I feel your pain -- I was in the wrong residency for me and it sucked from the first month through the last month -- I too was at the point with my GAF factor was at sub-zero readings -- And it's easy to become negative when you realize that what you thought medicine would be like vs what it really is are 2 completely different things -- most people, at least the kind you see in residency, don't want your help. They want what they want and will do what it takes to get it from you to go on their merry way -- it does suck. But about once every 6 months, you'll roll across the one patient that you can truly help who appreciates it and makes the previous 6 months worth it.
It doesn't necessarily change that much once you're out in terms of patient interactions -- you just get a lot nicer patients that you can interact with and you get paid a little better. You learn to make things fun and pick what you really want to "specialize" in -- if it's preventive medicine, go for it -- about 30% of my patients have no clue how to eat/exercise and would pay good money to have someone hold their hand, especially a "doctor" -- they likely will just make excuses and continue, but having a "doctor" advise them gives them an out that it's some organic cause or "thyroid problem" (love that one) and they sleep better at night. A few will really get with the program, follow your advice and improve their lives.
You have to face the facts -- human beings have in their heads what makes them happy -- healthcare to them is really about "fixing me so I can get back to what I want to do" not necessarily implementing change for better health --we want bandaids, not permanent change. That's probably very cynical and I've been out of residency around 2 years and board certified for around 1.5 so take it with a grain of salt.
I personally went through a period of "man, this really sucks" after residency but am coming out of it now -- I'm working hard to improve my knowledge and practice of medicine -- why? Self motivated to be the best at my craft. But my reason for working? To be able to enjoy the vacations, spend time with the family and set my kids up for a better future with passive income streams.
At the end of the day, my fulfillment comes from 3 things: 1) My relationship with my Creator 2) My relationship with my family 3) Being a part of something bigger than myself --
You may want to function check yourself: Do a mental exercise -- when you're lying on your deathbed and looking back over your life, will you be satisfied with what you did with your time on this earth? As I'm getting older, I've learned that a lot of stuff that used to be so important isn't worth my time now.
However, as far as quitting residency? I strongly considered it, was counseled by mentors to do it as it looked like the PD was after my glutes. Would have been the worst mistake I could have made --- stick it out or consider transferring -- if you're on probation now and being threatened with getting fired, you need to get your act together quickly -- go to your advisor and discuss what's going on -- if you can't, get a new advisor you can talk to -- if you get bounced, it's monumentally more difficult to recover from --
Good luck -- and don't let the
b@#$!%ds grind you down ---