TLDR: About to start DO school, went to Asia, not so sure anymore...

[ScatmanCrothers]

I am 25 years old and 2 weeks away from matriculating at my DO program, and of course, I have waited until the last possible minute to start drowning myself with concerns. I have been talking to family, friends, mentors, and emailing counselors at my school, but I figured it couldn't hurt to express these concerns to the brutally honest strangers of SDN as well.

I just returned from traveling in Southeast Asia by myself for 3 months just for the fun of it, and had some of the strangest and most rewarding experiences of my life. I discovered a number of unique lifestyle opportunities that I never would have guessed could have been available to me (working to develop rock climbing on a previously untapped island, playing professional soccer for a team in northern Thailand, and living with a tribe in the middle of the Laos jungle in exchange for helping them hunt and build bungalows, to name a few of the more random opportunities), and I feel as if I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of traveling and discovering what I am capable of. Since returning to the states, to be perfectly honest, the prospect of attending medical school right now and committing myself to 7 years (including residency) without the opportunity to freely travel again is weighing very heavily on me. I desperately want the opportunity to spend a larger chunk of time traveling and working abroad sometime during the next few years, as does my girlfriend, but this just doesn't seem possible if I stick along the current path I am on. I am still very passionate about practicing healthcare, but I am wondering if committing myself to a 7 year grind right now is the best decision for my future (not to mention the following years of servitude paying off loans).

I hope this message does not give the impression that I am no longer passionate about practicing healthcare. In the long term, I can still envision nothing I would like more than to be a practicing osteopathic emergency physician. However, while abroad, I realized that there is so much more to life than just picking one career path in one small bubble of the world, putting my head down, and grinding away at it for the better part of my adulthood, as seems to be the norm in America. Additionally, I have realized that there are a number of different ways to practice medicine. I could literally just take an EMT course, go live in a village in Laos, and become the village medic (although I would ideally want to be much more educated and experienced). Ideally, I would love to be in a situation where I could study (and then eventually work) for a year or two at a time as a medical professional, and then take at least 6 months or so off to travel and find some very strange and unique lifestyle to blend into for a while, whether it entails working as a medical professional in a really weird environment, or pursuing some other passion of mine. I have always been a person of many passions, and I don't want to feel bottlenecked into one pursuit for the rest of my life. I discovered a number of unique employment and lifestyle opportunities while traveling that I never would have guessed would be possible for me, and potentially missing out on these experiences, among the many others that I know are out there, is seeming more and more like a brutal sacrifice that I am hesitant about making at this point.

I have emailed several counselors at my school asking about the prospect of either taking a year off before matriculating, taking a year off between my 2nd and 3rd years, or even potentially switching to a PA program, all of which sound like decent trade offs that would make this decision making process a hell of a lot easier. However, I have no idea how viable any of these ideas are. I feel like my family, friends, and mentors all have some sort of bias, and I'm sure you will too, but the more opinions I get from more people, the more educated I will feel by making my decision. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any feedback.

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[costales]

To be brutally honest, you sound like a flake. But hey, if that's what you want, go for it. Just remember, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Perhaps you should defer a year and get all that out of your system.

 

[DoctorKrieger]

I just returned from traveling in Southeast Asia by myself for 3 months just for the fun of it

#firstworldproblems

But srsly, a lot of people love traveling and exploring new places and cultures. It sounds like you're toying with the idea of becoming a professional expat. I guess it could be you're thing, but chances are you'll grow out of it and realize living in third world poverty for life isn't all that great. This would be easier if you hadn't already applied and been accepted, because if you decline an acceptance it makes it more difficult to get accepted again. If possible, consider deferring your acceptance. If not, nut up and think about possibilities like docs w/out borders and the ilk after med school is done. Ultimately, the oft-used phrase 'if you can imagine yourself doing anything other than medicine, do it' comes to mind.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Honestly, you sound immature. Give up your spot to someone that actually wants it.

 

[Jeffrety]

I dont understand the question. What are you looking for OP? How badly do you want to be a doctor? Quit now and travel to Syria if you are truly interested in practicing EM in a new and exciting environment.

 

[thepoopologist]

If there's any time to step back from medicine, it's before a dime of tuition has been spent. Be glad the doubts happened before you started school rather than after. You will be a different person in 7 years for better or worse and while there's some argument for going the "sensible" route, and it is possible to travel and experience things during training, you are in the unique position of being able to do so without the sometimes crushing expectations of medical school on your back. Traveling and experiencing stuff at 25, which I've done, and being weeks and months away in a different country is not the same as taking a weeks vacation at a time for respite, which is all that I'm able to do now.

There is definitely more to life than becoming a doctor RIGHT THIS minute. If you choose to step into the fray, be a 100% committed to it or you will not do well. As the above comments have signified, there will be people you bump into who have thought about nothing else. If you choose not to, well there are a thousand other ways to be successful and happy, and that is the goal at the end, is it not.

 

[UTsksk]

The way I see it is that after my grind of school and training is over, there's a lot more that I can do in life. Medical school is a huge commitment that takes a good chunk out of someone's life. During your time in it, you're still living life so you can go on vacations and whatnot. They just won't be for extended periods of time. You could potentially do international rotations and then go on to do doctors without borders later on if you really want to work in a 3rd world country.

Just need to figure out if you're willing to make the commitment.

 

[Dharma]

Ya'll judge way too hard. "Flake" "immature." Bollocks. OP forget med school for now. Go live! You'll be head and heels above the typically med student who never tasted life beyond academia (besides their summer breaks) if you decide to jump into the insanity that is modern medicine. Go carve your own path. And don't let the naysayers and close minded get to you. Pass on donning their crusty blinders. Follow your heart.

 

[yanks26dmb]

Op...I just returned from 6 months around the world, so I know what you're saying. Id be lying if I said the thought of running off to a small Indonesian island and opening a dive shop or something didn't cross my mind.

I start in august too and am feeling nerves. But you know what? We're about to enter a position that allows us to travel the world, see and do things most others can't, and give back to the people who need help both home and abroad. To me, becoming a doctor is a key to the world. Maybe if you look at it thisway the next seven years won't seem so daunting.

 

[kenjixshadow]

Presuming OP is super duper serious, you'll be 32 when you're an attending. You can help more people as a physician than as an EMT or a PA with your advanced medical knowledge and skill. Furthermore. you will get paid and live comfortably in South Asia. Now to your question, ask yourself that do you want to become a physician at this moment, if the answer is yes without any hesitation, halt that rainbow dream of your and go to medical school. If there is any hesitation to "yes" and you need more time to think about this, then defer your acceptance if possible. If the answer is no, go with your gut and give your spot to someone else - who would give up a kidney to get that acceptance.

Good luck in your future endeavors

 

[kp11]

Presuming OP is super duper serious, you'll be 32 when you're an attending. You can help more people as a physician than as an EMT or a PA with your advanced medical knowledge and skill. Furthermore. you will get paid and live comfortably in South Asia. Now to your question, ask yourself that do you want to become a physician at this moment, if the answer is yes without any hesitation, halt that rainbow dream of your and go to medical school. If there is any hesitation to "yes" and you need more time to think about this, then defer your acceptance if possible. If the answer is no, go with your gut and give your spot to someone else - who would give up a kidney to get that acceptance.

Good luck in your future endeavors

Taking a year off is a great option. Realize that it is very normal to get nervous before school starts. If you are wanting to do something globally after graduation, having a medical degree is going to be something you can use overseas, whereas I'm not sure how well the PA degree is received abroad.

 

[MrChance2]

I took 6 years off mainly to travel before medical school. Also spent time in SE Asia.

" I could literally just take an EMT course, go live in a village in Laos, and become the village medic (although I would ideally want to be much more educated and experienced)."

1. Are you independently wealthy? The negative $8000 to +$1500 or so per year you will be making probably won't go to far.
2. Even the biggest hippis I know (and I know some big ones) can't handle living in a village like that for more than a few years.
3. I can't speak for laos but to practice in Thailand you need to pass Thailand's medical exam in Thai as well as a bunch of other hoops (I stopped reading after the pass a medical exam in Thai part). Have you done a mission trip to see what its like? Just roaming around the world "helping people" has some pragmatic problems especially if you don't have any training (or EMT training). The OMG a White person is here to save us doesn't really work.

I went back to Thailand right before medical school. Hung out with 5-6 of my friends from when I lived there 5 or so years before. They are happy but I would have gotten bored with how they are living eventually.

That said, you know you best. You won't be free again except for an occasional month for 7+ years if you do medical school. Daydreaming about SE asia for 7+ years is going to make the process difficult. If you need to get it out of your system a year off isn't crazy and you'll have tons of fun.

PS If you want to make this look good do the peace corps.

 

[DOFOSHO]

.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Ya'll judge way too hard. "Flake" "immature." Bollocks. OP forget med school for now. Go live! You'll be head and heels above the typically med student who never tasted life beyond academia (besides their summer breaks) if you decide to jump into the insanity that is modern medicine. Go carve your own path. And don't let the naysayers and close minded get to you. Pass on donning their crusty blinders. Follow your heart.

Come on, this guy is talking about being a professional soccer player in Northern Thailand and living in the jungles of Laos by helping to hunt. That sounds mature to you? Guy went on a vacation and thinks that's "life." Doesn't realize the massive ****storm that being an adult is.

 

[ortnakas]

I just returned from traveling in Southeast Asia by myself for 3 months just for the fun of it, and had some of the strangest and most rewarding experiences of my life. I discovered a number of unique lifestyle opportunities that I never would have guessed could have been available to me (working to develop rock climbing on a previously untapped island, playing professional soccer for a team in northern Thailand, and living with a tribe in the middle of the Laos jungle in exchange for helping them hunt and build bungalows, to name a few of the more random opportunities)

This is a seriously random collection of "lifestyle opportunities." If you want to continue your rich kid lifestyle (which would be understandable, I will admit I'm a bit envious), do not go to med school. You'll have plenty of chances to travel in the future, both after graduation and on breaks, but you probably won't be taking these kind of trips for quite a while. Medicine will really have to be the main pursuit of your life for the next several years. If you want to be a physician, this kind of travel won't happen much in the next seven years or so, but other opportunities will.

Defer a year if you can and figure out which lifestyle you want. It sounds like both of your options are excellent.

 

[jaguar33]

Dont listen to the posters calling you immature and trying to make you feel bad. Medical school is filled with people who have only focused on "premed extracurriculars" in the name of building an application. Many of these types of people have only traveled on medical missions which is hard to really consider travelling. A lot of them are so consumed with the premed lifestyle that they can not even fathom a life outside of a typical workaholic USA life. Unfortunately these type of people make up the majority in the medical world (not all) but I can assure you that you will be much more well rounded if you keep traveling.

It is also very possible to travel for many years on end without being rich. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and do odd jobs and take advice from other travelers in the hostels that are doing the same thing. What OP is saying is not far fetched.

I think you should continue traveling if you have the desire and sense of adventure still. You will regret it if you dont. Sometimes I regret deciding to start school before some more adventures but I was ready to get started. You are still young, but by time you finish everything I guarantee you will not feel like packing your life in a backpack and heading off to a hostel in a random country. You will have too much responsibility and you will feel old in a hostel filled with 20-30 y/o's. Good luck with your decision, and I promise med school will still be here when you return.

 

[wjs010]

Become a doctor so you can have the money to travel. Work part time. Travel. Simple. That 3 month long vacation was supposed to get you ready for med school, not the opposite

 

[ScatmanCrothers]

Thanks so much for all the replies (even the negative ones). It is good to hear such a wide array of opinions. I am by no means rich and would pretty much have enough money for a plane ticket and a few weeks of living, and would rely on working odd jobs as I travel around, but as jaguar33 can corroborate, there are a number of people who do this while traveling and I know that it is entirely possible.

On another note, when I talk of the different ways to practice medicine while traveling, I am not speaking of practicing as a certified PA or EMT and getting paid or anything, I am speaking simply of having the experience and skills to handle medical situations when they arise in whatever small community I am in at the time working whatever odd job I happen to stumble across. For example, 5 days ago when I was in Tonsai, a man dislocated his shoulder and nobody knew what to do, and it was after dark so we couldn't get him to a doctor until the next day and he was suffering all night. Just knowing that I am able to step in and solve a medical problem like this while traveling would give me tremendous satisfaction. The real reason I want to go into medicine is because I want to be able to be the member of a community who has the capability to solve these sort of problems and provide relief for everyone involved, whether that community is an ER in the states or a village in the jungle (where I could be mostly pulling my weight through other means, but also happen to be the community medic). Titles and compensation make no difference to me.

I have emailed several faculty at my school and am looking into the possibility of deferring for a year. If this isn't possible I am going to have a serious decision on my hands, albeit if both options are good ones. But the downsides are that I know I will not be able to travel in the same way once I am 33 years old (nor will I have the desire to), and I know that if I up and leave right now, it will be a serious struggle to once again become accepted to a medical school or a PA school if I decide to come back to it.

Please continue to give me your opinions here if you have not posted yet or have anything else to add. You have all been very helpful and I am extremely grateful for your opinions, even the brutally honest and sometimes scathing ones.

 

[notbobtrustme]

stupidest thing I read all week and I had to proofread kids with Down syndrome's homework assignments this week.

 

[NontradCA]

Have fun hunting in Laos. Someone mentioned being ahead of your peers in terms of life experience? Well, I'll have you know you sound like a typical entitled academic type, starting with that giant wall of crap you expect everyone to read.

 

[Oo Cipher oO]

Sounds like switching to the PA program might be a good solution if you school is serious. Less time commitment with useful medical knowledge.

 

[JimmyB123]

OP, you're posting on SDN. What do you expect to hear?

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy.

 

[j4pac]

Thanks so much for all the replies (even the negative ones). It is good to hear such a wide array of opinions. I am by no means rich and would pretty much have enough money for a plane ticket and a few weeks of living, and would rely on working odd jobs as I travel around, but as jaguar33 can corroborate, there are a number of people who do this while traveling and I know that it is entirely possible.

On another note, when I talk of the different ways to practice medicine while traveling, I am not speaking of practicing as a certified PA or EMT and getting paid or anything, I am speaking simply of having the experience and skills to handle medical situations when they arise in whatever small community I am in at the time working whatever odd job I happen to stumble across. For example, 5 days ago when I was in Tonsai, a man dislocated his shoulder and nobody knew what to do, and it was after dark so we couldn't get him to a doctor until the next day and he was suffering all night. Just knowing that I am able to step in and solve a medical problem like this while traveling would give me tremendous satisfaction. The real reason I want to go into medicine is because I want to be able to be the member of a community who has the capability to solve these sort of problems and provide relief for everyone involved, whether that community is an ER in the states or a village in the jungle (where I could be mostly pulling my weight through other means, but also happen to be the community medic). Titles and compensation make no difference to me.

I have emailed several faculty at my school and am looking into the possibility of deferring for a year. If this isn't possible I am going to have a serious decision on my hands, albeit if both options are good ones. But the downsides are that I know I will not be able to travel in the same way once I am 33 years old (nor will I have the desire to), and I know that if I up and leave right now, it will be a serious struggle to once again become accepted to a medical school or a PA school if I decide to come back to it.

Please continue to give me your opinions here if you have not posted yet or have anything else to add. You have all been very helpful and I am extremely grateful for your opinions, even the brutally honest and sometimes scathing ones.

You're naïve, immature, and quite frankly not ready to be an adult. Medical school is not the place to outgrow Peter-Pan Syndrome. When you are serious about becoming an adult and are dedicated to medicine...go to medical school. Until that time...enjoy your childhood. Meanwhile try not to starve and don't pretend like you have the skills to treat people. You don't.

 

[Goro]

Dump the DO schools and follow your dreams. I'd rather have as one of my students someone who really wants to be a doctor.

I am 25 years old and 2 weeks away from matriculating at my DO program, and of course, I have waited until the last possible minute to start drowning myself with concerns. I have been talking to family, friends, mentors, and emailing counselors at my school, but I figured it couldn't hurt to express these concerns to the brutally honest strangers of SDN as well.

I just returned from traveling in Southeast Asia by myself for 3 months just for the fun of it, and had some of the strangest and most rewarding experiences of my life. I discovered a number of unique lifestyle opportunities that I never would have guessed could have been available to me (working to develop rock climbing on a previously untapped island, playing professional soccer for a team in northern Thailand, and living with a tribe in the middle of the Laos jungle in exchange for helping them hunt and build bungalows, to name a few of the more random opportunities), and I feel as if I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of traveling and discovering what I am capable of. Since returning to the states, to be perfectly honest, the prospect of attending medical school right now and committing myself to 7 years (including residency) without the opportunity to freely travel again is weighing very heavily on me. I desperately want the opportunity to spend a larger chunk of time traveling and working abroad sometime during the next few years, as does my girlfriend, but this just doesn't seem possible if I stick along the current path I am on. I am still very passionate about practicing healthcare, but I am wondering if committing myself to a 7 year grind right now is the best decision for my future (not to mention the following years of servitude paying off loans).

I hope this message does not give the impression that I am no longer passionate about practicing healthcare. In the long term, I can still envision nothing I would like more than to be a practicing osteopathic emergency physician. However, while abroad, I realized that there is so much more to life than just picking one career path in one small bubble of the world, putting my head down, and grinding away at it for the better part of my adulthood, as seems to be the norm in America. Additionally, I have realized that there are a number of different ways to practice medicine. I could literally just take an EMT course, go live in a village in Laos, and become the village medic (although I would ideally want to be much more educated and experienced). Ideally, I would love to be in a situation where I could study (and then eventually work) for a year or two at a time as a medical professional, and then take at least 6 months or so off to travel and find some very strange and unique lifestyle to blend into for a while, whether it entails working as a medical professional in a really weird environment, or pursuing some other passion of mine. I have always been a person of many passions, and I don't want to feel bottlenecked into one pursuit for the rest of my life. I discovered a number of unique employment and lifestyle opportunities while traveling that I never would have guessed would be possible for me, and potentially missing out on these experiences, among the many others that I know are out there, is seeming more and more like a brutal sacrifice that I am hesitant about making at this point.

I have emailed several counselors at my school asking about the prospect of either taking a year off before matriculating, taking a year off between my 2nd and 3rd years, or even potentially switching to a PA program, all of which sound like decent trade offs that would make this decision making process a hell of a lot easier. However, I have no idea how viable any of these ideas are. I feel like my family, friends, and mentors all have some sort of bias, and I'm sure you will too, but the more opinions I get from more people, the more educated I will feel by making my decision. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any feedback.

 

[PlasticBag]

As others have said, see if you can defer for a year.

I majored in an "exotic" language, lived in the country it originates from for a while, got to travel quite a bit. That was great and rewarding, and I got to talk about being "culturally competent" in my secondaries.
But I realized that the experience of being a foreigner (especially going from a more developed to a less developed country) is not enough for me to feel, how to put it, that I'm doing something worthwhile. Even if I built a well or something, it wouldn't matter because those people can for sure do it better than I could. Teaching English is an option but not intellectually challenging after a while. I guess I realized that it's not about where you are but about what you do.

I think the coolness of being an American guy in a SA village would wear of for you after some time. Especially that you made it to med school so you must be driven and ambitious. Try to take a year off to do some more soul searching and maybe you'll come to similar conclusions. Also, I don't know which school you got into but in major cities there are plenty of underserved immigrant populations you can reach out to if you really want to help. And then, as mentioned already, international rotations, doctors without borders, etc. Much more meaningful than running another surf shop in Phuket.

 

[Ceusina]

Time to grow up. Being a real adult sucks (sometimes). It sounds like that reality has finally hit you.

I also spent time in Southeast Asia right before matriculating to medical school. It was a life-changing experience and I met a ton of people "following their dreams" along the way. And as much fun as they made it seem, the reality is that in 15 years, I don't want to be living their life. But, I understand the shock you feel upon returning from such an amazing experience.

You need to seriously consider what you want your life to look like in 15 years. Do you ever want to be married, have kids? The activities you partook in are NOT compatible with raising a family. I know not everyone wants a family (and if you asked me even 5 years ago, I would have said raising a family wasn't something I ever wanted to do. But, the older you get... and I'm not even that much older than you... the bigger a priority it becomes, for just about everyone). Sure, you could live the life you described on your own for the indefinite future. But, if you want any sort of stability (as the vast majority of people do by the time they hit their 30s), you need to be figuring out your CAREER now. "Life experiences" can wait (really). Southeast Asia will still exist when you become an attending. Also, you life isn't "over" when you start medical school (as you seem to think). You'll still have time to travel (medical mission trips between first and second year are common, and you WILL have some vacation time, even as a resident) and make new memories. By establishing your career now, you'll still have many, many years to enjoy traveling (and will have the income to support your desire to travel).

My TLDR: Grow up. Matriculate to medical school this summer/fall. Make time to travel during vacation breaks. Establish your career now so you have the income/career stability to continuing traveling the rest of your life.

 

[ehwhatsupdoc]

OP it's totally okay to not feel ready for med school. If you want to take more time to explore other options then do it. I wouldn't solicit advise from strangers though. Ask your Sig other, family and yourself first and foremost. Have you ever thought of joining the Peace Corps? It's a 2 year commitment, but I think it wouldn't hurt your chances if you were to apply to med school again, it would probably improve it for some schools.

 

[hallowmann]

This is only a question you can answer. I Personally think that with the attitude you have, you wouldn't be successful with med school right now. All you will be thinking about is the "other life" you're leaving behind.

My recommendation is to either defer/decline the acceptance or try to change your attitude and realize that even something as stressful and painful as med school can actually be exciting, amazing, depressing, and life changing.

 

[ScatmanCrothers]

Thanks again for all the replies everyone. I have come to somewhat of a new conclusion, and although it has been based primarily on my own intuitions, and the advice of my friends, family, and counselors, this thread has also been extremely helpful.

I have talked to various faculty at my school, and have been told that in the past, DO students have successfully applied to and been accepted by the PA program after 1-2 years in the DO program. So, for now, I am going to matriculate, focus on my studies, work my ass off, and if I am still leaning towards life as a PA after 1-2 years, I can switch, so long as I performed well enough during my DO years (which I am confident I can do).

 

[yanks26dmb]

Thanks again for all the replies everyone. I have come to somewhat of a new conclusion, and although it has been based primarily on my own intuitions, and the advice of my friends, family, and counselors, this thread has also been extremely helpful.

I have talked to various faculty at my school, and have been told that in the past, DO students have successfully applied to and been accepted by the PA program after 1-2 years in the DO program. So, for now, I am going to matriculate, focus on my studies, work my ass off, and if I am still leaning towards life as a PA after 1-2 years, I can switch, so long as I performed well enough during my DO years (which I am confident I can do).

Read this AMA which was featured on reddit this afternoon......pretty much exemplifies what you want to/could do...

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/3e41ez/im_a_70yo_doctor_from_iowa_who_hasnt_taken_a/

 

[jayceee]

I can't believe you let a place like Tonsai distract you from your goals. Nothing wrong with shiny objects, but Tonsai is the cubic zirconia of Thailand. Seriously, does anyone else agree?

 

[costales]

I have talked to various faculty at my school, and have been told that in the past, DO students have successfully applied to and been accepted by the PA program after 1-2 years in the DO program. So, for now, I am going to matriculate, focus on my studies, work my ass off, and if I am still leaning towards life as a PA after 1-2 years, I can switch, so long as I performed well enough during my DO years (which I am confident I can do).

So you're going to DO school so you can go to PA school? Sounds good to me.

 

[NontradCA]

Thanks again for all the replies everyone. I have come to somewhat of a new conclusion, and although it has been based primarily on my own intuitions, and the advice of my friends, family, and counselors, this thread has also been extremely helpful.

I have talked to various faculty at my school, and have been told that in the past, DO students have successfully applied to and been accepted by the PA program after 1-2 years in the DO program. So, for now, I am going to matriculate, focus on my studies, work my ass off, and if I am still leaning towards life as a PA after 1-2 years, I can switch, so long as I performed well enough during my DO years (which I am confident I can do).

Anyone else lol'd when they read this?

 

[olivarynucleus]

So you're going to DO school so you can go to PA school? Sounds good to me.

lol. OP has to be a troll, a good one at that.

 

[Mad Jack]

Come on, this guy is talking about being a professional soccer player in Northern Thailand and living in the jungles of Laos by helping to hunt. That sounds mature to you? Guy went on a vacation and thinks that's "life." Doesn't realize the massive ****storm that being an adult is.

There's no real correct way to live life though. Happiness is what matters. I nearly never went to medical school for similar reasons as OP, had a job managing a hostel set up, but ultimately choose this path instead. It wasn't a lack of maturity so much as a realization that the sort of life most people aspire to is boring and cyclical in a way I didn't (and still don't) enjoy- they live to work, their debt owns them, every day on the calendar is counting down to the next paycheck, the next day off, the next vacation. Living as a vagabond you can trade all of that for a simple sort of chaos, which is much more suited to some personality types than others. OP is struggling because he's found the chaos and lack of structure makes him feel alive, and that going back to the level of routine medical school presents will likely feel soul crushing. Not everyone is built for the grind, it's actually more about personality types than maturity. The trouble is, in a society in which structure and stability has become paramount, there really isn't much of a place for people that don't thrive with routine and predictability.

Now, if OP isn't trolling- there are a lot of options to live a robust and interesting life as a physician. Working locums can allow you to take long breaks between assignments, and will generally provide you with tail coverage so you don't have to worry about staying employed to concert you're malpractice. Jobs for the Department of State, CDC, WHO, and others can provide you with the ability to live abroad while actually earning a decent living. Some countries love having US physicians as locum providers, such as New Zealand, Australia, and the UAE. Being a physician opens up many, many doors to live life I your own terms, if you know where to look. Don't assume that being a physician means being chained to a practice and only leaving the country 4 weeks a year.