What am I doing here...

[RuralPhysician8]

This a kind of a rant slash display of my current feelings to a problem I am trying to solve...opinions welcome I guess.

OK, so I have not been courting anyone for obvious reasons( except the occasional meaningless flirting I sometime do), but I have been altering my behavior to be seen as a better suited mate. I dropped a kind of "sunny" disposition for a more a solemn nature. Instead of walking into class/work with small grin and stupid joke, I walk straight, stand against the wall (if it's a class I just sit in the front), arms crossed, straight face... I might make a few jokes with a small smile but I appear overall emotionless or kind of stern. This is going well for me...I like it...but my friends and family say I am beginning to worry them. In addition to my disposition I also changed my habits, I no longer offer anything for free. Whether it is tutoring or an old novel I do not read anymore, I now demand compensation. I realized that one thing making me so unfit was my lack of greed, a human quality that I must accept, and desire to just put a large portion of my funds toward my friends (small gifts mostly). *At no point was I trying to bribe my way into a relationship, I fully understand that money is just paper and holds no true power*. I have had a few girls on campus kind of hint some small affection toward me, but I just do not get that excited anymore...I am avoiding the girl I originally had feelings for, she stills tries to text me though, but I am not answering; however, I still have that stupid ache in my chest that reminds of my immaturity. I do not blame her for not having affection toward...after hearing counsel from you guys I realized that the old me was a sick despicable waste of flesh when it came to the opposite sex. I mean, I was running around trying to be "sweet", talkative, giving gifts, it was all just immature bull**** . My peers and superiors say that I am now very withdrawn, have a shorter temper, and just a little unfriendly after awhile.

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[sazerac]

This a kind of a rant slash display of my current feelings to a problem I am trying to solve...opinions welcome I guess.

OK, so I have not been courting anyone for obvious reasons( except the occasional meaningless flirting I sometime do), but I have been altering my behavior to be seen as a better suited mate. I dropped a kind of "sunny" disposition for a more a solemn nature. Instead of walking into class/work with small grin and stupid joke, I walk straight, stand against the wall (if it's a class I just sit in the front), arms crossed, straight face... I might make a few jokes with a small smile but I appear overall emotionless or kind of stern. This is going well for me...I like it...but my friends and family say I am beginning to worry them. In addition to my disposition I also changed my habits, I no longer offer anything for free. Whether it is tutoring or an old novel I do not read anymore, I now demand compensation. I realized that one thing making me so unfit was my lack of greed, a human quality that I must accept, and desire to just put a large portion of my funds toward my friends (small gifts mostly). *At no point was I trying to bribe my way into a relationship, I fully understand that money is just paper and holds no true power*. I have had a few girls on campus kind of hint some small affection toward me, but I just do not get that excited anymore...I am avoiding the girl I originally had feelings for, she stills tries to text me though, but I am not answering; however, I still have that stupid ache in my chest that reminds of my immaturity. I do not blame her for not having affection toward...after hearing counsel from you guys I realized that the old me was a sick despicable waste of flesh when it came to the opposite sex. I mean, I was running around trying to be "sweet", talkative, giving gifts, it was all just immature bull**** . My peers and superiors say that I am now very withdrawn, have a shorter temper, and just a little unfriendly after awhile.

So I see a situation but no goals. What are you trying to accomplish? Long term relationship? Increase your number of sexual partners? Date the woman "you originally had feelings for"? It's hard to give advice when you don't really have a question.

You express a certain amount of self hatred for your previous behavior, and then you made some changes. Are you happy with the new results? Seeking validation?

 

[RuralPhysician8]

So I see a situation but no goals. What are you trying to accomplish? Long term relationship? Increase your number of sexual partners? Date the woman "you originally had feelings for"? It's hard to give advice when you don't really have a question.

You express a certain amount of self hatred for your previous behavior, and then you made some changes. Are you happy with the new results? Seeking validation?

The goal is to be better overall. Sex is something I am not particularly interested in and I mostly just want to be attractive should the moment arise when I have feelings surface for another girl...I will not be in contact with the previous girl. Validation? In some form yes, I do not want my new disposition to be off-putting especially since I am trying to build somewhat of a relationship with my professors and peers. One thing that made me post back here for feedback was yesterday when I was talking to one of my professors. He made a joke and laughed aggressively, but seemed slightly irked when he noticed that I was still maintaining eye contact and had a straight face. I understand you cannot make everyone happy but it seems odd that in the process of 1-2 weeks I have been told multiple times by my peers that I seem too serious, plus the fact that I show less and less interest in females each day, and my superiors noticing it as well makes me wonder if I took things too far...and the internet is the place to receive raw bluntness.

 

[Hillo]

I have been altering my behavior to be seen as a better suited mate.

I'm telling ya, if you a naturally friendly, interesting, and sincere person, you'll get to places.
You've simple met the wrong people in your life.

The most messed up part I read was about your greed.
If you don't enjoy easily helping people, what makes you worth someone's time.. let alone feelings?

Stop acting!

Have confidence in your good qualities, and improve yourself FOR yourself.
It's not a race to get a "mate."

Figure out what you enjoy, do it with people you like, and someone will see you as an individual who knows what he values and can offer more than a facade.

 

[SunsFun]

The goal is to be better overall. Sex is something I am not particularly interested in and I mostly just want to be attractive should the moment arise when I have feelings surface for another girl...I will not be in contact with the previous girl. Validation? In some form yes, I do not want my new disposition to be off-putting especially since I am trying to build somewhat of a relationship with my professors and peers. One thing that made me post back here for feedback was yesterday when I was talking to one of my professors. He made a joke and laughed aggressively, but seemed slightly irked when he noticed that I was still maintaining eye contact and had a straight face. I understand you cannot make everyone happy but it seems odd that in the process of 1-2 weeks I have been told multiple times by my peers that I seem too serious, plus the fact that I show less and less interest in females each day, and my superiors noticing it as well makes me wonder if I took things too far...and the internet is the place to receive raw bluntness.

Acting certain way is going to get you nowhere with girls, professors, peers, etc. Wanna change your image? Lift weights, get a good haircut, and ask someone who knows what they are doing to help you buy better clothes.

Also, there is nothing that turns off women more than being cheap/greedy. This is one quality that makes otherwise really good looking white guys lose out to brown foreigners with a thick accent like me.

 

[RuralPhysician8]

Whoa, whoa. I have not become cheap, I just now ask for equivalent exchange...
I.e.
Girl I sit next to forgets scantron for the exam, I give her one of my extras for a quarter (how much I paid), if she did not have a quarter, I would have given it anyway.

Or, I am thinking of asking this girl I sit next to and kind of like, I find myself smiling more than I honestly want when around her, ( likes my jokes and always works with me on group activities). I am going to ask her to study with me for the next exam and in return I will be buying lunch.

My greed does not extend so far that I am selfish with money. If it was, would I still be pre-med?

Also, I do not believe in the whole "right person" philosophy. The ball is always in your court whether it is dating or academics and you have to take responsibility for the outcomes...Does s*** happen? Of course, but you still have to take responsibility for your life.

I am currently working out, dropped fat, gaining muscle. My wardrobe is the same though...dress shirts, clean Ts, jeans and dress pants (I hate shorts) mostly. Haircut is like a "fancy bowl cut", thinking of pulling my bangs back to reveal my brow now that I am rid of some mild acne in that area and I also have a well groomed chin strap. No tattoos. The only jewelry I wear is a small gold chain with a small 1inch long staff of caduceus and a diving watch.

 

[Kahreek]

The goal is to be better overall. Sex is something I am not particularly interested in and I mostly just want to be attractive should the moment arise when I have feelings surface for another girl...I will not be in contact with the previous girl. Validation? In some form yes, I do not want my new disposition to be off-putting especially since I am trying to build somewhat of a relationship with my professors and peers. One thing that made me post back here for feedback was yesterday when I was talking to one of my professors. He made a joke and laughed aggressively, but seemed slightly irked when he noticed that I was still maintaining eye contact and had a straight face. I understand you cannot make everyone happy but it seems odd that in the process of 1-2 weeks I have been told multiple times by my peers that I seem too serious, plus the fact that I show less and less interest in females each day, and my superiors noticing it as well makes me wonder if I took things too far...and the internet is the place to receive raw bluntness.

you are becoming the king of kings, continue, and just smirk when people tell you how serious you are. I too, am tired of being a condescendent poor excuse of human being, i now do as i please, i am practising, it is something you must learn. but **** it , doest it feel, good. I dont want to be the 40 year old physician who has ate **** from others all his life and then come complaining how meaningless is life at an internet forum.

 

[RuralPhysician8]

you are becoming the king of kings, continue, and just smirk when people tell you how serious you are. I too, am tired of being a condescendent poor excuse of human being, i now do as i please, i am practising, it is something you must learn. but **** it , doest it feel, good. I dont want to be the 40 year old physician who has ate **** from others all his life and then come complaining how meaningless is life at an internet forum.

I am having trouble understanding your post. My life is not meaningless, I have a working body, steady hands, a mind seeking understanding, a nice home, good hobby (snake keeping...very rewarding), I am starting a more focused workout routine (already have some small gains from a previous routine), and school is good, got a few C's on some first exams, but this time around my lowest grade is a B- and I will be improving further.

While I am here I might as well update. I kind of ended up dropping most of my new mannerism and blended it with parts of my old one. I did this after the girl came to me a few weeks ago...apparently her financial situation got worse and it was at the point of her not being able to get groceries, so I have been giving her money for food. No, there is no plan to bribe her with the "well I supported you" card later on. What was I supposed to do? Say, "sorry, god bless and good luck, I am out". I would be even worse than scum if I did that. I will not keep a mannerism that this solely interested in my gain. Right now I am just hoping she finds a boyfriend soon, then it will be his job. As far as other girls go I am still not really trying since it might be kind of awkward explaining were some of my funds are going...just not a good ideal right now in my opinion.

 

[housestark]

@RuralPhysician8 , I stumbled upon this thread and found it to be an interesting read. It makes me really sad when I see girls using guys, and this girl is obviously taking advantage of you. If she respected your friendship with her, she would not ask you for money or the proper thing to do after asking for money is for her to return money to you. I admire you for being so selfless, but shame on her!!! I am a female and feel too proud to ask for money; I've worked three jobs in college to avoid asking my parents for money. I even did retail after college to supplement my income and to pay for additional prerequisite courses, even though I could have "borrowed" money from my boyfriend. Even if she does find a boyfriend, what makes you think she would stop asking you for money given how easily you hand it over? She is incredibly manipulative. How about tell her it is not in your place to financially support her and she can get a job. No need to feel like a scum.

 

[MerickManual]

I am having trouble understanding your post. My life is not meaningless, I have a working body, steady hands, a mind seeking understanding, a nice home, good hobby (snake keeping...very rewarding), I am starting a more focused workout routine (already have some small gains from a previous routine), and school is good, got a few C's on some first exams, but this time around my lowest grade is a B- and I will be improving further.

While I am here I might as well update. I kind of ended up dropping most of my new mannerism and blended it with parts of my old one. I did this after the girl came to me a few weeks ago...apparently her financial situation got worse and it was at the point of her not being able to get groceries, so I have been giving her money for food. No, there is no plan to bribe her with the "well I supported you" card later on. What was I supposed to do? Say, "sorry, god bless and good luck, I am out". I would be even worse than scum if I did that. I will not keep a mannerism that this solely interested in my gain. Right now I am just hoping she finds a boyfriend soon, then it will be his job. As far as other girls go I am still not really trying since it might be kind of awkward explaining were some of my funds are going...just not a good ideal right now in my opinion.

I'm glad you dropped the act, but:

DUDE, what are you doing giving this chick food money? It's called LOANS, and she needs to take more out. There's no way she's "out of loan money" if she's taking enough out. She's playing you and not your responsibility.

 

[Modeselektor]

What was I supposed to do? Say, "sorry, god bless and good luck, I am out".

Motivate HER to fix HER situation by HER own means.

 

[Kale01]

Reading this thread is like reading Gorillas in the Mist.

 

[caffeinemia]

Just when you thought SDN couldn't get any weirder, I stumble into this thread. WHAT THE F.

 

[DokterMom]

OP you really need a change of scenery. You seem to be inventing a series of personas trying to find one you like. From people-pleaser to serious-minded nobody's fool to - what's next? Why not just be who you are? Of course, it's because you don't know who that is, and that's my whole point.

Take some time off, go someplace where nobody knows you and nobody has any expectations and find the heck out. Once you know what parts are really you and what parts were your surroundings, then be that guy. Everything else is just an act.

 

[Deadlifts]

While I am here I might as well update. I kind of ended up dropping most of my new mannerism and blended it with parts of my old one. I did this after the girl came to me a few weeks ago...apparently her financial situation got worse and it was at the point of her not being able to get groceries, so I have been giving her money for food. No, there is no plan to bribe her with the "well I supported you" card later on. What was I supposed to do? Say, "sorry, god bless and good luck, I am out". I would be even worse than scum if I did that. I will not keep a mannerism that this solely interested in my gain. Right now I am just hoping she finds a boyfriend soon, then it will be his job. As far as other girls go I am still not really trying since it might be kind of awkward explaining were some of my funds are going...just not a good ideal right now in my opinion.

You would not be worse than scum. You would be a responsible adult. There's a difference between buying your friend's lunch one day and becoming her sugar daddy. Options include her parents/family, EBT, loans, jobs, churches, temp agencies, temp labor, and some temporary support she could seek out. If she truly pays you back later for the money you've given her, that's one thing. You haven't said she offered or planned to do that.

It's not even her hypothetical future boyfriend's job to pay her bills.

You don't have to pretend to be these random personality types. A professor made a joke and you stared at him like a stoic? Did you find the joke offensive? Even if you don't find a joke hilarious, it's OKAY to show emotion.

 

[ketosisevangelist]

Stay out of trouble. Stay single. Stay your course.

The prospect of what you seek may only lead your person to golden handcuffs.

Best luck.

 

[TitaniumPhoebe]

Just be yourself and stop trying so hard to be some perceived image of what you think you should be. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are and appreciate your true self. I would be really turned off by a guy who tries so hard to impress that he doesn't have a sense of his own self. Of course I'm also probably old enough to be your mom, so maybe that's typical in college-age males? I am no expert, but I will tell you that if you focus on doing things you enjoy, being your genuine self and not worrying so much about what others think of you, you will be a lot happier. And then when you feel confident in yourself, you won't really care what anyone else thinks about you.