Urrrrgh ...single?

WhtsThFrequency said:
It's so funny that as women, we think this is what men want, and men think that women want all the brotastic shirtless flexing and fancy cars. No wonder we have trouble understanding each other, hah. If we'd all just settle down and stop playing games it would be so much easier. And you know, if pigs could fly and all that ;)
Click to expand...

It's not really that men or women don't want that. It's really more like the type of man or woman you're looking for. To me, the more depressing thing is that's what men and women are looking for, generally in lower income situations. A lot of times, the focus is almost exclusively on someone's sexuality, so women are looking to maximize it for the men. Seriously, if you go to some clubs, some women have it ALL hanging out and I'm like "dude, if that was my girlfriend, I'd be horrified," but a lot of guys are like, "yeah, everyone, look at this! This is my woman!!" It's just a totally different mindset.
Members don't see this ad.
 


You might find this helpful if you want to give online dating another try.
 
SunsFun said:


You might find this helpful if you want to give online dating another try.
Click to expand...


That's actually a great TED Talks. I can't believe she had the time and energy to create ten male profiles and then follow how things went. However, that being said, it's quite predictable. I mean, this is going to sound offensive, but if you compare her to the women she was competing with, looks-wise, it's no contest. Even with the heads blacked out, you could tell they were way more attractive. And, honestly, the attractive women aren't attractive because they used positive words. People would be attracted to them even if they were these dreary and negative people, just based on their photos.

The other thing is that I don't necessarily agree with the "algorithms work" contention. See, she's right that the data points being used are superficial. That's the problem. Even if the person is "perfect," it doesn't mean anything. You may like the same movies, both like to travel, both be the right height, and both have interest in art ...but once you meet them, you're like, "uh, no" as soon as you meet them.

For example, she seems like a relatively funny and interesting person who is intelligent. It would seem like she's a great match for me. But the thing is that she's not. Sure, I might be friends with her, certainly I would listen to her give a talk (as I just did), but there's no attraction for me. And you know that almost immediately.

Also, the thing with online profiles is it's a crapshoot. Like, when the guy wrote that he was "a baby seal hunter," I was suprised that she thought it was funny. Not because I was offended, but because most people would be. Did you see how everyone got all quiet? Those people have no sense of humor. So you just lost most of your target. Basically, that guy got lucky that she thought it was funny.
 
Last edited:
Members don't see this ad :)
ruralsurg4now said:
That's actually a great TED Talks. I can't believe she had the time and energy to create ten male profiles and then follow how things went. However, that being said, it's quite predictable. I mean, this is going to sound offensive, but if you compare her to the women she was competing with, looks-wise, it's no contest. Even with the heads blacked out, you could tell they were way more attractive. And, honestly, the attractive women aren't attractive because they used positive words. People would be attracted to them even if they were these dreary and negative people, just based on their photos.

The other thing is that I don't necessarily agree with the "algorithms work" contention. See, she's right that the data points being used are superficial. That's the problem. Even if the person is "perfect," it doesn't mean anything. You may like the same movies, both like to travel, both be the right height, and both have interest in art ...but once you meet them, you're like, "uh, no" as soon as you meet them.

For example, she seems like a relatively funny and interesting person who is intelligent. It would seem like she's a great match for me. But the thing is that she's not. Sure, I might be friends with her, certainly I would listen to her give a talk (as I just did), but there's no attraction for me. And you know that almost immediately.

Also, the thing with online profiles is it's a crapshoot. Like, when the guy wrote that he was "a baby seal hunter," I was suprised that she thought it was funny. Not because I was offended, but because most people would be. Did you see how everyone got all quiet? Those people have no sense of humor. So you just lost most of your target. Basically, that guy got lucky that she thought it was funny.
Click to expand...

I could not agree more. This is because people think likes and dislikes and activities are what distinguish us. While they certainly are among the distinguishing factors, they are only part of it, and to some degree superficial. The other things that go into attraction are physicality (not just the looks, but the movements, expressions, etc.), manners, voice, speech, clothing, smoothness/awkwardness, and most of all conformity to what we've dreamed of in a mate (whatever that is, and often unstated and not-fully-realized) and in the other parent of our children. None of this is well conveyed in a dating profile, except perhaps clothing and expression (grammar? sentence structure?).
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
I could not agree more. This is because people think likes and dislikes and activities are what distinguish us. While they certainly are among the distinguishing factors, they are only part of it, and to some degree superficial. The other things that go into attraction are physicality (not just the looks, but the movements, expressions, etc.), manners, voice, speech, clothing, smoothness/awkwardness, and most of all conformity to what we've dreamed of in a mate (whatever that is, and often unstated and not-fully-realized) and in the other parent of our children. None of this is well conveyed in a dating profile, except perhaps clothing and expression (grammar? sentence structure?).
Click to expand...

Right. I mean, I was nuts about this one girl, but if you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. I mean, I could use vague descriptions like "she was nice, she's a sweet person, she was very kind, and she always had a positive attitude," but if you found me another girl who fit THAT description, I'd probably be like "yeah, that's great, so what?"
 
Absolutely. Online dating is at best a springboard to meet someone and discover those more important things about them. At worst, it's a thinly veiled orgy that you have to filter through in order to find anyone even remotely respectable, even "on paper"

It's funny....both the boy and I have talked about on multiple occasions how we are quite different than what we expected each other to be initially, especially as we learned about each other during the first year or two. If someone were to show me his old profile now and took away the picture, I probably wouldn't even think it was him other than some shared hobbies, etc. It really is the intangible aspects of a person that are the more important things, rather than their "resume"
 
If it had matched closer to real life I probably would have still been interested as long as all the basic stuff I said above was met. I'm pretty flexible in terms of personalities. Being with another person is about compromise and acceptance of (non-major) differences - you'll never find that "perfect one" that is everything you want (but that's a whole 'nother argument).

But like you said, it can be a crapshoot. Never denying that. I definitely went on dates with guys who obviously wrote their profiles just to get women. And not in a "player" way, they just outright lied about what they wanted or liked in a girl in order to maximize their chances.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
If it had matched closer to real life I probably would have still been interested as long as all the basic stuff I said above was met. I'm pretty flexible in terms of personalities. Being with another person is about compromise and acceptance of (non-major) differences - you'll never find that "perfect one" that is everything you want (but that's a whole 'nother argument).
Click to expand...

It's funny, I've wondered what it would be like if I had found my SO through an online dating site. Would I have "matched" with him or considered him? We definitely have common interests but most things we enjoy are pretty different (he enjoys playing pick up sports with friends, working on cars; he likes heavy metal and rock; he even likes the Cowboys for goodness sake - that would probably be my one exclusion criteria as a Redskins fan! :laugh:) Meeting people in person first makes it a really different experience (not better or worse, just so different!)
 
Members don't see this ad :)
WhtsThFrequency said:
I'm confused. If a girl in single and trying to find a boyfriend, what is wrong with talking to and flirting with multiple guys in order to decide which one you want to date seriously? Men cast their nets widely online, why shouldn't women? As long as you aren't shagging them left right and center, talking and flirting with people in order to determine which one you want is fine.
Click to expand...
Girls who talk to lots of guys don't suddenly stop talking to every guy :) once in a relationship. And I'm not talking about saying hi or professional type convo either.
 
njac said:
There's not a single cleavage shot on any of my online dating profiles. I think you're playing into some stereotypes.

I also immediately "next" on anyone with shirtless selfies or motorcycle pics.

It's true, online dating has made us pickier, but more than anything, I'll hit "next" due to someone's craptastic music taste...
Click to expand...
Oh please, I got 0 responses when I had "normal" pictures up. Switched to 5-6 shirtless pics and I slept with 3 women in a fairly short period of time (and got tons of other responses and interest from girls in the range of 18-45 years old... I was 19 at the time).
 
studentp0x said:
Oh please, I got 0 responses when I had "normal" pictures up. Switched to 5-6 shirtless pics and I slept with 3 women in a fairly short period of time (and got tons of other responses and interest from girls in the range of 18-45 years old... I was 19 at the time).
Click to expand...

Right, but you realize that you were basically attracting women who were hos, right? When you were "you but wearing a shirt," you got no attention. Then you took off your shirt and you attracted women who would sleep with you, but who either you or her or both had no interest in having an actual relationship with. See what happened? Same thing with the women who take booby shots of themselves. They're attracting guys who view them as a set of boobs. And that may be what she's looking for, but that's all she's going to get.
 
that redhead said:
It's funny, I've wondered what it would be like if I had found my SO through an online dating site. Would I have "matched" with him or considered him?
Click to expand...

Right, that was sort of what I was asking WTF. I kinda don't think an online "match" would resemble most people's real-life match.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Right, but you realize that you were basically attracting women who were hos, right? When you were "you but wearing a shirt," you got no attention. Then you took off your shirt and you attracted women who would sleep with you, but who either you or her or both had no interest in having an actual relationship with. See what happened? Same thing with the women who take booby shots of themselves. They're attracting guys who view them as a set of boobs. And that may be what she's looking for, but that's all she's going to get.
Click to expand...
The only reason I used POF was to bang a couple of older women (and I did, 2 in their 30s) and ended up doing one who was my age since she was decent looking.
If you really think you'll find a quality good looking girl on a dating site, good luck!

POF = plenty of whales (for the most part)

No quality decent looking girl will resort to dating sites.. you get enough attention as it is, why would you go for more?
 
studentp0x said:
No quality decent looking girl will resort to dating sites.. you get enough attention as it is, why would you go for more?
Click to expand...

That's why whenever I see a really attractive woman on online dating sites, I think "how psycho does she need to be that she's resorting to online dating?"
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
The Skins are so epic at losing. I have to like them too since I'm from VA. Another reason I was persona non grata in Texas, lol
Click to expand...
Last season I was on top of the world. This seeason...well, at least we're back to normal.

studentp0x said:
No quality decent looking girl will resort to dating sites.. you get enough attention as it is, why would you go for more?
Click to expand...

My sister found her boyfriend on a dating site (as did WTF, and she's pretty as heck) and I think she's pretty good looking. She didn't go online to get more attention, she went to find people in the area that she might not have met otherwise (she was tired of the same guys from high school she always saw at parties/meet ups with friends). It's a great way to cast your net a little wider while being able to be more selective about who you invest the time in dating.
 
studentp0x said:
If you really think you'll find a quality good looking girl on a dating site, good luck!

POF = plenty of whales (for the most part)

No quality decent looking girl will resort to dating sites.. you get enough attention as it is, why would you go for more?
Click to expand...

Ok. I'll let you remove your foot from your mouth first. Ok ready? Good.

A lot of perfectly good-looking women use dating sites because they are simply very busy and don't get out much. E.g. in vet school, classes were anywhere from 70-80% female, most of the men were taken, and I was very busy (not to mention I don't like going to clubs or bars, really). Later, I was in the middle of residency and was in a town where almost all of the activities centered around undergraduates, whom I had no intention of dating.

Online was actually a very helpful way to find other grad students and professionals. You just have to know which sites to use and how to use them.
 
Last edited:
studentp0x said:
The only reason I used POF was to bang a couple of older women (and I did, 2 in their 30s) and ended up doing one who was my age since she was decent looking.
Click to expand...

It's amusing hearing something like this coming from the same guy who talks about how women who sleep around are all sluts and are not to be trusted :laugh: Combine boasting about sexual conquests with the constant references to how jacked and attractive you seem to think you are, I'm almost inclined to start calling troll. But naw, that would spoil the fun.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
A lot of perfectly good-looking women use dating sites because they are simply very busy and don't get out much. E.g. in vet school, classes were anywhere from 70-80% female, most of the men were taken
Click to expand...

MUTHAFUUUUUUUUUUU***************AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
 
ruralsurg4now said:
MUTHAFUUUUUUUUUUU***************AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Pharmacy school was almost as bad. More like 60:40, with half the class married.
 
njac said:
Pharmacy school was almost as bad. More like 60:40, with half the class married.
Click to expand...

Oh, if the women are all married, then I don't care how many there are.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Ok. I'll let you remove your foot from your mouth first. Ok ready? Good.

A lot of perfectly good-looking women use dating sites because they are simply very busy and don't get out much. E.g. in vet school, classes were anywhere from 70-80% female, most of the men were taken, and I was very busy (not to mention I don't like going to clubs or bars, really). Later, I was in the middle of residency and was in a town where almost all of the activities centered around undergraduates, whom I had no intention of dating.

Online was actually a very helpful way to find other grad students and professionals. You just have to know which sites to use and how to use them.
Click to expand...
Me and all of the misc on bb.com plus everyone I've ever talked to about this thinks otherwise. Realize perhaps that what you as a girl consider attractive may not be what appeals to the vast majority of the male population. :)
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
It's amusing hearing something like this coming from the same guy who talks about how women who sleep around are all sluts and are not to be trusted :laugh: Combine boasting about sexual conquests with the constant references to how jacked and attractive you seem to think you are, I'm almost inclined to start calling troll. But naw, that would spoil the fun.
Click to expand...
I thought I made myself pretty clear saying that having a few kills doesn't make you a slut.
 
studentp0x said:
Me and all of the misc on bb.com plus everyone I've ever talked to about this thinks otherwise. Realize perhaps that what you as a girl consider attractive may not be what appeals to the vast majority of the male population. :)
Click to expand...

I'm not talking about POF and sketch places like that. I'm talking about more professional sites, especially those that cater to specific demographics.

But it's ok. You caught me. I'm a totally walrusy and ugg because I did online dating :laugh: Gonna go cry into my gallon of ice cream now.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I'm talking about more professional sites, especially those that cater to specific demographics.
Click to expand...

Which are those? I hope you're not saying that Match or eHarmony are professional sites.

I just saw a commercial on TV yesterday for some dating site called "Anastasia-something" (I forget). It just featured some blonde woman who had an Eastern bloc accent, so I presume it's a dating site to meet, essentially, mail order brides. I've also seen one for "cougars" which is sort of unintentially funny and also a little bit sad (to me, at least). It was an attractive older woman who was walking around making fun of younger women who were hitting on a young guy (e.g., "You want him to buy you a drink? How about I buy HIM a drink ...and dinner?"). Seriously, I was like "this is the opposite of classy."
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
As long as it's not more than...what number did we decide on? ;)

A few "kills" :laugh:
Click to expand...
There's no arbitrary number... most guys are fine with girls who have 4..5..6.. kills. Most girls are fine with guys who have that many as well. Now make that number into 10..12..15..30, things change fast.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Which are those? I hope you're not saying that Match or eHarmony are professional sites.

I just saw a commercial on TV yesterday for some dating site called "Anastasia-something" (I forget). It just featured some blonde woman who had an Eastern bloc accent, so I presume it's a dating site to meet, essentially, mail order brides. I've also seen one for "cougars" which is sort of unintentially funny and also a little bit sad (to me, at least). It was an attractive older woman who was walking around making fun of younger women who were hitting on a young guy (e.g., "You want him to buy you a drink? How about I buy HIM a drink ...and dinner?"). Seriously, I was like "this is the opposite of classy."
Click to expand...
Try Ashley Madison.

:D
 
I have a problem with referring to people I've slept with as "kills".

It's a bit creepy. I don't see them as acquisitions... It's not call of duty, it's adult fun time.
 
njac said:
I have a problem with referring to people I've slept with as "kills".

It's a bit creepy. I don't see them as acquisitions... It's not call of duty, it's adult fun time.
Click to expand...

I'm not into either. "Kills" presents people as sexual trophies, not people who you have any emotion for. But "adult fun time" also presents it as something way too casual for my personal liking. But that's me and that's why I'd consider it unacceptable for a woman to have too high a number. To me, that's something that you only do with people you love, and I don't buy that people love 6, 7, 8 people, especially over a short span of time. I do understand that people engage in sex for reasons that differ from my beliefs and, of course, people don't have to agree with me. But just as I have no control over their beliefs or activities, neither do they have control over mine. I think that's the big problem with discussing sex. People see me as saying "I'm trying to control you." I'm not. I just happen to say "if you do act like that, then I personally find it distasteful." That doesn't stop anyone from doing anything, it just stops them from being with me afterwards.

At any rate, I don't know why there's so much focus on sex in this thread. All kidding aside, I'm not worried about getting into a relationship because I want sex. I would just like to find someone who I care about and who cares about me, as sappy as that sounds. That's really the long and short of it for me. I'm certainly not looking for casual sex or lots of sexual conquests, which is why the stuff that studentp0x recommends -- although I recognize he actually means well, in his own way -- don't apply to me. But I don't think he's necessarily as bad a guy as he comes across as.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I'm not into either. "Kills" presents people as sexual trophies, not people who you have any emotion for. But "adult fun time" also presents it as something way too casual for my personal liking. But that's me and that's why I'd consider it unacceptable for a woman to have too high a number. To me, that's something that you only do with people you love, and I don't buy that people love 6, 7, 8 people, especially over a short span of time. I do understand that people engage in sex for reasons that differ from my beliefs and, of course, people don't have to agree with me. But just as I have no control over their beliefs or activities, neither do they have control over mine. I think that's the big problem with discussing sex. People see me as saying "I'm trying to control you." I'm not. I just happen to say "if you do act like that, then I personally find it distasteful." That doesn't stop anyone from doing anything, it just stops them from being with me afterwards.

At any rate, I don't know why there's so much focus on sex in this thread. All kidding aside, I'm not worried about getting into a relationship because I want sex. I would just like to find someone who I care about and who cares about me, as sappy as that sounds. That's really the long and short of it for me. I'm certainly not looking for casual sex or lots of sexual conquests, which is why the stuff that studentp0x recommends -- although I recognize he actually means well, in his own way -- don't apply to me. But I don't think he's necessarily as bad a guy as he comes across as.
Click to expand...
Are you religious? The reason I am asking is because I think your beliefs would complement religious women much better and you seem to be a better match for them. Maybe you should look into that?

Also I repeat what I have said in the very beginning of this thread. In my experience, not very many good-looking American women would share your belief that sex is for when you're in love and in serious relationship. Foreign women though from more conservative countries are a different story. Although I am not recommending Eastern Europe and Latin America. I think the perception that those women are very conservative (especially the young ones) is largely a myth. If you are gonna go with this option, IMO, you should focus on Asian countries.
 
njac said:
I have a problem with referring to people I've slept with as "kills".

It's a bit creepy. I don't see them as acquisitions... It's not call of duty, it's adult fun time.
Click to expand...
Used that word since I was 15 so it's kind of hard to not use it and keep things boring and formal.

And adult fun time? :S Sex is pretty common among high school aged people (very common among females where I went to school and only common among a minority of guys).
Statistically, I believe people on average lose their virginity at 16-17 years old? I can't recall for sure, but I'm almost certain females lose it a bit earlier on average. There's tons of people having sex at 15-16, even 14.. just gets a bit less common but not rare at all.
 
Last edited:
ruralsurg4now said:
I'm not into either. "Kills" presents people as sexual trophies, not people who you have any emotion for. But "adult fun time" also presents it as something way too casual for my personal liking. But that's me and that's why I'd consider it unacceptable for a woman to have too high a number. To me, that's something that you only do with people you love, and I don't buy that people love 6, 7, 8 people, especially over a short span of time. I do understand that people engage in sex for reasons that differ from my beliefs and, of course, people don't have to agree with me. But just as I have no control over their beliefs or activities, neither do they have control over mine. I think that's the big problem with discussing sex. People see me as saying "I'm trying to control you." I'm not. I just happen to say "if you do act like that, then I personally find it distasteful." That doesn't stop anyone from doing anything, it just stops them from being with me afterwards.

At any rate, I don't know why there's so much focus on sex in this thread. All kidding aside, I'm not worried about getting into a relationship because I want sex. I would just like to find someone who I care about and who cares about me, as sappy as that sounds. That's really the long and short of it for me. I'm certainly not looking for casual sex or lots of sexual conquests, which is why the stuff that studentp0x recommends -- although I recognize he actually means well, in his own way -- don't apply to me. But I don't think he's necessarily as bad a guy as he comes across as.
Click to expand...
I was recommending greater female interaction. You won't really "get into it" unless you're banging a couple chicks here and there and getting into groups of friends and such. If you just maintain casual convo with everyone, they'll see you as a casual friend and nothing more.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Which are those? I hope you're not saying that Match or eHarmony are professional sites.

I just saw a commercial on TV yesterday for some dating site called "Anastasia-something" (I forget). It just featured some blonde woman who had an Eastern bloc accent, so I presume it's a dating site to meet, essentially, mail order brides. I've also seen one for "cougars" which is sort of unintentially funny and also a little bit sad (to me, at least). It was an attractive older woman who was walking around making fun of younger women who were hitting on a young guy (e.g., "You want him to buy you a drink? How about I buy HIM a drink ...and dinner?"). Seriously, I was like "this is the opposite of classy."
Click to expand...

:laugh: No, no, not stuff like that.

Match and OKCupid are actually not that bad in large, progressive cities. You can find a good number attractive, normal people there. The problem arises in smaller towns - for whatever reason, the skeezy factor multiplies astronomically. Compare, say Austin TX with West, TX. Of course, the "normals" (or at least non-sketchy) are always going to be in the minority on any dating site, but the chances increase with education, industry, etc.

Demographic may not have been the best word - I mean dating sites or groups that are focused on the local area. E.g. "XYZ City Singles"
. Also ones focused on activities such as hiking enthusiasts, Crossfit, gaming, etc. These vary a lot from area to area though - again, I doubt they would show up in smaller town. I was often looking up to 1-2 hours away from where I was living (I don't consider that too far away to date someone seriously - now, 4+ hours is a problem).
 
The first time someone said West, TX I was like yes but where in west Texas? :laugh:

Ruralsirg, despite studentpox's advice, you don't need to bang chicks to get into their friend circles. I think your situation sucks so much because of the geographic area you're in. If you were even a small city I doubt you'd have a big issue.
 
that redhead said:
The first time someone said West, TX I was like yes but where in west Texas? :laugh:

Ruralsirg, despite studentpox's advice, you don't need to bang chicks to get into their friend circles. I think your situation sucks so much because of the geographic area you're in. If you were even a small city I doubt you'd have a big issue.
Click to expand...

I actually did date a guy from West for a while and had the same response when I asked where he was from

Oh, I'm from West
West?
West, Texas
Where in west Texas?
No, no. West, Texas.

I agree with TRHs assessment. I'm from the Appalachian region originally (and back in it now - southwest VA) and I know how difficult dating can be for a young professional.
 
that redhead said:
I think your situation sucks so much because of the geographic area you're in. If you were even a small city I doubt you'd have a big issue.
Click to expand...

Well, that's debatable, since I'm coming from (moved away from) a large, metropolitan area. But, honestly, I'm not sure what to do because I'm not a very social person to begin with. Like, during medical school my roommate and I got along great because we were both quiet people who didn't drink or party or go clubbing. I lived with him for most of medical school and we had a great time because we'd do stuff like watch movies at home or stuff and just make snide remarks and bust on people. (He was Indian, I'm not. So once he finished medical school, he sort of got an arranged marriage. Hopefully that doesn't offend anyone Indian, but that's just to explain why he's not in the same situation as me before someone asks "why don't you do what he did?") But even though it was great, in retrospect it was really bad because that enabled me to NOT socialize all through medical school. Although, honestly, I don't think I would have traded the friendship I had with him for some lame club, but who knows.

I think that's what's causing me the most angst and discomfort. A lot of it is me looking back and saying "I really missed on that opportunity, what a ****** I was." Now, I'm more motivated to do things ...but I'm still pretty bad about it. It's about an hour each way to the nearby college town and I guess you could say that if I honestly was concerned, I'd drive up and back and STFU. But after just going there twice -- once for a road race and once to play Laser Tag with a Meet Up group -- I was exhausted. I mean, two hours round trip really blows and to me, I'm like "well, that Meet Up group was OK ...but it sort of isn't 'two hour trip each time' good." And then I beat myself up over THAT like "OK, douche, that's your problem." I dunno.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Well, that's debatable, since I'm coming from (moved away from) a large, metropolitan area. But, honestly, I'm not sure what to do because I'm not a very social person to begin with. Like, during medical school my roommate and I got along great because we were both quiet people who didn't drink or party or go clubbing. I lived with him for most of medical school and we had a great time because we'd do stuff like watch movies at home or stuff and just make snide remarks and bust on people. (He was Indian, I'm not. So once he finished medical school, he sort of got an arranged marriage. Hopefully that doesn't offend anyone Indian, but that's just to explain why he's not in the same situation as me before someone asks "why don't you do what he did?") But even though it was great, in retrospect it was really bad because that enabled me to NOT socialize all through medical school. Although, honestly, I don't think I would have traded the friendship I had with him for some lame club, but who knows.

I think that's what's causing me the most angst and discomfort. A lot of it is me looking back and saying "I really missed on that opportunity, what a ****** I was." Now, I'm more motivated to do things ...but I'm still pretty bad about it. It's about an hour each way to the nearby college town and I guess you could say that if I honestly was concerned, I'd drive up and back and STFU. But after just going there twice -- once for a road race and once to play Laser Tag with a Meet Up group -- I was exhausted. I mean, two hours round trip really blows and to me, I'm like "well, that Meet Up group was OK ...but it sort of isn't 'two hour trip each time' good." And then I beat myself up over THAT like "OK, douche, that's your problem." I dunno.
Click to expand...

I think I understand exactly where you are and that we parallel each other. Your problem (and mine) is that you "fit" multiple, rarely-intersecting (if not mutually-exclusive) profiles. In my case that was my religion + my education + my heritage all being kind of different without lots of overlap, making it hard to find a match. For you, what you describe above fits well with "traditional" and "religious" people. There are many religious girls - Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc. - who have similar views on chastity and sex before marriage that you do. There are many traditional girls who have focused on things other than relationships, such as their career or birth family, and they've not dated/slept around and they're virgins. There are NOT many non-religious non-traditional people where you are. So the profile that fits your values when it comes to sex is going to tend to be a lot more devout and/or traditional (i.e. ethnocentric and/or using matchmakers) than yourself. I also think there is some shyness/social awkwardness here that is preventing you from eagerly jumping into social situations to meet people. You probably prefer serious conversation to the bull**** banter, and that doesn't work for most (superficial) women.
 
Sorry, but not everyone wants to talk about serious sht all the time. That doesn't make them superficial, it makes them human. (If they want to gossip all the time, that's another matter and I'd agree it's superficial.) If you only want to talk about profound topics only, ever, great. Join a debate club and marry the president. Being able to make small talk is just part of being a social human and its a way to get to know people first - what kind of hobbies do they have, what kind of music do they like, etc.

Ruralsurg, I had assumed you weren't actively looking while you were there.
 
All I can say is, here's what not to send to women. I wish I could make this stuff up.

ImageUploadedBySDN Mobile1385236866.325563.jpg
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
mercaptovizadeh said:
I think I understand exactly where you are and that we parallel each other. Your problem (and mine) is that you "fit" multiple, rarely-intersecting (if not mutually-exclusive) profiles. In my case that was my religion + my education + my heritage all being kind of different without lots of overlap, making it hard to find a match. For you, what you describe above fits well with "traditional" and "religious" people. There are many religious girls - Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc. - who have similar views on chastity and sex before marriage that you do. There are many traditional girls who have focused on things other than relationships, such as their career or birth family, and they've not dated/slept around and they're virgins. There are NOT many non-religious non-traditional people where you are. So the profile that fits your values when it comes to sex is going to tend to be a lot more devout and/or traditional (i.e. ethnocentric and/or using matchmakers) than yourself. I also think there is some shyness/social awkwardness here that is preventing you from eagerly jumping into social situations to meet people. You probably prefer serious conversation to the bull**** banter, and that doesn't work for most (superficial) women.
Click to expand...

Yes, it's why I have a lot of difficulty. For example, I know SunsFun asked if I was religious and the problem is I'm really not, although because I am politically conservative many of my values are in alignment with Christian people. But, for example, when people say "go on ChristianMingle" or "find someone in a church," that's not an avenue available to me. I don't feel personally that it would be fair to the women to portray myself as a devout Christian when I'm not one, nor do I feel right about randomly trolling a church to see if I can catch a woman. But on the other hand, there are websites that everyone has talked about, like OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish, which are popular but seem geared towards "hookups" and (a) that's not what I'm interested in and (b) I'm not interested in any woman who would do that, either. (Let's skip the debate about whether that's "normal" behavior for now, OK, guys?) Similarly, I'm not Indian and so I can't be "arranged" into a marriage (nor would I want that). I'll expound on this further, perhaps tomorrow, but I'm actually going to head into the college town now for a Meet Up, so I'll catch you guys later (and let you know if it was any good).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D
Tired of being single
2
Replies
87
Views
16K
julie walker
julie walker
2
  • Locked
perpetually single...its starting to get to me
Replies
4
Views
3K
Winged Scapula
Winged Scapula
C
Meeting Singles in 2015
2
Replies
55
Views
6K
NeedToStudy
NeedToStudy
Staryy
  • Poll
SINGLE Medical Students, Residents, and Physicians
Replies
15
Views
8K
fancymylotus
fancymylotus
F
Female pharmacist Single searching for nice Guy
Replies
10
Views
6K
torshi
torshi
Top