Young black men who are pre-med or med students, why is it so hard to date???

[sillyrabbit0207]

I do allot of things alone and it's fine. Outdoor activities, hiking, biking, swimming, learning an instrument, going to concerts, taking dance classes...ball room, Latin,etc..there's things you can do out of the house and by yourself and have fun!

um... thats not encouraging at all.. nobody wants to spend their life alone..

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[sillyrabbit0207]

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[ModyzMalak]

um... thats not encouraging at all.. nobody wants to spend their life alone..

But why? We are born alone and will die alone. You may prefer to have someone with you of course but my point is it's not the end of the world if you don't. Just a different viewpoint I guess.

 

[Copernicium]

im a little late, but quite honestly.. i thought i was the only one who had this concern, and i considered an hbcu for this sole reason.

As long as we're all being honest, I've had these same thoughts and concerns as well

 

[drdang92]

I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. I, like the rest of my black male classmates date outside of school because of the slim pickings at my school. There is no one in my class (I am second year) who I am attracted to. I principally used POF and, gasp, Craigslist to find dates during my first year. I had some success getting dates but no success getting a long term girlfriend. I dumped these sites and started approaching women at school and events; I found myself utterly surprised by the number of women who agreed to go out with me. If you are having trouble dating examine yourself. Are you in shape? Do you smile? Do you appear confident (good posture, unwavering glare, clear voice)? Do you even meet women who you are attracted to? Do you look good(hair cut, clean teeth, clean clothes)?

I used to moan and complain about not being able to get a girlfriend but you have to recognize the problem rests within. First and foremost, make yourself as attractive as possible to women. I think most of my success came from good posture, smiling, dressing nice and being hygienic. Create a gym schedule and eat healthy. When I gained 20 pounds of muscle(from a strict weightlifting routine coupled with a high protein diet) I found a lot of females commenting on my body and asking me for workout advice. Secondly, put yourself in a position to meet the women who you are interested in; try to commit to a number of outings per week. Go to first Friday or Saturday events at libraries and museums. Go to bars near universities. Look at meetup groups and free concerts as your highway to finding single women.

At the end of the day, nothing is going to be gained from griping on the internet about how "sisters" don't give you a chance. Create your own chances.

Also, haha, if any females are looking for a guy in NYC... send me a pm.

So would you say there are very few available good looking black females at the 'professional level' in NYC? I recently broke up with my gf because I felt she wasn't as motivated as me in life (struggled through undergrad and has no plans of advancing past her B.A. in sociology). I was hoping to meet someone while at med school in the city. Not necessarily a physician, but maybe a someone studying to be pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, veterinarian? Are the black girls in these programs usually more attractive?

 

[deleted480308]

So would you say there are very few available good looking black females at the 'professional level' in NYC? I recently broke up with my gf because I felt she wasn't as motivated as me in life (struggled through undergrad and has no plans of advancing past her B.A. in sociology). I was hoping to meet someone while at med school in the city. Not necessarily a physician, but maybe a someone studying to be pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, veterinarian? Are the black girls in these programs usually more attractive?

education level in inversely related to average BMI so you'll find the more you deal with educated professionals, the more likely they are to be in shape

 

[tartesos]

The problem I highlighted in my previous post is that it seems like race does influence people's decision on whether or not to initiate a conversation with a woman (cat-calling not included). How is a woman supposed to get a boyfriend or husband when no one will even converse with her because society assumes that she has a particular personality and is by default ugly? It is a very depressing position to be in when it feels like the world hates you. I dislike the strong, black archetype, it is killing our collective image. Everyone is an individual and has their own obstacles to overcome, so a whole race of women cannot be given this title. Additionally, this epithet usually has a negative connotation that conjures up the image of a fat, loud, arrogant woman. The example you gave, showcases one aggressive woman with loose morals. I personally do not hit on guys and once I find out a man is in a relationship, I respect him as my peer/coworker/classmate, but I do not find him attractive as a potential partner. During my freshman year, I had a guy friend with whom I ate supper every night. My guy friend later connected with one of my female friends from high school. After winter break, my guy friend and the girl started dating. This guy and I had a laid-back friendship based on physical, inside jokes but once he started dating my friend, I kept my distance out of respect for my friend. I guess in this situation race and weight played a role. My guy friend is of Asian heritage and made comments about preferring light skin and his girlfriend is Hispanic and a size two. I can always restrict calories and exercise until I reach a size two, but I cannot change my skin color or hair texture. If deep down in your heart, you can say that race does not matter then, I will walk away from this forum with a renewed sense of hope.

I hope you found love by now!
If not don't loose hope.

 

[drdang92]

education level in inversely related to average BMI so you'll find the more you deal with educated professionals, the more likely they are to be in shape

I've noticed this a lot. But 'in shape' doesn't necessarily mean 'attractive'

 

[deleted480308]

I've noticed this a lot. But 'in shape' doesn't necessarily mean 'attractive'

I don't know what you want from me...I gave you the most relevant statistical information that exists

 

[Dr.Keem]

education level in inversely related to average BMI so you'll find the more you deal with educated professionals, the more likely they are to be in shape

I wish I could like this twice lol

 

[Dr.Keem]

So would you say there are very few available good looking black females at the 'professional level' in NYC? I recently broke up with my gf because I felt she wasn't as motivated as me in life (struggled through undergrad and has no plans of advancing past her B.A. in sociology). I was hoping to meet someone while at med school in the city. Not necessarily a physician, but maybe a someone studying to be pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, veterinarian? Are the black girls in these programs usually more attractive?

The "professional level" is more than just pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, and veterinarians. If time permits, try going outside your circle and look for females in other areas beside health. New York is probably the most diverse place I've ever been in terms of females ,next to DC,so I'm sure they're out there.

 

[drdang92]

I don't know what you want from me...I gave you the most relevant statistical information that exists

I'm appreciative of this.

The "professional level" is more than just pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, and veterinarians. If time permits, try going outside your circle and look for females in other areas beside health. New York is probably the most diverse place I've ever been in terms of females ,next to DC,so I'm sure they're out there.

Thanks for the info, I'll definitely make an effort to do so.

 

[tartesos]

im a little late, but quite honestly.. i thought i was the only one who had this concern, and i considered an hbcu for this sole reason.

So why can you only date black women? Why is race important in 2015?
I understand not wanting to date fat, but race?

I wish I could say this short but it's impossible so I'll leave it at that.

 

[deleted480308]

People like what they like...

 

[Eokpar02]

So would you say there are very few available good looking black females at the 'professional level' in NYC? I recently broke up with my gf because I felt she wasn't as motivated as me in life (struggled through undergrad and has no plans of advancing past her B.A. in sociology). I was hoping to meet someone while at med school in the city. Not necessarily a physician, but maybe a someone studying to be pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, veterinarian? Are the black girls in these programs usually more attractive?

There are a lot of beautiful black women in the NYC. Over the summer, when I was dating like crazy, I had no problem getting digits/dates from gorgeous black women. Personally, I think if you are in good shape, speak well and smile (helps to be 6'0" or taller as well) you will have no problem getting black chicks in the city. During the warmer months, I would walk around "uptown" and get numbers from girls off the street. It really is that good in the city (at least for me).

 

[Nija2021]

None of your issues, nvnme, are unique to black male pre meds, and I think that was the purpose of this thread.

It's hard for us to date because we like intellectual women, well most of us. The vast majority of black intellectual females are weary of dating a black man, especially one who is educated. They stereotype black men the same way non-black people do. Other non-black intellectual women aren't used to interacting with, let alone dating a black man. We aren't "hood" enough nor are we "white" enough to fit snugly in anywhere. Oh well, can't please everyone!

hmmmm, I dont know how true that exactly is. alot of black women want educated black men and sometimes it may feel like the good ones out there want anything but black women.

 

[Nija2021]

So why can you only date black women? Why is race important in 2015?
I understand not wanting to date fat, but race?

I wish I could say this short but it's impossible so I'll leave it at that.

There are a lot of beautiful black women in the NYC. Over the summer, when I was dating like crazy, I had no problem getting digits/dates from gorgeous black women. Personally, I think if you are in good shape, speak well and smile (helps to be 6'0" or taller as well) you will have no problem getting black chicks in the city. During the warmer months, I would walk around "uptown" and get numbers from girls off the street. It really is that good in the city (at least for me).

I def agree, me being one lol jk. but I think finding someone happens when you least expect it. But don't forget in the bibe it says " when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing" so get out there and start living and you'll find her and she'll find you

 

[Nija2021]

As long as we're all being honest, I've had these same thoughts and concerns as well

I think it's hard finding a sucessful, pre- med black man

 

[deleted480308]

I think it's hard finding a sucessful, pre- med black man

That's because premeds aren't succesful. There is no requirement to declaring yourself a premed, it isn't an accomplishment.

Look around med school when you get there, or some of their other grad programs (law/PA/pharm/etc) those men/women are successful

 

[drdang92]

There are a lot of beautiful black women in the NYC. Over the summer, when I was dating like crazy, I had no problem getting digits/dates from gorgeous black women. Personally, I think if you are in good shape, speak well and smile (helps to be 6'0" or taller as well) you will have no problem getting black chicks in the city. During the warmer months, I would walk around "uptown" and get numbers from girls off the street. It really is that good in the city (at least for me).

Girls off the street??

 

[drdang92]

hmmmm, I dont know how true that exactly is. alot of black women want educated black men and sometimes it may feel like the good ones out there want anything but black women.

I know plenty of successful black men like myself who say it's hard to find successful attractive women willing to date black men and if they do, they are more willing to go after the cool 'thuggish' types.

 

[Eokpar02]

Girls off the street??

I am visual creature. If I see an attractive female, who returns my gaze or smiles at me, I will walk over to her, and say "good afternoon/good morning/good evening, you look gorgeous today, my name is XYZ, what is your name?" It has worked far more than it has failed me. If a girl rejects me, its not the end of the world. I have stopped this practice because of the winter and the my upcoming board exams.

 

[Nija2021]

I know plenty of successful black men like myself who say it's hard to find successful attractive women willing to date black men and if they do, they are more willing to go after the cool 'thuggish' types.

Well perhaps I'm speaking of myself primarily but I never been attracted by "thuggish ways" maybe be street smart but that's teo different concepts you gotta be book smart and street smart. With today's day in age it's hard to find black men in medicine or interested in being a physician. Maybe I'm a dime a dozen but I know there are plenty like minded women like myself.

 

[AlphaBeta<3]

So why can you only date black women? Why is race important in 2015?
I understand not wanting to date fat, but race?

I wish I could say this short but it's impossible so I'll leave it at that.

because we glow in the sun.

But because dating a black person comes with a connection in shared experiences (The Black in America experience) that you can never really achieve with someone who is not black. And maybe because he just loves black women

 

[AlphaBeta<3]

None of your issues, nvnme, are unique to black male pre meds, and I think that was the purpose of this thread.

It's hard for us to date because we like intellectual women, well most of us. The vast majority of black intellectual females are weary of dating a black man, especially one who is educated. They stereotype black men the same way non-black people do. Other non-black intellectual women aren't used to interacting with, let alone dating a black man. We aren't "hood" enough nor are we "white" enough to fit snugly in anywhere. Oh well, can't please everyone!

Where are you getting this info from? You're completely false. Black women always hold down black men

 

[tartesos]

because we glow in the sun.

But because dating a black person comes with a connection in shared experiences (The Black in America experience) that you can never really achieve with someone who is not black. And maybe because he just loves black women

I'snt that fetichiZing black women? When it suits you it's fine then?

Any fixation is bad.


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[AlphaBeta<3]

I started this thread a while ago and erased it because I felt I was just venting. But, I think if you are a young AA male going into medicine, its best to be content being single. Most "educated" black women have extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage, and most white women can't relate to you.

This ist

I'snt that fetichiZing black women? When it suits you it's fine then?

Any fixation is bad.


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Appreciation is not the same as fetishization. Especially if it's from your own race. He doesn't like black women because they're seen as exotic and taboo, he likes them because he can relate to them as a black man.

 

[psychMDhopefully]

So would you say there are very few available good looking black females at the 'professional level' in NYC? I recently broke up with my gf because I felt she wasn't as motivated as me in life (struggled through undergrad and has no plans of advancing past her B.A. in sociology). I was hoping to meet someone while at med school in the city. Not necessarily a physician, but maybe a someone studying to be pharmacist, physical therapist, dentist, veterinarian? Are the black girls in these programs usually more attractive?

lol good luck

 

[psychMDhopefully]

As a young black man in medical school this thread is so depressing, at the end of the day it really is hard to find someone you are attracted to that feels the same way about you, no matter what color they are. White people have an easier time dating because there are just MORE of them that have their live together, ie educated, not overweight and without baby mommas and baby daddies everywhere. And of course you can always date outside of your race, but that comes with another set of challenges and you can't tell who is or who isn't into interracial dating, and people aren't as into it as everybody claims. The media makes it seem way more common than it actually is, approach 20-25 white girls and maybe 1-2 would date a black dude, if they do the relationship is usually awkward a lot because everyone is walking on eggshells trying not to say anything offensive.

 

[Jimmy B]

I know plenty of successful black men like myself who say it's hard to find successful attractive women willing to date black men and if they do, they are more willing to go after the cool 'thuggish' types.

I agree-I've seen this happen a lot

 

[720606]

Honestly, let's just make sure WE are dateable/marriable people and the one God has for us will come....

 

[ElliTAMU]

I mean clearly there is an issue here. You can't sit there and pretend that what we are talking about doesn't exist, don't be ignorant, we're all very smart people. While it may be true that YOU don't have this problem or even that this isn't an issue at your school (which I doubt), this is a huge issue in most places. Trust me I hear AA males venting about it everywhere I go. I feel that what you experience is the exception, not the rule. I find in most cases that AA women are threatened by a AA man who can challenge them intellectually. It's almost as if they would prefer to date a person whom is less refined who they can dominate intellectually, in this way they retain a sense of power.

Whoever you are, you are so full of ****zzzzzz. Sounds like to me you are the one who has lots of baggage. Go far away please!

 

[720606]

I mean clearly there is an issue here. You can't sit there and pretend that what we are talking about doesn't exist, don't be ignorant, we're all very smart people. While it may be true that YOU don't have this problem or even that this isn't an issue at your school (which I doubt), this is a huge issue in most places. Trust me I hear AA males venting about it everywhere I go. I feel that what you experience is the exception, not the rule. I find in most cases that AA women are threatened by a AA man who can challenge them intellectually. It's almost as if they would prefer to date a person whom is less refined who they can dominate intellectually, in this way they retain a sense of power.

In my opinion (as an African lady) I am actually rather attracted to an intelligent african man. In fact, that's exactly what I pray for in a husband. Why have someone you cannot have an intelligent conversation with? And I am certainly not alone on that opinon. I don't know who you have been talking to, but it sounds like a lot of guys that are trying to blame the female for their love woes (in my opinion, of course).

 

[720606]

haha don't be embarrassed, I'm Nigerian and I ain't ashamed!

+1

 

[720606]

Ok, any other black women, your ideal black man???

Fears God, intelligent, serious, yoruba, respects his family, and taller than 5'9".

 

[720606]

I went to a majority white med school, but happened to be part of the largest group of blacks they ever accepted, 15 people. Out of all of us 3 were male and I'm sure this situation is played out everyone. I came into medschool married but was the minority in that respect out of all 15 people. What I noticed was that there were 2 types of blacks: 1) The person who was looking for someone to date, but honestly couldn't find one that wasn't weird or taken or promiscuous 2) The person that says, "I need to focus on my studies and can't possibly balance a relationship right now". Then by the time they are ready, all the good people to date are gone. Unfortunately I felt that most people were #2's. I was always a bit different, and felt that being in a stable relationship helped me to focus more on my studies because I didn't have to run around looking for "fun". It probably helps to be in cities where there are a lot of professionals who are minorities so that you can branch out of your medical field to date other people. Just my .02.

I'm pretty sure I'm a #2....

 

[drhopeful2018]

I'm a #2 as well! I keep telling myself I'll just wait until I'm in med school to find my person

 

[Chromium Surfer]

Fears God, intelligent, serious, yoruba, respects his family, and taller than 5'9".

All of those pertain to me, except I think I am exactly 5'9''

 

[720606]

All of those pertain to me, except I think I am exactly 5'9''

Lol, I only said 5'9" because I'm 5'8" or so...
Nice to meet you, Chromium Surfer.

 

[tartesos]

Lol, I only said 5'9" because I'm 5'8" or so...
Nice to meet you, Chromium Surfer.

Love in the making!! Carry on and may God bless this Union.
Pm and get to know each other, wouldn't be the first time love is found here!


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[drhopeful2018]

Love in the making!! Carry on and may God bless this Union.
Pm and get to know each other, wouldn't be the first time love is found here!


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People have found love on here?!!

 

[tartesos]

People have found love on here?!!

Yes!!


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[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

That's so cute
Didn't know lol found their S.O. on here

 

[sassypenguin]

Doctajay is spot on.

I consider myself an intelligent black woman and I know many other intelligent black women. Many of the black women I knew wanted to date intelligent black men and were simply unable to find them.

For real. I have a friend who is built like a model, cooks like an angel, LOVES sports, has a great personality, is killing it in a great med school.... and still can't find a black man in her school. (Meanwhile I'm built like a potato and am in a long-term relationship. Life is funny.)

Also,:

Fears God, intelligent, serious, yoruba, respects his family, and taller than 5'9".

This describes like 5 guys I went to undergrad with. Well, I should cut that down to 4, because one is in a relationship.

 

[drhopeful2018]

Doctajay is spot on.

I consider myself an intelligent black woman and I know many other intelligent black women. Many of the black women I knew wanted to date intelligent black men and were simply unable to find them.

For real. I have a friend who is built like a model, cooks like an angel, LOVES sports, has a great personality, is killing it in a great med school.... and still can't find a black man in her school. (Meanwhile I'm built like a potato and am in a long-term relationship. Life is funny.)

Also,:


This describes like 5 guys I went to undergrad with. Well, I should cut that down to 4, because one is in a relationship.

I completely agree with you, as an intelligent black woman, it is difficult to find equal counterparts. I've pretty much given up since I'm in my last year of college but maybe there is hope for me in medical school!

 

[Chelsea FC]

Doctajay is spot on.

I consider myself an intelligent black woman and I know many other intelligent black women. Many of the black women I knew wanted to date intelligent black men and were simply unable to find them.

For real. I have a friend who is built like a model, cooks like an angel, LOVES sports, has a great personality, is killing it in a great med school.... and still can't find a black man in her school. (Meanwhile I'm built like a potato and am in a long-term relationship. Life is funny.)

Also,:


This describes like 5 guys I went to undergrad with. Well, I should cut that down to 4, because one is in a relationship.

I completely agree with you, as an intelligent black woman, it is difficult to find equal counterparts. I've pretty much given up since I'm in my last year of college but maybe there is hope for me in medical school!

If I get in I will do my part in alleviating this problem

 

[tartesos]

Doctajay is spot on.

I consider myself an intelligent black woman and I know many other intelligent black women. Many of the black women I knew wanted to date intelligent black men and were simply unable to find them.

For real. I have a friend who is built like a model, cooks like an angel, LOVES sports, has a great personality, is killing it in a great med school.... and still can't find a black man in her school. (Meanwhile I'm built like a potato and am in a long-term relationship. Life is funny.)

Also,:


This describes like 5 guys I went to undergrad with. Well, I should cut that down to 4, because one is in a relationship.

She needs to lower her standards or play the lotto more.
Jk


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[drhopeful2018]

If I get in I will do my part in alleviating this problem

Good

 

[Naijaman24]

Whoa I showed up to this thread late. But I agree that the hustle of a professional life can hamper relationships. I stay away from POF.

 

[zurc2014]

Hard to date? Must be mostly location. Im in Texas and I good. Never had a problem.