3 weeks in and very depressed

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soxinabox90

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I started dental school 3 weeks ago after working very hard and taking almost 2 years off from undergrad to finish my application. Before I got here, I was apprehensive about starting purely for social reasons and now those worries have started to manifest into real issues. I have a hard time connecting with people, I'm not really close with my family, and so I really don't have much support at all. I went out with classmates a couple times the first few weeks, everyone is pretty cool and welcoming, but... it seems like everyone else already has friend groups and I already feel like an outsider. I was hanging out with a couple people pretty regularly, but then over the course of a few days they stopped inviting me to do things and don't respond to any messages even though I still see them all together every day. People say hi to me every day, but I try to avoid people at all costs and leave right after class to go home and not really do anything except be depressed about the fact that I'm not getting to know people.

I also hate simlab.. I'm not artistic at all and I'm really struggling with even minor things. Instructors will look at my waxup and say "hey, that's pretty good" but I know they're just trying to be nice. Then they'll explain that the embrasure spaces aren't even on both sides, or that the curvature is off, and I really can't see those minor things, let alone replicate them myself. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself?

I honestly feel like dropping out already. Every day I get more depressed and shut myself away from people which is making it worse. I've had pretty severe depression for most of my life and it's always been exacerbated by stressful situations. The thing that helps is to feel connected with people, but it's so hard for me to put myself out there once I get into this funk..

I don't know what to do

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Some thoughts I have:

  • Have you reached out to your school's counseling service? They've seen this stuff before and can provide a perspective to help you overcome this rough patch.
  • Do you have a Big? Reach out to him/her and share what's going on.
  • Friends - are there any socials, club meetings, lunch and learns coming up? There are many times when I don't know anybody where I go and can feel isolated too - just go and introduce yourself and gauge how they receive you. If they smile/welcome you in, there you go. If not, then go find another group. Everyone is so busy trying to fit in that they likely don't even notice that you're having troubles. Just keep trying and you'll find your group. Also, try puling in anyone who you see is isolated. I saw one of my classmates yesterday sitting by himself, and I pulled him into the conversation I was having with my friends. That's how friendship starts.
  • Friends Part 2- One of the first things I did upon arriving at my new school was set up different social groups. I have one for dental school, but I also have a group of non-dental people I go biking around town with, and a group of non-dental people who share my spiritual beliefs. I found these two on my own by exploring what my new location had to offer. What are your hobbies? Can you try finding something similar for yourself? My point is - it's possible to have a social life outside of just dental school.
  • SimLab- does your school offer a peer tutoring service? Ask your instructors if they can sit down 1 on 1 with you after class and go through a few examples, or if they know a student from the previous years who might be able to.
Lastly, I'm a D1 as well; always hear to listen to you (and any other D1 who may be reading this)
 
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3 things even though I am a D1 plus 30 years.

1. relax. It's only been 3 weeks. Give it some time. Remember .... you're there to become a dentist ... not form social circles.
2. don't pay attention to my avatar.
3. paxil 20mg ... just kidding. Maybe not kidding. :)

Seriously ... just give it time and work on your studies and skills. That's why you're in school. To LEARN these skills.
 
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I'd also say that if you've gotten to the point of dental school (congrats!) and are still having social anxiety that is this severe, you might have to bring this issue front and center to do some really painful, intense studying on your social skills.

I know it sounds weird, but I was also diagnosed with depression from a young age. It's incredibly easy to just pack it in and try to shut out the world, but while you can do that in undergrad, it's gonna make dental school vastly harder and it's going to make running a practice (or sticking in somebody else's practice) nearly impossible. Dentistry is very much a social field. You need to be recommended by your peers and at least tolerable to your patients.

So when I say studying, I mean forcing yourself to look at "being an engaging and interesting conversationalist" as if it's a course on a subject that you are only peripherally familiar with.

There are all kinds of apps and services for "conversation coaches" which can help, but at the end of the day, with myself and every other insecure person I've ever met, there is one overwhelming issue that dwarfs all the others and makes socializing impossible:

A crippling lack of confidence turns people off. You have to look people in the eyes without looking nervous or bored.

You have to make jokes once in a while, even if they're dumb. You have to assume that what you're saying is worth hearing, while also exhibiting genuine interest in what other people are saying. Don't whine or complain, don't be a Debbie Downer. Realize that you have worth as a human being first and foremost, but that also as someone who got into Dental school, you've accomplished things that are worth being proud of. Keep your own interests outside of dentistry and be willing to share them if the situation calls for it.

tldr; if you can build up even a modest confidence and interest in yourself, people will be much more drawn to you. Try to project the image of a confident person who has his/her own thing going on. Socially speaking, it's like setting up a picnic in the middle of three anthills.
 
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Some thoughts I have:

  • Have you reached out to your school's counseling service? They've seen this stuff before and can provide a perspective to help you overcome this rough patch.

  • Do you have a Big? Reach out to him/her and share what's going on.

  • Friends - are there any socials, club meetings, lunch and learns coming up? There are many times when I don't know anybody where I go and can feel isolated too - just go and introduce yourself and gauge how they receive you. If they smile/welcome you in, there you go. If not, then go find another group. Everyone is so busy trying to fit in that they likely don't even notice that you're having troubles. Just keep trying and you'll find your group. Also, try puling in anyone who you see is isolated. I saw one of my classmates yesterday sitting by himself, and I pulled him into the conversation I was having with my friends. That's how friendship starts.

  • Friends Part 2- One of the first things I did upon arriving at my new school was set up different social groups. I have one for dental school, but I also have a group of non-dental people I go biking around town with, and a group of non-dental people who share my spiritual beliefs. I found these two on my own by exploring what my new location had to offer. What are your hobbies? Can you try finding something similar for yourself? My point is - it's possible to have a social life outside of just dental school.

  • SimLab- does your school offer a peer tutoring service? Ask your instructors if they can sit down 1 on 1 with you after class and go through a few examples, or if they know a student from the previous years who might be able to.
Lastly, I'm a D1 as well; always hear to listen to you (and any other D1 who may be reading this)

I'm going to go see a counselor either tonight or tomorrow after class. I've been reluctant to do that since I had awful experiences with those kinds of services as a teenager.

No bigs here.

I've always been a loner for the most part. It sucks, and I know it doesn't have to be this way. A lot of times it's so much easier to be alone, but then I end up getting depressed and then it's not so easy anymore...

I'll have to find out about a peer tutoring service. I think that's really what I need for simlab.. someone to sit down with me 1 on 1 and walk me through some things.

I'd also say that if you've gotten to the point of dental school (congrats!) and are still having social anxiety that is this severe, you might have to bring this issue front and center to do some really painful, intense studying on your social skills.

I know it sounds weird, but I was also diagnosed with depression from a young age. It's incredibly easy to just pack it in and try to shut out the world, but while you can do that in undergrad, it's gonna make dental school vastly harder and it's going to make running a practice (or sticking in somebody else's practice) nearly impossible. Dentistry is very much a social field. You need to be recommended by your peers and at least tolerable to your patients.

So when I say studying, I mean forcing yourself to look at "being an engaging and interesting conversationalist" as if it's a course on a subject that you are only peripherally familiar with.

There are all kinds of apps and services for "conversation coaches" which can help, but at the end of the day, with myself and every other insecure person I've ever met, there is one overwhelming issue that dwarfs all the others and makes socializing impossible:

A crippling lack of confidence turns people off. You have to look people in the eyes without looking nervous or bored.

You have to make jokes once in a while, even if they're dumb. You have to assume that what you're saying is worth hearing, while also exhibiting genuine interest in what other people are saying. Don't whine or complain, don't be a Debbie Downer. Realize that you have worth as a human being first and foremost, but that also as someone who got into Dental school, you've accomplished things that are worth being proud of. Keep your own interests outside of dentistry and be willing to share them if the situation calls for it.

tldr; if you can build up even a modest confidence and interest in yourself, people will be much more drawn to you. Try to project the image of a confident person who has his/her own thing going on. Socially speaking, it's like setting up a picnic in the middle of three anthills.

I have had thoughts about becoming a more engaging and interesting conversationalist.. I haven't ever really worked on it though. I have noticed that sometimes people will engage with me until someone else comes along, giving them an easy way to get away from the conversation when they literally just walk away and leave me standing there awkwardly.

There were periods in my life (usually lasts only a few months out of the year) where I feel great about myself, and have all kinds of confidence. Those are the times that I am the happiest and everything seems to be going really well. Then I get depressed and everything falls apart very quickly.. yeah I guess I really need to talk to someone about that.
 
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I have had thoughts about becoming a more engaging and interesting conversationalist.. I haven't ever really worked on it though. I have noticed that sometimes people will engage with me until someone else comes along, giving them an easy way to get away from the conversation when they literally just walk away and leave me standing there awkwardly.

There were periods in my life (usually lasts only a few months out of the year) where I feel great about myself, and have all kinds of confidence. Those are the times that I am the happiest and everything seems to be going really well. Then I get depressed and everything falls apart very quickly.. yeah I guess I really need to talk to someone about that.
I know exactly what you mean. That's why I say from experience that there's a way out, because I know how much it sucks.

Whether it's exercise, antidepressants, carefully comparing the gestures/facial expressions/body language of yourself vs socially adept people (on youtube or in person or whatever), practicing with an app or a coach or a friend, faking confidence til you make it, etc - probably some combination thereof - there is absolutely, positively a way to get past these issues.

Not past insecurity in general (which even the most confident people suffer from), but just to have way more good days than not.

For some it comes naturally, while for others, it needs to be intentionally studied, like many other topics. There is some reason that people tune you out after a minute, and in my case and that of a number of others with similar struggles, it basically boils down to "if you don't like yourself/respect yourself/find yourself interesting, then why should anybody else?"

One nice little idea from my experience - You start really small to build confidence. You can meet a new person at the park (or a classmate you haven't met in the cafe, or whatever), ask how their day has been or about a book they're reading, look in the eye with a confident smile, then after a minute conversation, excuse yourself because you have somewhere else to be. Scary at first, but it helped me out a lot, and I made a bunch of new friends.

Sometimes conversations after a certain point just get too awkward regardless of your social skill, so cutting them off early retains some mystery and keeps the interactions more dense with new info.

But whatever you do, remember that you've done a lot just to get to this point. No good reason to be insecure.

Best of luck!
 
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I can't really help you with your social problems given your condition. The one thing that I can say is not to let the comments get to your head. When I started D1... Oh God..:confused: Whether it was waxing or drawing or anything I made with my hands, it was terrible.. But I knew that it was just the beginning and soon I would get the hang of it all. Give it some time. You're only 3 weeks in, after all. Just keep working at it and no matter how many times your profs tell you the cliche, "Nice job!" In the high, fake tone, work through it and try to pay attention to their comments. Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll get through it.

Although times seem bad, it always rains before the rainbow...;)

-Fyz
 
Think the first 2 -3 weeks of D1 were some of the worst of my life. If you're prone to depression, you have to proactive because it'l get worse. D1 is tough.

Plus you should be focusing on your studies. Should be a time setting good study habits, seeing what works. I'm a lot closer to people now(d3) than I was during d1. People and friends will come, just focus on yourself now.
 
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I started dental school 3 weeks ago after working very hard and taking almost 2 years off from undergrad to finish my application. Before I got here, I was apprehensive about starting purely for social reasons and now those worries have started to manifest into real issues. I have a hard time connecting with people, I'm not really close with my family, and so I really don't have much support at all. I went out with classmates a couple times the first few weeks, everyone is pretty cool and welcoming, but... it seems like everyone else already has friend groups and I already feel like an outsider. I was hanging out with a couple people pretty regularly, but then over the course of a few days they stopped inviting me to do things and don't respond to any messages even though I still see them all together every day. People say hi to me every day, but I try to avoid people at all costs and leave right after class to go home and not really do anything except be depressed about the fact that I'm not getting to know people.

I also hate simlab.. I'm not artistic at all and I'm really struggling with even minor things. Instructors will look at my waxup and say "hey, that's pretty good" but I know they're just trying to be nice. Then they'll explain that the embrasure spaces aren't even on both sides, or that the curvature is off, and I really can't see those minor things, let alone replicate them myself. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself?

I honestly feel like dropping out already. Every day I get more depressed and shut myself away from people which is making it worse. I've had pretty severe depression for most of my life and it's always been exacerbated by stressful situations. The thing that helps is to feel connected with people, but it's so hard for me to put myself out there once I get into this funk..

I don't know what to do

Take a big deep breath and relax. Start looking for a significant other and good friend to create a support network. Whenever you are feeling down, remember that you are doing these 4 years to set yourself up for a better life. Once these four years are over you will essentially garuntee yourself 160k for the rest of your life, keep reminding yourself of this.
 
I have experienced the exact feelings many times in my dental school career. Maybe to a different degree. I'm still not perfect or normal in any way but I've made it past 2 years (D3 now). I'll just tell you what I did and hopefully if you try it, it'll help you.

1) I sought out counselors. I went to a school counselor. I went to church. At first, they seemed like they don't understand you (and at that point you feel like nobody does). But the point of this was to have someone to talk to/hear me out who are not dental students (my class is uber-competitive and petty, but that's another story).
2) I made sure I kept studying. A lot of times, I felt like not studying because of no motivation or because of the depression, etc. I still forced myself to be interested in the subject. I started to daydream about graduating and having patients that ask me questions about certain topics that I may or may not know. Then I get back to reality to study those topics (XD lame I know).
3) I made sure I practice extra hard. Put on a playlist that I like and just practice. If I have questions, mistakes, I write them down. I then bring them to faculty (sometimes), or classmates (sometimes) or look up on the internet (most of the time).
4) Another thing I did was to volunteer. I know this may sound elitist but when I help someone else, my problems that were so abysmal before, would temporarily go away for a bit.
5) I spent more time on myself. Tried different haircuts (one time, I decided to cut my own hair, without a mirror, and it was horrible haha). Tried different diets. I just wanted to feel like myself again, so that's kind of the point.

Good luck! :)
 
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Bruhhhh :(. I haven't been on here in ages (lols) but I kinda get what you mean. I just started D1 but I already have a fear of not being able to make friends. I'd be your bud if I could D: Have you found students that share common interests with you? Whether it be sports or other miscellaneous hobbies, I'd say it's best to try to find some common ground with your classmates. Also, you seem to have a confidence issue. If a professor says your wax ups are good I don't think they'd be lying to your face about it. From what I can gather so far, your clinical/group practice directors should be pretty honest with you on if you're doing a good job or not in the lab.
 
I started dental school 3 weeks ago after working very hard and taking almost 2 years off from undergrad to finish my application. Before I got here, I was apprehensive about starting purely for social reasons and now those worries have started to manifest into real issues. I have a hard time connecting with people, I'm not really close with my family, and so I really don't have much support at all. I went out with classmates a couple times the first few weeks, everyone is pretty cool and welcoming, but... it seems like everyone else already has friend groups and I already feel like an outsider. I was hanging out with a couple people pretty regularly, but then over the course of a few days they stopped inviting me to do things and don't respond to any messages even though I still see them all together every day. People say hi to me every day, but I try to avoid people at all costs and leave right after class to go home and not really do anything except be depressed about the fact that I'm not getting to know people.

I also hate simlab.. I'm not artistic at all and I'm really struggling with even minor things. Instructors will look at my waxup and say "hey, that's pretty good" but I know they're just trying to be nice. Then they'll explain that the embrasure spaces aren't even on both sides, or that the curvature is off, and I really can't see those minor things, let alone replicate them myself. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself?

I honestly feel like dropping out already. Every day I get more depressed and shut myself away from people which is making it worse. I've had pretty severe depression for most of my life and it's always been exacerbated by stressful situations. The thing that helps is to feel connected with people, but it's so hard for me to put myself out there once I get into this funk..

I don't know what to do

1. I wouldn't know the first thing you're going through with respect to depression, nor would I claim to do so. However, we can try and look at this objectively. If you need people to support you and you can't find support, you need to find the strength from within and eventually, you'll connect with people who "vibe" with you. You can't rush those things, and cliques are still forming all over the place in the first 3 weeks. I wouldn't change anything about yourself, and if those people are ignoring you, they probably don't like you for one reason or another. Why would you want to hang out with those people? Be the outsider that people look up to.

2. Simlab is a pointless exercise that you have to go through. You don't have to be good. Just pass. All of that will be behind you and next thing you know, you're in the clinic treating real patients and realizing simlab was a bunch of horse****. I'd see it more as a game, stay under the radar, pass like the ninja you are, and don't attract any attention. What's the point in excelling in a pointless exercise? I remember hammering a gold post in and passing simlab. I wouldn't do that to patients, but for something as useless as simlab, you just need to get through it. Trial by fire to get to the end goal. If you are the type to not be able to move on from a problem, this type of attitude will typically follow you throughout your career and make you a less efficient dentist. Make it work and move on. This mentality will get you far ahead in your professional career. Clinical training and talking to patients are the most important things you need to focus on. Of course, you may need your colleagues for something during dental school, but that's where you have to be a strategic ninja to get what you want. Outside of dental school, I can't imagine needing my past classmates for anything in business (unless I was a specialist), except for socially friendly banter and the occasional request for business advice from them.

3. If you drop out, then what will you do? If you have nothing to fall back on with a bunch of debt, I can only imagine your depression getting worse.

Hopefully you can see this from a pragmatic/business approach. Just do it and be victorious.
 
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If you can't handle the fire, then get out; I sincerely mean that. I don't mean to come off this way, but some people are just born to do certain things.
 
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If you can't handle the fire, then get out; I sincerely mean that. I don't mean to come off this way, but some people are just born to do certain things.

Great advice from a D1 just scraping the crust. In response to OP what you are experiencing is 100% ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. You WILL feel like poop over your projects and your brain is trying to equilibrate your surroundings. Know that the psychological phenomenons:

1.) Pluralistic Ignorance

2.) Spotlight Effect

Are tricking your brain into thinking you suck at life and are depressed. Pluralistic ignorance involved from the need to fit in. Know how when the teacher asks "We all understand this right?" and NOBODY RAISES THEIR HANDS? Yea thats pluralistic ignorance. Most people feel the way you are feeling they just dont show it which leads to the spotlight effect. You most likely have a strong brain, which can be a bad thing if not controlled. Think about it, if your brain is good at calculating circuits if you rethink bad ideas you will form a very strong negative outlook and eventually have a self fulfilling prophecy.

How to COMBAT FEELINGS:

1.) I have found Cardio EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE- It trains the parasympathetic nervous system to come back and is literally the answers to alot of your problems.

2.) Eat well, low glycemic foods

3.) Don't look at this site and absorb it too much...except what I am saying because I am awesome. JK but really this site differs from real life and school differs from real life.

Remember:

A students make the best Dentists

B students make the best Teachers

C Students make the best Money
 
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Great advice from a D1 just scraping the crust. In response to OP what you are experiencing is 100% ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. You WILL feel like poop over your projects and your brain is trying to equilibrate your surroundings. Know that the psychological phenomenons:

1.) Pluralistic Ignorance

2.) Spotlight Effect

Are tricking your brain into thinking you suck at life and are depressed. Pluralistic ignorance involved from the need to fit in. Know how when the teacher asks "We all understand this right?" and NOBODY RAISES THEIR HANDS? Yea thats pluralistic ignorance. Most people feel the way you are feeling they just dont show it which leads to the spotlight effect. You most likely have a strong brain, which can be a bad thing if not controlled. Think about it, if your brain is good at calculating circuits if you rethink bad ideas you will form a very strong negative outlook and eventually have a self fulfilling prophecy.

How to COMBAT FEELINGS:

1.) I have found Cardio EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE- It trains the parasympathetic nervous system to come back and is literally the answers to alot of your problems.

2.) Eat well, low glycemic foods

3.) Don't look at this site and absorb it too much...except what I am saying because I am awesome. JK but really this site differs from real life and school differs from real life.

Remember:

A students make the best Dentists

B students make the best Teachers

C Students make the best Money
Interesting advice. Did you finish d school already? :oops:. Also, idk if Craig Sherwood is a troll or not but he has a knack for irritating people lmaooo
 
Are you being serious? I can't even tell if you're just dank meming or actually being serious. I know people say it's never too late but uhhh 69 is pretty late x D
 
Are you being serious? I can't even tell if you're just dank meming or actually being serious. I know people say it's never too late but uhhh 69 is pretty late x D
I am not serious. I am 25. Gemini. Vegetarian.
 
*bump*

Just took my 1st exam as a D1 today! Likely scored bottom 20%ile (no surprise, I didn't have the best GPA in undergrad) but I didn't feel too bad because I went to happy hour with several of my classmates immediately afterwards and shared some BS

It's not too late to make friends. I'm nearly 2000 miles away from my home state, left friends, family, and exes behind, and I don't consider myself social, but I made the effort to make study buddies, golfing friends, party friends, and even socially awkward/derpy friends.
 
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I'm a few months into DS. I know exactly how you feel. I was shocked at how fast cliques formed. I've always had a large group of close friends in undergrad, but I felt very lonely the first semester. The only thing that made me feel better was some serious self reflection. I admitted a fact that I've denied throughout undergrad... that I have trouble with low-confidence and that makes it difficult for me to connect with others. In the past few weeks I've been focusing on myself by exercising, dieting, and reading about communication. As my self-improvment progresses slowly I feel better. While I'm still working on forming closer bonds with my classmates, at least I'm not as sad as when I first started. Even if you don't have fun in dental school your goal should be to leave dental school in 4 years as the best possible version of yourself. I constantly have to tell my self "I can succeed in ANYTHING I put my mind to". I'm still not perfect and sometimes I still feel isolated, we are in the same boat. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Bruh...
 
I'm a few months into DS. I know exactly how you feel. I was shocked at how fast cliques formed. I've always had a large group of close friends in undergrad, but I felt very lonely the first semester. The only thing that made me feel better was some serious self reflection. I admitted a fact that I've denied throughout undergrad... that I have trouble with low-confidence and that makes it difficult for me to connect with others. In the past few weeks I've been focusing on myself by exercising, dieting, and reading about communication. As my self-improvment progresses slowly I feel better. While I'm still working on forming closer bonds with my classmates, at least I'm not as sad as when I first started. Even if you don't have fun in dental school your goal should be to leave dental school in 4 years as the best possible version of yourself. I constantly have to tell my self "I can succeed in ANYTHING I put my mind to". I'm still not perfect and sometimes I still feel isolated, we are in the same boat. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
Well said dude!
 
Me again. Damn that first semester was rough. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. I contemplated going to talk to the committee about taking a medical leave. Instead, I went to the school counselor to just have someone listen to me ramble about my problems. Luckily my class was also very motivational and supportive of each other so I was able to grind through the end of the semester with their help. I took an amazing vacation over the winter break, and came back to the winter semester with a different mindset- study enough to pass the non-dentistry science class, focus on the dentistry classes, and do things that make me happy. This semester I've learned to salsa dance, gone on dates when time allows, go to the gym 6 days a week, kill it on every simlab practical, and overall I'm in a much better place mentally.

tldr; do your best, but don't stress yourself out to an unhealthy point. There's still time to have fun and enjoy yourself during dental school.
 
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Me again. Damn that first semester was rough. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. I contemplated going to talk to the committee about taking a medical leave. Instead, I went to the school counselor to just have someone listen to me ramble about my problems. Luckily my class was also very motivational and supportive of each other so I was able to grind through the end of the semester with their help. I took an amazing vacation over the winter break, and came back to the winter semester with a different mindset- study enough to pass the non-dentistry science class, focus on the dentistry classes, and do things that make me happy. This semester I've learned to salsa dance, gone on dates when time allows, go to the gym 6 days a week, kill it on every simlab practical, and overall I'm in a much better place mentally.

tldr; do your best, but don't stress yourself out to an unhealthy point. There's still time to have fun and enjoy yourself during dental school.


You are KILLING it!!! Nice job turning things around. Congrats!!! I’m so happy for you.

Thank you for coming back to update us!!
 
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