Trouble deciding

[premedpostmom]

I'm accepted to a top tier school that is 4 hours from home as well as a middle tier in my hometown. My husband's job could possibly transfer but it may take some time and we have a school-age son with special needs. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

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[Snakes]

I haven't applied yet but can see myself in a similar situation with a husband needing a job transfer and a child with special needs.

Depending on the extent of your child's special needs, I would give a lot of weight to both his current happiness with his school and whether the school meets his needs very well. And also, whether you could find something comparable/better in a new town.

If your husband will be the sole support for the family, I would also strongly consider whether it makes sense to have him try to transfer, unless he works for a company with multiple offices across your state where a transfer wouldn't be very difficult.

We don't know the age of your child so that is also significant.

I've basically promised my husband and kids that if I get in locally, we will stay here. But I understand the allure and pull of the "name" school.

Do you want to end up in academia or a competitive specialty? That's probably the only reason to consider top-tier over local.

 

[cabinbuilder]

I'm accepted to a top tier school that is 4 hours from home as well as a middle tier in my hometown. My husband's job could possibly transfer but it might take some time and we have a school-age son with special needs. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

I would stay home, in the long run it won't really matter. What matters is the stability of your family. Doesn't make sense to me to uproot if you don't have to, medical school is hard enough.

 

[premedpostmom]

I haven't applied yet but can see myself in a similar situation with a husband needing a job transfer and a child with special needs.

Depending on the extent of your child's special needs, I would give a lot of weight to both his current happiness with his school and whether the school meets his needs very well. And also, whether you could find something comparable/better in a new town.

If your husband will be the sole support for the family, I would also strongly consider whether it makes sense to have him try to transfer, unless he works for a company with multiple offices across your state where a transfer wouldn't be very difficult.

We don't know the age of your child so that is also significant.

I've basically promised my husband and kids that if I get in locally, we will stay here. But I understand the allure and pull of the "name" school.

Do you want to end up in academia or a competitive specialty? That's probably the only reason to consider top-tier over local.

Thanks for the response!
My son is going to be starting 1st grade and thankfully he can be in a normal classroom but with added supports. He has an IEP with the schools that gives him the appropriate accommodations.

My biggest reason for being so conflicted is that I want to go for Derm which is pretty competitive

 

[Goro]

Suggest the home town school. Both of you need to be there for your kid.

I'm accepted to a top tier school that is 4 hours from home as well as a middle tier in my hometown. My husband's job could possibly transfer but it might take some time and we have a school-age son with special needs. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?

 

[ridethecliche]

Thanks for the response!
My son is going to be starting 1st grade and thankfully he can be in a normal classroom but with added supports. He has an IEP with the schools that gives him the appropriate accommodations.

My biggest reason for being so conflicted is that I want to go for Derm which is pretty competitive and the school that I would be moving to has a top notch Derm residency and they give 2 seats to students from their own med school.

My husband has transfer opportunity but it might not be exactly at the time I start. It could be delayed up to a year.

A year isn't that bad, but what if it doesn't go through?

 

[premedpostmom]

Since you can hold multiple acceptances for a few months, can you push hard to finalize your husband's transfer? If it does not work out in time, I'd probably stay in the home town. If you have family that help with your kid, I'd stay in the hometown regardless.

My husband is going to to talk to his boss after the holiday. If we can get him on the list to get a transfer in March he'll be able to move with me. We don't have any family in my hometown. My mother-in-law lives with us but she would move with us to Dallas.

 

[jl lin]

OK, from a pediatric RN/C. Manager position, etc, I feel motivated to tell you something you probably know very well, if you interact with other parents of special needs kids from other areas. Even within the same state, what you might have available for your child in one place may not be the same as in another place--particularly with regard to quality of services. I mean, even getting special needs care providers--and feeling good with those doing it for your son, well, this may be quite a challenge. You could get lucky. You might even find that things are better in the new place. But given your whole family situation--husband and special needs child-- you really have to do your homework, and even then it may be risky for both of them.

If your husband is in a strong position where here is, starting over could be risky for him. If your child has a good set up with the currently provided services, it could be risky for him to move. In the interim during the period the family is not together, well, that's a big time stressor. IMHO, wherever you have the most support for your special needs child--that is mom and dad teaming it together--and possibly with other family or close support--and hopefully a great system in place for him at school and with his current services, to me the answer would be to stay put.

If you want derm, just kick butt in MS and on your steps and clinical rotations. If you score high enough and have good input from your rotations and LORs, these may well be the bigger factors for getting into a derm residency. If you are stressed b/c things have not worked out to everyone's advantage due to the move, that certainly will affect your performance. Plus the bureaucracy and red tape for your special needs son may be crazy--it really depends. I'd do the legwork on that, talk to the teacher and those attending the IEP, research thoroughly the services and red tape for the area you would be planning to move, and really talk with your husband about how he feels in his current position as compared with starting over--and the variables associated with that. That's a lot to do and do well IMHO. Do the research and really listen to your family and the most "relevant" others before you decide to make the move.

The best to you and your family

 

[cabinbuilder]

I would not move on a "maybe" that you will continue to want derm after 3 years of medical school. Most of us changed what we thought we liked into what we loved in the end. Make sure your son is stable.

 

[QofQuimica]

I would stay home, in the long run it won't really matter. What matters is the stability of your family. Doesn't make sense to me to uproot if you don't have to, medical school is hard enough.

This. Even under the best of circumstances, going to med school requires significant sacrifices. Best to minimize them when given that opportunity.

OP, you can apply to derm from any allo school. Your med school performance and board scores are far more important to PDs than which med school you attend when it comes to being competitive for the match. All of this is assuming you even end up wanting to do derm in the end, which is certainly not a given. Considering how complicated your situation is already, there's no need to make your (and your family's) sacrifices for you to attend med school any greater than they already have to be.

Congrats on your acceptances and best of luck to you.