accepted but worried

[DocLove06]

So my boyfriend just got accepted to the same med school as me! He was on the waitlisted for the longest time. we both wrote letters of intent saying that we were in a relationship and that we wanted to enter together. I have another acceptance at another medical school in the area that i like better and want to withdraw my application to the school that we both have acceptances. My question is that do you guys think we will get in trouble if i withdraw from this school in which both me and my bf are accepted? we both wrote letters saying that it was our top choice and that we were ready to matriculate if accepted. (this school was our top choice at the time, but he got waitlisted back in November so i went to other interviews and found this other school i like). hope this isn't to confusing..

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[BlondeDocteur]

This is extremely poor form. They won't rescind your boyfriend's acceptance but it will reflect very poorly on your character.

And, when the day comes, you can absolutely cross that school and its programs off your list for potential residency training.

I would urge you to respect your commitments. Med schools are honestly all the same anyway.

 

[Charles English]

word. le docteur blond is super correct. tsk. tsk. bad form indeed.

the LOI you send and then rescind makes all the other LOIs that come after yours a little more worthless. plus, wasn't it difficult enough to get both of you in the same school anyhow? i mean, what are the odds on that?

i say stick with your plans. you already 'promised'

 

[ar2388]

do you see a future with your boyfriend? are you really willing to give up spending more time with him? If i were you, i would die of happiness to get into the same school as my boyfriend bc that means going through the classes together and helping each other out and hell, you can live together too. is the other school in the same city??

if i were you, i would stay in the same school as my boyfriend

 

[pianola]

hey...she didn't say she was engaged or married to the guy. Things happen. For all the med school knows, they ended the relationship and she decided to go elsewhere...

Good grief. You should generally just do what's best for you.

 

[padres0629]

DocLove-- Trust your gut. If you really think your top choice school is where you should go, live with the consequences of rescinding your LOIs. Sure, it's *possible* that you could hurt your chances of getting into a residency with school later. I'd like to see some proof of such a blacklist. It's hard for me to believe that schools actually have the time or manpower to maintain a vendetta list.

You'll be making decisions for the rest of your life that fall into Le Blonde Docteur's category of 'bad form.' If 'bad form' makes you happier in the long run, I say that's better than living you life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself.

As contradictory to the pre-medical mantra as it sounds, help yourself before you help others. Watch out for numero uno.

 

[brsboarder]

While, we've all heard it before, I can't truly imagine that those looking at your residency application will really go back and search for you being accepted, and then turning it down, nor will they read those letters and everything. Bad form, fine, but get over it, and go with your gut and live with the guilt

 

[BlondeDocteur]

Pre-meds, you're still living in a world of gingerbread houses and purple unicorns. The world is smaller than you think.... I assure you it happens in residency interviews all the time (you promise a place you'll rank them #1, they rank you to match, but-- voila-- you changed your mind and are in fact elsewhere. You will never, ever be able to apply for fellowships or jobs at the program you jerked over).

But all this dark muttering aside, life is easier if you live up to your promises.

And seriously DocLove-- med schools are pretty much all the same. Kinda like colleges.

 

[Virgil]

Pre-meds, you're still living in a world of gingerbread houses and purple unicorns. The world is smaller than you think.... I assure you it happens in residency interviews all the time (you promise a place you'll rank them #1, they rank you to match, but-- voila-- you changed your mind and are in fact elsewhere. You will never, ever be able to apply for fellowships or jobs at the program you jerked over).

But all this dark muttering aside, life is easier if you live up to your promises.

And seriously DocLove-- med schools are pretty much all the same. Kinda like colleges.

I agree about med schools being very alike. I would only withdraw if going to this alternate school will provide me with a significant advantage (favorable climate, cost of tuition, etc.). But it seems to me that you simply like the other school "better," and it's even in the same area. I think having your boyfriend at the same school is a significant advantage (depending on your relationship with him). Have you discussed with him what he thinks? Personally, if I was in his situation I'd be extremely delighted to have the chance to go to school with my SO...especially after getting off a waiting list.

 

[PreMD86]

.

 

[cleothecat]

Medical school admissions and residency programs at most North American schools are totally independent wrt administration.

Who the heck will remember or care in 3 years, let alone next year.

There may be ethical dilemmas wrt your question, but do not make a decision based upon a fear of being "blacklisted".

 

[mc4435]

I think this story is a good example of why you shouldn't be sending Letters of Intent before you've even finished all your interviews lol

 

[HopHurdlerXXS]

I know that this is irrelevant, but daaaang, if you guys get married, you two will be broke for a looong time . . . .
AND THEN BECOME LOADED. XD

 

[CardiacCathRat]

blondie blondie blondie

I do not mean to be self-deprecating, but as med students, we are not all that important.

Schools get tons of applicants, there are large wait-lists, and if one person withdraws, it may even go unnoticed by everyone at that school except the 1-2 staff members who processed the withdrawal (and even they won't remember after a few months).

I would advise against telling a school their your first choice when they are really not. But that's mainly because I view it as a moral/dignity thing, not because of possible consequences down the road.

Joe Bloe, a prospective M1, going back on his word is not the same thing as Big Shot Faculty Member going back on his word.

Med students applying for residencies do need to be careful but i think that's largely because there's not as much wiggle room in that process.

But like another poster stated, the people who do med admissions and residency apps. are essentially in separate silos.

Pre-meds, you're still living in a world of gingerbread houses and purple unicorns. The world is smaller than you think.... I assure you it happens in residency interviews all the time (you promise a place you'll rank them #1, they rank you to match, but-- voila-- you changed your mind and are in fact elsewhere. You will never, ever be able to apply for fellowships or jobs at the program you jerked over).

But all this dark muttering aside, life is easier if you live up to your promises.

And seriously DocLove-- med schools are pretty much all the same. Kinda like colleges.

 

[CardiacCathRat]

i deeply apologize

third paragraph: their should be they're

sigh....

blondie blondie blondie

I do not mean to be self-deprecating, but as med students, we are not all that important.

Schools get tons of applicants, there are large wait-lists, and if one person withdraws, it may even go unnoticed by everyone at that school except the 1-2 staff members who processed the withdrawal (and even they won't remember after a few months).

I would advise against telling a school their your first choice when they are really not. But that's mainly because I view it as a moral/dignity thing, not because of possible consequences down the road.

Joe Bloe, a prospective M1, going back on his word is not the same thing as Big Shot Faculty Member going back on his word.

Med students applying for residencies do need to be careful but i think that's largely because there's not as much wiggle room in that process.

But like another poster stated, the people who do med admissions and residency apps. are essentially in separate silos.

 

[doc1690]

I totally agree with this wise person!

Choosing a location "you like better" over a relationship which you felt was strong enough to mention to medical schools speaks volumes of your feelings towards him. For your boyfriend's sake, please break up with him- He deserves better.

 

[MrBurns10]

I totally agree with this wise person!

OP said that her preferred school is in the same area as the other school.

Med school admissions are completely separate from residency program departments. A prior poster mentioned that this may not be true for applying to fellowships after subsequently committing then de-committing from a residency program. This is a valid point, but the fellowship and the general residency program are in the same department. On the other hand, going back on a LOI for med school will most likely never be known by the IM/surgery/radiology/etc department to which you later apply.