When did you realize what type of person you wanted to be?

[YoungProdigy]

Maybe this is what everybody talks about when referring to “growing up” in college, or perhaps not. Either way, I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t decide if I want to be an introverted, non-smiling, serious person, or the more open, openly “happier” person who is always nice to people. Somewhat of an analogy / example. While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right. I understand that this may not be the greatest of examples, but it’s a situation I experience entering and exiting Uni.

Every time I want to be the nice person, I genuinely feel good, but the “serious” side of me sort of says, “screw everybody. Can’t trust anybody.” While this may actually be a case of anger, I’d rather not focus on that right now.

Anyways, the constant battle between good and bad takes place many times throughout the course of the day, and I’m having a hard time choosing what type of person I want to be.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I would like to hear your thought on this subject. TIA.

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[Instatewaiter]

H8 two tell ewe butt buy the Thyme your in Collage, ewe our already the person your going too bee.

Me, I'm a smart ass.

 

[Kelevra]

The reality is that we're all likely somewhere in between. We all act differently depending on the circumstances. Around some people, I'm wonderfully annoyed and choose to keep to myself; around others, you couldn't shut me up with all of the ketamine in the world. I have good days, and I have bad days. You will not be the same person every day. You can choose to act in a specific manner everyday, but you'll be extremely flustered because you'll know it's bull****.

You'll always wish you were a certain type of person, and that'll change based on your circumstances at the time. Around some people, you don't want to be all that nice and bubbly. Around others, you'd feel awful being a jerk. This is normal, and you're still trying to find yourself, which includes where you fit in, in the scheme of things.

Some of us figure it out in college, and others of us when we're forty. What changes? Our perspectives. We're the same people, but we try not to be. At our core, it's the same pilot; he/she simply wants to fly in a new direction to change the scenery and make you forget that you're a pilot. You'll always be that same pilot; you just learn to distract yourself by the clouds and mountains, and occasionally, you change up your drink.

 

[HCHopeful]

I knew in Kindergarten.

gEt On My LeVeL

 

[gjitec]

First time I made a girl c**. That was oh so clear... [nostalgia]

 

[Kelevra]

First time I made a girl c**.

Never heard of anyone assigning a gender to their hand before!

 

[tiedyeddog]

The first time an attending gave me a scalpel and yelled at me to start the incision. I knew from that instant that I was born to cut.

 

[blueharbor]

Maybe this is what everybody talks about when referring to “growing up” in college, or perhaps not. Either way, I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t decide if I want to be an introverted, non-smiling, serious person, or the more open, openly “happier” person who is always nice to people. Somewhat of an analogy / example. While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right. I understand that this may not be the greatest of examples, but it’s a situation I experience entering and exiting Uni.

Every time I want to be the nice person, I genuinely feel good, but the “serious” side of me sort of says, “screw everybody. Can’t trust anybody.” While this may actually be a case of anger, I’d rather not focus on that right now.

Anyways, the constant battle between good and bad takes place many times throughout the course of the day, and I’m having a hard time choosing what type of person I want to be.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I would like to hear your thought on this subject. TIA.

As an introvert, I have struggled with the question of who I want to be/become - but not in the nice vs. not nice sense that you describe, but rather extroverted vs. introverted. Some of my favorite people were bubbly and warm and friendly to everyone, and I came to think of that kind of person as the best kind of person and aimed to be like them. I've come to realize that the most important aspect of the personalities I admire is kindness, and that one can be unimpeachably kind and brighten people's days without being bubbly or particularly talkative.

Your situation is a little different. What kind of person do you want to be? Think about the impact your behaviors will have on other people, and about what nice actions you find meaningful vs. what society says is important. Maybe, if doing the nice thing won't actually make a significant difference in other people's lives (like letting other cars go at a stop sign when you have the right-of-way) then it isn't something you value, and you don't need to change your ways. But if smiling at the old woman opposite on you on the bus might make her feel good, it could be worthwhile to make that something you regularly do. I think that if you commit to being what you believe is a nice person and doing nice things that you find meaningful, being nice consistently will become easier over time. I also think that changing to be more extroverted would be much more difficult (and is not necessary to be a "nice" person).

 

[The Buff OP]

This thread.

 

[EasternMer]

This is a cool question!

It boiled down to me envisioning myself when I was 40. I'd always been the shy type, never really took care of myself, and cared more about watching television and not getting things done (which, I've found is alarmingly a lot more common than most think). In the end, I wanted to be an accomplished professional, have a few kids running around, and pursue a career that was seen as a difficult course of study.

Now, I don't care much about what others think of me, but I did care deeply of what I thought of myself.

My dad told me during college to never be superior to others, but to always strive to be superior to your former self. I think that's the emotion that's carried me through a lot.

As far as being nice...I don't try to get involved with too many people. I'm good at small talk, and can carry a conversation, but only really have 3 great friends. I think people should be brave enough to spend time by themselves. I'm not a gunner, or mean to anyone. But, I'm also not the one that offers up my study guide. Kind of oblivious to most other people.

That being said, I have a long road ahead of me!

 

[Dandine]

Maybe this is what everybody talks about when referring to “growing up” in college, or perhaps not. Either way, I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t decide if I want to be an introverted, non-smiling, serious person, or the more open, openly “happier” person who is always nice to people. Somewhat of an analogy / example. While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right. I understand that this may not be the greatest of examples, but it’s a situation I experience entering and exiting Uni.

Every time I want to be the nice person, I genuinely feel good, but the “serious” side of me sort of says, “screw everybody. Can’t trust anybody.” While this may actually be a case of anger, I’d rather not focus on that right now.

Anyways, the constant battle between good and bad takes place many times throughout the course of the day, and I’m having a hard time choosing what type of person I want to be.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I would like to hear your thought on this subject. TIA.

Have you considered having this work for you than against you?

Not saying that you should be either one or the other, but the way you're explaining it, it seems like you want to be a nice person who also wants to be serious when the time comes. That's a pretty good combination for a future doctor right there.

Being nice has its issues--people can definitely take advantage of that. But there's a difference between being on-the-surface nice and being compassionate: for healthcare that means putting patients and their families first. You can still be compassionate while realizing that if something really has to be taken care of, it's your job to step up and not be afraid to speak your mind.

I personally find that it's actually easier for me to be less "nice" if I has less time to do something because it forces me to really narrow down what I have to do to get it done. It can work against me, of course, but that's how I know that I'm seriously working towards a goal.

tl;dr: It's good to have a balance!

 

[caffeinemia]

When my mother stopped pestering me about perfect grades and MCAT and doctor school to make the ancestors proud and started asking me about girlfriends - I mean girlFRIEND (cuz ancestors don't want you to have more than one) -- and grandchildren, I knew I had become the man I wanted to be!
mhmmm

 

[jqueb29]

Maybe this is what everybody talks about when referring to “growing up” in college, or perhaps not. Either way, I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t decide if I want to be an introverted, non-smiling, serious person, or the more open, openly “happier” person who is always nice to people. Somewhat of an analogy / example. While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right. I understand that this may not be the greatest of examples, but it’s a situation I experience entering and exiting Uni.

Every time I want to be the nice person, I genuinely feel good, but the “serious” side of me sort of says, “screw everybody. Can’t trust anybody.” While this may actually be a case of anger, I’d rather not focus on that right now.

Anyways, the constant battle between good and bad takes place many times throughout the course of the day, and I’m having a hard time choosing what type of person I want to be.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I would like to hear your thought on this subject. TIA.

Not the best of examples. I'm an outgoing, happy person, but there's no chance in hell I'm letting anybody cut me at a stop sign.

 

[EasternMer]

Not the best of examples. I'm an outgoing, happy person, but there's no chance in hell I'm letting anybody cut me at a stop sign.

I would've agreed with you, but in light of recent events, I think it's in everyone's best interest to swallow their pride/anger when it comes to road rage issues.

 

[Godspeedyou]

We are born to exist, not to know

 

[Doctor Dream]

Maybe this is what everybody talks about when referring to “growing up” in college, or perhaps not. Either way, I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t decide if I want to be an introverted, non-smiling, serious person, or the more open, openly “happier” person who is always nice to people. Somewhat of an analogy / example. While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right. I understand that this may not be the greatest of examples, but it’s a situation I experience entering and exiting Uni.

Every time I want to be the nice person, I genuinely feel good, but the “serious” side of me sort of says, “screw everybody. Can’t trust anybody.” While this may actually be a case of anger, I’d rather not focus on that right now.

Anyways, the constant battle between good and bad takes place many times throughout the course of the day, and I’m having a hard time choosing what type of person I want to be.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I would like to hear your thought on this subject. TIA.

You can't really choose between having good or bad thoughts, everyone has both. It's how you act on these that matters.

There's also no reason you can't have both a serious demeanor and a happy, joking demeanor. I'm sure you've met people like this. I love being around people who know how to work hard and get sh** done, but also know when to kick back, joke around and have fun. A lot of great doctors I've met and shadowed are like this.

 

[Hospitalized]

We are born to exist, not to know

2deep4me

 

[YoungProdigy]

H8 two tell ewe butt buy the Thyme your in Collage, ewe our already the person your going too bee.

Me, I'm a[n] ass.

I think I've fixed it for you. LOL.

 

[Instatewaiter]

Good Story Hansel.

 

[YoungProdigy]

The reality is that we're all likely somewhere in between. We all act differently depending on the circumstances. Around some people, I'm wonderfully annoyed and choose to keep to myself; around others, you couldn't shut me up with all of the ketamine in the world. I have good days, and I have bad days. You will not be the same person every day. You can choose to act in a specific manner everyday, but you'll be extremely flustered because you'll know it's bull****.

You'll always wish you were a certain type of person, and that'll change based on your circumstances at the time. Around some people, you don't want to be all that nice and bubbly. Around others, you'd feel awful being a jerk. This is normal, and you're still trying to find yourself, which includes where you fit in, in the scheme of things.

Some of us figure it out in college, and others of us when we're forty. What changes? Our perspectives. We're the same people, but we try not to be. At our core, it's the same pilot; he/she simply wants to fly in a new direction to change the scenery and make you forget that you're a pilot. You'll always be that same pilot; you just learn to distract yourself by the clouds and mountains, and occasionally, you change up your drink.

I have seriously never really thought of it like this before. Question for you: the people you want to be kind to, and can't see yourself being "mean' to them, what triggers this emotion? Is it the way the other individual behaves, or, perhaps, the relationship you may have with him/her?

But why can't we be the same person every day - in fact, shouldn't we be improving every day? I know this sounds like some idyllic BS, but really, why do we have to be taking a step forward, and a step ( or two) back?

As for your pilot analogy...Beautiful.

Sorry, I never meant for this to be a very serious thread, but with all of these great posts, I feel obligated to ask more question!

 

[gjitec]

Never heard of anyone assigning a gender to their hand before!

 

[Kelevra]

I have seriously never really thought of it like this before. Question for you: the people you want to be kind to, and can't see yourself being "mean' to them, what triggers this emotion? Is it the way the other individual behaves, or, perhaps, the relationship you may have with him/her?

It has to do with patience. People can be genuinely sweet, and try their hardest, but if we argue about something in which I disagree, or perhaps they aren't understanding something after I've explained it a number of times, or perhaps they just do something randomly that seriously annoys me, I feel awful about being a jackass. I'm not perfect, and I do get annoyed easily. It is most often the relationship I have with them. My parents are the biggest triggers of this.

But why can't we be the same person every day - in fact, shouldn't we be improving every day? I know this sounds like some idyllic BS, but really, why do we have to be taking a step forward, and a step ( or two) back?

We don't necessarily take a step forward or backwards. Our Neurobiochemistry is not always exactly the same, and it depends on so many factors, including diet, life stresses, sleep, etc. We simply cannot be just as likely to feel the exact same emotions as the day before. Some days we have less patience. Other days, we have shorter attention spans, or simply feel better.

You know, waking up on the wrong side of the bed. We can't control how we initially feel; only how we react. And because we're not perfect, our chemistry makes it more likely for us to act a certain way, as opposed to another way. Habit plays an enormous role here. We can't just decide to turn it off so easily. Well, we can, but the willpower and conscious awareness needed to pay attention to ourselves and override this every time just takes too much energy.

 

[Stagg737]

Cool Story Hansel.

Fixed that for you.

 

[Womb Raider]

While still at a stop sign while driving a car, you have the option to be nice and allow someone else sitting at a stop sign adjacent to you, go in front of you, although you don’t have to; or, you can ignore the other person and continue moving along, since it really is your right.

Oh man, I know this is semi-off topic but I can't help myself.

There are almost no traffic situations where the law doesn't tell you what to do. 4-way stops for example, if people come to a stop at the exact same time (let's be honest, that's almost NEVER, pay closer attention) the person to the right has the right-of-way. If someone clearly has the right of way, and then we stare at each other for 5 seconds, and then they wave at me signalling me to go, it pisses me off. If you're driving down a road and a pedestrian is waiting to cross, the correct (and nice!) move here is NOT to completely stop your car and wait for the slow people to cross the road, but to keep driving and let them cross behind you. I can't tell you how aggravated I get when people stop, make every other car behind them stop, let the people cross, and then keep going. It would have been 100x more efficient to let all the cars pass and then let the people cross the road. (You can make yourself and/or the people behind you wait 10 seconds while they cross the road, or you can make the pedestrian wait 1 second while you zoom by them - it's not rocket science).

Stop equating being nice with helping other people at the expense of efficiency.

Don't get me started on traffic lights. I want to drop out of medicine, design a superior traffic-light technology and make millions. Who's with me?

 

[chocolatethunder]

Never heard of anyone assigning a gender to their hand before!