Unhealthy Work Environment

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lhmhtd

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I just wanted to see if anyone else has had any of these kinds of issues and what you did about it.

I've been at a vet job for a few months now, one I took a $5/hr pay cut to have. They're very thorough and provide awesome medical care, however, one of the techs bullies me on a consistent basis and has shoved me into a corner in the sx suite. I have gone to my boss, the vet who owns the practice and he has told me i'm the 4th or 5th person who has come to him saying the same things about this female tech. However, he (the veterinarian) can be a bit moody himself. Today I worked and was cursed at and physically shoved by him. Not a hard shove, but he put his hands on me nonetheless. Of course this is not an ideal work situation. I need to pay the bills, but also don't want to mistreated. I have a class that I take at a school about an hour away so that limits my availability.

I have typed up an email (not yet sent), respectfully informing him that his actions were rude, unprofessional, and illegal and as such, i will no longer be working there. I don't have anything else lined up, and that's terrifying.

I guess I am looking for someone to maybe offer some insight, or even tell me I am doing the right thing. My husband is supportive of whatever I choose to do, but I am so insanely stressed out that I can't think straight.

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I just wanted to see if anyone else has had any of these kinds of issues and what you did about it.

I've been at a vet job for a few months now, one I took a $5/hr pay cut to have. They're very thorough and provide awesome medical care, however, one of the techs bullies me on a consistent basis and has shoved me into a corner in the sx suite. I have gone to my boss, the vet who owns the practice and he has told me i'm the 4th or 5th person who has come to him saying the same things. However, he can be a bit moody himself. Today I worked and was cursed at and physically shoved by him. Not a hard shove, but he put his hands on me nonetheless. Of course this is not an ideal work situation. I need to pay the bills, but also don't want to mistreated. I have a class that I take at a school about an hour away so that limits my availability.

I have typed up an email (not yet sent), respectfully informing him that his actions were rude, unprofessional, and illegal and as such, i will no longer be working there. I don't have anything else lined up, and that's terrifying.

I guess I am looking for someone to maybe offer some insight, or even tell me I am doing the right thing. My husband is supportive of whatever I choose to do, but I am so insanely stressed out that I can't think straight.

Im so sorry . I hope things get straightened out for your health and safety. At least you realize the severity of the situation and are doing something about it. Hopefully someone will know a little better than me and give some sound advice. Like any abusive relationship, get out now. Hugs


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Hi html, I was in a similar although slightly different situation at one of the clinics I used to work at. I gave my 2 weeks notice pretty much immediately. There is no reason to force yourself to be in an unhealthy environment...there are more jobs out there, but none of them are worth your physical and mental health!
 
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I just wanted to see if anyone else has had any of these kinds of issues and what you did about it.

I've been at a vet job for a few months now, one I took a $5/hr pay cut to have. They're very thorough and provide awesome medical care, however, one of the techs bullies me on a consistent basis and has shoved me into a corner in the sx suite. I have gone to my boss, the vet who owns the practice and he has told me i'm the 4th or 5th person who has come to him saying the same things. However, he can be a bit moody himself. Today I worked and was cursed at and physically shoved by him. Not a hard shove, but he put his hands on me nonetheless. Of course this is not an ideal work situation. I need to pay the bills, but also don't want to mistreated. I have a class that I take at a school about an hour away so that limits my availability.

I have typed up an email (not yet sent), respectfully informing him that his actions were rude, unprofessional, and illegal and as such, i will no longer be working there. I don't have anything else lined up, and that's terrifying.

I guess I am looking for someone to maybe offer some insight, or even tell me I am doing the right thing. My husband is supportive of whatever I choose to do, but I am so insanely stressed out that I can't think straight.


I am sure this is on video tape if your clinic has cameras. It is 100% illegal, and you could take legal action if necessary. That tech needs to be fired ASAP because it is completely unacceptable for the tech to be pushing employees and threatening them. The vet should also be thinking that if he's doing this to the workers, what else can he be doing to the animals when he's not looking?

I went through something similar where the actual manager pushed me. It was not nearly as bad as your situation, but I did go through something like that. I decided to take a week and see if things changed, but I felt too uncomfortable and decided to quit. I took that time in between to find another job, and I did. Once I found that job (which was only a week later), I gave my resignation to the owner. The owner was very sad to see me go, but understood my reason for leaving. I was uncomfortable taking orders from a manager after them doing that. The owner chose not to fire the manager over it for some reason, but I did find out she was later fired for something else.. So seems like that is what could happen here.

Do not stay in this working environment especially if that tech is not fired immediately.
 
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Yeah it was the actual vet who shoved me and cursed me out. This was not the first time he's reacted inappropriately either- I've been screamed at, made fun of, etc. for about 2 months now by both the vet and the female tech who I've gone to him about. Ive never been disrespectful to anyone there. I love our clients and I love the actual work, but the environment is just toxic. Why can't we support one another and be kind?
 
Yeah it was the actual vet who shoved me and cursed me out. This was not the first time he's reacted inappropriately either- I've been screamed at, made fun of, etc. for about 2 months now by both the vet and the female tech who I've gone to him about. Ive never been disrespectful to anyone there. I love our clients and I love the actual work, but the environment is just toxic. Why can't we support one another and be kind?


Oh I didn't realize the vet also did this! You could report him, and his lisence could then be in jeopardy. It is illegal, and toxic. I would say do that, and get OUT of there. Or just quit. That is insane, and I'm sorry for that happening to you. I've worked in a couple toxic work environments as well, and it is NOT worth it. Nothing is. You will find a better job that also pays better. Do not worry about finding another job because you will find one easily. There are always other jobs.
 
Oh I didn't realize the vet also did this! You could report him, and his lisence could then be in jeopardy. It is illegal, and toxic. I would say do that, and get OUT of there. Or just quit. That is insane, and I'm sorry for that happening to you. I've worked in a couple toxic work environments as well, and it is NOT worth it. Nothing is. You will find a better job that also pays better. Do not worry about finding another job because you will find one easily. There are always other jobs.
I edited my op for clarity. I don't want him to get totally screwed over, I just want to be treated with respect. I get paid pretty well at this clinic, better than most clinics pay, but I cannot endure any more stress. It affects my marriage, my sense of self, I constantly have an upset stomach from being so stressed. It's just so much easier to grin and bear it, knowing it's only temporary. But you all are right, I need to leave and that's what I'm going to do, no matter how scary it is to stand up for myself. Thanks everyone.
 
I just wanted to see if anyone else has had any of these kinds of issues and what you did about it.

I've been at a vet job for a few months now, one I took a $5/hr pay cut to have. They're very thorough and provide awesome medical care, however, one of the techs bullies me on a consistent basis and has shoved me into a corner in the sx suite. I have gone to my boss, the vet who owns the practice and he has told me i'm the 4th or 5th person who has come to him saying the same things about this female tech. However, he (the veterinarian) can be a bit moody himself. Today I worked and was cursed at and physically shoved by him. Not a hard shove, but he put his hands on me nonetheless. Of course this is not an ideal work situation. I need to pay the bills, but also don't want to mistreated. I have a class that I take at a school about an hour away so that limits my availability.

I have typed up an email (not yet sent), respectfully informing him that his actions were rude, unprofessional, and illegal and as such, I will no longer be working there. I don't have anything else lined up, and that's terrifying.

I guess I am looking for someone to maybe offer some insight, or even tell me I am doing the right thing. My husband is supportive of whatever I choose to do, but I am so insanely stressed out that I can't think straight.

I'm so incredibly sorry that you have had such a terrible unfair experience :( Honestly, it doesn't matter if it's a good clinic, there is absolutely no excuse for that behavior and you should not have to put up with it. Going to work wondering if you are going to be physically/verbally assaulted is ridiculous and not okay.

Will your SO be able to cover the bills until you find another job?

I've had my taste of toxic workplaces but that's just crazy.
 
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I'm so incredibly sorry that you have had such a terrible unfair experience :( Honestly, it doesn't matter if it's a good clinic, there is absolutely no excuse for that behavior and you should not have to put up with it. Going to work wondering if you are going to be physically/verbally assaulted is ridiculous and not okay.

Will your SO be able to cover the bills until you find another job?

I've had my taste of toxic workplaces but that's just crazy.
We will be ok- we have some savings. It's not ideal and probably wouldnt work long term, but hopefully it won't be long until I start bringing in a paycheck again. Ugh. This whole situation sucks.
Yeah I've also had my fair share of crazies but this place takes it to the next level. What's weird is that someone will blow up like that, then not 15 minutes later be super happy and making jokes like nothing happened. So then you feel like, "hmmm maybe I'm misreading some of this" and start to think that it's normal to treat coworkers and employees like that even though your gut is telling you these are all red flags. It's just very unfortunate. Especially in a career field like vet med.
 
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Leave. Report if it feels right to you.

I am stuck until I find a new job only because I am the sole income for my family right now. If you can escape sooner rather than later, do so.

You can choose to give 2 weeks notice and use the time to find a job while still getting a paycheck, but be sure to stipulate that if any of the behavior occurs that made you uncomfortable in the first place, you will be leaving that day.

On my own end, I did call the real boss and tell him exactly what happened with that text. He wanted me to let him know when it got to be too much, and I told him we were pretty darn close right now. I felt lied to, abused (gossip, throwing stuff and ambushes, and anger that flares sporadically), and my gut hurts every day. I didn't move here and risk my kiddos health care to have a job that barely exists where I have to deal with high school style drama every day with no sign of hope for the future. He apologized, but said he couldn't get rid of who he thought the source of this problem was because she is part of the contract with the company that helped them set up the lab.

I'm stuck for a bit. But, I will be gone ASAP. Take care of yourself. Get out.
 
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Thanks guys. Much easier said than done but I sent the email explaining that I don't tolerate being made fun of, cursed at, pushed, or bullied in any way and that today was my last day. :nailbiting:
 
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Don't feel bad; you are doing the right thing. There's absolutely no excuse for abuse like that and you don't deserve to have to put up with it... no one does.
 
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@lhmhtd I totally know this feeling. Toxic work environments are the worst. So glad you're leaving ...took me a long time to finally get out when I had a job from hell. So so sorry you've had to put up with all of that!
 
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I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with this and that you were put in such a horrible situation. Glad you got out now instead of letting things get worse and worse!
 
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Thanks guys. Much easier said than done but I sent the email explaining that I don't tolerate being made fun of, cursed at, pushed, or bullied in any way and that today was my last day. :nailbiting:

@lhmhtd, this was extremely brave and smart of you. As someone who spent FAR too long in an toxic work environment during the beginning of my PhD, I WISH I had sacked up and gotten out sooner. You absolutely made the right decision.
 
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Feeling much better and clearer today. My family (le and sdn) has been very supportive and that's exactly what I need right now. It really surprises me that so many of us have been in these toxic jobs. It doesn't have to be like that. Sad.
 
I've read your PS and seen your experiences. You can find a much better, higher paying job with your skills that will treat you the way you deserve. You deserve SO much better.
 
I've read your PS and seen your experiences. You can find a much better, higher paying job with your skills that will treat you the way you deserve. You deserve SO much better.
Thank you. I really really appreciate that.
 
Like everyone has said, you definitely have made the right decision. Financial responsibilities are indeed stressful and can affect making that kind of decision tough, but abuse is NEVER ok. I hope you are able to find a much more healthy environment in your near future!
 
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The vet has sent me an apology email and wants to talk with me tomorrow. I don't know whether I should or not.
 
The vet has sent me an apology email and wants to talk with me tomorrow. I don't know whether I should or not.

It's up to you, however don't let anything he says dissuade you from leaving. If he wants to apologize, that's fine, but if you don't want to meet with him then that's fully justified as well. Good luck!
 
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I would be willing to go. But I would also make myself a list of goals before going.

1. Will you allow him into talking you into staying? Even for a trial period? Or to do a 2 week thing so they can find a replacement?

2. What are you willing to listen to? Everybody likes to hear an apology and an affirmation that you chose the right thing, but are you willing to him make excuses for his behavior?

3. What behavior can you expect at his best and worst? How will you react in each case? When will you leave?

4. What are your goals for this conversation? What are the minimum things you feel you need to say and/or hear? Can you handle it if none of that happens?

Like I said, I'd go. I would almost get talked into coming back. I would be afraid I made the wrong decision. I would likely cry and be vulnerable, but I would try my darndest to be professional and stick to my plan. The whole thing would shake me regardless, but 2 of 3 times I've had to have conversations similar to this, I didn't give up, and I felt better for going.
 
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I have to disagree. Bad attitudes and name calling are one thing. Putting your hands on another person in anger is a whole different matter. I could never respect or trust an employer who did that to me again. I would cut the entire thing loose and not even consider returning.

Do not let him guilt you (and don't let you guilt yourself) into staying.
 
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I have to disagree. Bad attitudes and name calling are one thing. Putting your hands on another person in anger is a whole different matter. I could never respect or trust an employer who did that to me again. I would cut the entire thing loose and not even consider returning.

Do not let him guilt you (and don't let you guilt yourself) into staying.
I do feel guilty. On Tuesdays, it's only myself and one other assistant. She will be all alone because I'm abruptly leaving. Also I am nervous about this affecting me in the future.
 
I do feel guilty. On Tuesdays, it's only myself and one other assistant. She will be all alone because I'm abruptly leaving. Also I am nervous about this affecting me in the future.

I get where you are coming from. Your co-worker isn't going to be alone because of your decision to leave though. Your coworker is going to be alone because some asshat douchecanoe twatnugget put his hands on you and assaulted you (and yes shoving someone is assault). And you have every damn right to not only leave but to report that as well. You are not putting your coworker in that place, that twitwaffle did. He has to know that people will eventually get fed up with that BS and leave. His actions are what have lead to your coworker being alone.
 
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OP - I'm not sure what state you're in; if in a one-party consent state, use your phone (or a mini-recorder) to record the conversation you'll have with the vet. It may come in handy later.
 
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I get where you are coming from. Your co-worker isn't going to be alone because of your decision to leave though. Your coworker is going to be alone because some asshat douchecanoe twatnugget put his hands on you and assaulted you (and yes shoving someone is assault). And you have every damn right to not only leave but to report that as well. You are not putting your coworker in that place, that twitwaffle did. He has to know that people will eventually get fed up with that BS and leave. His actions are what have lead to your coworker being alone.
Is it assault when someone puts their hands on you period? Is force a factor?
 
Is it assault when someone puts their hands on you period? Is force a factor?

Granted this is from Wikipedia, but yes, assault is any attempt at our even verbal threat of physical harm, battery is actual physical harm:

"Assault in many US jurisdictions and Scotland is defined more broadly still as any intentional physical contact with another person without their consent;"

"Shoving" a person is definitely assault
 
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It wasn't extremely forceful, but it was a shove.

Which is probably why he's apologizing because the voicemail I got last night just said he got my email and was shocked. Today, it's been a personal email apologizing, plus a group email apologizing for his shortcomings as a boss.

I really just want this all to go away and not follow me/affect my prospects for another job/vet school/etc.
 
People like that do not change. He's probably done it to people in the past, he will do it to you again, and he will do it to the next person that comes down the line.
 
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Sorry, I was trying to show what a bad idea it likely is to go for the meeting by saying I would probably do it. That was the whole last paragraph though. Probably tl:hungover:r.
 
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I do feel guilty. On Tuesdays, it's only myself and one other assistant. She will be all alone because I'm abruptly leaving. Also I am nervous about this affecting me in the future.

I felt similarly when I left my last lab. That the students I had mentored would be abandoned, that my work would be dumped in my lab mates (some of whom I quite liked). But in the end, you HAVE to put yourself first.

One of the best and worst personality traits that vets and prevets have is that we care so much about everybody else. WAY too much. WAAAAAY too much. We worry about everyone but ourselves. Its a hard habit to break, but it's essential to do so.

It wasn't extremely forceful, but it was a shove.

Which is probably why he's apologizing because the voicemail I got last night just said he got my email and was shocked. Today, it's been a personal email apologizing, plus a group email apologizing for his shortcomings as a boss.

I really just want this all to go away and not follow me/affect my prospects for another job/vet school/etc.

Yeah, this guy has some issues they really need to work out. I try to believe the best in people , and maybe your boss is having a really rough time with something that is spilling over into work.....but it still shouldn't be something that he allows to spill over to that degree.
 
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I do feel guilty. On Tuesdays, it's only myself and one other assistant. She will be all alone because I'm abruptly leaving. Also I am nervous about this affecting me in the future.


That isn't your fault they're going to be short staffed though... They cannot expect to treat their employees this way and not have them quit.. That would be absurd.
 
Granted this is from Wikipedia, but yes, assault is any attempt at our even verbal threat of physical harm, battery is actual physical harm:

"Assault in many US jurisdictions and Scotland is defined more broadly still as any intentional physical contact with another person without their consent;"

"Shoving" a person is definitely assault

Then I was definitely assaulted at that job I told you about OP. I chose not to report the manager who pushed me, but my situation was not nearly as bad as yours. If I had gone through what you have, I absolutely would report the tech and vet.
 
It wasn't extremely forceful, but it was a shove.

Which is probably why he's apologizing because the voicemail I got last night just said he got my email and was shocked. Today, it's been a personal email apologizing, plus a group email apologizing for his shortcomings as a boss.

I really just want this all to go away and not follow me/affect my prospects for another job/vet school/etc.


Sorry writing so many comments!

I was afraid of that as well, since I knew my next job would ask me my 'reason for leaving previous job' (which they did). So at the next job, they asked this, and I was just honest with them about it. They understood, and I was hired there :) I worried about it much more than I ever had to.
 
Also, aside from his issues, you said one of the techs there bullies you and your boss said multiple other people had complained before you.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like after the first employee said they felt bullied by another, your boss should have been talking to the bully. If nothing was changed, that person should have been told they stopped or were going to be let go. The fact it's been going on for a while, plus your boss having his own issues, makes me think nothing is going to change.

Who knows, maybe your boss will work on things and it'll be different, but this seems to be an on going pattern at this point.
 
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I would almost get talked into coming back.

After listening to the absolute crapfest you put up with at work every day, I'm not sure if anyone is listening to you about job advice in that regard.

(It's true, but hugs and keep seeking a way out of that place ASAP.)

I do feel guilty. On Tuesdays, it's only myself and one other assistant. She will be all alone because I'm abruptly leaving. Also I am nervous about this affecting me in the future.

You don't gotta feel guilty - his (and her) dumb ass can feel guilty for treating you like ****. Oops, I pushed the pre-vet girl we just hired, and now she's quitting. Um, yeah.
 
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Well just talked to him- he apologized and tried very hard to get me to stay, assuring me he was going to work very hard on himself and with the female tech to change how to clinic is run. It was hard but I stood my ground and said thanks for everything but I think it's best if I just move on. He also told me that while his behavior on Sat was indeed rude, it was not illegal. I said nothing to that because I wanted to say as little as possible (though I think he knows damn well what he did is assault). I recorded the whole conversation as well.
 
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Well just talked to him- he apologized and tried very hard to get me to stay, assuring me he was going to work very hard on himself and with the female tech to change how to clinic is run. It was hard but I stood my ground and said thanks for everything but I think it's best if I just move on. He also told me that while his behavior on Sat was indeed rude, it was not illegal. I said nothing to that because I wanted to say as little as possible (though I think he knows damn well what he did is assault). I recorded the whole conversation as well.

sounds like somebody is trying to avoid charges.

I agree with dyachei--I honestly think that his apology email and trying to talk to you is just him trying to get you not to press charges. I was in a similar situation with a veterinarian several years ago - she didn't get physical, but was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. I consulted with an employment lawyer who said I had a good case to press charges, but I didn't want to go that route. She tried to sit me down and say nothing illegal happened...I didn't dispute that but I assured her that I wasn't going to do anything about it. They just want to avoid charges.
 
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Abusive work environments mirror abusive relationships so well.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I really want to change! I'm going to work so hard to change!"

"What I said or did wasnt THAT bad"

"Please stay, I really do respect/want you"

Etc.
 
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I think you're all right. His wife is actually a lawyer so I know he knows he could be in serious trouble. It was very much a "please do t go, I promise I will change, I value you as an employee, you could really learn a lot of you stay, etc" conversations. He can say those things all he wants but the fact that he is keeping the mentally unstable tech speaks loud and clear that in all reality things won't be much different.
 
OP - did he incriminate himself in the recording, for ex., did he say "I'm sorry I shoved you"? If he did, you certainly have grounds for an assault charge. Up to you to pursue it or not... I'd talk to a lawyer if I were you.
 
Abusive work environments mirror abusive relationships so well.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I really want to change! I'm going to work so hard to change!"

"What I said or did wasnt THAT bad"

"Please stay, I really do respect/want you"

Etc.
Having this issue with my PI right now -_-

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Abusive work environments mirror abusive relationships so well.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I really want to change! I'm going to work so hard to change!"

"What I said or did wasnt THAT bad"

"Please stay, I really do respect/want you"

Etc.
manipulators manipulate. Whether it's interpersonal professional relationships or romantic relationships.
 
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Well just talked to him- he apologized and tried very hard to get me to stay, assuring me he was going to work very hard on himself and with the female tech to change how to clinic is run. It was hard but I stood my ground and said thanks for everything but I think it's best if I just move on. He also told me that while his behavior on Sat was indeed rude, it was not illegal. I said nothing to that because I wanted to say as little as possible (though I think he knows damn well what he did is assault). I recorded the whole conversation as well.


Uggghh this makes me mad! Unfortunately this is a BUSINESS to them, and he is looking at it from the perspective of "oh now what am I going to do, I am short staffed now, and really need someone"... He just wants his butt covered because he knows it will be a pain having one less person. SO glad you got out of there! I also knew he would try and get you to stay.. these types of people are always so manipulative..
 
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