You and I could not be in a more similar situation. I finally said F**k it and told my advisor as well as the rest of my thesis committee members. In the end, I really don't care what they think of me and my plans, and they were actually quite encouraging in their remarks. It only took me 4 years to realize the numerical modeling of the erosion of coastlines is mind numbingly boring, and that I would rather gouge my eyes out than look at one more partial differential equation. I am pretty sure this did end up screwing me out of funding for the semester, though as I did not get a TA position. I have never not been given one when I needed it in the past. YAY debt to add to medical school debt! My advice... tell them and anyone else who asks! I felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders when I did.
Who Else Feels Crappy?
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You and I could not be in a more similar situation. I finally said F**k it and told my advisor as well as the rest of my thesis committee members. In the end, I really don't care what they think of me and my plans, and they were actually quite encouraging in their remarks. It only took me 4 years to realize the numerical modeling of the erosion of coastlines is mind numbingly boring, and that I would rather gouge my eyes out than look at one more partial differential equation. I am pretty sure this did end up screwing me out of funding for the semester, though as I did not get a TA position. I have never not been given one when I needed it in the past. YAY debt to add to medical school debt! My advice... tell them and anyone else who asks! I felt an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders when I did.
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haha. Sorry. sometimes...in the wee hours I forget I'm the frog in the suit. And not the frog on the scene slingin dope dreams in my sex machine.
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It's just good to see you poking back in here from time to time.
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Good to see you moderating. How long can Q keep at it? Sister needs backup. Good stuff.
On topic. About feeling pointless. I think I may have just set a world record today for the longest explanation of a blood transfusion in recorded history. I was subsumed in a tsunami of stupid. There was no fighting it. The poor chap was convinced it was not in accordance with his God to get blood even while falling the F out. However cocaine...was not a problem.
I fought the good fight. And lost. Stupid wins again.
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Feeling fatigued.
This process is so very tiring and I'm ready for the end of the cycle, preparing for matriculation. Maybe I just feel crappy because I realize how my life will change soon too? Buh bye cushy, well-paying job. Hello school induced poverty!
This process is so very tiring and I'm ready for the end of the cycle, preparing for matriculation. Maybe I just feel crappy because I realize how my life will change soon too? Buh bye cushy, well-paying job. Hello school induced poverty!
QofQuimica
Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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Oh, I saw what you did there.
I'll keep it up until I get bored, I guess. Or they fire me. Whichever comes first.
I am at the very beginning of completing premed courses and I have certainly experienced a few ups and downs while adjusting to this transition. I have continued to work full time with a good support system in place made up of my husband, other family members, and my supervisor at work.
I occasionally notice some rather off-putting reactions to my pre-med studies from friends and random family members with the most recent being from an older sibling. Perhaps I am reading into this too much, but I happened to post an social networking update regarding studying chemistry this Saturday morning and then a couple hours later, he posted a quote about "a person who finishes last in high school is called an idiot, but a person who finishes last in med school is called a doctor." Maybe it is a coincidence that he posted this, but it strikes me as a little passive aggressive.
If I ponder it too much, then it makes me feel a little crappy that my sibling may not be supportive of me as I work toward my goals in the same manner that I have been supportive of him in the past. I think that I just need to let it go and focus on the positive support that I have in my life and maybe I will use the social networking less as it can often be a huge distraction anyway. I have enough to focus on at this point with full time work, part time school, and maintaining a healthy personal life, so less distractions would be best.
I occasionally notice some rather off-putting reactions to my pre-med studies from friends and random family members with the most recent being from an older sibling. Perhaps I am reading into this too much, but I happened to post an social networking update regarding studying chemistry this Saturday morning and then a couple hours later, he posted a quote about "a person who finishes last in high school is called an idiot, but a person who finishes last in med school is called a doctor." Maybe it is a coincidence that he posted this, but it strikes me as a little passive aggressive.
If I ponder it too much, then it makes me feel a little crappy that my sibling may not be supportive of me as I work toward my goals in the same manner that I have been supportive of him in the past. I think that I just need to let it go and focus on the positive support that I have in my life and maybe I will use the social networking less as it can often be a huge distraction anyway. I have enough to focus on at this point with full time work, part time school, and maintaining a healthy personal life, so less distractions would be best.
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It's true though. Half of us graduated in the bottom half of our class. And very few people if any will ever know that. Once you pass all your exams and get board certified. You're as good as people think you are, for good reason or otherwise.
Very few people will support you in anything. Especially for a late comer to an arduous proposition. But most will call you if they need a medical opinion later.
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I've found this to be incredibly true in my past endeavors. That was actually one of the reasons I gave up two years ago. I've since learned to keep my business out of everyone else's. Only a select group of people know I'm even going back to school.
Just keep at it, and try to keep your journey away from social media for the time being. This journey is hard enough without those damned naysayers.
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That's funny. I also told only a few people when I decided that I was headed back to school for post-bacc work. I felt that the folks I had not told would have nothing but drag to contribute, for no reason other than a bit of "crab bucket"-type phenomenon. I did tell pretty much everyone after my successful first semester back. The only guff I got about it was from a person who has a problem with being classist, has internalized a whole lot of misogyny and sexism, and perceives physicians to be somehow "above" her class, which isn't where I'm not supposed to be because _insert string of classist
here_. That realization came along with this one: the problem was all hers. I didn't have to support it, believe in it, or try to tiptoe around it. Since then I have solidified my personal determination to only allow the ideas of people who are supportive yet honest to live rent-free in my head. As a result my worst naysayers have been near-retirement, white, male, and sexist doctors who know either nothing or little to nothing about me but clearly, in the back of their heads, think no woman should be an MD. But the good thing about those opinions? They're completely disposable.And more good news - the person I mentioned with the classism problem? She's recently come around and is cheerleading for me again.
QofQuimica
Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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Your friend's perspective is ridiculous; getting your MD/DO doesn't suddenly transform you into somebody else or make the things that matter to you suddenly become unimportant. Here's a thought for her to chew on: as a physician, you actually have more resources to help the little guy or gal than you do when you're a little guy or gal yourself.
I work in a very medically underserved area. Yesterday I admitted a patient for completely social reasons because I didn't want to send her back to a home situation with no running water or electricity (in Florida, in the summer), and there wasn't a social worker on duty overnight who could help us place her into a suitable facility. Admitting her was the right thing for the wrong reason, but because I'm a physician, I have the ability to do the right thing for the wrong reason sometimes.
I work in a very medically underserved area. Yesterday I admitted a patient for completely social reasons because I didn't want to send her back to a home situation with no running water or electricity (in Florida, in the summer), and there wasn't a social worker on duty overnight who could help us place her into a suitable facility. Admitting her was the right thing for the wrong reason, but because I'm a physician, I have the ability to do the right thing for the wrong reason sometimes.
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Though I'm only speculating, I believe that happens here sometimes as well, particularly with the homeless population (I work at the VA). Ragged looking patients with unremarkable medical history, except they're hungry and exhausted from the heat.
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Well, this was wrong, as we found evidence of new bed bugs tonight, 3 months after multiple professional treatments were declared a success. Bed bugs are a kind of hell I'd wish on no one, it is an awful feeling to have something you can't get rid of invading your stuff.
I don't even think they are the source of my itching because I show no bites and there isn't evidence of them in any areas of the house I stay in.
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Bedbugs! I am so sorry. When I studied abroad back in the day my room was infested for eight months...so not only was I the foreign guy, I was the weird, itchy, blotchy foreign guy.
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how did yo avoid transporting them back with you?
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Good question!
Before I left Brazil (which is where I was), I spent two weeks in a friend's apartment, washed all my clothes in super hot water, and same with my suitcases when I got back. I was (happily) successful, although I'm sure the infestation remained back in my room.
Took the MCAT today. I was doing so well until the BS section. I think I probably got at most 3 wrong in the VR section, which I was REALLY excited about. Probably 4-6 wrong in PS. And then... probably like 13-14 wrong in BS. Sigh. I was scoring well in BS on the practice exams too. Here is to hoping that the other two sections compensate for the third, or that I didn't do as poorly in BS as I think I did.
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QofQuimica
Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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You can't judge how you did based on how you feel. If it was an especially hard BS section, everyone will do worse than usual, and the raw scores will be scaled up more.
I appreciate the encouragement. I definitely needed some.
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If it helps, I distinctly remember that my best grades came from tests that I thought I did terrible on. When I thought I aced the exam, I didn't do so well. That's perfectionism for you. Maybe you did really really well but are too hard on yourself. Either way, good luck and have a comforting manatee:
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It is bad enough getting a severe case of deep cellulitis very high up on your thigh. Even worse is letting it go so long, because at first it seemed like a cyst you had in that general area before, that the entire region swells up before you get it checked out, and your doctor thinks you are about half a day away from needing admission for IV antibiotics. The kicker is being on in-patient peds rotation, which requires me to show up at 6:00am tomorrow, and stay until 8:00pm, followed by 4 more 6:00am mornings (though thankfully not quite as long of days.) The way I am still feeling, I would stay home tomorrow, but I already missed two days last week, and really don't want to have to make up days later. Rounding for 4+ hours with this is just about as miserable as sitting, so I am in for a fun day!
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I just got in a car accident
. Thankfully nobody was hurt. I guess I could look on the positive side of things
positives:
my car only cost 1k and was 16 years old
I live on campus so I can continue med school life as usual
negatives- I have no way to get around now
I really don't want to tell my mom about it
. Thankfully nobody was hurt. I guess I could look on the positive side of thingspositives:
my car only cost 1k and was 16 years old
I live on campus so I can continue med school life as usual
negatives- I have no way to get around now
I really don't want to tell my mom about it
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I'm just super over having the dysfunctional family from hell. Every day that I set out to put in a solid 4 or 5 hours studying for the MCAT, it's something else with my psychotic sister. I just want to be left alone, but she's determined to bring me down with her (she's actually loudly said stuff like, "haaaah Elizabeth thinks she's going to medical school," to her boyfriend on the phone. She's a complete life failure...has been kicked out of a community college and a tech school for being insane and has no direction in life....and is really threatened by the idea of anyone around her succeeding.). I'm tired of filing police reports and being too terrified to focus (she's violent and associates with dangerous people; I won't go into details). It's so hard to study the next day when you're falling asleep because you were too afraid to sleep or were listening to screaming and objects being thrown around in the hallway the previous night. Just leave me alone, please.
Im in med school now, but right before I left home, I had an Aunt tell me she hopes I fail out and that my sorry ass will probably live with my mom for the rest of my life. This is the same woman who told me she hopes I die. The woman who told me this is 50 years old, and has never had a job, and has lived with my mom her entire life.
listen to what the guy says in this video
One of the many front desk people at the hospital where I work seems to intentionally verbally abuse and pick arguments with disheveled-looking patients and visitors. Her bad attitude and nasty behavior bothers me. While I believe in being loyal to coworkers, I am pretty close to speaking with her supervisor and maybe diversity.
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Some people really seem to get off on that crap. My mom teaches kids with severe emotional and behavioral problems. My mom does awesome with these difficult kids, but she had a teachers aid like that that my mom said would always have kids being naught when my mom was out of the room. Well, I was up there visiting and my mom stepped out to make copies and the aid started pretty picking on this kid who had been sitting quietly doing his work. Eventually the poor kid had enough and shouted back at her to leave him alone. then she started lecturing him etc.
I told my mom about it and said that I'd always been a good student, but if someone treated me the way she treated those kids, I'd be acting out too. Fortunately she quit eventually, but she fostered a bunch of kids and seemed to do it solely so she had someone to boss around.
It just bothers me when people consistently abuse their power and use it to mistreat others who are essentially defenseless. I've definitely had my back against the wall a few times and am so grateful that allies, or at least decent people, came to my rescue. I think I will pay it forward, but need to be careful to do so in a way that doesn't come back to bite me. Pre-meds, I think can be fairly vulnerable to misunderstandings damaging references - but this is also true of doctors and residents, so making a point to learn/perfect this skill now is good timing.
I think a good place to start learning and socializing with potentially like-minded people would be diversity. I'm only a volunteer at this hospital so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to join or attend diversity events. I might email the president of that committee to express interest and see what happens.
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This week I got my first rejection, which mildly bummed me out but it was also nice because it's the first news I have had from any of my schools, so at least I'm not in limbo there anymore. I went on a date on Monday (a not too common event for me) and it went really well! But then my request for a second date was ignored later in the week for a couple days until last night I got a text from the guy saying that he wants to see me again but is dealing with prior relationship issues right now and didn't want to disrespect me by xyz etc. So kinda bummed about that mild rejection, but I guess it's important to remember that it doesn't necessarily reflect on me and my qualities...
TL;DR Got rejected by a med school and a guy this week. On to the next!
TL;DR Got rejected by a med school and a guy this week. On to the next!
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I spoke too soon. I am sitting in the hospital right now on IV antibiotics, and they surgically drained the infection earlier today. Not sure when I will be cleared to go back, but I am sure I will have stuff to make up for my Peds rotation. Not how I wanted to begin third year....
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Damn. That sucks. Precariously close to the jewels. Hope you get well soon.
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Thanks. Uncomfortably close, but thankfully all is safe. Just the long process of healing once I am discharged.
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Had the house heat treated for bed bugs today, can't shake the feeling that they are still there. These critters are psychological torture. Cleanup is a mess that is going to take days, everything I own is basically in a pile in my bedroom. I've got 3 exams in the next 2 days and all I'd like is for peace and a good nights sleep but I can't even find my pajamas.
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So sorry you're having to deal with bugs. I had the same problem with fleas. Their recurrence demoralized the heck out of me. It took a few months but I thank all the deities for every day my animals and I don't have to deal with them.
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So, do not look at one of your school's stats for your student category and then compare them to the chances of being a Victor in the Hunger Games. Just dont. And certainly don't do this in the hour or so before bed.
"Can't sleep, future will eat me. Can't sleep, future will eat me. Can't sleep...."
"Can't sleep, future will eat me. Can't sleep, future will eat me. Can't sleep...."
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Kind of a depressing week.
I've really spent the last 6 years trying to find the time to study for and take the MCAT. After I graduated (2008), I had a really hard time finding work; money became a major issue and it took years to get some balance in my life. I was able to drop my work load from 40 hours down to 30-35 (depending on the week) and grinded out a massive re-learning project. It had been years since I looked at most of this material and it took me almost 6 months to re-learn it, all the while working over-night shifts. I then spent around 2 months studying for the test itself. Was achieving okay AAMC scores (29.625 average, with highs of 31 and lows of 28).
I took my test September 18th. I start the test and have a panic attack. Literally the first time I've ever had test anxiety in my entire life. My girlfriend joked, "now you know how us mortals feel." I spent the next 3 hours feeling like I was fighting the test off with a bat. The sad thing is I looked at the first passage and thought, "cool, I know how to do this... but why can't I breathe?!" I almost had to get up and leave the room, but I told myself that failing was okay, but quitting - after all the months of hard work I put in and the years of trying to get to this point - was not.
I finished all the sections, but my mind was in a frenzy and I couldn't think with any type of clarity. My only hope is that, deep down some of this stuff became such second nature that I was able to apply what I knew even without my normal focus (or maybe I got lucky and guessed well).
I'm taking the week off and then I'm going to start studying again. There is no available tests in my area, but I have a ton of frequent flyer miles, so worst case scenario is I take an MCAT vacation in January. The good news is I felt like the content of the test itself is very manageable for me personally. If I end up needing to retake, I'll need to focus on my mental game a bit more.
Now, I patiently wait to assess the damage.
I've really spent the last 6 years trying to find the time to study for and take the MCAT. After I graduated (2008), I had a really hard time finding work; money became a major issue and it took years to get some balance in my life. I was able to drop my work load from 40 hours down to 30-35 (depending on the week) and grinded out a massive re-learning project. It had been years since I looked at most of this material and it took me almost 6 months to re-learn it, all the while working over-night shifts. I then spent around 2 months studying for the test itself. Was achieving okay AAMC scores (29.625 average, with highs of 31 and lows of 28).
I took my test September 18th. I start the test and have a panic attack. Literally the first time I've ever had test anxiety in my entire life. My girlfriend joked, "now you know how us mortals feel." I spent the next 3 hours feeling like I was fighting the test off with a bat. The sad thing is I looked at the first passage and thought, "cool, I know how to do this... but why can't I breathe?!" I almost had to get up and leave the room, but I told myself that failing was okay, but quitting - after all the months of hard work I put in and the years of trying to get to this point - was not.
I finished all the sections, but my mind was in a frenzy and I couldn't think with any type of clarity. My only hope is that, deep down some of this stuff became such second nature that I was able to apply what I knew even without my normal focus (or maybe I got lucky and guessed well
). I'm taking the week off and then I'm going to start studying again. There is no available tests in my area, but I have a ton of frequent flyer miles, so worst case scenario is I take an MCAT vacation in January. The good news is I felt like the content of the test itself is very manageable for me personally. If I end up needing to retake, I'll need to focus on my mental game a bit more.
Now, I patiently wait to assess the damage.
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Now I feel crappy after going to KevinMD's site and reading the bit on myths about physicians, and that this person projects family practice docs will end up with $90,000 salaries in ten years, d/t the market demands for NPs and PAs. It's insane b/c most NPs and PAs make that or more in many areas.
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OK, I have something to add. I am taking my boards exam at the end of the week. I happen to be type I diabetic on an insulin pump, and contacted the testing center to make sure I could take my insulin pump monitor into the testing room with me. I mean, everyone else who takes the test gets to bring their pancreas with them, so why can't I bring my artificial one into the room? The response after a lot of back and forth is that I will be able to bring it with me, but now I am officially taking my test with accommodations and will therefore be in a separate room, by myself.
I have some theories as to why they are doing this. Obviously if someone complains that their test shouldn't count because my insulin pump beeped once too often and distracted them, it would be problematic. Maybe the separate room has special cameras pointed at me to make sure I haven't loaded in answers to test questions in my pump monitor? Or, maybe it's because they are concerned that even being near someone checking their blood sugar a few times will make other test takers pass out?
Still though, makes me feel like a little like a social pariah... Thoughts?
I have some theories as to why they are doing this. Obviously if someone complains that their test shouldn't count because my insulin pump beeped once too often and distracted them, it would be problematic. Maybe the separate room has special cameras pointed at me to make sure I haven't loaded in answers to test questions in my pump monitor? Or, maybe it's because they are concerned that even being near someone checking their blood sugar a few times will make other test takers pass out?
Still though, makes me feel like a little like a social pariah... Thoughts?
IDK, I'd be cool with testing in my own room. Less external stimuli to disturb you. Who cares if there are cameras? Does it seem extreme to me? Yea. I mean really. My other thought though is other students may be distracted and then c/o about someone there with some device. . .and "Oh, how potentially unfair." Of course the examiner establishment has to be careful and protect your HIPAA stuff, so they can't share back to those students that may potentially c/o or call or write, and say to them "Shut the *&% up. That student had an insulin pump you idiots." LOL. Point is, it protects you, them, and other people that may have an issue with it for one reason or another.
Here's rooting for you that you kick butt on your boards exam!!!!
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I have a really bad fear of bedbugs and it stemmed from fleas. Infestations of any kind are absolutely horrible. I hope it gets better for you and this worked. From what I've researched heat seems to be a good treatment. Even when I knew we were free of fleas I still worried they were there. Same with hotels after I rip apart everything.
Edit: And I feel crappy about math...just waiting for my test to be graded so I can see if it's worth continuing or dropping and pushing back again and losing all the money from books + web stuff...
QofQuimica
Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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I was going to say, I'm preparing for boards too, and I would love to be able to take them in my own private room!
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Not crappy but a bit angry - first Orgo test is tomorrow and our professor sprung the beginnings of mechanisms on us a week before the test (without much explanation). Come to find out from the practice exams that yes, these are a big part of the test, and they constitute a large question on the last page. All the students are furiously working through the practice problems but there are only 2. My reaction to seeing the practice exam answers.
QofQuimica
Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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Haha, thanks. Though at this level, C = BC (board certified).Good luck! So rooting for you too Q; but yes. No worries. You will kick butt!
Is it bad if I admit that my strongest motivation for studying is how freaking expensive the exam fees are? The university is going to reimburse me (some day, if I live long enough), but still. No way I want to pay to take this sucker twice!
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