Official Accepted Pre-Allo Gunner Advice Thread

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DoctorFunk

Get down with the boogie
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With acceptance season upon us yet again, the annual pilgrimage out of the Pre-Allo to the Allo forum brings with it a glut of threads in which burgeoning gunners seek our sage advice on how to stomp future classmates into submission. I thought we could help them out by compiling the wisdom of the ages into one official thread. I'll begin:

1). It's a little known fact that repressed sexual energy sharpens athletic and academic abilities due to increased hormonal output. If you want Harvard's derm residency lose the girlfriend, drop that lotion, and start memorizing Robbins immediately. Every top 10% medical student knows that foresaking the boo-tay is a small price to pay for AOA.

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Instead of looking at conventional pornography during those long, lonely, test-week nights, look at histological slides of vaginal epithelia.
 
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don't go to class. you don't need friends.
 
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Buy every BRS book in the bookstore and out of the library, forcing students to revert to the slower system of online ordering. You'll be way ahead of the game when their snail mail arrives. Or out of all the books uve purchased and taken out, change the facts around and return them
 
5). Medical students who tell you not to start studying prior to matriculating are simply trying to stab you in the back and depress national board scores. Accordingly, you should start studying now. Ideally you would have started studying as soon as you finished your organic chemistry class because you would be half an MD right now and could just coast through your med school classes with one-hundred percents. Remember, Bob, the pre-med from your physics class? He did that, and now he's going to Johns Hopkins. In fact, he's already got a spot for himself reserved at UCSF's emergency med residency. No worries though, you can always make up for that lost time by applying yourself, putting a little elbow grease into your summer anatomy studies, and dropping that sleep habit.
 
Additionally, it's time that your visceral and physiological needs, such as hygeine, pinching a loaf on the porcelain, food consumption, etc. should either be pervaded by studying time, reduced in time, or eliminated completely. This could provide you with more valuable time to render your grasp on the sciences better than the "normal" medical student.
 
Once the year begins, make sure to get to school at least an hour before class starts so as to read ahead and check out the upcoming professor's slides. That way you can ask questions during lecture and the professor will say, "Good job, <insert name>, I was just about to talk about that." Makes you look cool to the rest of the class (and when I say cool I mean a steaming wet donkey terd).
 
Does your car have a back window? Slap on a med school decal, somewhere between your undergrad one and that old DMB sticker, the only thing you could afford at the show after dropping $65 for the ticket and $20 for that hand-rolled "cig" in the back row.

Have a few more bucks? Get a vanity plate, maybe to match your SDN handle that by now MUST contain the letters "md". BTW, does this somehow separate you from the rest of us, or are you trying to distinguish yourself in the PreMeds forum?
 
Once the year begins, make sure to get to school at least an hour before class starts so as to read ahead and check out the upcoming professor's slides. That way you can ask questions during lecture and the professor will say, "Good job, <insert name>, I was just about to talk about that." Makes you look cool to the rest of the class (and when I say cool I mean a steaming wet donkey terd).

:thumbup: :thumbup:
 
Once the year begins, make sure to get to school at least an hour before class starts so as to read ahead and check out the upcoming professor's slides. That way you can ask questions during lecture and the professor will say, "Good job, <insert name>, I was just about to talk about that." Makes you look cool to the rest of the class (and when I say cool I mean a steaming wet donkey terd).
No, you got it all wrong! You're supposed to research all the material in the lecture, and then ask questions that the professor can't answer. For example, "I just read a JAMA article saying it was <this way>, is that right?" And then your professor will be so impressed that there will be a letter of rec with your name on it.
 
Make sure to stop eating now and sleeping and exercising. You'll need practice. All of your classmates that still value these things are actually just suckers who don't know that a top notch residency requires sacrifice. When you get to medical school, continue this pattern and make fun of everyone who actually does sleep, eat, or exercise.

Make sure that you repeatedly talk about your over 30 MCAT score, because that will really impress all of your classmates (who also had over 30 MCAT scores).
 
Many medical students find that compiling their own study guides full of memorizable information is a great way to organize information for upcoming exams. But if you really want that neurosurgery residency, rearrange the information and send the study guide to your entire class, helping to ensure they easily find their place below you on the exam curve.

Then, when they confront you about the jumbled study guide, blame it on Al Gore and the internets.
 
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actually, and this is a true story, there is someone in my class who has a ridiculously large gold necklace with the gold letters "M.D" hanging off of it. You'd think that might be his initials, but you guessed wrong.
 
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actually, and this is a true story, there is someone in my class who has a ridiculously large gold necklace with the gold letters "M.D" hanging off of it. You'd think that might be his initials, but you guessed wrong.

speechless.
 
Ohhh. the gold chain reminds me of another. What about the caduceus tattoo? Typically around the ankle of men. Of course, it's not quite as conspicuous as the MD on the shoulder, Todd.
 
Ohhh. the gold chain reminds me of another. What about the caduceus tattoo? Typically around the ankle of men. Of course, it's not quite as conspicuous as the MD on the shoulder, Todd.

When I took the MCAT, I noticed some girl had that tattoo. Pretty lame if you ask me.
 
If you can't name all of the extensors and flexors in the limbs by the time you start anatomy you'll never honor
 
Ohhh. the gold chain reminds me of another. What about the caduceus tattoo? Typically around the ankle of men. Of course, it's not quite as conspicuous as the MD on the shoulder, Todd.

2SCRbj04.jpg
 
After each exam, make sure you ask everybody what they got on the test. Don't stop pestering them until they tell you their numerical score. You have to make sure that you did better than everyone else, right? Otherwise, how would you know that you'll be the most competitive student from your school for that derm or integrated plastics residency?

Also, if someone does better on the test than you, be sure to find out which questions they got wrong, and then explain the correct answer to them. They'll surely realize that you're much smarter than them and you were just having a bad day when you took the test. If they didn't get any questions wrong on the test, firebomb their car...they must have cheated.
 
thats been done before in my small groups by an annoying girl. god i wonder if in the interview for med school that they have a "tact" rating
 
After each exam, make sure you ask everybody what they got on the test. Don't stop pestering them until they tell you their numerical score. You have to make sure that you did better than everyone else, right? Otherwise, how would you know that you'll be the most competitive student from your school for that derm or integrated plastics residency?

This still happens to me, even though I don't hang around gunners (or so I think). I think my group of friends got into the habit during first semester when everyone was freaked that they were complete idiots while the rest of the class were geniuses, and it just never went away.

I made a resolution during the summer to stop telling people my score, and usually reply with "I was happy with how things went" or "that was a really tough test" but I still find that often friends won't leave me alone until I tell them my score, even though they can usually guess. As a result, I usually just flip them a hand signal indicating how many questions I got wrong (assuming I have enough fingers). I'm really looking forward to the next test I only miss 1 question. ;)
 
After each exam, make sure you ask everybody what they got on the test. Don't stop pestering them until they tell you their numerical score.

Or, if they really won't tell you, wait 'till their back is turned and flip through to the score sheet on your own.

Yes, there's a guy in my class who does this.
 
Never let another med student see you study, this is a sign of weakness. Pretend you learned all material covered in the first year just by going to the lectures.
 
This still happens to me, even though I don't hang around gunners (or so I think). I think my group of friends got into the habit during first semester when everyone was freaked that they were complete idiots while the rest of the class were geniuses, and it just never went away.

I made a resolution during the summer to stop telling people my score, and usually reply with "I was happy with how things went" or "that was a really tough test" but I still find that often friends won't leave me alone until I tell them my score, even though they can usually guess. As a result, I usually just flip them a hand signal indicating how many questions I got wrong (assuming I have enough fingers). I'm really looking forward to the next test I only miss 1 question. ;)

All of the friends in my little group of study buddies share our scores with each other voluntarily, but it's 'cause we know that everyone is genuinely concerned about each others' performance for that person's sake. Of course, if someone doesn't want to say the number, there's no pressure.
 
hahahahahahaha...ridiculous
 
While doing gross dissections, pimp your lab-mates by asking them asinine questions that you looked up the night before. Also insist that you need more elbow room and frequently make comments about how extraordinary your dissection skills are. Bring in silk sutures and practice tying knots while loudly expressing your desires to be chief of surgery at a top hospital.
 
When you get into med school.....any time you overhear a classmate talking about a subject to another person and they seem a little unclear about it....or they are just sitting quietly and look slightly confused about what they're studying.....make sure you walk over to them and without being asked proceed to rattle off everything you know about the subject and maybe even remind how important it is to know that info for their future as a Doctor.....

I think I have actually vomitted into my mouth a little when people have done this to me or I have seen it done to others.......sucks that I'm too nice of a guy and usually just look up and respond w/ a simple thanks instead of 5 fingers to the face....
 
actually, and this is a true story, there is someone in my class who has a ridiculously large gold necklace with the gold letters "M.D" hanging off of it. You'd think that might be his initials, but you guessed wrong.

:laugh: :laugh: Some people are so clueless.....
 
If the professors are posting the answer sheet the morning after the exam... DON'T GO HOME that night!!! You want to be the first person to see the sheet so you can take it down and rearrange the answers. Better yet, meet the professor in the parking lot as s/he is entering the shool, follow him/her to the office and offer to post the answer sheet yourself. They will be very impressed with how proactive you are towards your education. They might even give you a "Gold Star" ;)
 
steal cadaver parts, sell them to prostitutes and then plant evidence from fellow competitors.
 
If your school has a message board set up in which students can challenge questions, post responses to the challenges that support the professor, citing specific page numbers from the notes and passages from textbooks. This is especially important if said school does not curve the classes at all or even keep tabs of class rank.
 
If your school has a message board set up in which students can challenge questions, post responses to the challenges that support the professor, citing specific page numbers from the notes and passages from textbooks. This is especially important if said school does not curve the classes at all or even keep tabs of class rank.

Ohhh man....that was the worst. A challenge should be between the student with the challenge and the professor. I loved the rants posted in response to those gunners.
 
Ohhh man....that was the worst. A challenge should be between the student with the challenge and the professor. I loved the rants posted in response to those gunners.

I miss the forum where people challenged the professor's integrity based solely on the ability to write a question. It was highly entertaining.
 
With acceptance season upon us yet again, the annual pilgrimage out of the Pre-Allo to the Allo forum brings with it a glut of threads in which burgeoning gunners seek our sage advice on how to stomp future classmates into submission. I thought we could help them out by compiling the wisdom of the ages into one official thread. I'll begin:

1). It's a little known fact that repressed sexual energy sharpens athletic and academic abilities due to increased hormonal output. If you want Harvard's derm residency lose the girlfriend, drop that lotion, and start memorizing Robbins immediately. Every top 10% medical student knows that foresaking the boo-tay is a small price to pay for AOA.

So you're getting honors in every class, dr. celebate?
 
my room mate only cares about scoring higher than me. weird ehh? I have to underestimate how much I study so that she doesn't have an anxiety attack.
 
Instead of looking at conventional pornography during those long, lonely, test-week nights, look at histological slides of vaginal epithelia.

I love this. You're like a sarcastic Yoda!
 
So you're getting honors in every class, dr. celebate?

Well, actually, yes I...hey, wait a minute. Are you implying that yours truly has been walking the proverbial desert of love with nary an oasis in sight?
 
Remember that being paranoid means that you must be doing something good. If you can't see them, they really are talking about you and making sure that you aren't going to get top spots, so in order to make sure you do get the top spot, do the exact same thing back to them...works everytime.

Oh yeah, and make sure you ask questions in lecture...lots and lots of questions, because if you don't know what the lecturer is talking about, then everyone in the lecture hall, must not know what the lecturer is talking about either.
 
Oh yeah, and make sure you ask questions in lecture...lots and lots of questions, because if you don't know what the lecturer is talking about, then everyone in the lecture hall, must not know what the lecturer is talking about either.

Questions like, "What does 'constitutive' mean?"
 
Also, remember:
if you're sitting in lecture, and the professor makes a vague reference to something non-med school related (i.e. Middle Ages art, or military weaponry), don't forget to shoot your hand up and rattle off all you know about the topic, and ask the professor an unanswerable question about it.
Now this one is tough, seeing as how you're already giving up taking a dump and chicken choking to study for med school. But if you want to be a real gunner, you have to study all subjects of every discipline, because this one will really impress your classmates.
 
Well, actually, yes I...hey, wait a minute. Are you implying that yours truly has been walking the proverbial desert of love with nary an oasis in sight?

You are moses to me man.
 
Also, remember:
if you're sitting in lecture, and the professor makes a vague reference to something non-med school related (i.e. Middle Ages art, or military weaponry), don't forget to shoot your hand up and rattle off all you know about the topic, and ask the professor an unanswerable question about it.
Now this one is tough, seeing as how you're already giving up taking a dump and chicken choking to study for med school. But if you want to be a real gunner, you have to study all subjects of every discipline, because this one will really impress your classmates.

What if the professor mentions dating or sex?
 
Thought I would throw some clinical year gunner tips. Gotta start working on these things early you know. ;)

1) Every time a classmate offers a correct explanation or answer be sure to say "actually so and so attending says that is incorrect and that blah blah blah is corrrect." Remever to leave out the fact that this attending knows less about said topic than you do. The point is you can let a classmate be right about something. Being right is of limited quality. If you aren't right than you are wrong. You aint gonna match into Superology by being wrong.

2) Answer other people's pimp questions. It's fun and aserts how dominate you are.

3) Hijack someone else's patient during rounds or conferance. Who care's if they are in the middle of a sentance, you are trying to be superstudent damn it. For instance when a resident or :snickers: fellow medical student is going over the boring HPI you can jump in by screaming out lab values and your treatment plan. Let them know that if they are in the ward they are in your house!

4) Take every chance to let your classmates know how freaking incredible you really are. AIM them when the attending gives you a compliment, text message them when you get a pimp question right, stat page them when you destroy another med student, a PA, a nurse, or a resident with your overwhelming knowledge. If you don't tell people how will they know how great you are?

5) Be an attention *****. You're group is talking about CHF.........screw that you haven't read or had a pt with that yet. Put a stop to that right now. Abruptly change the subject to that rare disease that only you have read about. Remember you gotta be the center of attention at all times.
 
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