Would you female doctors every date or marry a guy who wasn't a doctor? Likely?

[eklope2000]

Yes, I would have agreed with your two points when I was musing about this in theory. I now know from personal experience that an MD doesn't guarantee these things or some of the other benefits you might expect from having a wife who is also a doctor. My experience:

Physician wife means she's stressed out more at work, more likely to be demanding self-centered and affection seeking at home

She may cognitively realize that anything she is experiencing, you're going through in your own work but her needs are still her needs, while u as a man are likely to just suck it up and compartmentalize your own stress

Money? Would have thought a fellow female physician with nearly exactly the same salary would be less likely to demand uneven spending in her favor according to laws of chivalry.... Wrong! Have you ever heard "my money is my money and his money is our money"?

You really are better off finding a traditional girl who doesn't make much. Youre going to pay anyway, at least this way your wife might actually help or do her fair share of household work while you make the big money outside the home and she is likely to see your career as a priority and treat you right.

This is understandable but here are the positives

1-Less nagging hopefully, cause she would understand how busy I am or she would be too busy herself to nag (this may be wishful thinking on my end)-There is a reason why many medical professions have high divorce rates (especially for surgeons)
2-Combined income I like nice things

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[Therapist4Chnge]

The last 3 women I've dated have all been in healthcare (PA, MD, and MD/Ph.D.), and I never had to explain when I ran late or I had to reschedule, that was a nice change. The one area it stinks is when you are on opposite schedules. One of the women I dated never got out before 12am-1am, and I typically had to go in at 7am-8am, that wasn't ideal.

 

[touchadream]

I would only date a female doctor, they are the only ones smart enough for me.

Where does one start with a post like this?

Did you mean short enough?

 

[MajinVegeta]

im a celebrity, and i refuse to date or marry anybody that is NOT a celebrity....

 

[asianbunny]

Honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying a man who isn't a doctor, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't marry a man who makes less money than me.

 

[notreallyadoc]

so........ you ladies wouldnt mind dating a guy who worked in finance, or on wall street, is a corporate lawyer, or is a successful entreprenuer?

cause judging by society and OWS protests, i dont see anyone complaining about doctors (despite some who scam millions out of medicare), but it's always hatred towards finance people and corporate attorneys.

my original question also touched on the general social hate towards people in such professions. and would your parents be pissed after learning you're dating some "wall street guy"?

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I wouldn't mind dating anyone, regardless of profession, as long as they were hard workers and dedicated. I'll be making enough eventually for myself, so salary isn't important, just work ethic and being happy in the job. You sound like you are putting far, far too much emphasis on your potential mate's level of "prestige" or earning capability.

I also would not give two flying *****s what my parents thought. But then again, I'm likely older than you.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I DEFINITELY wouldn't marry a man who makes less money than me.

Why is that such an issue? That's one of the stupidest reasons for weeding out dates/relationships that I have ever heard.

 

[notreallyadoc]

I wouldn't mind dating anyone, regardless of profession, as long as they were hard workers and dedicated. I'll be making enough eventually for myself, so salary isn't important, just work ethic and being happy in the job. You sound like you are putting far, far too much emphasis on your potential mate's level of "prestige" or earning capability.

I also would not give two flying *****s what my parents thought. But then again, I'm likely older than you.

haha...so .... you aren't turned OFF by guys who work on wall street or corp. law? society's opinion of us these days isnt uh... exactly of "good Samaritan" status...

you're most likely older than me then. im fairly young and graduated college 2 years ago and i work in investment banking on wall street. i make 6 figures and am currently getting my MPH at columbia part time. there's a reason im so into female docs while i dont care much about prestige, i do want a woman who works hard and intelligent and who isn't just dating me because she thinks shes going to find some guy to coast off his earnings for the rest of her life. plus, some med school chicks are extremely sexy

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

haha...so .... you aren't turned OFF by guys who work on wall street or corp. law? society's opinion of us these days isnt uh... exactly of "good Samaritan" status...

you're most likely older than me then. im fairly young and graduated college 2 years ago and i work in investment banking on wall street. i make 6 figures and am currently getting my MPH at columbia part time. there's a reason im so into female docs while i dont care much about prestige, i do want a woman who works hard and intelligent and who isn't just dating me because she thinks shes going to find some guy to coast off his earnings for the rest of her life. plus, some med school chicks are extremely sexy

Nope. I'm not. I would be turned off if he was a greedy person in real life, but I do my damndest not to judge people by their jobs.

I see what you're saying, but you's missing one part - intelligence and work ethic do not automatically equal high earning potential. Motorcycle mechanics and tattoo artists are very talented and intelligent, and have great work ethic (at least all those I have met) but don't earn buckets. While I understand the male fear of gold-diggers, I would focus more on finding an intelligent (and honest) woman whether or not she makes a lot.

 

[flyhi]

I think it is critically important if you are a female doctor to have an SO who can hang socially and intellectually. I don't care if he's a motorcycle mechanic, but he better be able to clean up and hold his own at a dinner party of colleagues, for instance, where there will be plenty of male bonding going on. Being a doctor will open up different doors as far as social circles are concerned and a woman having a piece of arm candy is not exactly the same as the other way around. Unfortunately. And, if he's a motorcycle mechanic, he better have at least finished his bachelor's and potentially graduate school. It's not the disparity in careers that's a problem, it's different social statuses.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I guess I don't feel the need to go to fancy dinner parties where people would judge my husband because he was of lesser "social status" due to not having a certain number of letters after his name and not dropping five-syllable SAT words all the time.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I see what you're saying, but you's missing one part - intelligence and work ethic do not automatically equal high earning potential. Motorcycle mechanics and tattoo artists are very talented and intelligent, and have great work ethic (at least all those I have met) but don't earn buckets. While I understand the male fear of gold-diggers, I would focus more on finding an intelligent (and honest) woman whether or not she makes a lot.

Well said. Gold diggers will make themselves known, though there is something to be said for fishing from the right pier. Intelligence tends to present (or not) quickly, so that should be the focus...and not the money. I know plenty of rich people who have the intellect of a tree stump and the personality dryer than sand.

I think it is critically important if you are a female doctor to have an SO who can hang socially and intellectually.

I could write a book on the mishaps of bringing an innappropriate date to a business function. In my younger years I dated some very vapid women, and I had some trainwreck experiences trying to integrate them into the social side of my professional world.

 

[smq123]

I think it is critically important if you are a female doctor to have an SO who can hang socially and intellectually. I don't care if he's a motorcycle mechanic, but he better be able to clean up and hold his own at a dinner party of colleagues, for instance, where there will be plenty of male bonding going on. Being a doctor will open up different doors as far as social circles are concerned and a woman having a piece of arm candy is not exactly the same as the other way around. Unfortunately. And, if he's a motorcycle mechanic, he better have at least finished his bachelor's and potentially graduate school. It's not the disparity in careers that's a problem, it's different social statuses.

You don't hang out with a lot of doctors, do you? Because when doctors get together, high-brow conversation isn't the norm, for a lot of people.

Most of the recent conversations that I've had with other physicians, in informal settings, have revolved around:

- Football
- The NBA lockout
- Good restaurants, and why steak is awesome
- Droid vs. iPhone
- WTF is wrong with Michelle Bachmann?
- Why we love/hate Starbucks
- Spam vs. ground beef

I think that a motorcycle mechanic would be able to handle those very intellectual conversations.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I could write a book on the mishaps of bringing an innappropriate date to a business function. In my younger years I dated some very vapid women, and I had some trainwreck experiences trying to integrate them into the social side of my professional world.

Agreed, but flyhi was making is sound like if someone didn't have a bachelor's degree or a career of appropriate "status" they would be by definition likely be "vapid", which is painting with a very board brush. No one wants to date a idiot, but just because someone doesn't make as much money as you or have as many degrees as you doesn't make them inferior.

My SO "just" has a bachelors degree (programming/biostat). GASP! I am WhtsThFrequency MS, DVM, soon-to-be DACVP and PhD. We're 29 and 27 years old, respectively. He can most definitely hold his own in intellectual conversation and my "doctor crowd" loves him. Another colleague of mine with similar credentials is married to a high school English teacher. It's not about the degree. It's about the person, their innate brain, and work ethic.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Most of the recent conversations that I've had with other physicians, in informal settings, have revolved around:

- Football
- The NBA lockout
- Good restaurants, and why steak is awesome
- Droid vs. iPhone
- WTF is wrong with Michelle Bachmann?
- Why we love/hate Starbucks
- Spam vs. ground beef

Indeed. Pretty much the same here, although discussions on 80s music and playing Jenga also occur sporadically.

 

[jdh71]

I think it is critically important if you are a female doctor to have an SO who can hang socially and intellectually. I don't care if he's a motorcycle mechanic, but he better be able to clean up and hold his own at a dinner party of colleagues, for instance, where there will be plenty of male bonding going on. Being a doctor will open up different doors as far as social circles are concerned and a woman having a piece of arm candy is not exactly the same as the other way around. Unfortunately. And, if he's a motorcycle mechanic, he better have at least finished his bachelor's and potentially graduate school. It's not the disparity in careers that's a problem, it's different social statuses.

lolwut?!

Social status?

I don't think I'd like you in real life. I defintely wouldn't invite you to my parties. You wouldn't like my kind of crowd with all of your "social status" snobbery. You're a bad person.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I defintely wouldn't invite you to my parties.

By the way, sorry I didn't get rid of that dead hooker last party. I'll do better next time.

 

[jdh71]

By the way, sorry I didn't get rid of that dead hooker last party. I'll do better next time.

Yeah, I know. I don't mind if you feel like killing one, but you've got to get rid of that ****. Leaving it to the host of the party is really, really faux pas.

 

[UES Girl]

Well said. Gold diggers will make themselves known..............d.

Ok, I did not want to do it but you practically asked for it and you don't need Dalls photographic memory to remember this post from yesterday :

Who am I kidding...I'm going to marry rich and be a stay at home dad!!

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Ok, I did not want to do it but you practically asked for it and you don't need Dalls photographic memory to remember this post from yesterday :

Trust fund girls seem to love me, but knowing my luck...I'll marry an in debt kindergarden teacher who has horrible credit. I've tried to not date Trustafarians, but they can be sneaky! The latest was complaining about how badly she gets paid as a teacher, but she let slip she has $25k+ sitting in her "fun money" account. It must be a tough life!

 

[plumhill]

I married an engineer who loves to cook and clean. He works 40 hours/week and I come home to a delicious dinner on most weeknights. I am very happy to have married outside of medicine--it really helps keep things in perspective.

Engineer husbands are the best [well I'm engaged to an electrical engineer so he's not my hubby yet...but he's been PHENOMENAL in supporting my crazy schedule. And he cooks and does dishes!]

 

[desklamp]

Honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying a man who isn't a doctor, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't marry a man who makes less money than me.

i know this is an old post but...

O_O

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Engineer husbands are the best [well I'm engaged to an electrical engineer so he's not my hubby yet...but he's been PHENOMENAL in supporting my crazy schedule. And he cooks and does dishes!]

....and they can FIX stuff!!

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Engineer husbands are the best [well I'm engaged to an electrical engineer so he's not my hubby yet...but he's been PHENOMENAL in supporting my crazy schedule. And he cooks and does dishes!]

 

[Special Delivery]

Honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying a man who isn't a doctor, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't marry a man who makes less money than me.

i know this is an old post but...

O_O

She probably has had a bad experience with one guy who was lazy, and now is determined to never let it happen again, hence the statement. At least, I hope that's the case when her future CEO husband's company goes south and he gets laid off... because wouldn't she then want to kick him to the curb?

And asianbunny, what happens when you find the man of your dreams and he says, "If I'm making plenty of money, then there's no reason for you to be putting in such long hours. I want you home with the kids and to keep house, and look goooooood when I come home from a long day dominating corporate America."

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I am married to a non-health person, my friend who is also a woman-physician is married to a non-health person, and my mentor who is a male-physician is married to a non-health person. So, I'm going to go with yes... Additionally, the women I met in interviews were frequently dating or married to non-health people. It usually isn't our perception of the man, it is the man's perception of us that causes problems. Case in point: my ex-husband couldn't even tolerate that I had a BS degree and he didn't. If I were to have been a physician and he wasn't even a college graduate it would have killed him because I was 'smarter than him'. Additionally, a PhD woman friend I know had the same problems, she had a PhD and her ex-husband would flip out about it. So, as long as the guy is secure enough in himself to date a doctor, I'm going to say it's all good

 

[Boom Roasted]

Prestige is not a simple linear scale. How does the prestige of a first violinist in a professional symphony orchestra compare to a doctor? How about a city councilman? A small business owner? A stage actor who regularly plays leading roles for professional theater companies? An assistant district attorney? Competitive catamaran sailor? All of these people probably make less money than a typical specialist doctor (possibly excepting the business owner, if his business is particularly successful), but all of them may, in their own professional world, be considered more prestigious.

Interesting comment. My fiance is a doc and she referred me to these threads for some interesting discussion. I'm a business exec.

I'm amused by how many of my wife's male colleagues think their profession is the center of the universe. I think they would be suprised to hear what some of the engineers at GE or Medtronic actually think of the average doc's intelligence.

I found female docs to have a little bit more common sense. Not sure if anyone else has had a similar experience - maybe an unfair generalization.

 

[touchpause13]

female pre-med here
my fiance is a chemical engineer
personally i think it works really well for us because we are both science minded and appericate each others intellect in our respective fields without getting competitive.
the prospect of 2 6-figure salaries is also pretty rad

 

[QofQuimica]

If I insisted on only being with guys who have as much education as I have (BA, two MSes, MD, and PhD), it would make for an awfully lonely social life.

When you're new to the love game, you inevitably start out snobby about something or other that you think every potential partner just has to have. Maybe you're snobby about how they look. Maybe you're snobby about how much money they make. Maybe you're snobby about how high their social status is. In my case, I was snobby about how intellectual they were. After a while, I started to realize that all those intellectual arguments stopped being so much fun when they devolved into arguing over whose turn it was to wash the dishes or take out the trash. The same is true for all the other snobberies. The good looks fade, or you see someone else who looks better, or is richer, or is of higher social status. After that, what's left?

One of the great advantages to having screwed up a serious relationship or marriage once is that it gives you a chance to learn and hopefully do a better job at finding a compatible partner the next time around. The blue collar boyfriend I have now is never someone I would have picked twenty years ago when I was in college, but I'm a lot happier now with him than I was then with my brilliant ex.

 

[cheruka]

Engineers are great! Mine works out of home so he can spend more time with our kid. He is smart, makes a good living for us. He takes our son to school, extra curricular activities etc. To me he is smarter than me because he makes good money with just an undergrad in computer engineer and has flexible work schedule

 

[kgpremed11]

Sadly I think female physicans date whatever they can get. The thing the they are valued for in society "youth, beauty, and fertility" have started to decline once a female is a resident or attending. This may seem harsh, but women are just NOT valued for the same things men are which is status, career, earning potential, etc.

 

[HughMyron]

You realize there are men (such as myself) who don't mind having a less prestigious or less lucrative career than their wives? In fact, there are many men happily married to such women.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind marrying a wealthy heiress, then getting the money when her dad dies.


That's about it though. If I were a teacher or something, I would feel really bad about marrying a female doctor. She would probably resent me too, thinking of me as some kind of parasite who lives off her salary.

I don't think that a marriage can work out when a woman makes significantly more than the man. I feel really sad to say that, but let's be honest here. Society prizes men with money and status. If you have less of that than your wife, then people will think you're a loser, and your wife will eventually start to think that way too.

This is why being a stay-at-home mom is totally fine, but being a stay-at-home dad is seen as a mark of shame.

 

[SpaceLeftBlank]

SO...would any of you attractive independent female doctors ever consider dating or even marrying someone who wasn't a doctor?!

My wife did.

 

[touchpause13]

Yeah, I wouldn't mind marrying a wealthy heiress, then getting the money when her dad dies.


That's about it though. If I were a teacher or something, I would feel really bad about marrying a female doctor. She would probably resent me too, thinking of me as some kind of parasite who lives off her salary.

I don't think that a marriage can work out when a woman makes significantly more than the man. I feel really sad to say that, but let's be honest here. Society prizes men with money and status. If you have less of that than your wife, then people will think you're a loser, and your wife will eventually start to think that way too.

This is why being a stay-at-home mom is totally fine, but being a stay-at-home dad is seen as a mark of shame.

I don't see why it can't work... pretty sure cabinbuilder's hubby is a CNA for example. You just have to stop giving a damn what society thinks and do you. Marriage is about people, not net worth.
And the whole stay at home parent stigma is more about sexism than anything else (things that were traditionally seen as women's work are devalued, so when men do them it is emasculating, they are seen as less of a man by general society.)
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[touchpause13]

....and they can FIX stuff!!

I know right!!

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[HughMyron]

I don't see why it can't work... pretty sure cabinbuilder's hubby is a CNA for example. You just have to stop giving a damn what society thinks and do you. Marriage is about people, not net worth.
And the whole stay at home parent stigma is more about sexism than anything else (things that were traditionally seen as women's work are devalued, so when men do them it is emasculating, they are seen as less of a man by general society.)
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Eh, that's kinda true, sadly. Things that are seen as "women's work" are less valued or prestigious. For example, I'm pretty sure that in the UK, OB/GYN is a male-dominated specialty, and is considered highly prestigious and competitive. Here, OB/GYN is a female-dominated specialty that is low prestige, low competitiveness.

Aside from that, at this point, I'm a man (kid?), and I'm going to med school. And I'll be totally happy if I'm a family physician and my wife is a dermatologist. But would I be happy if I was a fry cook and my wife was a lawyer?

 

[Loptometriste]

I'm going for an OD not MD so not as prestigious in your book but I am married to a hard working dedicated dairy farmer.

 

[phant0m0o0o]

I like all these stipulations. What happened to marrying for love. Weirdo's.

 

[HughMyron]

I like all these stipulations. What happened to marrying for love. Weirdo's.

Stupid idea just to marry for "love." What happens 20 years later when you're tired and fed up of each other? Where's your "love" now?

 

[phant0m0o0o]

Stupid idea just to marry for "love." What happens 20 years later when you're tired and fed up of each other? Where's your "love" now?

That sounds awfully cynical. I am at 15 years and we get tired, fed up and into arguments but we overcome them with love, good communication and the willingness to equally accept responsibility. Also helps that we are still mutually and unconditionally in love with each other. Anytime you have preconceived notions in your head you are hurting yourself in finding someone truly compatible.

 

[touchpause13]

He jelly.

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[HughMyron]

That sounds awfully cynical. I am at 15 years and we get tired, fed up and into arguments but we overcome them with love, good communication and the willingness to equally accept responsibility. Also helps that we are still mutually and unconditionally in love with each other. Anytime you have preconceived notions in your head you are hurting yourself in finding someone truly compatible.

I don't believe that unconditional love exists. If it does, I've never experienced it, except from my beloved Scottish Terrier. Well, technically his love is conditional, but his "conditions" are a lamb jerky treat, a short walk, and some cuddling, so...

 

[touchpause13]

Sounds really depressing to b you

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[pdxhopeful]

Not planning to ever marry, but if I do my choice would have nothing to do with whether he was a doc or not. It'd be 90% about his attitude and values. Not wasting my time on a guy who is threatened by my career, unsupportive of it, isn't curious about the world, just generally a jerk, etc.

FWIW, my dad's best friend since elementary school is a (now retired) high school teacher married to a female cardiothoracic surgeon who makes over a million a year due to her part ownership of the practice she works at.. They basically live on double his salary, and the rest goes to trips, the kids' college funds, investments, and major purchases like cars. Works out very well for them - been together 40 + years, and as happy as ever!

 

[OptimisticGirl]

Not planning to ever marry, but if I do my choice would have nothing to do with whether he was a doc or not. It'd be 90% about his attitude and values. Not wasting my time on a guy who is threatened by my career, unsupportive of it, isn't curious about the world, just generally a jerk, etc.

FWIW, my dad's best friend since elementary school is a (now retired) high school teacher married to a female cardiothoracic surgeon who makes over a million a year due to her part ownership of the practice she works at.. They basically live on double his salary, and the rest goes to trips, the kids' college funds, investments, and major purchases like cars. Works out very well for them - been together 40 + years, and as happy as ever!

100% this. Though, in real life, I have never felt like I scared away a guy because I am intelligent/career-motivated. Not sure if it is the area I live in...which is pretty progressive/liberal... But I've also found that if you're generally kind and reasonably attractive as a female, you won't have too much trouble finding a good guy regardless of how career-driven you are.

 

[HughMyron]

I'll play Devil's Advocate here. I would not be comfortable marrying a woman in a field such as surgery/biglaw/ibanking/etc who did nothing but work 80+ hrs/week. It's not because "durrrrrr women should stay home durrrrrrr." It's because it's clear that this woman values money, ambition, and career advancement more than anything. In contrast, I value things like personal health, children, pets, love, and happiness. So I'm pretty sure that a marriage between me and a career freak would end badly.

 

[OptimisticGirl]

I'll play Devil's Advocate here. I would not be comfortable marrying a woman in a field such as surgery/biglaw/ibanking/etc who did nothing but work 80+ hrs/week. It's not because "durrrrrr women should stay home durrrrrrr." It's because it's clear that this woman values money, ambition, and career advancement more than anything. In contrast, I value things like personal health, children, pets, love, and happiness. So I'm pretty sure that a marriage between me and a career freak would end badly.

Sure, I agree with you. I value things like that too, and would not want to marry someone who works 80+ hours a week, or even 60+ for that matter. Personally I am aiming for a lifestyle-friendly specialty, not necessarily because I want to be a wife/mom, but because even if that doesn't happen for me, there is still so much I want to do in life outside of work.

 

[SpaceLeftBlank]

I'll play Devil's Advocate here. I would not be comfortable marrying a woman in a field such as surgery/biglaw/ibanking/etc who did nothing but work 80+ hrs/week. It's not because "durrrrrr women should stay home durrrrrrr." It's because it's clear that this woman values money, ambition, and career advancement more than anything. In contrast, I value things like personal health, children, pets, love, and happiness. So I'm pretty sure that a marriage between me and a career freak would end badly.

And yet you'd like to go into medicine yourself, which is more likely than most careers to require you work 80+ hours per week, etc. What makes you think that you can value the things you value and still pursue a career as a physician, but a woman who does the same thing must necessarily value only money, ambition, and career advancement?

 

[touchpause13]

And yet you'd like to go into medicine yourself, which is more likely than most careers to require you work 80+ hours per week, etc. What makes you think that you can value the things you value and still pursue a career as a physician, but a woman who does the same thing must necessarily value only money, ambition, and career advancement?

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