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Whether you are just getting started or in the process of editing/peer review, the personal statement can be a very difficult piece of writing. After just getting done with a long string of other people's personal statements, I just wanted to take the time to write down the most common feedback I have given while editing because there is a significant amount of commonality between the errors/missteps amongst personal statements. I will try to structure it in a way to where it is constructive for anyone that is just getting started or someone who is near the end. Here goes:
Getting started: What should I not talk about?
1) Does your introduction involve sirens wailing? What about sweat dripping down your back or a cold, dimly lit hallway? Get rid of it. No one is impressed by the action of what went happened or what you got to do/see.
2) Don't talk about your childhood/high school/parental influence on your path towards medicine. The likely misguided ideas of you 10-20 years ago probably do not translate well to the ideas of the you as an undergrad/non-trad. The preceding does not apply to a strong and impactful single childhood event that translated to implications as an adult or a lifelong issue. I would caution, however, to try to find an alternative perspective for your PS as that kind of stuff makes great kindling for an "adversity" essay. The preceeding also does not apply towards truely impactful childhood influences, such as observing the lifestyle of physician parents and the like. What is meant by 'parental influence' is simply stating in your PS "my parents wanted me to be a doctor so I became a pre-med."
3) Unless you are a >3.8/>518 gunner with T20 aspirations, an MSTP or MD/PhD hopeful, or you already have a graduate degree, save the research for your work and activities section. Outside of the listed scenarios, it is going to be FAR more important to demonstrate your passion for treating patients as opposed to conducting research (within the confines of your PS.) Definitely talk about research in your W/A if you have it.
4) Outside of deployments/humanitarian missions with the military or genuine service with a long-term legitimate organization (ie. Peacecorps/AmeriCorps/Red Cross[?]) then don't talk about your time abroad volunteering. Most ADCOMs will consider this "voluntourism." Even if you were still stateside (Handing out blankets for a week at DAPL, built homes for a couple weeks in Puerto Rico etc.), there is a small likelihood that you had any large impact where you volunteered and/or the volunteering had any large impact on you. If you were more involved/longer period of time/actually qualified to do what you were doing, it can be fair game for a PS, however I would still caution.
5) Unless you have been a stay-at-home parent for the past decade and/or you have a child with a disability, I would avoid talking about your children. This applies to the W/A section, unless one of your activities is child related (PTA member or the like...). I would again caution against this, however, beyond a brief couple sentence background, as these few examples are great kindling for an adversity essay.
6) Don't talk about your failures, your doubts, your hardships etc. in your PS, especially if they are almost universally experienced amongst pre-meds. Doing badly on a test in Ochem does not help address "Why me? Why medicine?" Switching majors, having doubts in your abilities, traveling abroad for a soul searching walkabout in the Australian outback does not deserve its own paragraph. Unless you find yourself in a situation where being defeated necessitated your later discovery or success (which does not apply to many of these topics) then don't talk about it in your PS. t is not that you have to present yourself as unwaveringly dedicated to medicine, but the PS is your time to talk about why you want to do medicine, not why you are apprehensive towards it. Also, failing a test in Ochem is not good for an adversity essay, either. Caveat: If you took a number of years off from school and it was during that time you discovered your passion or whatever, a past failure might be worth a sentence or two in your PS and this would make a good adversity topic.
Getting started: So what do I talk about?
1) You still feel the need to talk about the wailing sirens, don't you? Well great, drop the hyperbole and talk about what really matters! It doesn't matter what you saw/did in the context of the action or the patient. Focus on what you saw from the healthcare team (the physicians, specifically)reflect on how what you saw felt and the impact of what you felt on you as a future physician. Demonstrate an understanding of what you saw and what you did/what your role was. The specific details don't matter - what were your thoughts "in the action."
2) Have you had some form of major patient experience? Excellent! Now give it an entire paragraph, don't cram it in to one sentence at the end of a paragraph talking about your parrots. Same thing applies as previously mentioned: don't focus on the specifics of diagnosis (brief mention is ok if it facilitates bringing context or will be touched on later). Your focus should be on what your role was - briefly - and how you felt about that role, how that role impacted you, blah blah. This is where you should be specific. Use a specific patient interaction. Really focus on the meaning/compassion/communication/education aspect. If there was a physician involved in this activity, be sure to highlight observation of Dr/pt interaction (not just treating, but comforting...you get the picture). Just be sure you tie it back to medicine. Giving a great story says nothing about why you need an MD. Throw the ADCOMs a bone and make it very clear you know what you are talking about/what you are demonstrating applies to medicine.
3) Did you volunteer in an underserved community? Excellent! See #2 and apply the same advice.
4) Were you a TA or had some form of major leadership experience? Excellent! See #2 and apply the same advice.
5) Apply the advice of #2 to any of the caveats within the "What Should I not talk about?" tab and you should be good.
6) Anything not covered above that you think is impactful but is not mentioned in the "What Should I not talk about?" tab. Apply the advice in #1 and #2 and you should be good.
General DOs
1) You should be talking about specific instances, but only a few as this is a PS not a resume.
2) Make sure you weave the stories together to maintain a consistent theme. Consistency is key.
3) It is your personal statement - so talk about yourself! After reading the PS, the reader should feel like they know you and they understand your motives. What your parents wanted, what your advisor thought, the advice of an unnamed patient saying you would make a great doctor...these don't matter. Focus on you - make your personal statement personal!
4) As stated earlier, make sure you address the topic of medicine, ideally early on. A mishmash of stories all wrapped up in a conclusion that says "I want to be a physician because of these reasons," does no you no favors.
5) Show, don't tell and be reflective! What does that mean? See the later in the post.
6) Do I even need to say spelling and grammar checks?
General DON'Ts
1) While you should utilize specific instances, do not use specific details of conditions, diagnosis, patient identifiers, pathologies and so on. Again, specifics should be about the reflective notions of what you felt, not the specifics of what you saw or did.
2) Tied in to the one above, leave out morbidity. I speak from experience when I say that no one cares (and it is likely to make people uncomfortable) that you saw blood, an eyeball, or any other body part in a condition that it should not have been in.
3) Avoid hyperbole and "buzzwords." The patient can simply be uncomfortable, not 'I could see the look of dread in his eyes.' Things like fascinated, ecstatic, marveled, pondered etc. are all go-to words that lack emotion. I am iffy on the word passion. Maybe use it once and call it good.
4) Stay on topic and don't talk about irrelevant things. No one cares about your parrots.
5) As addressed earlier, don't be listy. You literally have an entire section of the application for listing things.
How do I shorten my draft to fit in more/to cut down below character limits?
1) Read every sentence in the context of the sentence that comes before it and the sentence that comes after it. If the before and the after work together without the need for that middle sentence, it can go away. That middle sentence likely adds nothing if the story still holds without it.
2) As mentioned earlier, reduce specific details of what you saw/what you did. If your essay has any of that, then this will cut you down by 1000+ characters, guaranteed.
3) Similar to #1, read every sentence and the one after it. If there is any redundancy in information provided, eliminate the redundancy. This is best achieved through deleting filler and combining the two sentences into one.
4) Still too long? You skipped over the "What should I not do?" and "General DON'Ts" tabs, didn't you?
Can there be overlap between my PS and my W/A section?
It is more than ok to have PS and W/A content overlap. I would encourage it. However, your PS should address the topic of "why me, why medicine." You should use specific examples from those events as opposed to talking about them generally. If you talk about it heavily in your PS as a "why medicine" sort of way, then in the W/A section a simple general discussion/different perspective is good.
What does "Show, don't tell" and "be reflective" mean?
Trick questions deserve trick answers. I don't know! I do not exactly have a way to put an answer in to words, so instead I will give you a short snipit from my personal statement so I can describe what I did in each section as an example of "reflecting". I will write a red portion after each separate idea to demonstrate what I was thinking in the process and explain the logic of it. Keep in mind, my PS is still going to be by no means perfect and this will likely change before the application cycle, however I still believe this is a great example of how to answer this question.
See below:
I wondered how, as an effective physician, I could someday go about caring for patients with barriers to health care. To help others like (Insert patient name), within my own community, I became a mental health advocate for my unit.
I stated how I would take what I learned in the preceding event and apply it as a physician, but then the sentence that immediately follows is a demonstration of my own commitment to the statements I made. This is the "Show" part. I not only communicated what I want/will do as a physician, I provide a direct example of that concept being applied through my current actions. It is not just empty words, it is something I am capable of demonstrating.
I acted as a counselor for those who needed guidance and as a liaison for those who needed education about their options. In one such instance, after a long day of out-of-state training, I was awakened by my roommate attempting to pry open the window of our 6th floor hotel room. I stopped him, contacted our chain of command and talked with him during the drive back to the airport about his experiences with the military affecting his family and personal life. Over the next several weeks, I helped him find a psychiatrist and, eventually, get processed out of the military.
Again, I started with stating what my role was in the activity of mental health advocate, but then go on to provide an anecdote from this activity. The important thing about this anecdote is that it is still in the context of what I have said I want to do as a physician. I demonstrate the feelings I stated through description of my actions. I show that I still followed our protocols through following the chain of command, but I also consoled and showed empathy. Being reflective in this manner is intended to not express your feelings through your words but through your actions. When you read the above anecdote, you can tell I cared for the soldier, I was there with him, and I acted as a leader within my own community. It is not reflective through pouring out my motives but through demonstrating my motives through my actions.
This event showed me that the greatest impact I could have on a patient is to intervene, support them, and to show them I truly cared.
This ties it back - I started the story with what I would do as a physician, and conclude the story with a reply to that statement of making the realization. This is "Show" rather than "tell" and is reflective because I demonstrated the action already. Only after demonstrating the action do I state my feelings in the context of the actions I already demonstrated.
But I really feel like my parrots belong in my personal statement, because they are my life!
If you have read this entire post, congratulations on earning your I-read-a-rant badge! If you read this entire post and still have the above listed mentality, I cannot help you. To the rest of you, if you are struggling with your personal statement, I hope that you could take something from this and good luck with your cycle!
If you would like a longer (and more professional) guide for PS drafting, here is a link to the SDN essay helper kit;
www.studentdoctor.net
Getting started: What should I not talk about?
1) Does your introduction involve sirens wailing? What about sweat dripping down your back or a cold, dimly lit hallway? Get rid of it. No one is impressed by the action of what went happened or what you got to do/see.
2) Don't talk about your childhood/high school/parental influence on your path towards medicine. The likely misguided ideas of you 10-20 years ago probably do not translate well to the ideas of the you as an undergrad/non-trad. The preceding does not apply to a strong and impactful single childhood event that translated to implications as an adult or a lifelong issue. I would caution, however, to try to find an alternative perspective for your PS as that kind of stuff makes great kindling for an "adversity" essay. The preceeding also does not apply towards truely impactful childhood influences, such as observing the lifestyle of physician parents and the like. What is meant by 'parental influence' is simply stating in your PS "my parents wanted me to be a doctor so I became a pre-med."
3) Unless you are a >3.8/>518 gunner with T20 aspirations, an MSTP or MD/PhD hopeful, or you already have a graduate degree, save the research for your work and activities section. Outside of the listed scenarios, it is going to be FAR more important to demonstrate your passion for treating patients as opposed to conducting research (within the confines of your PS.) Definitely talk about research in your W/A if you have it.
4) Outside of deployments/humanitarian missions with the military or genuine service with a long-term legitimate organization (ie. Peacecorps/AmeriCorps/Red Cross[?]) then don't talk about your time abroad volunteering. Most ADCOMs will consider this "voluntourism." Even if you were still stateside (Handing out blankets for a week at DAPL, built homes for a couple weeks in Puerto Rico etc.), there is a small likelihood that you had any large impact where you volunteered and/or the volunteering had any large impact on you. If you were more involved/longer period of time/actually qualified to do what you were doing, it can be fair game for a PS, however I would still caution.
5) Unless you have been a stay-at-home parent for the past decade and/or you have a child with a disability, I would avoid talking about your children. This applies to the W/A section, unless one of your activities is child related (PTA member or the like...). I would again caution against this, however, beyond a brief couple sentence background, as these few examples are great kindling for an adversity essay.
6) Don't talk about your failures, your doubts, your hardships etc. in your PS, especially if they are almost universally experienced amongst pre-meds. Doing badly on a test in Ochem does not help address "Why me? Why medicine?" Switching majors, having doubts in your abilities, traveling abroad for a soul searching walkabout in the Australian outback does not deserve its own paragraph. Unless you find yourself in a situation where being defeated necessitated your later discovery or success (which does not apply to many of these topics) then don't talk about it in your PS. t is not that you have to present yourself as unwaveringly dedicated to medicine, but the PS is your time to talk about why you want to do medicine, not why you are apprehensive towards it. Also, failing a test in Ochem is not good for an adversity essay, either. Caveat: If you took a number of years off from school and it was during that time you discovered your passion or whatever, a past failure might be worth a sentence or two in your PS and this would make a good adversity topic.
Getting started: So what do I talk about?
1) You still feel the need to talk about the wailing sirens, don't you? Well great, drop the hyperbole and talk about what really matters! It doesn't matter what you saw/did in the context of the action or the patient. Focus on what you saw from the healthcare team (the physicians, specifically)reflect on how what you saw felt and the impact of what you felt on you as a future physician. Demonstrate an understanding of what you saw and what you did/what your role was. The specific details don't matter - what were your thoughts "in the action."
2) Have you had some form of major patient experience? Excellent! Now give it an entire paragraph, don't cram it in to one sentence at the end of a paragraph talking about your parrots. Same thing applies as previously mentioned: don't focus on the specifics of diagnosis (brief mention is ok if it facilitates bringing context or will be touched on later). Your focus should be on what your role was - briefly - and how you felt about that role, how that role impacted you, blah blah. This is where you should be specific. Use a specific patient interaction. Really focus on the meaning/compassion/communication/education aspect. If there was a physician involved in this activity, be sure to highlight observation of Dr/pt interaction (not just treating, but comforting...you get the picture). Just be sure you tie it back to medicine. Giving a great story says nothing about why you need an MD. Throw the ADCOMs a bone and make it very clear you know what you are talking about/what you are demonstrating applies to medicine.
3) Did you volunteer in an underserved community? Excellent! See #2 and apply the same advice.
4) Were you a TA or had some form of major leadership experience? Excellent! See #2 and apply the same advice.
5) Apply the advice of #2 to any of the caveats within the "What Should I not talk about?" tab and you should be good.
6) Anything not covered above that you think is impactful but is not mentioned in the "What Should I not talk about?" tab. Apply the advice in #1 and #2 and you should be good.
General DOs
1) You should be talking about specific instances, but only a few as this is a PS not a resume.
2) Make sure you weave the stories together to maintain a consistent theme. Consistency is key.
3) It is your personal statement - so talk about yourself! After reading the PS, the reader should feel like they know you and they understand your motives. What your parents wanted, what your advisor thought, the advice of an unnamed patient saying you would make a great doctor...these don't matter. Focus on you - make your personal statement personal!
4) As stated earlier, make sure you address the topic of medicine, ideally early on. A mishmash of stories all wrapped up in a conclusion that says "I want to be a physician because of these reasons," does no you no favors.
5) Show, don't tell and be reflective! What does that mean? See the later in the post.
6) Do I even need to say spelling and grammar checks?
General DON'Ts
1) While you should utilize specific instances, do not use specific details of conditions, diagnosis, patient identifiers, pathologies and so on. Again, specifics should be about the reflective notions of what you felt, not the specifics of what you saw or did.
2) Tied in to the one above, leave out morbidity. I speak from experience when I say that no one cares (and it is likely to make people uncomfortable) that you saw blood, an eyeball, or any other body part in a condition that it should not have been in.
3) Avoid hyperbole and "buzzwords." The patient can simply be uncomfortable, not 'I could see the look of dread in his eyes.' Things like fascinated, ecstatic, marveled, pondered etc. are all go-to words that lack emotion. I am iffy on the word passion. Maybe use it once and call it good.
4) Stay on topic and don't talk about irrelevant things. No one cares about your parrots.
5) As addressed earlier, don't be listy. You literally have an entire section of the application for listing things.
How do I shorten my draft to fit in more/to cut down below character limits?
1) Read every sentence in the context of the sentence that comes before it and the sentence that comes after it. If the before and the after work together without the need for that middle sentence, it can go away. That middle sentence likely adds nothing if the story still holds without it.
2) As mentioned earlier, reduce specific details of what you saw/what you did. If your essay has any of that, then this will cut you down by 1000+ characters, guaranteed.
3) Similar to #1, read every sentence and the one after it. If there is any redundancy in information provided, eliminate the redundancy. This is best achieved through deleting filler and combining the two sentences into one.
4) Still too long? You skipped over the "What should I not do?" and "General DON'Ts" tabs, didn't you?
Can there be overlap between my PS and my W/A section?
It is more than ok to have PS and W/A content overlap. I would encourage it. However, your PS should address the topic of "why me, why medicine." You should use specific examples from those events as opposed to talking about them generally. If you talk about it heavily in your PS as a "why medicine" sort of way, then in the W/A section a simple general discussion/different perspective is good.
What does "Show, don't tell" and "be reflective" mean?
Trick questions deserve trick answers. I don't know! I do not exactly have a way to put an answer in to words, so instead I will give you a short snipit from my personal statement so I can describe what I did in each section as an example of "reflecting". I will write a red portion after each separate idea to demonstrate what I was thinking in the process and explain the logic of it. Keep in mind, my PS is still going to be by no means perfect and this will likely change before the application cycle, however I still believe this is a great example of how to answer this question.
See below:
I wondered how, as an effective physician, I could someday go about caring for patients with barriers to health care. To help others like (Insert patient name), within my own community, I became a mental health advocate for my unit.
I stated how I would take what I learned in the preceding event and apply it as a physician, but then the sentence that immediately follows is a demonstration of my own commitment to the statements I made. This is the "Show" part. I not only communicated what I want/will do as a physician, I provide a direct example of that concept being applied through my current actions. It is not just empty words, it is something I am capable of demonstrating.
I acted as a counselor for those who needed guidance and as a liaison for those who needed education about their options. In one such instance, after a long day of out-of-state training, I was awakened by my roommate attempting to pry open the window of our 6th floor hotel room. I stopped him, contacted our chain of command and talked with him during the drive back to the airport about his experiences with the military affecting his family and personal life. Over the next several weeks, I helped him find a psychiatrist and, eventually, get processed out of the military.
Again, I started with stating what my role was in the activity of mental health advocate, but then go on to provide an anecdote from this activity. The important thing about this anecdote is that it is still in the context of what I have said I want to do as a physician. I demonstrate the feelings I stated through description of my actions. I show that I still followed our protocols through following the chain of command, but I also consoled and showed empathy. Being reflective in this manner is intended to not express your feelings through your words but through your actions. When you read the above anecdote, you can tell I cared for the soldier, I was there with him, and I acted as a leader within my own community. It is not reflective through pouring out my motives but through demonstrating my motives through my actions.
This event showed me that the greatest impact I could have on a patient is to intervene, support them, and to show them I truly cared.
This ties it back - I started the story with what I would do as a physician, and conclude the story with a reply to that statement of making the realization. This is "Show" rather than "tell" and is reflective because I demonstrated the action already. Only after demonstrating the action do I state my feelings in the context of the actions I already demonstrated.
But I really feel like my parrots belong in my personal statement, because they are my life!
If you have read this entire post, congratulations on earning your I-read-a-rant badge! If you read this entire post and still have the above listed mentality, I cannot help you. To the rest of you, if you are struggling with your personal statement, I hope that you could take something from this and good luck with your cycle!
If you would like a longer (and more professional) guide for PS drafting, here is a link to the SDN essay helper kit;
Essay Workshop 101 • Student Doctor Network
Many of our members ask for input on writing their personal statement essays. We worked with the largest essay editing service to create this free course on personal essay writing.
www.studentdoctor.net
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