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Things I Learn From My Patients

Discussion in 'Emergency Medicine' started by docB, 05.02.03.

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  1. Alsadius

    Alsadius

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    SDN Members don't see this ad. (About Ads)
    You can upload it to Youtube and set the privacy to "Unlisted" - that way, anyone with the link can view it, but it won't show up in searches to gross out those with weak stomachs.
     
    Kittenmommy likes this.
  2. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Believe it or not, I'm in another hospital right now! Kitten Mother-In-Law (who is 97 and has dementia) is in the hospital for a lung issue. We're hoping she'll go home tomorrow, but the infectious disease doctor has to come by and see what's what.

    So when I get a chance, I'll upload the vid. I don't know how soon that will be, though. Stay tuned!
     
  3. White Jenna

    White Jenna

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    Hope this finds you doing better!

    As a current animal keeper/former vet tech, I can tell you cat bites go nasty faster than just about anything else.
     
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  4. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Thanks! I'm feeling much better now, believe me. At some point, I'll upload the pus-spewing vid, but I'm not sure when. :p

    Edited because "pus", not "puss"! :D
     
    Last edited: 06.04.15
  5. Boatswain2PA

    Boatswain2PA Physician Assistant

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    Apparently you can "dislocate your tailbone" with vigorous anal sex using various sex toys. Said event happened about 2 years ago. She didn't seek medical care at the time, but she "knows" it was dislocated because ever since then she can "feel her tailbone move around".
     
  6. Birdstrike

    Birdstrike

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    Good catch because of you had uploaded the other....
     
  7. Spinach Dip

    Spinach Dip Delicious with nachos

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    :whoa:
     
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  8. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Right?? :cat:
     
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  9. Birdstrike

    Birdstrike

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    Yes. "Cat."
     
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  10. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    *meow*

    I didn't forget my pus vid promise. Kitten MIL is still in the hospital, and we've been going there every day, all day. Ninety-seven, with dementia and pneumonia. Yeah.
     
  11. gotname

    gotname

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    This thread is hilarious. As they say, common sense isn't all that common.

    Throwing myself into your experiences - things I've learned from other patients in waiting rooms and as an inpatient...

    -LOUDLY plan your "revenge" drive-by (name, time etc.) in the ER waiting room (friend brought in for GSW). There were two Sheriffs 20 feet away too.

    -tearfully complain it's taking too long to be seen and you are in a wheelchair (back really hurts, can't walk) then when the triage nurse goes back to get you a bed, wait 5 minutes, scream to the entire waiting room that it's taking too long so tell her you went across the street (at least 2 blocks) for cigarettes. Then of course, WALK out, quickly.

    -offer your pills to other patients in waiting room because you have similar symptoms although you are there because you believe said pills are making you sick.
    ***accept pills from stranger in waiting room although you are waiting to see the doctor

    -get upset and verbally abusive because doc ordered a CT for your abd pain and you want more pain meds, not scan so keep making vomiting noises as loud as possible everytime a nurse/doc/phlebotomist etc. is nearby (next room, outside) then when no one comes in, yell "but you have to give medicine for symptoms, not do stupid scans"

    -have sex to try and take out a "lost" tampon. Fails. Have bf use flashlight. Fails. Use laxative. Fails. So wait 3 days, come in and yell your story to the whole ED

    -get upset that the doc called the police on you instead of the "stuck up B's bf" who punched you almost unconscious after you grabbed her because "she was asking for it". Then proceed to tell police "this is f'd up, let me go, it's not like I roofied her". Have said roofies in your possession

    -spend a whole day going to all you can buffets (a dare) then come in for diarrhea and vomiting of unknown cause (insist you have not eaten anything unusual). While nurse is starting IV, casually ask "so do you think whatever I've got will clear up by next weekend? Cause I did this all you can eat dare earlier and made $30 and next week we are doing all you can drink"

    -ask for help after hitting head but when a CT is ordered, insist that they are trying to put invisible trackers into your brain. Refuse psych and opt to leave but then decide to stay after the voices tell you that you can stay provided whoever treats you proves they are human.
    ***could not answer how they could prove it

    -be diabetic and when asked about insulin, respond "oh that's the stuff I should be taking, right?"

    -while visiting postop patient, do loudly talk amongst yourselves as if no one can hear you about how you can "score" some good stuff that could be laying about in other rooms

    -after a life saving surgery with complications, threaten action due to "getting fat" from IV fluids and the "despicable" lighting in the bathroom

    -as an inpatient, pain pump active, fall risk so going nowhere and so on, give doctors a schedule (to see you) to follow for rounds that works "best" for you


    There are more but those came to mind!
     
  12. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Pus vid, as promised! :cat:

    WARNING: GROSS!

    You can hear Kittendaddy answering me when I ask if it's going. And the ultrasound tech chimes in at the end to confirm we've gotten enough vid. And you can see the IV line that was in my other arm.

    Enjoy!



     
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  13. Aquar1us

    Aquar1us

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    :eek::ninja::confused:
    MOAR PLZ

    Kittenmommy:
    It sorta looked like somekinda shiny caramelly stuff... :banana::naughty: :hungry:
     
    Last edited: 06.22.15
    Kittenmommy likes this.
  14. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    I'm very glad I don't like caramel, because this comment would've ruined it for me! :depressed:
     
  15. Aquar1us

    Aquar1us

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    yeah well, *I* like caramel anyway
    bite me
    :luck:
     
    Kittenmommy likes this.
  16. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Oops! Sorry! :bag:
     
  17. Aquar1us

    Aquar1us

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    oh I didn't mean that your post offended me or anything :)
    don't worry
    but anyway
    caramel rox
    :horns:
     
  18. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    Well, I'm very glad I didn't ruin it for you then! :cat:
     
  19. Aquar1us

    Aquar1us

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    CONGRATULATIONS!!! :hardy: :highfive: I believe we may finally have spotted the semi-legendary Somedude and his unregenerate crew My Friend and That Bitch, who have been known to steal people's last bottle of percocet peelz with impunity, alacrity and regularity (Things I Learn passim).
    They appear to have upped the ante since then, progressing to harvesting from hospitals and even making an anthem:

    gotname: your prize! :luck:

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: 06.28.15
  20. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending

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    -- Diarrhea 2/2 anxiety is frothy green
    -- Shortness of breath and fatigue with low BP caused by restarting amiodarone AFTER being taken off of it so you can take Abx is due to a cold
    -- A 2 year old running through the kitchen and hitting a pyrex cooking plate full in the face and then smacking his head on the tile floor during the fall is sleepy because it's now his naptime and he probably doesn't need a head CT
    -- Influenza diagnosed by a physician friend on Friday PM and treated with Tamiflu starting Saturday AM should be resolved by Sunday PM -- the coughing/sneezing/body aches/fevers/rhinorrhea are likely being caused by the dreaded Acute Bronchitis and as a physician you should be able to miraculously cure these evils by waving your magic wand and speaking incantations which involve the words "codeine cough syrup" and "Z-Pack"....
    -- RUQ pain that was previously seen by their PCP and GI specialist and is currently being worked up will be miraculously diagnosed and definitively treated in an Urgent Care clinic 15 minutes before closing on a Saturday night
    -- A forearm sustaining a crush injury 1 hour ago and now the arm is getting "tighter", unable to be fully extended with pain now radiating into the fingers can be adequately treated by an xRay and ortho follow up in the AM according to a source who's in the medical field but not a doctor
    -- A child who was seen sweating after playing outside on a 90 degree day and then vomited this morning is obviously sick -- the red sticky substance on the towel you brought from home? Ice cream -- Oh, the diet yesterday consisted of copious amounts of ice cream, flaming hot Cheetos, flaming hot doritos, cokes, hot dogs and chips? and the child is sitting on the table laughing, crawling all around and joking with mom -- obviously a serious disease which needs a full workup RFN.
    -- A hand cut one month ago that now exhibits a 1.5cm eruption of proud flesh will be removed by the physician according to a friend who's a nurse at the local county hospital -- "No" and went to do paperwork -- upon reentering the room, I was informed that they had checked with the RN friend and were assured that I would remove said proud flesh -- "No -- here's some numbers to derm and general surgery" --


    This was all within a month.
     
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  21. Apollyon

    Apollyon Screw the GST Lifetime Donor

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    a/k/a "Domino's delivery guy that once delivered a pizza to a doctor's office."

    ...but he watches "Grey's Anatomy" without a miss!!
     
  22. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats

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    So wait a minute... are you suggesting that faithfully watching Grey's Anatomy doesn't qualify you to diagnose/treat people? I'm sure that can't be right! :cat:
     
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  23. BobbiD

    BobbiD

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    If you're a young lad hyped up on so many legal highs you don't know what colour your name is, don't cut your finger to the bone and start trying to eat the bone - you will end up in the back of a police car, and if you're still going nuts 40 minutes later, in the cells. We don't want you. You will also be very confused as to what happened to your hand when you wake up the next day.
     
  24. BobbiD

    BobbiD

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    Come to A&E with a tiny cut on one finger, insisting "It's nae wee! It's a BIG cut!" - and then proudly tell us you got it breaking into a car. We absolutely won't nod the police in your direction when they bring the next EtOH case in.
     
  25. TimesNewRoman

    TimesNewRoman

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    But I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!
     
  26. BobbiD

    BobbiD

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    Another couple from the last few days (and one of my own stupidity!)

    1) If 'a couple of days' is too long to wait to have a medical professional remove your contraceptive implant, by all means get a kitchen knife and attempt to do it yourself. When part of it snaps off and stays embedded when you try and pull it out, and your boyfriend drags you to A&E because you've taken a knife to your arm, by all means scream at him for ruining things. This will absolutely not get you an immediate chat to psych :)

    2) If your 70-kg mastiff starts growling at you, attempting to push him into his basket will not end well. We did finally find the guy with high pain tolerance though - right wrist opened to the fascia covering the tendons, left hand missing all the flesh between thumb and fingers and over the back of the thumb; no pain meds on board, calmly doing all the movement tests he was asked to do, not a wince or a murmur. Also cheerfully chatting away and asking me if he could go out for a smoke as I steri-stripped the smaller cuts on his face (yes, the dog also tried to bite his face!). Unlikely. Ex-Army man, tough as nails!

    3) Coming in to A&E after a bike vs. car on your birthday will get you lots of attention and love from the staff. Especially if you are an adorable just-8-year-old little girl, who will happily chat to anyone and anything and isn't badly hurt. Great kid!

    And my own stupidity: If you have a big crash on the timing run before a ski race, dislocating your shoulder and breaking some fingers, don't put your shoulder back in yourself, blag some painkillers from a friend and race anyway. You will end up in a sling with much much sticky tape holding all your fingers to each other, and will definitely not pass your practical exam (did I mention this was 2 weeks before exams?). I am not a clever person.
     
    Last edited: 07.02.15
  27. BobbiD

    BobbiD

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    Reminds me of a kid at my school - the lad was messing around, pretending to do shots with the little tubs of chemical. With the lid unscrewed. One very long trip to the local hospital later, this boy will never taste again. His mate won the bet that the teacher would spot them though, so that's OK ;)
     
  28. Aquar1us

    Aquar1us

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    well that's not a birthday you'll forget, ever!:banana:
    I want some of whatever he's on [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: 07.06.15
  29. Saint Muzhik

    Saint Muzhik

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    Greatest. Tread. On. The. Internet. Period. I laughed, I cried, I screamed in terror. I even joined this site just to contribute to this thread.

    Since it's 530AM, I'm gonna make this quick and just list a few things I can think of. I'm not in medicine, but I have more than enough tales of stupidity gathered from a good half dozen sources which are just perfect for the running theme of astronomical ancephalacy.

    #1 From this thread, I learned that if any sufficiently movable object can be shoved up a rectum.
    #2 I also learned that if it doesn't go up an arse, it goes right up the pee hole!
    #3 I'd like to propose this corollary to SOCMOB: The more someone insists "I ain't do nuthin'", the probability that not only did they do something, but they will also claim that they were SOCMOB. Their insistence that IADNSOCMOB increases inversely to evidence they're lying.
    #4 Yes, it is indeed possible to disassemble a short recoil action pistol in such a way that you chamber a round. Said round will still be in there when the gun is reassembled When you function check the handgun by pulling the trigger, the round will go off. I will not be at all happy, and when you explain that some YouTube guy named James Yeager told you it's because only amateurs check their weapons to check if they're loaded (Which has led to a number of tales on this thread alone), expect a ten minute rant from me about why you never just assume anything about deadly weapons.
    #5 Of course the militia's Kalashnikovs are for show -- that's exactly why they get pointed at you when they catch you holding up a store. To better your odds, be sure to shout at said militiamen that they're all too weak to shoot you; they LOVE it!
    #6 If you must prove your manliness, do it while taking advice from Mr. Ethanol, and pick a fight with a hulking Ukrainian wearing his red special forces beret and telnyashka while he's in a bar with his friends, all of whom are similarly dressed.
    #7 Never challenge militsionery to make you do something; you will never win or have as many teeth.

    Thanks for the awesome thread!
     
    Last edited: 07.08.15
  30. RustedFox

    RustedFox LOL in NAD S/P FDGB.

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    Best thing I've overheard this year - scene is one RN giving sign-out to another RN at shift-change.

    Nurse A: "What does he (the patient) take for his diabetes?"
    Nurse B: "He takes Mountain Dew for his diabetes."

    I cannot help but think of this exchange every 2-3 days and laugh.
     
    EDParallax, gutonc and Birdstrike like this.
  31. Alsadius

    Alsadius

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    That's not diabetes, it's Dewabetes. Common mistake, happens all the time. The patient is fine, and in no need of any changes to his medication regime whatsoever. (Just ask him, I'm sure he'll tell you that himself.)
     
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