Accepted to two very different schools and have a long distance boyfriend in vet school... help!

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What should I do?

  • Attend the D.O. program, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at UW.

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LDRBoy33

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Hi everyone,

I originally posted this in the "Spouses and Partner" forum, however it was not getting much traffic. I apologize if this is not meant to be posted here, but I am truly hoping to get some feedback from medical students who have gone through this process and maybe have had similar experiences. I appreciate any and all comments.

Anyway, as the title states, I am currently pre-med and live in the state of Washington. I have been in a loving, long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. He attends a rather highly ranked veterinary school in the Boston area and is currently in his second year. We met in undergrad, and he was already going to be attending veterinary school when we started dating (we basically instantly fell in love and are crazy for each other... the circumstances are just pretty poor), so he left to live over there with the idea that we would stay together. The distance has been TOUGH, but thankfully we've made it work!
I am applying to medical schools, and the hope was to attend a school within a 3-hour radius of him which seemed reasonable, so I applied to 98% east coast schools. Fortunately, I was accepted to a DO program (NYITCOM) within three hours of his school, and I really like the program as well as the idea o learning OMT. I already paid my rather expensive deposit to reserve my seat before the deadline this week. However, I also applied to the University of Washington, and just found out I was accepted, which is a big deal in my opinion. I also currently live about 3 miles from the school, and the transition would be a lot easier (and cheaper). So, I am having a reaaaaally hard time deciding what to do. The idea of going to medical school ACROSS the country from my boyfriend, who is currently in vet school, sounds absolutely awful. I want to be as close to him as possible, but the UW is an amazing program that sounds rather difficult to pass up. So, I am presented with three choices, unless someone else has something better.

-Attend a likeable and credible D.O. program at NYIT, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at the University of Washington.
-Attend the University of Washington, don't live closer to my SO, possibly put our relationship at risk for break up, and pass up on the D.O. education.
-Attend the University of Washington, and not be in the relationship any longer.

***The third option is not really an option for me because I know my SO is the one I will end up with, but I put it up there because it is POSSIBLE for that to happen. Very, very unlikely, but still possible.

Please poll and comment! This is a really big deal for me, and outside opinions are greatly appreciated. Please also be kind. :) Thank you for your help!

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Go to UW. Med school is crazy enough, I think there is just as much chance you split up if you go to NYIT or if you stay in washington. Stay with family, get a great education, and if it works our with your SO then perfect. But I dont think going to NYIT will decrease your chances of possibly splitting up in med school. So go to the better school!!!
 
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Hi everyone,

I originally posted this in the "Spouses and Partner" forum, however it was not getting much traffic. I apologize if this is not meant to be posted here, but I am truly hoping to get some feedback from medical students who have gone through this process and maybe have had similar experiences. I appreciate any and all comments.

Anyway, as the title states, I am currently pre-med and live in the state of Washington. I have been in a loving, long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. He attends a rather highly ranked veterinary school in the Boston area and is currently in his second year. We met in undergrad, and he was already going to be attending veterinary school when we started dating (we basically instantly fell in love and are crazy for each other... the circumstances are just pretty poor), so he left to live over there with the idea that we would stay together. The distance has been TOUGH, but thankfully we've made it work!
I am applying to medical schools, and the hope was to attend a school within a 3-hour radius of him which seemed reasonable, so I applied to 98% east coast schools. Fortunately, I was accepted to a DO program (NYITCOM) within three hours of his school, and I really like the program as well as the idea o learning OMT. I already paid my rather expensive deposit to reserve my seat before the deadline this week. However, I also applied to the University of Washington, and just found out I was accepted, which is a big deal in my opinion. I also currently live about 3 miles from the school, and the transition would be a lot easier (and cheaper). So, I am having a reaaaaally hard time deciding what to do. The idea of going to medical school ACROSS the country from my boyfriend, who is currently in vet school, sounds absolutely awful. I want to be as close to him as possible, but the UW is an amazing program that sounds rather difficult to pass up. So, I am presented with three choices, unless someone else has something better.

-Attend a likeable and credible D.O. program at NYIT, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at the University of Washington.
-Attend the University of Washington, don't live closer to my SO, possibly put our relationship at risk for break up, and pass up on the D.O. education.
-Attend the University of Washington, and not be in the relationship any longer.

***The third option is not really an option for me because I know my SO is the one I will end up with, but I put it up there because it is POSSIBLE for that to happen. Very, very unlikely, but still possible.

Please poll and comment! This is a really big deal for me, and outside opinions are greatly appreciated. Please also be kind. :) Thank you for your help!

Although it's a lot closer than being on opposite coasts, a several hour journey is nothing to sneeze at and will still stop you guys from seeing each other much, especially if you are in medical school. You're going to have a lot less time than in undergrad, although this is less true first year than second or third.

While do schools provide a great education, many specialty doors close when you attend one and it's hard to re-open them. Even if you think you know for certain what specialty you plan to do, a large portion of students completely Chang course by the end of medical school.

If it were me I probably would have gone to uw, though I can't tell you what the right decision is for you
 
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-Attend a likeable and credible D.O. program at NYIT, live closer to my SO, and pass up an education at the University of Washington.
-Attend the University of Washington, don't live closer to my SO, possibly put our relationship at risk for break up, and pass up on the D.O. education.
-Attend the University of Washington, and not be in the relationship any longer.

How bad would it be for him to dump you after you passed up UWash for him, personally I wouldn't let a relationship have much influence on where I go to school unless it was a marriage. Maybe an engagement.
 
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Although it's a lot closer than being on opposite coasts, a several hour journey is nothing to sneeze at and will still stop you guys from seeing each other much, especially if you are in medical school. You're going to have a lot less time than in undergrad, although this is less true first year than second or third.

While do schools provide a great education, many specialty doors close when you attend one and it's hard to re-open them. Even if you think you know for certain what specialty you plan to do, a large portion of students completely Chang course by the end of medical school.

If it were me I probably would have gone to uw, though I can't tell you what the right decision is for you

How true is this really though
 
Tuition will be quite a bit cheaper at UW, yes?

Feelings change, relationships end, but student loans are forever
 
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UW no doubt. U both are in very high stress situations. 3 hours might as well be 14 hrs. Someone will have to compromise you make this work. You have 7+ years left until you're done. Even if you were living together your odds of making it out the other end are low. If it's meant to be the distance won't matter. It's a long road, thankfully my wife gave up a lot to get through it. I did the same once done so she'd be happier.


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Don't spend more money to get a DO degree that is still 3 hours away from your SO, especially because he is over halfway through. You will get a great education at UW. Neither of you will have compromised on your dreams. That will mean something later. Also, vets also have heavy debt and make less, so saving money is a good idea for you in the long run.

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Thank you all for the responses! This is a really tough decision. Once I receive the acceptance email (they called on Saturday morning... should be getting the email on Monday or Tuesday), I am hoping to have some time to think this through and communicate with my SO about what to do.
 
Absolutely, 100% UW. No question whatsoever. Skipping UW would be a huge, huge mistake and you would regret it.
 
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Thank you all for the responses! This is a really tough decision. Once I receive the acceptance email (they called on Saturday morning... should be getting the email on Monday or Tuesday), I am hoping to have some time to think this through and communicate with my SO about what to do.

Good luck having that conversation. Really.
 
A 3h drive may as well be 10. Or 20. With the amount of work being put in on both sides, it's not going to pan out that 3h makes it functional or viable. Not saying you need to break up, but you're going to be better off going to a better, more affordable school, and if you can make it work, scheduling dedicated time together.

I've done the long distance thing... It can work. But reality is this- you won't see your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR let alone a bf in another city as you slog the first two years.

GL with things!
 
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This is coming from an attending who 7 years decided to go to a residency program two hours away instead of six hours away from his girlfriend at the time just to be closer to her and has now been happily married for 7 years. So I have some perspective on this.

If he is really the one for you to marry, go to the closer program. There is a huge difference between seeing him once a month and seeing him twice a year. Medical school is medical school. The only real exceptions are if we are talking a Caribbean medical school, or if you know that you want to get into very difficult specialty, in which case the school you go to may play a significant role. That said you have to be truly honest with yourself. Is he really the one for you to marry, or is he just someone you want to marry. If the latter you still have a tough decision to make, if the former you know what you need to do.

There is one less thing that you do need to think about: Is he willing to move anywhere to be with you when you apply for residency and he has completed veterinary school. That will be move #2 and is usually unavoidable to some degree.
 
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How much more schooling does your SO have? If it is 1-2 more years, an option would be to find something to do (i.e research in Boston) and defer a year. This will allow you to live with them for a year, strengthen up your relationship and then go back to UW for school when hopefully they will be able to move with you (assuming their education is near complete).

You would be crazy to go to NYITCOM over UW, so please don't even consider it
 
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A 3h drive may as well be 10. Or 20. With the amount of work being put in on both sides, it's not going to pan out that 3h makes it functional or viable. Not saying you need to break up, but you're going to be better off going to a better, more affordable school, and if you can make it work, scheduling dedicated time together.

I've done the long distance thing... It can work. But reality is this- you won't see your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR let alone a bf in another city as you slog the first two years.

GL with things!
For 3 hours apart you need 2 days in a row off to spend meaningful time together. For 10 hours you need at least 3 days apart or a ton of money for plane rides. That said, in the 2nd two years depending on what the rotation is you may be completely correct. There will be a few occasions where the difference I said above does make a difference
 
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How true is this really though

I'm not here to have this argument, and it's only tangentially related to the thread. I leave it to the op and to you to make your own evaluation and decisions regarding this. Feel free to look in any of the subspecialty forums, from ob to em to surgery to surgical subspecialties and im for more data on "I'm applying as a do to x specialty"
 
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