the lowest common denominator...
 
If it makes you feel any better, he was running to catch the bus that stops...at the edge of the hospital parking lot. Transport time of :30 seconds, bypassed the ER, right back up. He was away maybe 5-10 minutes.
 
If you are brought in for head trauma 2ndary to falling over while binging on EtOH + benzos (the winner's combo)... when you wake up, it's a good idea to cuss out your nurse as an idiot and a Nazi when she tries to take your blood. If this does not produce the desired results, it is best to scream as loud as you can until the chief resident (who is not the treating physician) shows up, at which point you demand to be released from that hospital and "that b***h" of a nurse immediately. Declare to the physician that you have rights -- and not only that, but you know your rights.

Now, the chief resident may try to point out you still haven't been cleared, as you experienced head trauma and need another head CT. To counter this line of argument, it is best to cuss out the nurse some more and declare that she is a horrible f-ing person. When your nice and long-suffering parents show up to bail your 20-something-yo ass out once again, cuss them out too and declare you never want to see them again.

But be nice to the chief resident though, since he's big and scary, just like the med student standing next to him. Not the nurse though. She's tiny. And pregnant, too! So pick on her instead some more.

After you have the AMA form signed and all your lines are removed, it's best to demand that staff provide you with clothing since you are only in a gown. It's also good to ask for money and a cell phone from the parents who you had just disowned 5 minutes ago. Then, hang out in the room - doesn't really matter that you loudly and profanely demanded to leave for the past hour - and chat with your friends on the phone until security finally arrives to escort you out.

And oh yes. When confusion and disorientation set in the evening of the same day (head bleed vs. DTs), it's in your best interest to return to that same hospital and loudly demand to be seen. They probably won't remember you. And besides... you have rights.
 
pingouin said:
Very very similarly, I learned that if mom is cooking dinner and dad is watching the 6 and 7 year-olds (both with a known hx of behavioral problems and on psych meds) ride the family ATVs unsupervised, if dad comes in "to get something to drink" (who wants to take bets on what he picked?), the 7 y/o will play chicken with the 6 y/o. This will result in possible head trauma and a very open tib-fib fx to the 6 y/o. Morphine given by the OSH will do nothing to sedate him, therefore he must be "incubated" just to get him to CT and then the ICU.



And in my case, yes- they were, because I'm the ER social worker and I have limited tolerance for this crap. But that's when I learned something else: It's OK, as the (male) parent of this child, to accuse the social worker of being "city", not understanding that things are "different in the country", and tell her you're not allowing her to call CPS. When she tells you it's too late- she's already done it, by all means use methods of physical intimidation as you tell her to "TAKE IT BACK!" Sorry, no take-backs, no do-overs, and an attitude like that will get you told that until you can calm yourself down and start acting appropriately, no one's letting you into the ICU to see your kid.



I give my kid's mother *this* much more credit but don't let her off the hook- she was pissed at the father, referred to this as her "worst nightmare", said they had their helmets on the last time she saw them, and verbalized understanding of why the hotline call was happening. She's also not physically safe in her own home because of him. :( And she is definitely not an ER nurse.
Click to expand...

Pingouin, I'm going to miss your crazy peds ER stories. :oops:
 
ParamedicMan said:
If it makes you feel any better, he was running to catch the bus that stops...at the edge of the hospital parking lot. Transport time of :30 seconds, bypassed the ER, right back up. He was away maybe 5-10 minutes.
Click to expand...

Yes, that makes me feel a lot better, thank you! :D
 
Ahhh, summertime. The time of year when kiddies are out of school, the municipal pool is open, and kids can be kids.

And of course, that means childhood injuries.

What did I learn today? Why, I learned that if your child manages to smack his noggin on the diving board (amazing that the pool still HAS one, since they're such liability risks nowadays), it's perfectly fine to insist that he's just FINE, thank you, and no, there is no need for a damn ambulance, you won't pay for a damn ambulance.

When the paramedics who were called by the person who saw Junior crack his head on the diving board show up, it's also fine to tell them to f off, Junior doesn't need any g.d. paramedics.

And, when the cops finally show up, having been called because Junior's mama is making a scene, and the cops insist that Junior go to the hospital because not only is he bleeding, he's jitterbugging on the concrete, it's perfectly fine for Junior's mama to work herself into such a frenzy over how she's not paying a g.d. dime, and it's the lifeguard's fault anyway for letting Junior, who looked to be about 11, on the diving board. When Junior's mama is put in handcuffs after threatening an officer and then taking a swing at him, and Junior is loaded into the bus finally? She will then start wailing about her BAAAYYYYBEEEEEEE and how her BAAAYYYYBEEEEE NEEEEEEDS HERRRR!

In short? I learned that some people are absolutely useless parents, and should never be allowed the care and feeding of a goldfish, much less a child. I can only hope that poor kid didn't suffer brain damage, and wasn't actually posturing, but instead just writhing in pain. He took a pretty good hit.
 
Katydid said:
Ahhh, summertime. The time of year when kiddies are out of school, the municipal pool is open, and kids can be kids.

And of course, that means childhood injuries.

What did I learn today? Why, I learned that if your child manages to smack his noggin on the diving board (amazing that the pool still HAS one, since they're such liability risks nowadays), it's perfectly fine to insist that he's just FINE, thank you, and no, there is no need for a damn ambulance, you won't pay for a damn ambulance.

When the paramedics who were called by the person who saw Junior crack his head on the diving board show up, it's also fine to tell them to f off, Junior doesn't need any g.d. paramedics.

And, when the cops finally show up, having been called because Junior's mama is making a scene, and the cops insist that Junior go to the hospital because not only is he bleeding, he's jitterbugging on the concrete, it's perfectly fine for Junior's mama to work herself into such a frenzy over how she's not paying a g.d. dime, and it's the lifeguard's fault anyway for letting Junior, who looked to be about 11, on the diving board. When Junior's mama is put in handcuffs after threatening an officer and then taking a swing at him, and Junior is loaded into the bus finally? She will then start wailing about her BAAAYYYYBEEEEEEE and how her BAAAYYYYBEEEEE NEEEEEEDS HERRRR!

In short? I learned that some people are absolutely useless parents, and should never be allowed the care and feeding of a goldfish, much less a child. I can only hope that poor kid didn't suffer brain damage, and wasn't actually posturing, but instead just writhing in pain. He took a pretty good hit.
Click to expand...

poor kid, even if he's fine he still gets to go home to that...
 
Depakote said:
poor kid, even if he's fine he still gets to go home to that...
Click to expand...

I can only hope and pray that CPS intervenes. Really. Even foster care is better than what he'd have to go home to if he pulls through and they send him home with HER.
 
I learned from my neighbor's 4 year old son that it is entirely possible to wedge all but 3/4" of a standard size Popsicle stick up the nose of an adult. Sadly, I learned this when the kid came across the hall to get me: "Mr. _____, can you come help my dad? He's blooding from his nose hole." (Gotta love kidspeak eh?) Come to find out, the dad had been asleep on the couch and the kid tried to wake him up by "tickling his nose hole" with the stick from the Popsicle his mom had given him. Apparently it went in a lot easier than he thought it would until it hit the roof of his nasal cavity and tore the mucosa.
 
If you were found unconscious and nearly apneic in the field by EMS, just go ahead and tell the EMT who resuscitated you with IV narcan that the only substance you used today was "two beers" and that you've never used heroin. It doesn't matter that said EMT found his IV site by following the tracks. He won't know.
 
Marijuana apparently works great to treat the "bi-polo," even if it is "un-legal."
 
Dienekes said:
I learned from my neighbor's 4 year old son that it is entirely possible to wedge all but 3/4" of a standard size Popsicle stick up the nose of an adult. Sadly, I learned this when the kid came across the hall to get me: "Mr. _____, can you come help my dad? He's blooding from his nose hole." (Gotta love kidspeak eh?) Come to find out, the dad had been asleep on the couch and the kid tried to wake him up by "tickling his nose hole" with the stick from the Popsicle his mom had given him. Apparently it went in a lot easier than he thought it would until it hit the roof of his nasal cavity and tore the mucosa.
Click to expand...

Ok, if my kid did that to me, I could probably forgive him pretty fast if he explained it like that.

Now how dad could sleep long enough for the Popsicle stick to get that far up his nose-hole beats me.
 
Depakote said:
Ok, if my kid did that to me, I could probably forgive him pretty fast if he explained it like that.

Now how dad could sleep long enough for the Popsicle stick to get that far up his nose-hole beats me.
Click to expand...
I don't think insertion was as gentle or slow as the kid tried to make it sound. :laugh:
 
I learned that if you get your anal vibrator stuck, attempting to remove it yourself could end up in you getting some sutures on your fingers.
 
MSHell said:
I learned that if you get your anal vibrator stuck, attempting to remove it yourself could end up in you getting some sutures on your fingers.
Click to expand...

For once in my life, I really don't want to know.

Thanks for reminding me of 2g1c!
 
This thread makes my day. Working my way toward's med school, and (slowly) from EMT to Paramedic, so this thread seemed like a good place to make my first post.

One of my patients taught me that dropping the n-bomb on your African American paramedic will not earn you better service. Maybe a larger gauge IV, but definitely not better service.

Also, it turns out that the drug seeker who you've picked up for "abdominal pain" 20+ times wasn't making it up this time...Oops:whistle:
 
And another one to file under "friggin' summer."

I learned, from our neighbors, that flinging oneself in a kiddie pool will NOT keep the very angry hornets that you have disturbed from attempting to sting you. That, and when you actually are stupid enough to dive in the kiddie pool, the paramedics don't appreciate it when you complain about being strapped in the neck brace because it's "too tight, you @$$holes!"

Our brilliant neighbor looked like one giant, soaking wet welt.
 
Ok so in the neonatal intensive care unit there is this really sick 24 weeker. We are doing rounds and the fathers friend comes in and asks, "Now nice white lady (nurse). Tell me here if this kid hasn't got the biggest c0ck you've seen on a baby. He going to grow up to be huge, cuz you know my man here is (points to father). So now tell me he's got a nice big c0ck don't he?"


We all stare with our mouths agape and the nurse says "sir your friend had a girl."
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
When I volunteered in the ER a few years ago I translated for a woman who claimed to be a prostitute. After being told she was pregnant, the woman was aghast...she claimed that she "washed out the condoms really well" each time she used them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
:laugh:
MaiPenRai said:
When I volunteered in the ER a few years ago I translated for a woman who claimed to be a prostitute. After being told she was pregnant, the woman was aghast...she claimed that she "washed out the condoms really well" each time she used them.
Click to expand...
:laugh:


Good hygeine is soooo important.
 
Regardless of what the voices are telling you to do....

It's never a good idea to take a knife and castrate yourself so you can't have any children.

And please, thank the paramedics for fishing your gonads out of the toilet so the on-call Urologist can attempt reattachment.

Needless to say, the Urologist was unsuccessful...

I guess the voices won.
 
MrWiggles said:
Regardless of what the voices are telling you to do....

It's never a good idea to take a knife and castrate yourself so you can't have any children.

And please, thank the paramedics for fishing your gonads out of the toilet so the on-call Urologist can attempt reattachment.

Needless to say, the Urologist was unsuccessful...

I guess the voices won.
Click to expand...

frankly, that sounds like a fantastic idea. Too bad more people don't get the same voices.
 
If your ancient, IDDM grandpa is in the nursing home, it's really nice of you to come visit. It isn't nice, however, to bring him Twinkies and cupcakes every time you do.

I don't know if they were just stupid or if they were really trying to kill him.
 
LoadnGo said:
If your ancient, IDDM grandpa is in the nursing home, it's really nice of you to come visit. It isn't nice, however, to bring him Twinkies and cupcakes every time you do.

I don't know if they were just stupid or if they were really trying to kill him.
Click to expand...

Something along those lines happened when my father was hospitalized a while back--his friends were bringing him desserts when he was NPO.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Next unread thread

Similar threads

FlaminHotER
EM Docs can learn from the NFL Players Association
Replies
18
Views
2K
thegenius
thegenius
thegenius
I wish patients knew what the ER was for
2 3 4 5
Replies
210
Views
11K
gruemd
G
H
Patients per Hour
2
Replies
50
Views
3K
LChristmas
LChristmas
BoardingDoc
Fun patients
Replies
27
Views
3K
DocEspana
DocEspana
alpinism
Hospital wants us to admit dead patients
2
Replies
84
Views
4K
DocEspana
DocEspana
Top