A somewhat uncomfortable question about potential LoR writer

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Ihave Nonamè

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I've thought to ask this professor to write me a letter of recommendation because I've done well in the class and have interacted with this professor often. However, I've noticed this professor looking at me perhaps inappropriately - staring often at my chest or further down at my crotch when I'm wearing gym pants as I'm looking away. I've caught them doing this now more times than I can count. So I left one day immediately after lecture - as opposed to staying around to chat as I usually would - and the following day I felt this professor was giving me a little attitude in front of the class. They even tried calling me out as though I wasn't paying attention, though I was actually following along the lecture slides on my computer. Other students turned and were looking at me as I explained this. She started to argue that she hadn't posted the slides but then realized she had. It was a fairly tense moment...I did stay behind a little to chat after the following lectures with another student present. Then today, I mentioned that I couldn't wait to get to the beach once finals were over and they asked if I had been to a particular beach nearby (known to be a nude beach).


I understand it's an awkward question for people reading this. I personally think this professor might be checking me out and I'm ok with ignoring it. However, I've done well in the class (even earned 100 on one midterm) and it is the one professor I've had thus far that is teaching a small class and has been available enough to interact with. I've been wondering if I should get a LoR from them. I also consider the possibility that if it were the case that they were attracted to me, that the letter could go either way. They could take any frustrations out against me like they did that day in lecture. Is this dangerous territory? Or might this inspire them to write an excellent letter on my behalf? Thanks.

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i would avoid them, i would also report them. You have to pick your path
 
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You have identified several red flags here. The professor may be well be driven by sexual interest. Not only could that pose harassment problems for you, but it could make his recommendation subject to how you handle his advances. I would run, not walk, away from unnecessary interactions with this professor.
 
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I would avoid this professor. If you are not comfortable reporting them, fine, but please don't be "okay with ignoring it". You do not have to put up with that behavior. Stop interacting with them if they cannot be professional. Do you really want a letter from someone like that anyway?
 
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I'd be very worried abotu being damned with faint praise or sabatoged in some way by a professor who thinks that you've snubbed them. They'd only have to say that you did well on exams but were less likely than other students to be fully engaged in classroom activities. That would be a huge red flag in a letter.

You might also want to consider making tis a Title IX case as a way of protecting other students. See what your school's policy is for reporting this sort of thing and remaining anonymous. If there was another student present when she made the comment about the nude beach, ask if that student would be willing to go with you to the Title IX office.
 
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I've thought to ask this professor to write me a letter of recommendation because I've done well in the class and have interacted with this professor often. However, I've noticed this professor looking at me perhaps inappropriately - staring often at my chest or further down at my crotch when I'm wearing gym pants as I'm looking away. I've caught them doing this now more times than I can count. So I left one day immediately after lecture - as opposed to staying around to chat as I usually would - and the following day I felt this professor was giving me a little attitude in front of the class. They even tried calling me out as though I wasn't paying attention, though I was actually following along the lecture slides on my computer. Other students turned and were looking at me as I explained this. It was a fairly tense moment...I did stay behind a little to chat after the following lectures with another student present. Then today, I mentioned that I couldn't wait to get to the beach once finals were over and they asked if I had been to a particular beach nearby (known to be a nude beach).


I understand it's an awkward question for people reading this. I personally think this professor might be checking me out and I'm ok with ignoring it. However, I've done well in the class (even earned 100 on one midterm) and it is the one professor I've had thus far that is teaching a small class and has been available enough to interact with. I've been wondering if I should get a LoR from them. I also consider the possibility that if it were the case that they were attracted to me, that the letter could go either way. They could take any frustrations out against me like they did that day in lecture. Is this dangerous territory? Or might this inspire them to write an excellent letter on my behalf? Thanks.
Under no circumstances ask this prof for a LOR.

You should also report the professor's behavior to his Chair and HR. That will lead to a friendly warning for him to behave better, and get some more sexual harassment training. You have a right to be in the class without feeling uncomfortable.

I have to reiterate, just in case you are prone to indulging in magic thinking: Under no circumstances ask this prof for a LOR.
 
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I would avoid this professor. If you are not comfortable reporting them, fine, but please don't be "okay with ignoring it". You do not have to put up with that behavior. Stop interacting with them if they cannot be professional. Do you really want a letter from someone like that anyway?

I suppose it's because it's a female professor that I feel less inclined.

I've considered that females often are just comparing themselves with other women and perhaps aren't looking for sexual reasons. Also, I don't tend to jump immediately into thinking that somebody wants me. I don't like making assumptions. It's particularly less likely if it's another female...

I guess it's good I asked...
 
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If you did well in this class, you'll do well in others. Ask the other professors.

You see the flags, dont ignore them
 
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I suppose it's because it's a female professor that I feel less inclined.

I've considered that females often are just comparing themselves with other women and perhaps aren't looking for sexual reasons. Also, I don't tend to jump immediately into thinking that somebody wants me. I don't like making assumptions. It's particularly less likely if it's another female...

I guess it's good I asked...
They were either out of line or they weren’t
 
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I suppose it's because it's a female professor that I feel less inclined.

I've considered that females often are just comparing themselves with other women and perhaps aren't looking for sexual reasons. Also, I don't tend to jump immediately into thinking that somebody wants me. I don't like making assumptions. It's particularly less likely if it's another female...

I guess it's good I asked...

Even if it is not sexual in nature, it is still unprofessional and it is making you uncomfortable. Not to mention they sound like a retaliatory type. Try to connect with some other professors.
 
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I've thought to ask this professor to write me a letter of recommendation because I've done well in the class and have interacted with this professor often. However, I've noticed this professor looking at me perhaps inappropriately - staring often at my chest or further down at my crotch when I'm wearing gym pants as I'm looking away. I've caught them doing this now more times than I can count. So I left one day immediately after lecture - as opposed to staying around to chat as I usually would - and the following day I felt this professor was giving me a little attitude in front of the class. They even tried calling me out as though I wasn't paying attention, though I was actually following along the lecture slides on my computer. Other students turned and were looking at me as I explained this. It was a fairly tense moment...I did stay behind a little to chat after the following lectures with another student present. Then today, I mentioned that I couldn't wait to get to the beach once finals were over and they asked if I had been to a particular beach nearby (known to be a nude beach).


I understand it's an awkward question for people reading this. I personally think this professor might be checking me out and I'm ok with ignoring it. However, I've done well in the class (even earned 100 on one midterm) and it is the one professor I've had thus far that is teaching a small class and has been available enough to interact with. I've been wondering if I should get a LoR from them. I also consider the possibility that if it were the case that they were attracted to me, that the letter could go either way. They could take any frustrations out against me like they did that day in lecture. Is this dangerous territory? Or might this inspire them to write an excellent letter on my behalf? Thanks.

I agree you should probably talk/report to your Title IX officer and avoid this person.
 
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It's early for me...for some reason I'm not catching onto what you're saying here.
I think what he's saying is that your OP described clear sexual harassment, while your later post said maybe not -- so, either it is or it isn't, and you experienced it while we didn't, so only you can answer the question. Either way, the consensus seems to be that if there is any doubt at all then it's not worth the risk of asking for the LOR.
 
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I suppose it's because it's a female professor that I feel less inclined.

I've considered that females often are just comparing themselves with other women and perhaps aren't looking for sexual reasons. Also, I don't tend to jump immediately into thinking that somebody wants me. I don't like making assumptions. It's particularly less likely if it's another female...

I guess it's good I asked...

Don't make the mistake of thinking that all women are heterosexual or that all lesbians and bisexual women have a certain appearance. If any instructor makes you uncomfortable based on leers or comments that could be taken to be sexual in nature, it is best to report it as a way of protecting others in your academic community as well as yourself.
 
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