Advice for Social Life

[creza]

Hey all!

So history: I'm a junior premed student. I currently have a 3.4, but I'm aiming to bring that up to a 3.6 before graduation (basically requiring 4.0s for all my remaining semesters). I'm going to have a gap year (a gap semester, really. I'm graduating one semester late, taking the next semester off, then hopefully matriculating that fall after), so I'm taking the MCAT next January and applying next summer. My ECs are ****. I didn't decide to go the premed route until sophomore year, and didn't actually get serious about it till this year. I've been volunteering at a hospital for about a month but that's all the clinical experience I have so far :/

I work retail 24 hours a week to pay for living expenses, and my parents cover my tuition. I'm the vice-president of a club on campus. I'm taking 13 credit hours this semester, but it amounts to my being in class for 19 hours a week (taking Organic 1 plus two other science courses and statistics). Volunteering 8 hours a week.

Problem: I have no down time at all. I get a day of down time maybe once every two weeks. Otherwise, I'm at work or school or studying or sleeping. Studying takes up SO MUCH TIME because I'm trying to ace all of my classes. I dont hang out with any of my friends anymore due to not having time, so I'm losing that support system. My boyfriend is getting increasingly frustrated because we rarely see each other and when we do, I'm almost always just studying.

Question: Something has to give or I'm going to lose all of my friends, but I don't know what. I can't quit my job because I need the money, I can't quit volunteering because I need the experience, I REALLY can't quit studying because I NEED the A's.... At least, I don't think I can quit any of those things. Does anyone have any advice on how to loosen up my schedule a bit pleaaase? I'm going crazy from lack of socialization and lack of sleep and I really don't want to lose all of my friends....

Tl;dr: I have no down time and am losing all of my friends because of it. Any advice?


EDIT: Wow, thanks everyone for the advice!! You all are great people


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[ciestar]

This is a tough one because your life basically requires every one of those things.

Can you cut back your volunteer hours a bit while in school and maybe increase that during the summer when you have more time to spare? Is 24 hours a week at work what you absolutely need to cover your expenses? If not, you could maybe cut those back too. (Or explain this to your parents and maybe they'll cover a utility bill or something).

Also assess your study habits. For 13 credit hours you might be overdoing it amd maybe there's a more efficient way to get it accomplished.

 

[Verity]

You're right, don't cut the studying. You could pull back on the volunteering during the week, and up it during breaks to compensate. Or, if you have a more relaxing week, up it then. (Provided, of course, the place where you volunteer is flexible)

Regarding work, there's a few things that you might look into to make life easier. First option, on-campus jobs. Lots of time, campus jobs like security, dorm desk assistant, or tutoring have a significant amount of down time where you can both do your homework and make money. Second option, find a job that may pay more. A couple of my friends work at random "townie" bars, and they rake in ~$30/hour on average with tips, however they don't have more than a few evenings of work. All the same, they make in 9 hours what others could make in 20-25. Granted, the hours are often crap (late at night) and often kills your weekends for fun with friends, and you gotta put up with a lot of ****. Either way, find a job that you could have down time to study during, pays you more, or at the least gives you something to add to your application (clinical). Not sure if it's a viable option/rates offered to you, but you could look into taking out loans for your living expenses for a couple of years so you can focus on what will affect you for many years to come. It's definitely not good to lose your support system or run yourself ragged. Take care of yourself!

 

[El-Rami]

To be honest, college friends are sort of overrated. Do you still talk to all of your high school friends? Probably not. When you start medical school, you'll make new friends. In order to free up your time, cut back on the volunteering. If you halve your monthly volunteerism hours, you would still end up with plenty of hours for your medical school application (even though number of hours isn't really important so much as the commitment itself...). You could use that extra time for your social life. Still, your studies are definitely far more important than friends, hate to say.

To be honest, 8 hours/month volunteering would be plenty. If you don't feel like it's enough, you could compensate by volunteering more during breaks, like what Verity said.

 

[Doc2019]

I can relate to you as I'm a commuter so I lose some time on commutes and I don't have the opportunity to stay on campus and make friends there. I suggest maybe choosing to prioritize your closest friends. It can be very time consuming to have a lot of friends and try to keep up with each and everyone one of them. Also don't forget your family, I don't know how far you live form them but give them a call. My parents are my #1 support group and they're always there for me.

Tl;dr: Studies should and are your priorities so prioritize people in your support group and call up your parents if you can. GPA is vital and people are going to come and go in your life so don't sacrifice your times or your academics for people who aren't going to understand that.

 

[BKNbkn]

You know what social circle will understand your struggle 100%, support and love you, and not hate on you for pursuing your dream?

Other pre-meds. We make the best worst company... or was it the worst best company?

I mean, it's fun to hang out and smoke weed with Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, but they're not gonna get you into med school.

 

[ReneeM]

I made a deal with my friends and boyfriend during my really busy semesters. Every other week I had a dinner/girl night with my friends and I had to stop studying after 6 on Sundays to spend time with my boyfriend. It's only a few hours, but it kept me sane and I think it made them feel like I care about our relationships. Like others suggested, maybe try volunteering a little less.

 

[kay815]

My ECs are ****. I didn't decide to go the premed route until sophomore year, and didn't actually get serious about it till this year. I've been volunteering at a hospital for about a month but that's all the clinical experience I have so far :/

Why don't you consider taking a gap year? Like you, I decided medicine late in college -- took a gap year (or two) to boost up my clinical experience and volunteerism, and I don't think I'd be where I am without it. I know this doesn't directly answer your question, but it could help.

 

[Fijj]

Consider working a few less hours. Like cut back from 24 - 15 hours. This should give you a little bit more breathing room. Also, expectations of friendships can vary. At times, I'll only see my friends out once a week, and I have conversations with friends at work etc. If you are an outgoing person, just having conversations at job or group studying may be enough to fulfill your social desires.

As for the boyfriend, I feel bad for him but if you want to be a doctor, you'll be spending most of the time working/being productive for the rest of your life anyways. I think that's just sort of a unwritten contract you must make when dating anyone from premed onto doctor.

 

[Danny L]

Why don't you consider taking a gap year? Like you, I decided medicine late in college -- took a gap year (or two) to boost up my clinical experience and volunteerism, and I don't think I'd be where I am without it. I know this doesn't directly answer your question, but it could help.

How much clinical experience/clinical volunteering did you have after your junior year that made you decide to take a gap year?


And @OP I'd also recommend a gap year. Drop the volunteering and just focus on school. Then find a temporary job and volunteer at nights/on weekends during your gap year. I know people that needed to focus on school who did something similar and it seems to be working out for them

 

[pocillopora]

Like what ReneeM said, you are setting aside all of this time for academics/preparing for med school that you are neglecting basic things in your life like spending occasional time with friends and boyfriend. You should aim to have at least one night a week set aside for relaxation/going out/doing your thing. You owe it to yourself if you are working that hard day in and day out every week.

The last thing you want to have happen is burn out and have lost your social network/close friends as well. Make time for yourself even if that means sacrificing a point or two on your next Ochem test. College is supposed to be fun!

Also to ease your mind, ADCOMs really do take into account if you are working your way through college.

 

[El-Rami]

+1 on gap years. They are sooo worth it...

 

[Frogger27]

Add gap years to keep sane and create a healthier balance.. You'll feel much less stress

 

[aalamruad]

Find yourself a guy who enjoys spending a ton of time studying with you. Productivity as well as.. very fun study breaks

 

[stickgirl390]

This advice has been given already, but try making friends with other premeds. Then studying/social life will go hand in hand.

There's a rule of thumb to college life: between good grades, sleep, and a social life, any college student will only ever have two.

I totally empathize, I was in the same position. I found a job on campus that paid for my living expenses. Being able to walk from class to work in thirty seconds opens up that commute time to do other activities.

Best of luck!

 

[ilovegrapesoda]

.

 

[creza]

This is a tough one because your life basically requires every one of those things.

Can you cut back your volunteer hours a bit while in school and maybe increase that during the summer when you have more time to spare? Is 24 hours a week at work what you absolutely need to cover your expenses? If not, you could maybe cut those back too. (Or explain this to your parents and maybe they'll cover a utility bill or something).

Also assess your study habits. For 13 credit hours you might be overdoing it amd maybe there's a more efficient way to get it accomplished.

Parents are probably a no-go :/ my relationship with them is rather rocky right now (they found out that I left their religious faith and they took that very badly). And yeah, 24 hours is pretty much what it takes to survive. I might try to get a better paying job, as others have suggested.

And cutting back on volunteering till summer may be a good plan for me. I've just been in the mindset that I'm not up to par with everyone else since I'm starting late-ish, so I got neurotic about it. Thank you for the advice!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[ciestar]

Parents are probably a no-go :/ my relationship with them is rather rocky right now (they found out that I left their religious faith and they took that very badly). And yeah, 24 hours is pretty much what it takes to survive. I might try to get a better paying job, as others have suggested.

And cutting back on volunteering till summer may be a good plan for me. I've just been in the mindset that I'm not up to par with everyone else since I'm starting late-ish, so I got neurotic about it. Thank you for the advice!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

Sorry to hear that about you and your parents. But yes, if there's a better paying job out there, go and find it!

You might feel behind, but you're really not. What puts you permanently behind is poor grades, so that being your focus is a great thing. I didn't start volunteering until after I graduated, but I, like you, started this process later. I was actually 3 semesters away from finishing the program I was in. I then crammed 51 credits in my "senior" year. So, I ended up graduating with 160 credits and graduated late, but only had to take 8 credits that summer to do it. But, I had time for nothing else, school came first as you get nowhere without a good transcript. You'll be fine. Don't compare yourself to others, you're on your own path and that's just fine. I am a 26 year old MS1 and had to really do a lot to get there, but I am there. You just need to have the patience and realize if this is what you truly want, you have to be a bit "selfish" (which you're not. You're studying as a student, working to support yourself, volunteering for the sake of your potential app) to get through this all. Unfortunately, not everyone in your inner circle now will understand that. But for the sake of your own sanity, get in as much "me" time as you can. Like I mentioned, definitely cut back on the volunteering to even like...2 hours a week? Or even less, whatever works.

I wish you the best of luck, but you've got this!

 

[creza]

To be honest, college friends are sort of overrated. Do you still talk to all of your high school friends? Probably not. When you start medical school, you'll make new friends. In order to free up your time, cut back on the volunteering. If you halve your monthly volunteerism hours, you would still end up with plenty of hours for your medical school application (even though number of hours isn't really important so much as the commitment itself...). You could use that extra time for your social life. Still, your studies are definitely far more important than friends, hate to say.

To be honest, 8 hours/month volunteering would be plenty. If you don't feel like it's enough, you could compensate by volunteering more during breaks, like what Verity said.

I'm not much of an extrovert so I'm not attempting to have a huge social life, just one where I have at least one or two good friends. I've already made the decision that studying is my number one priority. I just also don't want to become one of the "gunner robots" that people talk about that apparently lack any semblance of social skills. I'm already subpar in that area so I don't want to make it worse.

Thank you for the advice on volunteering! Most people here seem to think I'm over-doing that so I'll probably cut back there.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[creza]

Sorry to hear that about you and your parents. But yes, if there's a better paying job out there, go and find it!

You might feel behind, but you're really not. What puts you permanently behind is poor grades, so that being your focus is a great thing. I didn't start volunteering until after I graduated, but I, like you, started this process later. I was actually 3 semesters away from finishing the program I was in. I then crammed 51 credits in my "senior" year. So, I ended up graduating with 160 credits and graduated late, but only had to take 8 credits that summer to do it. But, I had time for nothing else, school came first as you get nowhere without a good transcript. You'll be fine. Don't compare yourself to others, you're on your own path and that's just fine. I am a 26 year old MS1 and had to really do a lot to get there, but I am there. You just need to have the patience and realize if this is what you truly want, you have to be a bit "selfish" (which you're not. You're studying as a student, working to support yourself, volunteering for the sake of your potential app) to get through this all. Unfortunately, not everyone in your inner circle now will understand that. But for the sake of your own sanity, get in as much "me" time as you can. Like I mentioned, definitely cut back on the volunteering to even like...2 hours a week? Or even less, whatever works.

I wish you the best of luck, but you've got this!

Wow, that's awesome. Thank you so much! You've really helped calm my anxiety a bit. It's nice hearing from someone who made it through that I'm on the right path and prioritizing the right things. Good luck to you as well! And a million congratulations on accomplishing what you have so far


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[WWolf646268]

Cut back on volunteering. 8 hours a week is a lot and the burn out is just not worth it! I volunteered maybe 2 hr/week and did a lot during the summer.

 

[flapjack3d]

Stop going to class if the lectures are recorded. Also realize that it's okay to not get perfect grades.

 

[doctorbob23]

Now that your grades are good try to be efficient and do the same in less time. Also you never have time you have to make time. Just like you can schedule yourself for a class you can schedule yourself for free time. You just need to plan your week