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2018-2019 APPIC Internship- Students Who Are Parents

Discussion in 'Psychology [Psy.D. / Ph.D.]' started by ICantStopHittingRefresh, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. affectiveH3art

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    #51 affectiveH3art, Nov 22, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2017
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  3. Psychchick09

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    Not sure! If you search, can you find it? Or if you pm me your name, I can try to add you!
     
  4. feelings_doctor

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    PM @Hawkeye11 @Psychchick09 or me with your name so we can send you an invite, if you'd like to join. Same goes for everyone else if you're ready to take our relationships to the next level ;)
     
    #53 feelings_doctor, Nov 22, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2017
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  5. affectiveH3art

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    I never received a friend invite so you might have added a stranger lol I finally found it and requested!


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  6. Psychchick09

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    Oops! Good to know haha


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  7. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    Ok, I totally lost track of this thread amidst WAY too many alerts and now I'm trying to catch up. PUHLEASE PM me to find me on FB!!! Love this group of amazing mamas!
     
  8. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    UGH, THIS!!! My heart hurts thinking about how much I'm going to miss while on internship. Really hoping you match at the nearby site. I just told my partner that we have to live somewhere close to my site so I'm not commuting too much. I ruled out some sites just because I knew I wouldn't be able to find affordable housing near the site (ahem, San Francisco!).
    Wow. Your perspective is inspiring! I'm so glad we're all connecting and can support one another as we go through all of these challenges.
     
  9. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    Also just realized I've been referencing mamas in this group but want to be inclusive of all parents!
     
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  10. affectiveH3art

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    Where has everyone purchased their suits before? Or where are you searching? I haven't bought one in years! I'm looking for pant suit not skirt.


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  11. calimich

    calimich Assistant Professor
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    not applying for internship, however wanted to voice my support. Papá of a 20 month old girl who was born during postdoc. Unexpected complications kept baby hospitalized for 2 weeks and mom for another month+. I was at a UCC and they were extremely supportive of our family needs. Family friendliness / work-life balance were also top considerations during the job search. IMO, raising a little human is simultaneously the most stressful and rewarding experience of life.

    Wishing y'all confidence and support (and some sleep) during the application process!
     
  12. PhDPlz2011

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    Hi all! Just wanted to offer a word of support. I have a daughter, now 3, who was 1.5 when I did my internship interviews. It was my first time being away from her and I was lucky to have several interviews so I ended up spending several nights away. I was also still pumping at that time. It all went so much better than I anticipated--yes, I missed her A LOT, but she was 100% fine with her dad and it was kind of nice to really dig in to my professional identity again. There was one interview that they came with me for, and that was nice too but was actually more stressful because of all the logistical issues that go along with family travel. In terms of pumping, most internship interview days have a fair amount of downtime built in (in my experience), so as long as you let the person coordinating schedules know about your needs I wouldn't expect it to be a problem at all. Also for what it's worth, my internship was research focused and VERY family friendly. Finding daycare was a nightmare but we did it, then we did it again when we moved for postdoc (and both my internship and postdoc were in cities with daycare shortages). It will likely take more time and energy than you want to put in, but it will work out in the end. Another word of advice: if you won't have insurance through your grad program/spouse while you are on internship, you should definitely inquire about health insurance during your interviews. My program covered health insurance for my family, but some internship programs do not and you may want to take health insurance into account when you rank programs. Also think carefully about whether the site has postdoc tracks that you could move into. My family was happy to move again for postdoc because my husband and I both got good jobs in the city we moved to, but it was also really expensive and exhausting to move a family twice in just over a year. Good luck to all!
     
  13. PhDPlz2011

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    Oh, and for suits: Ann Taylor. Currently 50% off, nice fabrics, pretty but classic (not trendy) cuts. Will last for years.
     
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  14. Hawkeye11

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    If only my waistline had the same longevity. :corny::bucktooth:
     
  15. Hawkeye11

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    Seriously though, thanks for all of the info. I'll definitely check this sale out if I can catch it. Any idea how long it's going?
     
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  17. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    :rofl:Same here!

    Really grateful for all of the feedback from parents and others outside of this process! It's encouraging.
     
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  18. Hawkeye11

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  19. ImSkyKid

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    Awesome to see all this support for parents. I have 3 kids (2 pre-grad school, 1 during) and I'm not worried so much about leaving them for interviews because I have support from my partner and live-in-mother-in-law, but I am extremely anxious about the possibility of having to leave them all for a year. My partner has her own career so we can't just uproot the whole bunch and move away for a year. I made sure to apply to as many places in our area, but as you all know geographically restricting yourself is one the worst things you can do. Thankfully I already have one interview in the area...just waiting on some more to come in. Needless to say, it has been a very stressful process.

    Thanks to all of you who have been sharing your stories and best of luck! You aren't alone!
     
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  20. thisisaname

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    First time posting here, because I somehow missed that this thread has been created, but thanks so much for making it! I feel buoyed just by the presence of other parents in this process.

    I'm dad to a nearly-4-year-old (YIKES!) boy. He was just a few weeks old when I went on my first grad school interview. Lucky for us, we had family to come and help! Now, of course, we live somewhere with basically no family... the thing that is stressing me out the most is the pressure I know my interviews (knock on wood) will bring to my wife. It's hard caring for him, our dog, and going to work... and that's when we're both there to help each other!

    I'm also the only person in my cohort with any children. While everyone else is stressed out about trying to reduce travel expenses, I'm also trying to reduce total time away. But I can't just fly in and out with no time for rest, right? My wife is super supportive and knows I need to nail these interviews... but... I don't know.

    Life's hard, right?
     
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  21. MamaPhD

    MamaPhD Psychologist, Academic Medical Center
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    It is hard. It's OK to say it. Make sure your wife has good supports in place. I went to internship with a baby, also as the only parent in my cohort. If I had it all to do over again I would have made more of an effort to help find supports for my husband during my internship year. We survived, but neither of us look back fondly on that period of time.
     
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  22. thisisaname

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    Thanks! My family will definitely be coming with me for the year... to hard to think of doing anything else. I'm worried about the interview traveling right now, but you make a good point. I'm going to reach out to the friends we have in the area, and shore up support for her ahead of my interviews!
     
  23. getitgirl

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    A tip that I've used when applying to grad school, and now internship (for those of you with slightly older children): We hung a large map up and put arrows everywhere I applied, then update the map as news comes in. This was really helpful in reducing anxiety about the uncertainty of moving/where we might move, etc., and the kids requested it again for internship. It turns updates into a fun family bonding time and helps them feel part of the process.
     
  24. affectiveH3art

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    That's a great idea! My kiddos are set on one place and keep telling people we are moving toward Nana's house in San Diego. I only applied to one site there, out of 23 who knows were we are going. I might steal this.
     
  25. getitgirl

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    Feel free! This has really been so helpful. Once we have sites a little more narrowed down, we move to phase II: looking up fun/weird things about each place, pictures, etc. We'll also have a final "site reveal" family party to build some excitement. It seriously made all the difference in how they felt about the process.
     
  26. str63

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    I'm an internship TD. One way to potentially feel out family friendly sites (without letting faculty know you have kids, because I know some are very hesitant to do this) is to ask the current interns if they have kids or if they know whether the faculty have children. If any current interns have kids, you can learn a bit more about what it's like for them. I wouldn't take it as a red flag if current interns don't have kids, since many applying don't, but if none of the faculty, or very few, have kids, this could be a potential red flag. Just my two cents. Good luck to you all!
     
  27. affectiveH3art

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    Thanks, that's a great suggestion!


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  28. Secret CBT Squirrel

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    Does anyone have a template handy on asking for pumping accommodations at interviews? I want to reach out to the program assistants before they set our schedules.
     
  29. PhDPlz2011

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    I would suggest being crystal clear about what you need and what you mean by "pumping." People who have not nursed a baby may not get it if you try to be indirect. So something like, "I am currently nursing my son/daughter and will need approximately 15 minutes in the morning (10-11am) and 15 minutes in the afternoon (2-3pm) to pump and store breastmilk. Would it be possible to reserve a private room and block off times on my schedule to do so?"
     
  30. thisisaname

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    I like the clear and direct way you put that! I like to think that if I were a training director, I would be impressed by your forthrightness, clarity, and ability to communicate your needs.
     
  31. PsychGradAd

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    Wow I am really glad I found this thread. I have a 6 month old and am breastfeeding/pumping. I applied to all college counseling centers. Three of my sites extended interviews (that I am aware of) and I'm happy to have received all three interviews so far, but am itching to learn about the other 12 sites I applied to! These college counseling centers are slow to respond! Hoping they will be family friendly though! Anyone else in a similar boat?

    I would love to join the Facebook group. How can I do that?
     
  32. Secret CBT Squirrel

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    Thank you, that's wonderful! I will craft something similar.
     
  33. PedClinicalSchool

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    Hi Everyone. So glad this forum is here. I have a four-year-old daughter. She is beyond angry that we aren't moving to Disney World or the North Pole, the two places she wants to live when she is an adult. I'm lucky to have a supportive partner who can likely work remotely. I'm trying for places with postdoc availability. I'm likely not going to talk about being a parent during interviews. I'm privileged to not be pumping or pregnant so I have the choice. Any others? Worried about unconscious (or blatant) bias. Sad to be leaving for interviews but so glad to have interviews!
     
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  34. thisisaname

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    I mean... I'm probably going to be talking about being a parent during my internship year, so I guess I don't want to match somewhere that isn't even unconsciously okay with it? Maybe it's different because I'm only applying to child/adolescent sites, though.
     
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  35. affectiveH3art

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    I dont think im going to discuss having children because im a single mother... that comes with a lot of bias and judgement.


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  36. Hawkeye11

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    I discussed my daughter in my essays. So, assuming they read them, they already know I'm a parent. Shrug. It's so hard to guess reactions to things, and it's likely to be different across different sites and even across different individuals at the same site. Some will probably see parenthood as a barrier and some will see it as a sign of maturity and life experiences that may enable you to better relate to clients.
     
  37. thisisaname

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    That’s real, and I’m sorry you have to worry about it!
     
  38. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    @Psychchick09 Will you connect to do the add? :)
    Disney World or the North Pole. I like your daughter. I'm pumping so can't hide my parental status and also don't want to spend a year at a site if they don't want me because of that. I may not talk about it a lot during interviews only because I want them to focus on my learning interests and qualifications but I plan to be open about it. I want a site that is a good fit for me AND my family.
    This is so wrong and unfair and I also recognize that it's true. :( Single parents are superheroes in my eyes. YOU are a superhero (I'm guessing your children would agree!).
     
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  39. Psychchick09

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    I added her :)


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  40. affectiveH3art

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    Thank you!

    Ya- I always run into a predicament if I mention my kiddos because people always assume I have a husband, in a relationship or even have support by their fathers. Some people who assume this are always baffled when something comes up related to my kids. You mean YOU have to pick them up all the time? Or friends are like “let’s go out? Just get a babysitter!” Uhhhh.... I’d rather me having children come out gently and naturally. In an interview is not natural for me.


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  41. Pragma

    Pragma Neuropsychologist
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    In my opinion, you are going to be less likely to encounter bias at VAs or other government institutions where to culture is such that everyone leaves at a reasonable time. The bias is more likely to occur in settings where they rely on interns to do things that keep them onsite for longer days.

    I worked 12 hour days a lot on my postdoc. I can’t imagine how that would have worked with kids, but I probably would have had to negotiate more time boundaries or a way to bring some work home to complete after they went to bed.
     
  42. affectiveH3art

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    That’s good to know. I’m going to keep this in mind for interviews as well.


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  43. BusyAsABee

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    Single mom of 2 kiddos (6 & 8) and I only applied to VAs or consortiums that have VAs included. No real idea about who the friendliest might be though :)
     
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  44. Psychchick09

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    Oooo I wonder if we’ve applied to any of the sane places?!

    Oh wow, I meant to write same, but I also hope we apply to sane places


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  45. getitgirl

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    I've only had one interview so far (a large VA medical center). They were lovely and non-judgmental (as far as I could tell) regarding children, and were happy to discuss the family-friendly areas/school districts of their area, and how good they were at promoting work-life balance.
     
  46. Amber0318

    Amber0318 psych doctoral student

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    Just wanted to add to this! I've got a 5 yr old daughter (born before grad school, she's barely surviving my program haha) and I've been hoping to add another child to the mix soon.
    No interviews so far, only rejections. I feel behind everyone else in my program because I felt like I could only apply to sites close to where I am or close to where family is so that my partner and daughter didn't have to uproot their lives completely for a year. I have really envied my cohort's flexibility and willingness to go anywhere for internship -- that just didn't feel feasible for me.
     
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  47. MamaPhD

    MamaPhD Psychologist, Academic Medical Center
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    It's really hard to balance the needs of family and career. Sometimes hard choices are necessary. In my case, I chose a different career path than I had planned for. Most likely the challenge of work-life "balance" will get easier for you post-licensure, but it won't ever really go away. For me, the positive trade-off of balancing internship and family was getting to come home to a family rather than an empty apartment at the end of every day. It didn't necessarily make my professional development easier, but it made my life richer.
     
  48. El_Dopa

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    So happy to find this thread! I started my program as a single mother of a teenager - the only parent in my cohort and the only single mom in my program!. I am feeling pretty anxious about the high likelihood of being far from my family for a year. As in west coast to east coast due to the interviews I have received. I actually just got married this past summer and gained a teenage stepdaughter to boot - our girls are 17 and 18. I know my daughters are older, but it is still making me really anxious. Are any of you in a similar situation as far as possibly having to leave your families for a year?
     
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  49. feelings_doctor

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    I'm not, but last year I met woman who had moved away from her teenage daughter for the internship year. She was stoic about it but I could tell it was hard. They stayed in touch constantly and had lots of visits! In a way, it's kind of like sending your kids to boarding school, but backwards :)
     
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  50. ImSkyKid

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    THIS. I am very anxious about the possibility of having to leave my family for a year. I have a partner, three daughters, two doggos, and a cat. I thankful that the area we live in has multiple sites, 4 of which I am a good fit for. But my program has not been very supportive of me geographically restricting myself because they are concerned more about their match rate I guess. I’ve applied to other places that are within a 5 hour drive so if I end up matching outside of our area I can drive home on the weekends. But just typing that gave me so much anxiety and sadness. I can’t imagine having to do that. I keep telling them all that “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” but it starting to get awfully close.

    So y’all are not alone. I too have been envious of my cohorts flexibility and I share the same fear of leaving. I’m wishing you all the best and hope it all works out for you and your families.

    I’ve been thinking about how APPIC has a couples match option so partners applying the same year don’t have to be separate. Clearly they understand and value relationships. But what about families? I wonder why there is nothing for people with families and can’t uproot their lives to better help them remain in the area. Like adding some more weight to the matching algorithm to try to increase the odds that they match close to home.
     
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  51. thisisaname

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    It's funny, in my mock interview that I just had, my professor tossed in a question to "throw me off" at the end, which was, "what are you proudest of?" But it was so easy to answer: "my relationship with my child." Sure, I feel like I'd be a better internship candidate if I didn't have a kid and I could've devoted myself more to grad school like some of my cohorts, but I'm far prouder and happier because of my relationship with my child, and I know that I'm also a better clinician for it.
     
  52. Ladytiger95

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    Hello everyone! I have two kiddos, 11 yrs and 15 yrs of age. It's hard to believe they were both under 5 when I began my master's degree! (took a break between master's and doc) Anyway, I have had 2 interviews so far. Because the oldest is in high school, we would ideally like to stay in the internship town/city for a few years instead of just a year. I had 1 interview where I loved the internship, but would rather not raise my kids near there. I had a second interview, where I liked (but didn't love) the internship, but I really loved the location. Right now I'm thinking I need to find the best place for my family, and an internship that is do-able for a year. What are ya'lls decision making processes? And yes, I know I am lucky just to get an interview or two (or more). Nice to meet everyone!!
     

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